


Still Jack and Daniel Series 2 - Ghosts of the Past I - Ten Days

by Annejackdanny



Series: Still Jack and Daniel Series 2 - No Yellow Brick Road/Ghosts of the Past [6]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Kid Fic, M/M, Slash, h/c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-14
Updated: 2012-09-17
Packaged: 2017-11-14 05:14:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 94,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/511697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annejackdanny/pseuds/Annejackdanny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SG-1 is on leave, Jack has to go to Minnesota for ten days - Little Daniel stays with Big Daniel. Ten days of soul searching and defining new relationship dynamics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ten Days - I

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Some of the following chapters in this story contain graphic sexual situations between Jack and Daniel (pre downsizing)

Ghosts of the Past

I

  
  


Ten Days

0

"LD - the dog needs out!"

There was no answer. Jack shoved at the giant black head nudging his skull. Flyboy's breath smelled of Pedigree and, when his tongue swiped over his temple, Jack couldn't suppress a disgusted grunt. The dog yelped and settled his forepaws on Jack's chest.

"Daniel!"

Jack was in a tough position.

Flat on his back in a small bathroom, his head and arms caught in the narrow space behind a newly installed toilet, he was currently trying to attach the tank to the bowl. There was a big rubber washer he had to connect to the bowl with two bolts. One was already in, and he'd been about to attach the second one when the dog had wedged and wriggled himself on Jack, making it impossible for him to get out from behind the toilet.

"Daniel Jackson O'Neill!" Jack yelled as he used one hand to shove the massive dog from his body. Glaring at the dog, he added, "Down! No! Not down on me... ow...!"

O'Neill was about to yell again when he heard familiar footsteps in the hall. A moment later his favorite miniature Daniel burst into the room.

”I'm here, I'm here," he muttered, voice a little raspy and nose running. 

O'Neill craned his neck to get a better look at the kid. "It's about time. God, Daniel, that's gross."

Daniel sneezed. He managed to cover his nose and mouth with his hand, instead of spraying his body fluids all over the room.

“Bless,” Jack snorted.

“I hate this!” With the hand that wasn't covered in snot, Daniel grabbed some toilet paper and blew his nose loudly. When it looked like he would throw the wadded paper into the toilet, Jack raised a warning finger.

“Aht! Not in here. I can't flush it yet. Put it in the trash. And wash your hands. You're leaving germs all over the place. And get the damn dog off me!” 

Daniel sniffed and grumbled, “Are you going to tell me what to do first?”

“Dog,” Jack ordered, feeling a little squashed by now. 

Daniel grabbed Flyboy's collar with both hands and pulled the dog away from him. "Come on, big guy. I'll take you for a walk... Jack's busy and grumpy. Wait outside, I'll be right there." He shoved the dog out of the bathroom and closed the door.

Once the monster was off his chest, Jack unfolded himself from behind the toilet and sat up. He let out a groan when several muscles in his back seemed to snap in place. "Hey, you okay?"

"I'm fine." Daniel shrugged. And started coughing.

Jack leaned back against the toilet and reached for Daniel. “C'mere.”

The kid sighed, but bent down obediently so Jack could lay a hand on his forehead. He didn't feel particularly warm so Jack assumed the fever hadn't returned. It had been down for two days now. And the coughing had gone from dry and tracheal to loose and 'productive' – that's what Fraiser called it. Meaning the munchkin produced lots of phlegm. Jack hadn’t thought there could be so much mucus in a little guy like Daniel. But he was on the mend. His throat was still a little sore, but the headache was gone and his sinuses weren't clogged anymore, hence the flowing mucus.

Didn't hurt to ask though. “How's the head?”

“Ja-ack...” 

“Da-niel.”

Daniel washed his hands at the sink as he replied, “My head doesn't hurt, okay? I'll take Flyboy out. Janet said fresh air is good now. And no, nothing else is hurting either.”

"Take T. with you," Jack said, lying down again to finish the toilet.

"Okay.” Sneeze. “Don't flush before that thing hangs properly," the kid graciously reminded him with a little chuckle before he left.

Grumbling incoherently, Jack screwed the last bolt in and made sure tank and bowl were attached to each other properly before he let out a breath and left the uncomfortable spot. This bathroom was damn small. Well, it was fine for one person. There was a shower stall and a sink.

Once he had flushed the new toilet a few times to make sure it didn't leak anywhere, Jack gathered his tools and left the bathroom. In the hallway, Daniel sat on the floor and tied his shoes while he was talking to Teal'c, who waited patiently, the dog already on the leash.

"I don't think I need my scarf. It's already real warm outside. And besides, we won't be gone for long, right? So there's no need to put a scarf on..."

"Jack! I need your help with the drawers," a frustrated voice came from the kitchen.

O'Neill rolled his eyes. As he grabbed Daniel's scarf and held it out to him, he called in the general direction of the kitchen, "Hang on a second!"

Daniel glared at Jack. Jack glared back, and Daniel reluctantly snatched the warm scarf from Jack's hand and put it on.

Jack said, “Cap.”

Daniel sighed, “Yeah, yeah,” and slapped his stocking cap onto his head.

Teal'c handed Daniel the leash, and the two of them headed out so the poor dog could finally relieve himself.

Shaking his head, O'Neill entered the kitchen where Jackson had his ass perched on the table, holding a center drawer in his hands. His crutches were leaning against a chair next to him. He flashed Jack an angry glare. “It should fit! I don't get it, really.”

“Can't be that hard. Try a different angle. Gimme.” Jack took the drawer out of Big Daniel's hands and tried his luck. He had it halfway in when it got stuck. “Crap.”

“What's the problem, Jack? Try a different angle,” Jackson said sarcastically.

“Funny,” Jack growled and tugged, hard.

“Don't rip it out like that!” Jackson shook his head. “Jerking at it will only make it break.”

“It's not going anywhere,” Jack muttered, trying to pull the drawer out of the cabinet without success.

“Try little movements...” 

“I'm trying. It's stuck.”

“Guys?” Carter craned her head around the door jamb and raised her eyebrows at them. “Everything all right?”

“Fine,” Jackson said.

“Just peachy,” Jack confirmed. He waited until Jackson had turned to look at the major. Then he grabbed the abused drawer with both hands and gave it a particularly hard jerk. 

It came out with a screech that made Jack wince and Jackson yell, “Hey!”

“What?! It's out!”

“I want it 'in' and I want it in one piece if you don't mind!” 

For some reason Carter seemed to think it was hilarious. She blushed and snorted, then retreated, mumbling about some more painting she had to do.

Jack and Jackson looked at each other, eyebrows raised, and both said, “What?” at the same time. Jackson crossed his arms over his chest and glowered at the drawer.

“Did you manage to kill it, Colonel?”

Jack examined the drawer. “Nope. It's not broken.” He pushed it into the cabinet more gently, and it slid right in. “Don'tcha love IKEA.”

Jackson maneuvered himself from the table and slumped down on one of his new kitchen chairs. With a low groan, he propped his left leg on the corner seat under the window.

“Thanks, Jack.” The snarky tone gone from his voice, he sounded exhausted. “Sometimes it feels like I'll never finish this house.”

“Well, this place looks much better than it did a few weeks ago,” Jack pointed out. He opened the fridge, grabbed three beers and called for Carter to take a break as he handed one to Jackson. 

Parts of the kitchen and the airbrush in the living room were the last major tasks to complete. Everything else was already in place. Jackson had moved in weeks ago, but work and his injury had delayed the schedule.

Since Jackson's release from the infirmary and in between missions, they were slowly making progress renovating the place.

It was a good thing SG-1 was mostly doing day trips lately. Since their latest Abydos mission, things had gone rather smoothly again, and Jack didn't question their luck. As long as it lasted, he'd take it. Those quick in-and-out missions were also a good way to take a step back and let Carter play a little on the front line. Not that he doubted her command abilities. She had taken over command on more than just a couple of missions over the last year when he'd stayed home with the kid.

She did good, from what Jack had read in the reports and gathered in briefings about the missions he had missed. She was learning fast, but that was a given. Carter was one smart cookie, and she was getting real good at seeing the big picture and making her own choices, rather than wondering, “What would the Colonel do?” Which was exactly what Jack had hoped for.

Now these “milk tour” missions gave him the chance to take a step back and watch her closely, and she didn't seem to be bothered by that at all. Which was another thing that told him she was quite ready to have her own team.

Granted, last week they'd been running like hell to the gate, a bunch of not-very-friendly natives on their asses who kept shooting sharp wooden spears at them. And a few days after, Carter had almost blown herself up while playing with a doohickey that turned out to be some kind of defense mechanism for a sacred cave. But no one had been injured, and they'd even convinced the very upset inhabitants of that world that their cave was still sacred. Carter had been able to fix the doohickey to their satisfaction. They had gone home without a treaty, but alive and well.

Shit happened. Sometimes it was all about damage control. It had nothing to do with her leadership skills, whatsoever.

And now they had two weeks of leave ahead, which was nice.

Of course, Carter didn't think so and insisted she still had to go in to do some lab work. When Jack had asked her if she was nuts, she just shrugged. “I never have enough time to really work or study some of the things we bring back with us. This is a great opportunity to take a look at some devices before they go to Area 51, sir.”

Right.

If she said so.

Carter got lots of support from the Wretch, who pointed out that he really didn't need any leave either and would continue to work as usual. And for once Jack had no choice than to let him have his way. Sort of.

Looking around the kitchen, Jack thought they were doing good with Jackson's place, even though there were a few cabinets without fronts or drawers. The kitchen light was still a naked bulb. Oh, yeah, and the old toilet had suddenly started leaking. That's why they had bought a new one from the home improvement store this week.

“You'll need some help with the yard,” Jack muttered as he stretched out his legs under the table. “We can put the lawn in once it gets warm enough.” 

Jackson tilted his head. “You don't have to, Jack. I can hire a gardener.”

“I know.” Jack played with his beer bottle and took a sip. He gazed at the smile developing on Big Daniel's face. 

They saluted each other with their bottles and drank in comfortable silence. The afternoon sun made the room appear warm and comfy. The light birch wood Jackson had chosen for the kitchen front added to the effect. The walls were in the same light desert tone as the rest of the house.

It was a nice room.

“Hey, guys.” Carter strolled in and grabbed her own beer. “Oh, you were able to put it in,” she said, pointing her bottle toward the drawer. “That's... great. Did you try a different angle, sir?” She snorted, then hastily took a sip of beer. 

Jack almost dropped his dumb act to tell her that they did indeed put it in – and without lube, too, mind you. A glance at Big Daniel and the half-smirk on his face, indicating that he was having similar thoughts, kept him quiet.

Things were much easier between them these days.

Too easy, maybe. Dangerously easy. Not good.

Carter leaned against the kitchen counter, enjoying her Heineken. Her old denim shirt was splattered with paint spots and her fingers were slightly colored as well. When she set the bottle down on the counter top, she gave a contented sigh and crossed her arms over her chest. She looked at the men, a warm smile on her face. “I think we'll be done with the painting this week, Daniel. We have to work some of the fine lines in with a hair brush later. But the majority of the work is almost done. Your patterns are wonderful. It's fun.”

“Thanks,” Jackson said and gave her a little halting smile. “Daniel was a big help in making them. I wish I could do more around here. You guys are working so hard. I feel guilty.”

“That's why you're buying dinner every time we're here,” Jack grinned, “and paying the beer too.” 

Jackson grimaced. “I can't wait to get my walking cast at least.”

Jack pointed at the crutches. “Fraiser will have your ass if she finds out you've been walking on that cast for some time now.”

“She's not stupid. She must have noticed.” Big Daniel shrugged. “I'll get rid of this one on Monday. Things will be a lot easier with the walking cast. I hate being so handicapped.” 

“You like Carter bringing you breakfast though.” The irritated look from blue eyes didn't even make Jack blink. 

“I don't. I mean, of course, I do... It's nice of her.” With an apologetic glance at Carter, he continued, “It's very nice of you. I appreciate it, really.” 

Carter shrugged. “We love to help, Daniel.”

“I know. And I _do_ appreciate it. It's just that...“

“What? That you hate to be dependent? That you can take care of yourself even with all four limbs cut off?” Jack let his amusement show when he looked at the other guy again. Some things never changed.

Big Daniel blinked. “Yeah. That.”

“You did good with the plotting out. Planned everything so we could work our butts off,” Jack said generously, smothering a smirk at the frown that met his gaze. 

Jackson glowered, the familiar mixture of being pissed with Jack and yet feeling just slightly guilty. Oh, yeah. Jack knew this expression. Like it was Jackson's fault he had broken his leg.

So much like the kid. And yet – nothing kid-like in this version of Daniel Jackson. Not at all.

Jack shook his head. This two Daniel thing was still messing with his head, somehow.

Big and Little Daniel had spent hours in the infirmary, sketching stencils for the painting. Jack had listened to his Daniel's enthusiastic explanation on how it was called a mural and that there were several techniques to do it from airbrushing to acrylic paints. The two Daniels had come up with an ancient Greek Acropolis. The hills and sky in the background made the room look much bigger than it actually was.

Carter did a great job with the different spraying. Jack had no idea she had it in her. It was a piece of art, and the three of them were pretty proud of their accomplishment.

“So. Daniel seems to be feeling much better,” Carter said, changing the subject.

“Yep. He's still coughing like a barking dog though. And leaving a trail of mucus like a snail. I guess one would call that a... 'snog'.” 

Jackson made an “ewww” face, then laughed. “Snog?”

“Mix between a snail and a dog,” Jack clarified, ignoring Carter's squicked face.

Jackson snorted. “That's... supposed to be endearing?”

“Hey, I only give nicknames to those I like, Future boy,” Jack said indignantly. 

“Oh. That's comforting.” Jackson grinned, this time showing his dimples and a sparkle in his blue eyes. 

Oh, yeah. Things were much easier between them.

Crap. Jack wasn't sure if he “wanted” it to be easier.

“You must be relieved the worst is over now. Have you packed everything for your trip to Minnesota?” Carter asked.

“I'm all set. Daniel has to pack his stuff yet. I've been bugging him for two days, but there's always something oh-so-important coming up that keeps him from actually doing it,” Jack said.

He wasn't sure how he felt about going back to the cabin. It had always been his happy place. Even after Charlie's death Jack had found peace there. It had been hard the first year, with the memories of all the summer vacations the O'Neills had spent there. But Jack had been used to going to the cabin since he'd been a little kid. So he had coped with going to the cabin after Charlie was gone because there were more memories, less painful ones.

In time, and with Daniel joining him on those trips, the cabin had become their sanctuary. They both had lots of memories associated with the little spot in the woods of Minnesota, some of them very personal and sexual. Going there had meant freedom in any possible way to them.

Chuck, the guy who kept an eye on Jack’s property, had called two weeks ago to let him know the roof needed some new shingles and the cabin could use new paint. Chuck always used to do the necessary repairs over the winter. But apparently he didn't feel up to it anymore. People didn't get any younger.

So, after a lot of soul searching and weighing the pros and cons, Jack had arranged to spend some time at the cabin.

Of course, he could have hired someone else to fix the place up. But the cabin had been in the O'Neill family for over three generations, and Jack felt like he owed the place to go himself. He hadn't been to the cabin since the summer before Daniel had gotten downsized.

Daniel had asked to stay in Colorado Springs. He didn't talk about it much, but his quiet request of staying home was reason enough for Jack not to force him. At first he had been ready to cancel the trip and hire someone after all. But Doctor Svenson had insisted that having a break from one another would be good for both of them.

And Daniel had agreed, even said he'd look forward to spend more time with T and Carter.

When the kid had caught the common cold, complete with clogged sinuses, fever and a cough that wouldn't let him sleep at nights. it looked like Jack would really have to cancel his trip - despite Daniel's protests and assurance that he would be fine and could always turn himself in to Janet's loving infirmary care if things got worse.

However, thanks to Janet's prescription of cough syrup, Advil cold medicine, chewable throat tablets and nasal spray - which according to Daniel was “very yucky” - things had improved rather quickly. Of course Jack had taken full advantage of the fact that the munchkin couldn’t get away with his usual “if I ignore it, it's not really happening” attitude while living in Jack’s house.

Medicine wandered into the annoyed mini Daniel three times a day, along with enough orange juice and water to keep him from getting dehydrated.

Though, now that Jack thought about it, Daniel hadn't put up much of a fight about meds and rest until he'd started feeling better.

Still, Jack would have canceled the trip if it wasn't for the leaking roof. With April coming, there might be heavy rains, and he didn't feel like refurbishing the whole place later this year. He had leave at the moment, and if he didn't go now, he might not find the time for a longer trip until summer.

“Are you going to spend your vacations there again once Daniel is...?” Carter didn't finish the sentence. She looked uncomfortable. She knew about their former relationship, so she probably had a pretty good idea what the place had meant to them.

“Aw, I don't know,” Jack muttered. “I'm actually thinking of selling the place.”

Daniel might be an adult again in the foreseeable future, but it would never be the same. It was probably better to find a new cabin and move on, make new memories in new places. Friendship memories. Team vacations maybe. Didn't sound too bad.

“Now I'm almost sorry I never went on that fishing trip with you.” Carter said.

Jack arched an eyebrow at her. “You've no idea what you missed.”

“Uh... you're probably right, sir,” she mumbled, not convinced at all. 

Jack raised an eyebrow, but didn't answer.

Big Daniel smiled absently and fiddled with the label on his bottle. “It's not about the fish, Sam. It's a great place to relax and let the world take care of itself for a while. I had some of my best vacations out there since... forever.”

Jack, who had been looking at Carter, spun his head and exchanged a look with Big Daniel across the table. It was one of those weird moments where neither of them knew what to say next or how to ignore the total craziness of their situation. On most days, they were able to pretend everything was fine between them.

But every once in a while, something would come up and the awkwardness was back. And it still hit Jack like a punch in the guts.

Because things weren't that easy between them after all.

Jackson blushed hard as his long, slender fingers ripped at the label on his beer, tearing off the edges.

Jack finally cleared his throat. “Hey, I appreciate that you and T will take care of Daniel while I'm gone. I'll try to get back earlier. Depends on how much I have to do.”

“Relax, Colonel. Daniel's going to be all right. It'll be fun. I'm really glad he decided to spend the nights in Teal'c's quarters instead of his own while you're gone. Even though they’ll probably watch TV all night.” She smiled.

“I know.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. Usually when SG-1 was off world for a few days, Daniel stayed on base in his quarters, accompanied by the dog and under the watchful eyes of Janet, who was very capable of making him rest and eat on a regular basis. She had offered to take him home with her on several occasions, but he’d refused. Eventually she'd given up on it. 

Svenson assumed Daniel wanted a piece of control in his life, a way to stay independent, to prove that he was able to live on his own for a while.

Jack knew better.

Daniel wanted to be on base so he could be there when they stepped back through the gate, in whatever shape. He needed to know they were all right, had radioed in on schedule, came home on time.

On the rare occasions when Jack had to put on the monkey suit and get bored out of his skull at meetings in Washington, Daniel preferred to stay home with either Teal'c or Sam moving in. Except for the last time when he had stayed with Jackson.

This time Jack would be gone for ten days. At first, he had wanted to fly instead of drive. But he needed to take tools and other stuff with him, so he'd have to make the two days’ journey, which meant he would loose four days to driving.

So after several discussions with and without Daniel, they had settled for the kid to stay on base with Teal'c. Daniel could work in his office a few hours a day and then spend the afternoons with T and Carter at Jackson's place to continue the painting. And Janet was nearby in case the coughing grew worse or the fever flared up again.

Aside from the few days when Daniel had been down with his cold, they had met in their free time and worked on Jackson's house. Even Gared Baxter, the current fourth member of SG-1, who usually stayed to himself outside of work, had stopped by to help a couple of times.

It was a team thing, and they had benefited from it. It helped to get back to normal life. Little Daniel seemed to recover amazingly fast from his part in the adventure on Abydos, except for the usual nightmares. He had been a little clingy for a few days after they'd gotten home, but had calmed down quickly.

Jack was pulled out of his thoughts when Carter put her empty bottle on the table and stretched her back. “I'll go back to work, guys. I want to finish the sky so it can dry till tomorrow.”

When she had left the room, Jack felt Big Daniel's gaze on him. He looked up, and as their eyes met, Jackson asked, “Why won't you let him stay here with me?”

“T. doesn't mind. And with staying on base, Daniel can probably get away with more work than he's supposed to,” Jack muttered.

There was a long, uncomfortable pause as both men gazed down at their bottles. Finally Jackson's head came up again. “He told me he asked you. You didn't allow it. Why not?”

Jack cringed at the hurt expression in those blue eyes. He could see resentment, too. He pursed his lips and chose his words carefully. “You're still wearing that cast. I don't want you to...”

Jackson didn't let him finish. “What's this about, Jack? You don't think I can take care of him? We did all right when you were in Washington.”

“I know that. You just said it yourself. You're not one hundred percent...”

“I'm fine. That I can't work around the house much with this injury doesn't mean I'm not able to...”

“Fine!” Jack huffed. “What if he needs the Doc? As long as he's on base, Janet or Doctor Warner will be around in case he has a backslide with that cold. And he still has nightmares from time to time...”

“So? Jack, I assure you I can deal with nightmares. We might share the same ones, you know? I'll get my walking cast on Monday. Whatever it is... We won't have wild parties with drugs and alcohol, if it makes you feel better,” Big Daniel sniped. 

The thought of Daniel – any Daniel – involved in parties with masses of alcohol almost made Jack laugh out loud. Daniel didn't do orgies, period. And if he tried, he'd be out cold after the second bottle of wine.

However, that wasn't the point here.

O'Neill shook his head. “This isn't a trust issue.”

“No, of course not.” 

Jack winced at the bitterness in Jackson's voice. “Look. I want Daniel to stay with Teal'c because they spend a lot of time together. T. knows how to deal with the kid when there's a problem. You should actually thank me. He can be a real handful if he puts his mind to it.”

“He isn't a kid, Jack,” Jackson said quietly. When Jack opened his mouth to object, he hastily continued, “This isn't about his cold or my cast. And yes, I understand why you're worried. I know he had trouble adjusting. But he's better now. And he handled things just fine on Anubis's ship. He... He isn't any more worked up than I am. But just to humor you... I'll feed us and we'll both take our medications and we won't stay up all night. Don't you think that... by now... I'm able to look after _myself_?” 

Aware of the double meaning in that statement, Jack played with his beer bottle, mirroring the nervous plucking at the label Big Daniel had done earlier. “Hey. I'm not worried about you, okay?” he said gruffly. “But Daniel is  _not_ you. He's changed.” 

“I know we have lived different lives for some time now. But he's still me. I'm still him. I do understand him. Probably better than any of you do or ever will,” Jackson said coldly. 

Their eyes met, and for a long moment they just glared at each other. Jack swallowed the urge to tell Jackson that Daniel didn't even understand himself sometimes. Jack knew he was doing the overprotective thing again.

Daniel  _was_ better. A lot. 

Svenson was thrilled with the progress Daniel had made over the last months, and while Jack thought she was right on the whole, he also knew that their last mission had shaken his little friend to the core. What had happened on Anubis's ship was nothing unusual in the book of “normal” missions for SG-1. But Daniel was not only out of the loop for quite some time, he also had to deal with the fallout from his eight-year-old persona.

The kid coped. Jack had to give him that. They'd been through the whole emotional roller coaster with Svenson, and for the first time since Daniel had started therapy, he had gone to see her alone. Jack had been flabbergasted when Daniel suddenly asked him to wait outside her office. Since then, the kid had done several sessions without Jack. He wasn't sure if he should be proud or feel rejected about it.

Svenson assured him being proud was the right way to go, so Jack was proud. And just a tiny little bit rejected. Because Daniel didn't talk about those meetings and Svenson wouldn’t break the patient/physician confidentiality.

Not that Jack had asked her to and he didn’t prod Daniel about his meetings either.

He just had to wait until Daniel spilled his guts to him – or not. Other than that, he really seemed to be fine.

But this trip to Minnesota might have opened a completely different can of worms for Daniel. An issue his kid refused to discuss with him as well. And Jack knew Daniel wouldn't go through this with Svenson either since the Psychologist still didn't know about their former relationship.

So yeah, Jack was worried.

And anxious.

And maybe fretting because he didn't know what his little guy was thinking or how he really felt. Daniel's habit to bottle up emotions inside and go into overload when he couldn't hold it all in anymore had caused him lots of trouble before.

Despite all the adjustments Daníel had made, Jack didn't trust the peace.

Jackson's next words, spoken more softly, nudged Jack out of his gloomy thoughts. “You really worry about him, don't you?”

“It's what I do.”

“I know,” Big Daniel said, his voice low. “I do understand that going to the cabin brings back memories he doesn't want to deal with right now. But,” he paused and licked his lips. “he seems to have moved on somehow. And he'll get his life back. Sort of. I wonder how hard this still is for him.” 

Jack raised his right eyebrow. “You tell me.”

The silence grew long again. Jackson stared at his white cast so Jack couldn't see his eyes anymore. “We're good at adapting,” he finally said.

“Yeah. Not so good this time around though,” Jack said quietly. “Been a hell of a year – for both of us.” He emptied his beer and was about to go back to work, when they heard the front door open and close. 

A moment later the munchkin and his dog strolled in, both looking tousled from the fresh air and wind. Daniel had pink cheeks, and his hair stuck out in all directions.

He threw his jacket, gloves, cap and scarf on the corner seat and went to the fridge to get himself something to drink. Coming out of the cold into a warm room started a brief coughing fit.

“Flyboy almost chased a cat, Jack,” he reported breathlessly when the fit was over and he had blown his nose several times. “It was sitting on the porch next door and if Teal'c hadn't grabbed the leash, Flyboy would've pulled me right across their yard and after the cat.”

“We were able to subdue the beast so the cat survived,” Teal'c said, his mouth twitching into the hint of a smile. “DanielJacksonO'Neill once again rescued a living creature.”

“Teeaaal'c,” Daniel whined, rolling his eyes. “You were the hero of the day. I just screamed my head off because I wasn't able to hold the beast. The leash swished right through my hands. Good thing I was wearing gloves.”

“Indeed,” Teal'c said. 

The beast walked over to Jackson and placed its giant head into the man's lap, demanding a cuddle.

Jack smothered a smirk, inwardly thanking the dog for proving his point. Daniel had started to whine – again - that he was perfectly capable of walking the dog alone. They had re-runs of this discussion every once in a while. Like the bedtime-after-midnight thing and the sleeping-alone-in-the-tree house issue. The arguments came and went, but no longer had the heated aggressive edge where hard objects were thrown Jack's way or Daniel used his twenty-three languages to curse like a drunken sailor in decibels that threatened to blow away Jack's eardrums.

“The cat looked homeless,” Daniel went on as he started slurping water from a bottle. “It was all shaggy and skinny and seemed to be very young.“

“Use a glass, Daniel. Though after sharing your germs with the bottle... never mind. But hang up your jacket,” Jack said, ignoring the words “cat,” “homeless,” and “very young.”

“It was white with brown and black spots,” Daniel continued. 

“I am certain the cat has fleas and other parasites,” Teal'c said. “I am also certain the dog would not want to live in the same house as the cat. Neither would the cat want to live in the same house as the dog.” 

“I'm just sayin'.” Daniel shrugged as he grabbed his jacket and ran out to put it over the chair in the hall that served as a coat hanger. “We could call a vet and make sure the kitten is okay. Then we could try to find a home for it,” he added when he returned.

“I like cats. We could...” Jackson started thoughtfully. 

“Aht! Don't go there. Don't. Even. Think. About. It. Last time I gave in to 'just calling the vet' we ended up with a raccoon in a kennel,” Jack interjected. “So unless _you_ want that cat to live _here_ , you’d better not listen to the Wretch. Because that cat isn't going to live in my house until hell freezes over.”

Carter entered with paint bottles in both hands. She placed the bottles on the kitchen table and shot a curious glance at Big Daniel. “Cats?”

“Daniel found a kitten over at the neighbor’s house. Or rather, Flyboy did. I don't think they have a cat over there, unless they just got it,” he replied.

“Oh, a kitten?” Her eyes lit up. “I’ve always wanted to have a cat again since Schroedinger went with Narim.”

“There ya go,” Jack said. “Go and take it in, so our little worrywart here can calm down.”

“Ja-ack.” Daniel scowled.

“Sir, I can't just take a cat in from the street. It probably belongs to someone.”

“Flyboy wanted to kill it, but Teal'c held him back.” Daniel frowned at his dog. 

Carter joined the rest of SG-1 around the table and rubbed Flyboy's head while teasingly calling him a bad dog.

Daniel gulped down his water and put the bottle on the counter. “Hey, Jack. Teal'c and I talked.” His voice was casual enough to make Jack's LD-trouble antenna hum loudly.

“About?” 

Daniel slumped down on a chair next to Jackson. “We have the perfect solution.”

Jack felt his left eyebrow wander upwards. “You know how to get rid of the Goa'uld?”

The kid looked right back at him with a totally straight face. “Sure. Don't you?”

“Feed them poisoned ice cream?” 

“Actually... no. You have to feed dog worm tablets to the hosts,” Daniel replied and then lost the battle to remain straight-faced as he giggled and sneezed three times in a row.

Jack handed him a fresh Kleenex from the box on the table so he could wipe off the yellow stuff coming out of his nose.

“DanielJacksonO'Neill told me of his wish to remain with DanielJackson during the time you are gone, O'Neill,” Teal'c said, spoiling the fun.

Before Jack could answer, Daniel planted his elbows on the table, bent forward, and gave him the big blues with batting eyelashes. “Hear us out, Jack! We'll spend part of the day here anyway, right? Because there's lots of work to do still around the house. And BD can drive again once he got his walking cast, right? So he and I can go to the mountain for a few hours in the morning, and then in the afternoons Teal'c and Sam can come over to help us here. Maybe we can even have dinner together here, and Sam or Teal'c can take the dog out for a longer walk before they leave so BD doesn't have to do it with his bad leg.”

“That sounds like a plan.” Carter said. “I don't mind staying for dinner and walking the dog.” 

“And we've been through this before, and guess what? The answer's still no.” Jack said, more than a little irritated that Daniel was bringing it up in front of everybody. 

“But why?! Everyone's okay with it, except you!” Daniel shouted accusingly.

Jack felt four pairs of eyes rest on him. Jackson's eyebrows were raised in a questioning manner, Sam looked worried, Teal'c stoic and Daniel pissed. This was foul play. They had talked about it at home, and Jack had made his point without too much trouble.

Or so he'd thought.

Well, he wasn't getting into that argument again. He had pointed out every single reason to Daniel why he didn't think it was a great idea. Starting with the fact that Big Daniel was wearing a cast and wouldn't be 100 % mobile.

Aside from the health issues, Jack wasn't sure if Jackson really knew what he was dealing with here. Daniel was a lot more reasonable now than he had been a couple of months ago, but there were still times when he'd throw tantrums out of the blue or where his eyes suddenly became sad and old, where a memory would trigger other memories and it became a chain reaction. It didn't happen often anymore, but it still happened.

Jack didn't feel good about letting those two stay alone together for such a long time. Even though it was more a gut feeling than anything else. He'd just feel a whole lot better knowing Teal'c had an eye on the kid 24/7.

“I told you, you can stay with BD again another time for a night. Not this time. And no, this isn't negotiable.” Jack held Daniel's glower, ignoring everybody else.

“Sir...” Carter started.

“Carter, we're not making this a team decision.” He stood and grabbed Flyboy's leash from the table. “I'll drop Daniel off at the mountain at ten hundred tomorrow, T.” 

“As you wish.” Teal'c's voice seemed to drop a few degrees, but Jack didn't care. 

“Jack, what the hell is the matter with you?” Jackson looked like he wanted to hurt him with one of his crutches.

For a moment, Daniel looked smug about the support he was receiving. Then the glare returned as he announced, “He doesn't even have a real reason for this! He's just being bossy as usual!”

“Sir, I'm sure we could work something out...” Carter began.

“Indeed.”

“Don't hold your breath. He's made up his mind,” Daniel bitched, scrunching his face up in his best effort to look all hurt and victimized.

“Well, that's a shock,” Jackson snorted. 

”All right, kids. We're outta here.” Jack marched out of the kitchen. Grabbing Daniel's red windbreaker, he called sarcastically, “Come on, Daniel. I want to put you back into your cage before the hockey game starts!” 

“I can't believe you just said that!” Daniel griped. 

He stormed out of the kitchen, ripped his jacket from Jack's hand and was out of the house in a flash, slamming the door behind him. Sighing at the still-vibrating door, Jack called for the dog. Flyboy trotted past without sparing him a glance and sat down beside the door, turning his head away.

“Not you, too,” muttered Jack indignantly as he gathered Daniel's scarf, gloves and cap. 

“O'Neill...” Teal'c's looming figure appeared in the doorway to the kitchen.

“What?”

“I believe DanielJackson will take good care of young Daniel. I observed them when you were in Washington. I do not sense a problem here. MajorCarter and I will be happy to assist.”

“Look, T. I appreciate how you support Daniel. And it's not that I don't trust BD...”

“Daniel spoke to me while we walked with Flyboy,” Teal'c said quietly. “He wishes to deepen his friendship with DanielJackson, and he believes he is now ready to do so. He also wants to prove to you that he is able to make the right choices for himself again.”

Jack shrugged into his jacket and zipped it. “As in trying to get his way by manipulating you all into taking his side? I don't think so, big guy.”

“He believes it is important to spend time with DanielJackson. And I agree. Maybe it will heal them both.”

Oh, great.

First Svenson, now Teal'c. Next Carter would tell him Daniel was reading his journals to her. Well, Daniel didn't really write in his journal anymore. Not like he used to, but that wasn't the point here anyway.

“How come Daniel seems to talk to everyone lately but me?” 

“That I do not know.” 

Hooking the dog on the leash, O'Neill let out a huff of air and left Big Daniel's house, slamming the door himself.

His truck was parked in the driveway, behind Jackson's new reddish-orange jeep. What the heck was that guy thinking anyway? A jeep! Daniel used to drive an old Thunderbird. Jack had never trusted that rusty bucket of a car and mostly refused to drive it. It had been an artifact of its own. But it had suited Daniel somehow.

Now it was a jeep.

Kinda fancy.

It was almost dusk, the sky gray and cloudy. The streets were wet, and it had started to drizzle. Jack jammed his hands into the pockets of his jacket and walked around the jeep when he suddenly realized that Daniel wasn't in the driveway.

“Oh, for crying out loud... Daniel?!”

Jack's eyes darted out on the street. It was a very quiet neighborhood. No traffic and no people outside. Everyone was probably having dinner by now. Small, sleepy houses with gardens.

No Daniel.

Where the hell was he?

“Daniel!”

Jack swore under his breath. So help him, if the Wretch was trying to catch that damn cat and he had to climb over fences and crawl through wet grass to get him...

He reached his truck and felt his heartbeat resettle into a normal pace when he spotted the small figure leaning against the back door, shoulders hunched and arms wrapped around himself.

Flyboy tenderly poked his nose in Daniel's side.

“You know, this is one of the reasons why I don't want you to stay here. You can't just run out because you're pissed about something. With that cast, Jackson won't even be fast enough to follow you,” Jack snapped as he opened the door to his truck. Flyboy jumped onto his blanket in the backseat and Jack handed Daniel his scarf. “Put that on.”

“Maybe I won't have a reason to get mad anymore once you're gone. Maybe I'm really glad you're leaving tomorrow,” Daniel sneered back, the impact of the words hitting Jack like a slap to his face. The urge to verbally lash out at him in the same way, asking him if he wanted Jack to stay at the cabin for good and leave him with Jackson, was overwhelmingly strong for a moment. 

But he bit his tongue, feeling his jaw twitch in anger. He wouldn't go back to those nasty fights where they used to hurt each other, even though they both knew they didn't really mean it. Jack realized he'd already crossed the line with his earlier remark about locking Daniel into a cage. He couldn't really blame the kid for being mad.

“Put your scarf on and get in there, Daniel.” 

They looked at each other in the fading daylight. After a minute of stunned silence Daniel lowered his head, slung the scarf around his neck and crawled in after his dog.

The drive home was made in icy silence.

When they finally arrived home, Jack expected Daniel to either continue the fight or run to his room, slamming the door.

It had been a long time since they’d been in each other’s face like this. The difference was that nowadays Jack knew how to deal with upcoming crisis. He had Little Daniel diplomacy down to a science with all the levels of negotiations and compromises they both needed to stay sane. And Daniel had learned to accept – mostly - there was a line where negotiations and compromises ended.

They had been through the negotiable stage about Daniel staying with BD. Jack had offered to let the two of them spend as much time together as they wanted – when Daniel wasn't sick and BD wasn't wearing a cast anymore.

So they had done reasonable and mature. If Daniel wanted to throw a fit and have a fight now, Jack was ready for it.

To his surprise, Daniel didn't start ranting the moment the door closed behind them. Nor did he storm off to sulk. Instead he followed Jack down into the living room, sat on the couch and wrung his hands in his lap while Jack started a fire and then closed the curtains of the large windows with view on the yard.

He decided to let Daniel stew a little longer as he went into the kitchen to prepare the coffee machine for the next morning. Daniel followed him, lingering in the doorway.

Flyboy wedged himself between Daniel and the door frame. He plastered himself against the kid, giving Jack the big, brown, puppy dog eyes. Daniel looked miserable, too.

What's a guy gonna do?

Jack opened a cupboard and retrieved two bags of chips. It was their usual TV snack. Holding them out to the Wretch, he asked, “Which one?”

“Cheese and Onion,” Daniel said softly.

Filling a bowl with chips Jack said casually, “So. That's my peace offer. What about you?”

“I'm sorry,” he replied in the same soft voice. “I won't be glad when you're gone. And I'll probably still get angry about stuff.” He swallowed hard. “I'll go take a shower now. Can we talk after?”

Jack opened his mouth to say “sorry, but no” and then closed it again and scrubbed a weary hand through his short silver hair. 

Screw it.

His real problem was probably leaving Daniel in the first place. They’d never been apart from each other for this long before. Not since Daniel had become a kid.

Ten days.

Maybe he could cut it down to eight...

Somewhat embarrassed, Jack realized that he had far more issues with leaving Daniel behind than Daniel had with Jack going to Minnesota. Now what was wrong with this picture?

He’d had to leave Daniel before when SG-1 went on missions. But missions rarely lasted longer than a day or two – three days top – these days. Ten days seemed to be an awful long time.

Was he so used to Daniel relying on him, needing him – and only him - that he couldn't deal with Daniel's new ability to reach out to others again, especially Jackson? How pathetic was that? Svenson was thrilled that Daniel finally seemed to be getting over his fixation on Jack.

So Jack should get a grip and let loose as well.

If Daniel decided to stay with Jackson... and Teal'c would be there, as would Carter...

He looked at Daniel hard. “No tantrums. If we talk about this, I don't want to be yelled, cursed or sniped at. You start getting bratty with me, and this discussion is over.”

“'kay. Um, Jack?” 

“Daniel?”

“I think this is a hot chocolate moment.” With that, he scurried out, followed by Flyboy. 

Hot chocolate moments occurred rather often in this house. It was served after particularly ugly nightmares, during crisis management, other serious meaning of life discussions or just because it was darn cold outside.

It would never replace coffee as Daniel's favorite drink, but it seemed to have grown into a comfort thing for the munchkin.

Jack had started melting the chocolate with milk in a pot, thinking about the next ten days without Daniel, when his eyes spotted the little pyramid magnets on his fridge. It was amazing how deeply Daniel's persona had weaved itself into Jack's life long before he'd become a kid. They had found the pyramids at a garage sale one spring when Daniel had still been big. Daniel had bought them because he insisted they looked much better than Jack’s Simpson magnets.

There was a list of things Jack would probably need to fix the cabin. That list was rather long. He probably should hire somebody to do the job for him after all. It would cost him a fortune, but it would be an easy way out.

Jack let out a huff of air. It was bullshit, and he knew it. He was worried about leaving Daniel alone so he was trying to find a way to chicken out of going.

When the hot chocolate was done, Jack turned the stove off and got their favorite large mugs from the cupboard. He filled them with the hot beverage and put marshmallows in Daniel's, then carried them down into the living room where he placed them on the coffee table and himself on the couch.

When he heard the soft thumping of sock-clad feet on the steps, he smiled and watched a freshly scrubbed Daniel with still-damp hair and flushed cheeks flop down beside him. One look into his face, however, told Jack that the clouds were still there, even though the storm seemed to be over. 

“Hey,” Jack said softly as he pulled the afghan over Daniel who was wearing his sweats and a white tee.

“Hey,” Daniel answered as he wriggled his feet under his own butt and snuggled up against Jack's side. He smelled like fresh herbals. “I smeared that yucky menthol balm on my chest Janet is so fond of,” he muttered when Jack sniffed approvingly. 

“It helps you breathe when your nose gets clogged at nights.” Jack swallowed the remark that Daniel should have used the hair dryer. That he had actually applied the greasy balm without being reminded was a little wonder in itself.

Looked like somebody wanted to score good points.

“Yeah, yeah. It's still yucky.” 

Jack handed him his hot chocolate, and for a while they just sat there, blowing over their drinks and sipping carefully.

Finally, Daniel said, “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up in front of everybody. I just thought... if they all agreed with me you'd...”

“I'd give in so I wouldn’t feel like a total ass?”

“No. Not that. I hoped you would see that it doesn't have to be an issue. That I thought this through and that nobody but you has a problem with it. I haven’t gotten into any serious trouble lately. Why don't you trust me? Or is it him you don't trust? Which is kinda the same, 'cause you know, we're... okay, we're not the same person... well, technically we are, but... uh, never mind.”

Jack was dismayed to hear the same hurt in Daniel’s voice that had been in Jackson’s voice earlier this afternoon. Now he  _did_ feel like a total ass. 

Rubbing a hand over the lump under the afghan, he tried to explain. “I'm just worried, buddy. I feel better knowing you're with T. You're still coughing a little and...”

“I have a cold, Jack. Not pneumonia.” 

“I know that, Daniel.”

“Then what are you afraid of?”

The sentence hovered between them for a while, the only other noises in the living room coming from the crackling fire and the dog crunching on a chewing bone.

O'Neill wasn't sure if this was another one of those short role-switches they’d been having lately. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, it was scary enough to freak him out. Little Daniel seemed to morph into Big Daniel, as if he could switch the child part off if he wanted to. And Jack was unable to escape Daniel's darkened eyes behind those kiddie glasses he wore now.

“I don't want you to get hurt,” he blurted.

“Why would he hurt me? How?”

“He won't. But you two are gonna talk about... stuff. And I think it's warped to... just... You'll start sharing memories, and I'm not sure that's a good thing.”

There.

He’d said it.

He'd been chewing on this for a while now, not sure how to tell Daniel – both Daniels – about his worries. He wasn't good with words. Never had been. And this whole two Daniel thing still went over his head from time to time. Jack had drawn strict lines for Big Daniel. And he would make sure Jackson didn't cross them.

Not even now, after they'd almost died together on Anubis's ship.

Life was back to normal, and Jack had taken a step back again. At least, he had tried. Was trying. Whatever.

Bottom line was that Jack preferred not to deal with certain things right now. Like what it would be like when Little Daniel became Big Daniel again and the current Big Daniel was still around. Because Jack had a distinct feeling that Jackson wouldn't just leave, once the kid was re-sized.

He had bought a house, for cryin' out loud.

Of course, a house could easily be sold again.

It just seemed so final. They were putting work into it, too. So it wasn't just a house, but a home.

Oh, and how about this one: The current Big Daniel who was the former Little Daniel had been Jack's lover. They had never broken up. But the downsizing had put a natural end to the relationship. So what were they now? Jack and this current Big Daniel? Ex-lovers? Friends?

Jack sure as hell wouldn't start a discussion about feelings or memories with Jackson. Period. He could live with this situation as long as he didn't think about it. Yep, it still gave him the creeps. Hell, it was scary enough to discuss their former, whatever, relationship with Little Daniel.

Though they hadn't done that for a while now.

Little Daniel, however... he would probably want to talk feelings with his adult self. Now that he had a little more distance from his “old” life and had come to terms with being a kid again, he seemed to enjoy spending time with Big Daniel. Jack had the nagging feeling his Space monkey wanted to spend these ten days with Jackson deliberately to deal with a few issues.

What if it backfired?

Daniel's mouth formed a silent “oh.” But he shook his head. “We've done that before. Sharing memories. It was... okay. Actually, I think it helps us both a little.”

Teal'c's words about both Daniels needing this time together to heal popped into Jack's mind. He sighed. They could do the healing thing while he was here, right? They didn't have to start this while Jack was hundreds of miles away.

He wouldn't be here.

It all came down to that.

And he was so not okay with being away, knowing Daniel was spending the week having philosophical talks with his adult self. About stuff that might upset him, get him depressed or throw him back into anger again.

_Face it,_ Jack thought,  _you just don't want Daniel to backslide into becoming the tantrum monster again._ A shudder ran down his spine at the memories of their first few months into the “childhood adventure”. 

Yet, if Daniel thought he could deal staying with Jackson... The kid was a lot more self-secure now than he had been last year.

Tough choice.

Here was the six-million-dollar question again: Was it Jack's call to deny Daniel the choice with whom he wanted to stay?

“Actually, it's the best solution ever,” Daniel said. “He's not living on base, and that way I won't be tempted to work too long. We can take care of each other so we get enough rest and free time.” 

“Stop trying to sugarcoat it for me, Daniel. I get your drift.”

He had the decency to blush. “Sorry... Um... I was just trying to point out the advantages.”

Jack shook his head. “Look, if you're staying with Big Daniel, I need you to promise me...”

“I won't get into trouble. Teal'c and Sam will be there, too. I'll be good. Really, I can do that.” 

Jack raised an eyebrow at him. “Wow. Is that you begging?”

Daniel crossed his arms over his chest and scowled at his friend. “I am making sincere promises here.”

“So I hear.” 

Daniel grimaced and tipped his head back to squint up at Jack. “Asking you for... permission for something isn't easy for me, you know? Not even after all this time. Please, let me do this?”

“I was going to say: I need you to promise me to tell Jackson if you feel anxious or sad. And if you can't do that, call Teal'c or Carter. Svenson, maybe. Just talk to somebody if... you know... you’re getting depressed...” Jack trailed off. 

“I'll call you.” Daniel whispered, a tiny smile curling his lips.

“You will?”

“Yeah. If it gets really bad, I promise, I'll call you.” 

“Sweet.” Jack pulled his kid into a hug and planted a kiss on the blond mop of hair. Daniel's body stayed pliant and relaxed as he snuggled into the embrace. 

***

Daniel was up early the next morning and packing.

He checked the list of things he had already put into the duffel bag one last time. Jack had made him write the list a few days ago so Daniel didn't forget important stuff like toothbrush, enough underwear and socks. At the time, he didn't think he'd need a reminder list, but it turned out to be useful. There was a lot to pack for ten days! He couldn't remember needing so much when he had been big. Even when he'd gone away for longer, he never seemed to pack that many clothes. Not to mention everything else Jack demanded go on the list.

“Spare glasses, check. Why would I break my glasses?” He shrugged and after a moment of hesitation, put them into the bag. “Shampoo, check.” It looked like he had packed everything.

Now to his backpack. Books. Amab. And his new settler game. The laptop was already in its carry bag. His pbone. And the power charger. Should he take a jigsaw? Nah. Then again...

Daniel gazed at his shelf and spotted a new jigsaw he hadn't done yet. It was a 1000 piece puzzle showing the Lost City, as it was believed to be. Underwater ruins surrounded by fish and deep sea. After a moment of consideration, he tried to stuff it into his pack as well, but it was too big. He'd just carry it separately then. 

Jack called him for breakfast just as Daniel wrestled with the zipper of his backpack.

He sniffed as he ran down the hall. Pancakes? He loved pancakes. Except his stomach was a little queasy this morning. He hadn't slept very well last night either.

When he sat at the kitchen table, he looked at the pancake on his plate and was sure he wouldn't be able to eat anything.

Daniel suppressed a sigh.

Sometime in the middle of the night he hadn't been able to resist any longer and had crawled into Jack's bed, which he usually only did when he had one of those creepy nightmares about Antarctica, Svartil or Anubis. Sometimes his nightmares were about his first childhood. Curiously enough, those were even worse than the others. But no nightmares last night. Not even a coughing fit. He had just felt anxious and Flyboy hadn't been able to make him feel better.

Jack had just rolled over to make room for Daniel, mumbled something about cold feet, and went back to sleep. Sleeping with Jack had always calmed him even when he'd been big. And it worked wonders now, too.

He wondered if BD missed sharing a bed with his Jack a lot. Not the way Daniel would miss it now, of course. He wondered if BD missed Jack in the grown-up ways...

“Daniel?”

“Huh?”

“Are you going to eat or just sit there and stare a hole into your pancake?” 

Daniel took fork and knife in his hands and started cutting the pancake into pieces. Little pieces. Jack made great pancakes. It was fun to watch him make them, too. He'd throw them into the air so they took a loop and then landed back in the pan. And he almost never missed.

He was going to miss Jack. Not in the grown-up way, but in all the other ways.

Suddenly there was a lump in Daniel's throat. At the same time, he got angry with himself. He had looked forward to staying with Jackson, Teal'c and Sam. Last night when Jack had finally allowed him to live at BD's house, he had felt euphoric about it.

Ten days.

Not long. Just a week and a few days. He shouldn't be such a baby about it.

He could have gone with Jack anyway. If he'd really wanted to. But he chose not to, and Jack had to go, so Daniel would make the best of it.

He blinked away something annoyingly wet while Jack gently took fork and knife out of his hands and laid them on the table. “You killed it, kiddo. There's no need to torture it any further.”

Daniel blinked again and gazed down at the mess he had made on his plate. “Sorry. I'm not hungry,” he said once he was sure his voice wouldn't betray him. What came out of his mouth still sounded squeaky.

Jack picked up a few small slices of pancake with the fork and held it out to Daniel. “Just a few bites, okay? Don't want you to throw up the cough syrup.”

He automatically opened his mouth and swallowed the sweet mass while his mood continued to slope downhill.

Oh, man, he really had no reason to be so negative. One should think Daniel was old enough to survive a few days without Jack. On the contrary, it would be refreshing to get away from Mister Mother-hen for a while. It was going to be fun.

So he'd will his kid side to shut up right now.

Suddenly realizing he had let Jack feed him half a pancake, Daniel snatched the fork out of the older man's hand and glared for good measure. “What do you think you're doing?”

“Getting some breakfast into you?” Jack blinked, then looked down at the fork and the half-empty plate. “Uh. Sorry. But you must've been light years away. Can't blame a guy for taking his opportunities.” 

“Obviously. Or you'd never get away with feeding me.” Daniel felt the heat rise in his cheeks as he ate another forkful of pancake and then grabbed the small cup of cough syrup Jack had put next to his plate. Grimacing, he swallowed down the gross strawberry-tasting kid's medicine. 

Jack took his plate away, emptied it into the trash and rinsed it. Daniel eyed the stack of pancake still on the table and realized that Jack hadn't eaten much either.

Pushing away all the threatening dark thoughts, he rose and carried their coffee mugs over to the sink where Jack was cleaning the dishes. They didn't leave dirty dishes in the dishwasher when they were leaving for a mission or vacation.

“I called BD and told him we'd be over in an hour. You packed everything?” Jack asked as he handed Daniel a towel to dry the plates.

“Yeah. I checked back with the list this morning.”

“Sweet. Don't forget to put your meds in your backpack.”

“Okay.”

“Closed your bedroom window?”

“Check.”

“Made your bed?”

“Nobody's going to sleep in it while I'm gone.” 

Jack snorted.

Daniel carefully dried his favorite coffee mug and placed it on the counter so Jack could put it away.

“Maybe I'll be back early. Depends on how much work I have to do. How bad the roof leak is. There were some pretty nasty storms. I have to check on the boat and probably paint the deck. And check the pipes. You know they freeze easily over winter.” 

“Don't forget the cobwebs.” Daniel said. “There're lots of cobwebs.” Each spring they'd gone to Minnesota for the first time of the year, they spent hours sweeping and dusting to get rid of the cobwebs everywhere. Spiders loved to have their winter quarters at Jack's cabin. 

“Yeah. And check the chimney for squirrel nests.”

“And look out for raccoons living in the shed.” Daniel smiled.

“Or that.” 

He felt his hair being ruffled. “Go, make your bed. I'll clean up here.”

***

Daniel, or rather Jackson these days, or BD, took a last glance around his office before he grabbed his crutches and went into the kitchen to set up a fresh pot of coffee. He could mostly walk on the cast now, but in the early mornings and late evenings, the ankle hurt a lot more than during the day, so he used the crutches then.

Little Daniel would have to help pull out the hide-away-bed, but everything else was ready. He had made space for the boy's books and clothes or whatever else he was going to bring.

When Jack had called last night to say he had changed his mind, Daniel wondered if his younger self had talked rings around Jack until he had felt compelled to give in.

It would be nice to spend some time with LD, which was what Jack had started to call his Daniel recently when they were all together. Only Jack could come up with nicknames like that. Well, at least he didn't call them Tweedledee and Tweedledum, which would be much more embarrassing. On the other hand, they weren't anything like the always-arguing twins from Alice in Wonderland.

He had to admit it was kind of nice to get nicknames again. Though he wasn't sure if Future Boy, Toto or BD were any more flattering than Plant Boy, Rock Boy or Space monkey. Okay, Space monkey had always been cute. Not that he would ever admit it to Jack, not in either time line.

Jack had called him a lot more – in another lifetime.

Yep, getting nicknames again was nice.

Still contemplating names and nicknames, BD listened to the gurgling of his coffee maker. He had once possessed an espresso machine, which had been like heaven. He still remembered the aroma of the freshly ground beans and fresh-brewed coffee, cappuccino or espresso. Jack had given it to him for his birthday one year.

It was now at Jack's house. Daniel had seen it on Christmas. Had even gotten his coffee from it.

Things like that were still awkward.

Maybe he would give in to his addiction and indulge himself with the luxury of a new, fancy espresso machine one day.

Through his kitchen window, he spotted Jack's truck. It was a mild morning and he had woken to the birds singing outside his bedroom window. It was nice to have his own garden. It didn't look like much right now, but there were two birch trees and once a new lawn was put in, it might be nice to sit outside on the deck and work on his laptop on summer evenings.

BD made his way to the door and reached it just in time to see Daniel and Flyboy already standing outside. Jack was still at the truck, getting out a large duffel bag

When BD opened the door, he braced himself for the dog who happily jumped up and slammed his forepaws against his chest. “Hey, hey, hey... down,” he gasped. When Flyboy didn't react, he repeated the command more sharply in Egyptian as he tried to keep his balance on one crutch, his other hand clamped around the door.

It was funny, actually. The dog was able to follow commands in English just fine. Jack had worked with him on that. But whenever Daniel dealt with him, he seemed to expect to be talked to in Egyptian.

Reluctantly the black dog dropped on all fours again, his tail still wagging.

“Hi! Oh, sorry... he's just happy to see you.” LD grabbed Flyboy's collar, and BD stepped aside to let them in.

“No harm done. You can drop your backpack in the office.” Daniel grinned.

The answered “'kay,” followed by some coughing, came from somewhere in the house as LD and the dog dashed down the hall.

“Hey, you okay?” Jack brushed past Daniel and put the bag down. “Dog's been all excited since we started packing. Little anxious, too. He'll calm down once he gets that all his Daniels are staying with him.”

He closed the door. “I'm fine. When we lived in Egypt, he went and came whenever he wanted. But he always acted like we hadn't seen each other in ages when  _I_ left and came back.”

Jack gave him a little smile, the one where just the edges of his lips twitched a little, but his eyes went soft for a moment. “He's good for Daniel.”

“I know.”

“Once he's upsized, you'll get the beast back,” Jack said. “If you want him.”

“We'll see.” Daniel smiled. “I made coffee,” he offered as they made their way to the kitchen.

“Nice.”

Daniel got three cups out while Jack retrieved the coffee pot and the milk. For a moment he was amazed – and not for the first time, since they saw each other on a more regular basis now - how much of a déjà vu moment this was. Jack hanging out in his kitchen, knowing where everything was, helping himself to drinks... Of course Jack had helped unpacking some of the boxes and putting things away so he should know where everything was.

Just for a blink of an eye, Daniel felt the realities shift and he was thrown back into... before... when Jack had been “his” Jack...

He blinked, and there was Jack, standing in his brand-new kitchen, pouring them both a coffee. The mugs were new, too, as were the plates, pots and everything Daniel needed in his house. It all still felt a bit unfamiliar to him even though he'd been living here several weeks now. But he didn't have any 'used' items from a former place. Everything from flatware and cooking equipment to toothbrush and clothes he'd had to buy from his first couple of pay checks. And there was still stuff he needed like more books and another bookshelf and – there was a list somewhere.

Since the shrinking incident, Jack's hair had turned more salt than pepper. There were more lines in his face, too. Once Daniel had been re-sized in his time line he couldn't believe that he had lost the memories of over a year. And yet he'd seen the truth in Jack's face and hair. It had been disturbing at first then.

But in the end the changes didn't make Jack less gorgeous.

“You want sugar?”

“Huh? Uh... yeah... sure.”

Jack got the sugar from a shelf. “Two, right?”

“Right.” He had never changed his coffee habits. 

When they sat at the table, Jack raised his left eyebrow at him. “Are you sure about this?”

“Yes, Jack. Are you sure about going to the cabin?” he shot back, knowing he had hit a sore spot when the brown eyes in front of him hardened.

“I'll deal.”

“You really want to sell it when it's fixed up?”

When Jack didn't answer, Daniel continued, “You could just wait and see how things turn out when he's big again.”

“Oh, I don't know. It's supposed to be another year and a half, give or take a few months. And I won't get him to go up there as long as he's a kid. The place is probably better off in someone else’s hands.” 

“Maybe I'd like to go. In the summer...”

Jack stared. “What?”

“As you know, I won't fish. But since there're no fish in your pond, that wouldn't be a problem. And I can't buy it from you because I don't have much money left right now, so it'll still be yours. But you could let me spend my vacations up there, and I'll do all the work. Fix stuff, keep it clean and cut the grass, paint your deck...”

“Whoa, slow down there,” Jack cut him off. “Are you telling me you'd be okay with staying at the cabin? With all that... memory crap and... all the,” Jack waved his hand between them, “...stuff,” he ended lamely. 

“No. No, I'm not. But I can get used to it, I guess. I got used to living here.” 

To seeing Jack every day but not being allowed to touch. Unless he was close to dying, of course. It had been the big exception. The only other time Jack had touched him had been on New Year’s Eve when they'd been alone out on his roof deck. Extreme situations or Jack being a little drunk had some upsides.

Things were getting better between them, little by little.

Daniel adapted. It was what he did. It didn't mean he was happy or overly satisfied with the situation, but he lived with it. Sometimes he wondered why the little him had so much trouble adjusting.

“Right,” Jack said.

“Just... think about it while you're there. I'd be able to take care of it for you. I'm not going off world, and I have more free weekends.” Daniel didn't know where this idea had come from. It was suddenly there, like a light bulb had gone on in his head. “It looks like I won't go anywhere. The Alpha Site job is off. So... I have the time.”

“You don't know that. They might put you on one of the teams after all. If that's what you want.”

“What makes you think that?” 

“I'm just saying. You did good on Abydos.” 

“I pushed you to stop Anubis, we got caught, captured, tortured... how's that good?”

“I let you push me,” Jack said quietly. “Could've worked.”

“Meaning?”

“Look. I didn't exactly suggest anything to Hammond. But I could. If you want me to,” Jack blurted out.

“You'd recommend me for a team?” 

Jack gave a one shoulder shrug. “Sure.”

This was coming so totally unexpected, Daniel couldn't wrap his head around it. It wasn't an offer to join SG-1... which Daniel wouldn't out of respect for the little him. But he knew Jack. If Jack wanted Daniel to go through the gate again, it meant Jack was actually okay with him being here.

At the SGC.

Coming from Jack O'Neill this was huge. It meant that Jack...

liked him....

...accepted him, respected Daniel's place in this time line. Expected him to stay for the time being.

Daniel fought hard not to let his expression slip as he drank his coffee. “I don't know what I want, yet.” He managed to sound calm and casual.

Jack gave a nod and dropped the subject. “Anyway... you just give T. a call if the little bug makes you tear out your hair. Bald doesn't look good on you.”

The “little bug” chose that moment to enter the kitchen, lured in by the smell of coffee. Flyboy followed and placed himself down by Jack's feet.

“I heard that,” LD grumbled as he filled his own cup. He sniffed at his black coffee, then put his two sugars into it. Daniel wondered if he had ever looked that blissful with a coffee in his hand. 

“Hey, I can smell the coffee again,” LD announced and took his first sip. 

“Thank god, there's no life in danger anymore.” Jack snorted and pushed the cream over to him.

LD stuck his tongue out at Jack and coughed a little.

“Make sure he takes his meds at least three more days, even if he tells you the cough syrup tastes like crap or that he doesn’t need the nasal spray anymore. As long as he produces all this snot and mucus...”

“Ja-ack...”

“He's right though. The cough syrup tastes like crap,” Jack admitted. 

“I made him try it when he told me I was just making a fuss and if it tasted like strawberry, it couldn't be that bad,” LD said, finally pouring cream into his coffee until Jack stopped glaring at him.

“I sympathize. You still have to take it.” Jack replied cold-heatedly. 

Daniel watched the colonel and the kid, seeing through the mild banter as if through glass. In the past few weeks, Big Daniel had gotten an insight into Jack and Little Daniel’s interactions. Things seemed easy between them on the surface. Still, little scenes like yesterday’s outburst had given him a glimpse at how hard they must have worked to get to that point and how they still worked to keep a balance.

When Jack finally prepared to leave, Daniel observed the two of them as they continued their verbal dance, painfully aware that it was the same old ritual that had always been normal between the two of them. This was the friendly, domestic family form of Jack/Daniel talk for “I love you and will miss you.”

“Be good. If you get into any trouble, you're grounded till you're big again.” Jack said, voice gruff, as he ruffled LD's blond mop of hair.

“Not even you could be that cruel.” 

“Try me.” 

They hugged hard, and Jack cupped the back of Daniel's head with one of his large hands, then tenderly squeezed the nape of his neck. “I'll call when I'm at the motel. I think I can make it to Omaha today.”

“That's over 9 hours. Are you sure you can stay awake that long without me poking you from time to time?” 

“Says the guy who always falls asleep as soon as we reach the Interstate.” Jack started poking LD's ribs until he giggled. 

The dog received several back rubs, and Big Daniel was treated to the short version of the “How to Take Proper Care of Little Daniel” speech, plus another one of those little smiles. Then they both watched Jack O'Neill walk off to his truck.

I

Little Daniel woke up when Flyboy nudged his shoulder and snuffled into his ear, then licked it. It was their morning ritual. And, of course, Flyboy had a thing about licking ears.

Half-asleep, Daniel put his arms around his dog and mumbled a morning greeting, wondering what time it was. Usually Jack would be up before Daniel, puttering around in the kitchen.

He'd come and wake Daniel soon. And if Jack was in a good mood, he might bring him a mug of coffee, too. Sometimes he did that, just to spoil him a little, even though he would deny it with his last breath.

Smiling, Daniel yawned and stretched, one of his arms still hugging Flyboy's neck, when he suddenly realized that he wasn't in his own bed. It smelled like freshly painted walls and new wooden furniture. It was the smell of a new house.

Big Daniel's house.

He sat up and rubbed both hands through his sleep-messy hair. The sunlight filtered through the drawn shades of the window. He pushed the covers aside and scrambled out of bed.

A look at his watch told him it was only six thirty.

Wow, that was early.

Daniel was no morning person. Not even now that he was a kid. He’d heard that most little kids were up with the birds, but never wanted to go to bed with them. Well, Daniel never went to bed with the birds, but he definitely wasn't getting up with them either. Not if he could avoid it.

However, he didn’t think he’d be able to go back to sleep, even though it was still too early to get up.

Yawning again, he opened the door and peered out into the hall. All was quiet, so he assumed BD was still asleep. He made his way into the bathroom, Flyboy at his heels. It wasn't easy to pee in a small room like this when your dog decided to keep you company. But Daniel wasn't awake enough yet to do anything about that. When he was done and had washed his hands, he let Flyboy into the back yard.

Daniel stood by the open door and watched his dog run around for a bit. He started to shiver in the cold morning air. Deciding that Flyboy would find his way back in alone, he left the door open and returned to his room to put on some sweats. And socks. He felt his feet getting cold on the wooden floor.

When he was more or less dressed he went to the kitchen where he met his adult self. Big Daniel leaned against the counter, bleary-eyed, only wearing a tee and boxers.

The coffee machine was running. Jackson was holding a white mug in his hand like he was waiting for some life-saving drug to be delivered to him. Well, it was. The only thing that helped Daniel survive early morning hours. Any morning hours.

“Hey,” Daniel muttered. “Mind if I get a mug, too?”

BD blinked, then mumbled something and turned to get a mug out of the upper cupboards. “Here,” he said hoarsely as he handed it to Daniel.

“Thanks.”

They waited in comfortable silence for the machine to finish. Daniel looked at his adult self from under his eyelashes, noticing the dark morning shadow on his jaw and around his mouth. He suddenly remembered that he used to shave every day to avoid stubble. Jack had liked Daniel's whiskers on occasion though.

LD blinked and gazed into his empty mug.

When the coffee maker was done they sat at the table and enjoyed their hot drink. BD rubbed a hand over his face and grinned a little sheepishly. “Sorry. I'm not used to having company this early in the mornings anymore. You know...“

“It's okay. Not talking is okay. It's fine,” Daniel said, sipping his coffee.

“That's... good.” After a pause, Jackson asked, “Do you want some breakfast?”

Oh, wow. He had gotten used to be asked what he wanted for breakfast, but not IF he wanted any. At home it was usually;  _You can have breakfast here or at the commissary, but you'll have breakfast._

This was nice. “Later, maybe.”

“Oh, okay. I'll feed the dog then.” With another yawn, he got up and prepared the bowls for Flyboy. “Where is he anyway? I didn't hear him.”

“Oh, I let him out.”

As if on cue, the black dog trotted in and parked himself in front of his bowls, eagerly enjoying his breakfast.

Big Daniel slumped down on his chair again. “You have to make sure the front gate is closed before you let him out, okay? I checked on it last night. But just in case I forget...”

“Okay.”

They had spent yesterday unpacking LD's things, and later Sam had come over to take them shopping. Jackson really was swift on his cast, taking only one of the crutches with him, more as an alibi than really using it, as he'd trudged along through the grocery store. Again, Daniel wondered if he’d had such broad shoulders and biceps when he had been big. It seemed like such a long time ago.

He guessed that if he were still grown up, he'd call this guy a hunk.

Jack would.

Probably.

Of course, it was plain weird to think of oneself as a hunk.

So he should leave this trail of thought. It was too early for this kind of musing anyway.

They also had worked on the mural some more. It really looked cool. The sky was completed and the acropolis received its first layer of spraying as well. Today they would put another layer over it, and in the afternoon they'd work with fine brushes to draw creases, cracks and other patterns so it really resembled stone in its looks. 

Then they had ended the day with pizza. Jack had called around ten, letting them know he was at a motel – and so he could send Daniel to bed. Of course, he'd just been teasing when he said he called to read Daniel a bedtime story. But Daniel had felt all warm and cozy when he'd gone to bed half an hour later. And a little sad, too. But only a little bit.

  
  


Later, when Sam arrived, they were both dressed and much more awake. Sam dropped a paper bag on the kitchen table and announced cheerfully, “Breakfast time. I brought bagels with cheese, orange juice and fruit plates. You didn't eat yet, did you? I didn't.”

“She's scary,” BD told Daniel in a stage whisper. “Whenever SG-1 isn't off world, she brings me breakfast.”

“Do you think she took mother-henning lessons?” Daniel whispered back.

Sam just laughed and helped herself to a cup of coffee. “Don't get used to it, Daniel. When our leave is over, our mission schedule gets much tighter than it was before. I'm afraid you're on your own again then.”

Little Daniel felt his stomach churn for a moment, but tried to ignore it.

SG-1 had never stopped going off world when he got shrunk, even though Jack had cut back on his mission schedule some. Sam, Teal'c and Baxter had gone through the gate alone or with other teams more often over the last months while Jack stayed on base, doing paperwork and training new recruits. He also supervised simulations for pilots in handling the F-302. It was the new toy of the AF, an intercept fighter jet which had the capability of interstellar travel via a hyperspace window.

They never talked about it, but Daniel was sure Jack missed going off world with his team full time. He was a man of action, hated paperwork with a passion and needed his “kids” in sight so he could watch their sixes. General Hammond would be glad as well once he had his flagship team back full time.

Maybe if Daniel and BD got along great during these ten days, Jack could go through the gate on a regular basis again without worrying about Daniel being alone on base.

If only Daniel himself could stop worrying so much.

If only he could stop being so selfish. He’d never been like this before. His own needs had never mattered that much, but everything was different now. On Abydos, when he had thought Jack was dead, he'd realized this full force. He needed Jack to stay on Earth as much as possible so he was safe. Safe for Daniel. So Daniel didn't have to live without him one day. It was needy and beneath him to cling to Jack like this.

It scared him.

Just another year and a couple of months until he would be big again.

He'd get through this.

Daniel blinked and forced a smile on his face when Sam placed a plate with bagels and fruit in front of him.

***

The afternoon sun painted everything in a soft golden glow. Jack climbed out of his truck, stretched his cramped back and pulled his sunglasses off. A headache was threatening to develop right above his left eye. Absently rubbing his temple with one hand, he slammed the door shut with the other and then stood there and inhaled the fresh, clean air for a moment.

Trees, earth and recent rain. The smell of vacation, fishing and... peace. Undisturbed and quiet peace.

Jack squared his shoulders, walked around the truck and opened the back door to get out his bags and the tools. There was also a box with groceries he had picked up on his way.

First he had to find the leak in the roof. Wouldn't be too hard. According to Chuck, it was probably a couple of loose shingles. That happened sometimes during the winter when water seeped under the shingles and froze.

Jack walked straight to the front door, unlocked it and hauled his bags into the dark room. The first thing he noticed was the stale air and the smell of mice. Those little critters always came back during the winter, no matter how well he thought he insulated the cabin. He tried the switch next to the door and gave a satisfied grunt when the overhead light went on. At least the electricity still worked.

Leaving the door open, he went back outside and continued unloading the truck. Then he turned on the small fridge in the corner of the large room that served as a den and kitchen. Left to the entrance a door led to the two bedrooms and a bathroom.

Mentally adding a few minor damages to his list of repairs, Jack rounded the house a moment later and opened the heavy wooden storm shutters covering the windows. He should paint the deck and nail a few loose planks here and there. The grass needed cutting and the deck could use some paint as well.

He'd have to get out the boat and take a look at it, too.

When he was back inside, he found a large bucket next to the table. It was full of rain water, probably from last night. Chuck had said he emptied the bucket every few days. There was a wet stain on the ceiling where the water had dribbled through. Jack emptied the bucket outside and put it back in place.

He also spotted cobwebs everywhere. and it was cold in the house even though the March sun was warm.

Jack grimaced and figured he had to sweep out the fireplace first. He hoped there was enough dry firewood left in the shed from last... no, they hadn't been here last year.

The year before.

Jack went straight to work. He checked the chimney for raccoons and bats, cleaned the fireplace and hauled in the firewood. Once he had started a fire, he slumped down on the worn old couch, retrieved his cell from his leather jacket and pressed speed dial for Little Daniel's phone.

When Daniel answered, Jack felt the first smile of the day curling his lips. “Hey, kiddo. How's it going?”

Daniel greeted him cheerfully, then yelled out at someone – probably the whole gang was there, “It's Jack! He's there!” After a short pause, he asked, “You are there, right? You're okay?”

“Yep. I'm good. Just unloaded everything and let some air in. What'cha doing?”

“Oh, we painted some. And I went to base with Sam and Daniel. I'm stuck on a translation for SG-6 and they need it tomorrow so I brought it home with me. BD says he'll help but he doesn't have a real clue either. It's something complicated...” Daniel paused. Jack assumed he finally remembered he needed to breathe in between. He coughed a few times, before continuing more calmly, “Um, anyway, I'm fine.” 

“Sweet.” Jack leaned back on the couch and felt the familiar coil springs poke his ass. The room lay in semi-darkness now. He suspected it wasn't that dark yet. The windows needed cleaning. “There's a lot of work to do here. You were right about the cobwebs, too.”

“Mice?”

“Yeah. But the chimney is free. Fire's going good.” Jack listened to the crackling of the dry wood.

“The mouse traps are in the shed.” 

“I know.”

There was a pause, and then Daniel said, “I think I left a book in the bedroom. Can you bring it?”

“Sure.”

“'kay.” Daniel's voice sounded very small, and Jack closed his eyes for a moment, trying to find the right words to get them back on solid ground. “Hey, don't work all night, you hear me?”

“Jaaack.” There was a smile audible in that whine.

“Daaaniel.”

“Stop that.”

“What?”

“That!”

“What?”

Jack grinned when he heard a giggle from Daniel. “Don't be silly, Jack.”

“I can't help it. It's in the O'Neill genes. And I think it's contagious.”

“Yeah, right. Hey, I have to go. Big Daniel is calling me for dinner. We actually do eat. Aren't you impressed?”

“Smart ass.”

“Mother hen.”

“Uh... baby chick?”

Daniel snorted.

They said goodbye, and when Jack shut his phone down, he realized for the first time how quiet it really was around here.

***

“I don't think this is an Ancient dialect,” Little Daniel said, rubbing his eyes and stifling a yawn.

“No, you're right. It almost looks like…” Big Daniel mumbled, staring at his small friend’s computer screen. 

“An obscure dialect of one of the Romance languages. But that means this is younger than modern Latin... since the Romance languages descended from modern Latin. It doesn't look very familiar though.”

“It can be anything. Romance languages are part of the Indo-European family. Maybe it's a mix between...”

Little Daniel held up a small hand to stop BD from talking. He frowned and then zoomed in on a particular portion of the text. “This makes no sense. It looks all wrong.”

“Yeah, but still familiar.”

They glared at the screen. Dictionaries, phonetic books and books about ancient languages covered the coffee table and floor, papers with scribbled notes scattered in between.

Little Daniel yawned again. “I almost get it. Just...” He suddenly slammed a hand on the table and cursed loudly in Arabic.

“Hey, you okay?” Big Daniel glanced at his watch and frowned. It was long after midnight. Where had the time gone? He hadn't intended to work so long. He gazed at LD and wondered if he should send him to bed or let him be. Oh, he knew what Jack would do. But he wasn't Jack and he felt a little odd sending himself to bed. 

However, the mini-him looked pretty beat.

“Fine.” LD grumbled.

“We'll figure it out. You could... I don't know... get some sleep maybe. And I'll try to make sense of this,” Daniel suggested.

Icy blue eyes glared at him. “This is my job.”

“I know, I know.” He raised his hand in a conciliatory gesture. “I'm not taking it away from you.”

“I'll figure it out.”

“I just want to help.”

Daniel watched LD cross his arms over his chest and gnaw on his bottom lip. “Okay. We tried reading it from left to right, from right to left, from upwards down and vice versa...”

“Wait a minute.” Daniel bent forward and studied the text graphic more closely. “It's mirrored,” he blurted out. 

“What?” LD stared at the letters.

“Yes! Look... This is a Romance language... we just couldn't read it because each letter is turned around. Mirror writings. See this?” Daniel grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. LD looked over his shoulder as he scribbled down parts of the text, turning the letters around. “Here... This means... Keeper. And here... of the graves. Keeper of the graves.”

LD nodded and put a finger on the screen, following the lines of text as he read, lips moving silently. Then he nodded again. “Okay. I can do it from here. Thanks.”

Daniel blinked and tried not to read too much into the curt answer. He cleared his throat. “It's a lot of text. You could...”

“I need it to be done tomorrow for the briefing at 9:30.” Again the boy's voice was clipped. Without looking at Daniel, he grabbed a notebook and pen. 

Daniel watched his younger self as he started writing the symbols down fast. His handwriting was different now that he was a child. It was still neat, but the letters were bigger and looked more like a kid’s writing. It didn't lack efficiency though.

He wondered if LD was mad because it hadn't be him who had decoded the text first or if he was just tired and overreacted. It was late, and the small body needed much more sleep than his own. It made perfect sense. He even remembered LD telling him about that, the last time he had spent a night here.

According to Jack he should have sent Little Daniel to bed around ten.

“It's 0:30. Let's go to bed.” he msaid, hoping it didn't sound too patronizing.

“I probably need an hour.” LD started coughing and grimaced as he rubbed his temples. 

“I'm not ordering you to go to bed. I'm just saying. If you get up early enough, you'll be able to finish this tomorrow morning.” 

LD sighed and, with a few angry mouse clicks, saved the graphic and shut his laptop down. He gathered his papers and stacked them on top of the computer.

“You're not going to finish it for me. I'll do it myself,” he snarled.

“Hey, I won't do your work. Calm down. It'll still be here in the morning.” 

The kid glared at him for a moment longer and then scampered off from the couch. “Nite.”

“Sleep well. You know where to find me in case you have nightmares or need anything,” Daniel said, trying to keep his voice light.

LD nodded and left without another word. Flyboy, who had been sleeping next to the couch, got up slowly and trotted after his friend.

“Okay. What was that?” Daniel said to the empty room. 

All kids got cranky if they stayed up too long. At least, as far as he knew. Not that he knew a lot about kids. Not that LD was a real kid. But his body was little. So...

After a moment of puzzled thinking, he decided it was too late to get to the bottom of this.

He used the bathroom and stopped at his office on the way to his bedroom. Slowly he opened the door and peered into the dark room. In the light from the hall, he could see Flyboy raise his head. The dog let out a low friendly snuff, then settled down again. LD was nothing more than a lump under the blankets.

Feeling a little like an intruder, Daniel opened the door wider, walked in and stopped next to the couch bed. The kid was curled up on his side, Amab pressed to his body. His nose nuzzled the monkey's fur. BD reached out to stroke the blond hair and then snatched his hand back. He didn't want to wake LD. So he just patted the dog and left.

As he got ready for bed, his thoughts still circled around the mini outburst of his young counterpart. He knew about LD's attitude problems and his troubles adjusting to being a kid... or to being treated like one. Though he seemed to be pretty reasonable now – considering the circumstances he had to live in.

While Daniel had seen LD mouthing off to Jack from time to time over the last few weeks, there hadn't been any trouble like this the last time LD had stayed over for the night. And it wasn't really difficult to get cross with Jack. Especially if you were caught in an eight-year-old body with the mind of a grown-up man. And even more so when the guy you were living with was as stubborn, overprotective and – at times – patronizing as Jack O'Neill.

On the other hand, this little Daniel seemed to have a lot more fun than he'd had in his real childhood. He roughhoused with Jack and the dog, giggled with Sam and got lots of hugs and hair ruffles, which he didn't seem to mind at all, especially coming from Jack.

Once, when they had painted the hallway, Little Daniel had started a paint fight with Teal'c and gotten everyone else involved as well. Daniel grinned at the memory of how they had all been covered in yellow paint, laughing hysterically. Jack had promised later he'd take them all out to paintball shooting as soon as Daniel's cast would come off.

It had been one of those moments where Daniel felt like he was part of it all. And he silently thanked the kid for that. He didn't take it for granted that he was included in their family again. He was the odd man out and at first he had chosen to keep his distance. But of course, it wasn't as easy as that. It never was. Not with SG-1. Nor with Jack, who couldn't seem to decide if he wanted him in his life or not.

Though Jack had quit acting cold and indifferent toward Daniel after Christmas and even more so since their return from Abydos, he still sensed the vibes of mixed emotions coming from the older man when they were in the same room. Sometimes it was easy, like old times. Then something would come up, like the accidental sharing of memories, and Jack snapped close like a shell. On the other hand, he was here, refurbishing the house, offering to put the lawn in and relax ed enough to throw yellow paint at Daniel or sit at the kitchen table with him, sipping beer. 

The Abydos mission had brought them closer to each other again.

Abydos seemed to have that effect on them.

It wasn't perfect. Would never be. At least he seemed to be slowly getting a friend back. It had to be enough.

Daniel smiled sadly as he placed the little container with his contact lenses on his nightstand. He lay down and pulled his covers up, wondering if Jack was okay, alone in Minnesota.

 


	2. Ten Days II

**II**

“...they mirrored the writings to keep the secret of the keeper of the grave safe.” Daniel ended his PPP and switched the projector off. “The whole translation and the combinations to open the tomb are in your files. I highlighted the combination and the important parts.”

SG-6 nodded in unison, and Colonel Michaels flashed him a grin. “Good work, LD.”

Daniel frowned. Michaels winced, but couldn't seem to wipe the grin off his face. “Oh, sorry, Daniel. Colonel O'Neill warned me not to call you that, if I wanted to live another day. But it's really a good way to distinguish you from the other... Doctor Jackson.”

“Do you call him BD then?” Daniel asked, raising his eyebrows.

Michaels shrugged. “Sure. He doesn't mind.”

“That's good. Then you can call me Doctor Jackson.” Daniel sneered. 

General Hammond cleared his throat. Giving Daniel a disapproving look, he said, “If there is nothing else, you're dismissed.  _Doctor Jackson_ – thank you for your time.”

SG-6 cleared the room quickly. Daniel blushed and glanced down at his files before he was able to raise his head again and look at Hammond. “Um... sorry, sir. That wasn't really...”

“No, it wasn't. However, I realize you must have spent a lot of time on this translation. You look tired,” the general said in a more gentle manner. 

“I'm fine.” Daniel felt more heat rise in his cheeks. “If you don't mind, sir, I'd like to apologize to Colonel Michaels.”

“You do that, son.” Hammond gave him a little smile and turned to walk to his office.

Daniel grabbed his papers and hurried out. He caught up to SG-6 at the bottom of the stairs to the control room. Michaels was talking to his 2IC about the briefing. Daniel waited until he was done before he tugged at Michaels's arm to get his attention.

When Daniel apologized, Michaels just shrugged it off. “It's okay. I know it’s Jack's new nickname for you. You probably don't like it, huh?”

“Well, it's better than Plant Boy,” Daniel joked.

Michaels laughed and clapped his shoulder. “That's a given.”

“You can call me LD if you like,” Daniel offered with a grin before he hurried out. Michaels might want to hug him or something. And he didn't need that. They weren't that good of friends, really.

Daniel returned to his office and found BD next to his desk, where a tray with a bowl of salad and a brownie appeared to be waiting for him.

“Hey, I thought you might be hungry,” his adult self greeted him.

“We just had breakfast.” Daniel sat down on his desk chair and eyed the brownie. He felt his stomach growl.

“That was actually four hours ago.” 

“Did Sam call and remind you to feed me?” Daniel picked up the brownie and started eating. It was really yummy. And nobody told him to eat some of the salad first.

“Nope.” BD dropped on the couch and stretched out his long legs. “It was Teal'c who called. But I was on my way anyway to... you know... bring you something.”

“Did you eat something?” LD pointed at the salad bowl. “You can have this if you want.”

“I had one myself while you were at the briefling. At the commissary. With Teal'c.” BD grinned a little sheepishly, then changed the subject. “How did the briefing go?”

Daniel gave a short report about his PPP, but didn't mention his little slip with Michaels. Smothering a heavy sigh, he knew there was another apology in order. He had wanted to do it earlier this morning, but couldn't find the right moment and then Sam had shown up with breakfast again.

BD didn't seem to be mad at him, and for a while Daniel had thought he would just pretend nothing had happened as well. But he felt a little bad about it and decided he should bring it up after all.

“I'm sorry about last night,” he managed between two bites of the brownie. “I was very tired and somehow got ticked that it was you who figured out the mirrored writing.”

“Me, you, we... does it matter?” BD smirked, then sobered and bent forward, placing his elbows on his thighs. “I'm no threat to you, Daniel. I won't take credit for your work or try to patronize you. I've helped you before, and it was never a problem. Let's not start a competition... about anything, okay?”

Daniel swallowed. He didn't usually feel like BD was a threat to him. Not anymore. Yet, for a moment last night, he had been mad at him. For decoding the language and for being able to concentrate so much longer. Daniel had felt exhausted.

He wasn't used to staying up that late anymore either.

It had crashed down on him again, last night, how different his life was now. Even with all the things Jack turned a blind eye to, like the coffee and staying up far longer than most kids his age would... having full access to his laptop and the Internet... still being able to do his job at the SGC with his own office and everyone taking him seriously... Even with all the freedom he still had, he was annoyingly aware – again – of Jackson's advantages over him.

Daniel thought he'd gotten over this. He remembered the last time it had bothered him was before their mission to Antarctica. When it had become clear that BD would stay at the SGC and not go to Nevada to work at Area 51 or at the Alpha site. But over the following months, he had come to terms with BD being around and really liked spending time with him.

Of course it had been difficult to watch Jackson go through the gate with SG-1 when they'd gone to Abydos. But it had been necessary, and Daniel had tried hard not be bothered by it too much.

“I was just tired,” he repeated. “I'm not competing with you.” 

Not that he'd stand a chance anyway.

“So, no more working into the night for you then,” Big Daniel said matter-of-fact.

“You're not Jack, you know.” Daniel had to clarify. 

“I don't pretend to be.” 

“I can work at night. Just not that long.” Daniel finished his brownie and reluctantly reached for the bowl of salad to take a few bites. 

Big Daniel rose and held out his hand. “Okay. I promise I won’t go paternal on you if you promise not to take everything I suggest the wrong way. Deal?

Daniel shook BD's large hand. “Deal.”

They grinned at each other, and to his relief Daniel felt the tension ease at once.

“I'll go to the infirmary. I have a very important appointment.” BD said. 

“Your walking cast?”

“Yep. Cross your fingers Janet doesn't have second thoughts about it.”

“All crossed,” Daniel replied, showing his right hand, fingers crossed.

***

Jack carefully shifted his body into a more comfortable position. Despite the sun shining from a cloudless sky, he felt the cold on his arms and underneath his butt as he sat astride the roof. He made a note to himself to bundle up next time he had to spend a couple of hours outside. He put the hammer aside and took a closer look at the shingles he needed to replace. They were macerated from the frost. He had to remove two heavy branches from the oak tree in front of the cabin from the roof before he could start working. Probably ripped off the tree by a storm.

Jack threw the damaged shingles over the rim of the roof and watched them crash down to the ground near the tree.

It hadn't rained during the night, so he'd decided to tackle the roof first. Climbing on a wet roof wasn't a bright idea, and even though there was no rain forecast, he wouldn't take any chances.

He cursed when he bent forward and felt a stabbing pain in his back. He had slept on the couch in front of the fire last night. That loose spring coil must've poked into his kidneys. He had spent the evening setting the mouse traps and drinking beer. Had kept the fire going so it was at least warm in the room. Somewhere down the line, he had dozed off which had led to waking up this morning, feeling like eighty instead of fifty.

Using a tapping tool, he gently tapped the new wood shingles into place. When he had driven the nails in and made sure all the shingles fit and held, he straightened and let his gaze wander over his pond, the dock and the trees surrounding the cabin.

The grass really needed cutting. It was longish, but brown and ugly due to rain and snow. There were weeds everywhere, and the wild blackberry bush by the small shed seemed to have exploded over the last summer. It had grown all over the place. He'd have to prune that down.

Daniel used to be on a mission when they'd come here in late summers. Armed with an empty milk container and wearing thick gloves, a long-sleeved shirt and jeans, he had wrestled with the thorny bush and plundered it mercilessly of its dark, rich berries. Jack used to coat them in lots of sugar and the next day they had them for dessert.

Before Daniel, it had been Jack's duty to pick the blackberries for Sara so she could press juice which, according to her, was the healthiest thing in the world. Charlie had hated blackberry juice and Jack, too, preferred the sugar-coated berries. Of course, they'd never escaped the juice.

Jack shook his head. Coming back out here again was almost like returning to the cabin after Charlie's death. Though Daniel wasn't dead. Daniel was just shrunk. Which was a hell of a difference. Daniel was still here, still breathing and annoying the crap out of him occasionally.

Jack shouldn't dwell on memories.

And he hadn't. Not in a very long time. Not until just right now while he was staring at the wild blackberry bush and almost  _felt_ the tangy and yet sugary taste explode on his tongue again,  _saw_ Daniel's red mouth, his tongue licking off the juice from his own lips as they were sitting on the porch or at the dock, eating those black, thick berries...

O'Neill cursed again, utterly satisfied that he could do so without offending anybody. Not that either Daniel was offended by bad language or that Jack really had to watch his mouth around the Wretch. It was far too late for that anyway. Still, he felt oddly good at the thought that he could probably yell his frustration from the roof at the top of his lungs and nobody would hear him.

He could do it naked, too. The only downside would be that he'd freeze his ass off at this time of year. The thought made him chuckle.

He should be grateful for what he had, stop whining about what he'd lost and finish the friggin' roof.

Jack looked over the other side of the cabin, into the endless woods. There wasn't much green yet, but in a month or two, the trees would look like a green blanket covering the hillside.

These were actually the only trees he really liked. No pesky, ugly aliens hiding in there.

Later, after he had put away the ladder and the old shingles, Jack fixed lunch and debated whether to call his kid or not. The not-voice won. He'd probably get mad if Jack called him every day. Then again, Daniel also might miss him. Might want to be called without admitting it. With Daniel, you never knew. Jack decided to wait till after dinner. He started cleaning the house, grimacing at the dust and cobwebs everywhere.

His mind wandered while he swept and dusted the living room. When was the first time he had taken Daniel out here? It seemed like a very long time ago, not just a couple of years.

He didn't want to think about stuff like this. Jack knew he was pretty good at denial if he put his mind to it. But the truth was, there was no need to lie to himself.

Not here.

He was all alone. He realized that he hadn't been alone in a very long time.

The solitude didn't feel particularly bad.

He had long made peace with life as it was now. It wasn't as if he'd lose Daniel once he got big again. He would still have his friend. All Jack would have to fear then was Daniel's wrath if he couldn't stop mother-henning him.

Which was a given.

So how hard could it be to remember a little?

All was peachy.

Lost a lover, got a son, lose the son to get back a friend.

Eeny, meeny, miney, moe...

He had other issues to consider.

He'd have to confront his mini-Daniel with some changes in their lives once they were home again. And he knew that discussion probably wouldn't go over well.

Being here alone was the best opportunity to figure out a few strategic moves and a Plan B if things didn't work out as Jack hoped they would. He had gone as far as discussing his future plans with Doctor Svenson, who actually hadn't been too thrilled about the idea. But Jack had made up his mind and that was that. 

And what he had planned would be best for the kid whether Daniel liked it or not.

Jack decided he needed a beer.

Swiping a cobweb from his brow, he headed to the k itchenette and got a bottle from the fridge. He couldn't find the opener and placed the bottle on the counter. As he rummaged through the drawers he pulled out one of them with a little too much force and ended up holding it in both hands. 

“Crap,” Jack muttered and jiggled it in again carefully so he wouldn't drop it and scatter all its contents, like forks and knives, over the floor. 

It slid in much more smoothly than Jackson's IKEA kitchen drawer.

Remembering their little banter, Jack couldn't suppress a grin. Oh, yeah, Carter's face had been priceless when she’d come in to figure out what exactly they were doing.

Then the grin faltered.

He and Jackson weren't supposed to play games like this.

But it was so damn easy to go with the flow.

Jack had let his guard down on Anubis's ship, had allowed Jackson to walk right into his personal space. But what was he supposed to do? They'd been about to die, and in that holding cell Jack hadn't cared which Daniel was which or how to handle two of them. None of Jack's petty worries had been important anymore. Daniel was his friend, he was hurting and needed Jack, so Jack had been all there.

Now that things had settled, Jack's issues were right back in place, glaring at him, taunting him.

Except he couldn't just pull back from Jackson again now. The little guy wanted them to be friends, believed Jack could do it, could just treat both Daniels like they were what... brothers? Pretending they didn't share the same history...

_Oh, come on_ , he growled at himself,  _You should get over it already. Both Daniels seem to be okay with each other. So why aren’t you? It's not like you have to make Jackson your lover._

Except Jack had never stopped loving Daniel in the first place. There had been no final fight, no argument, no crisis... no ending. Daniel didn't even die.

No closure.

Kawoosh and his lover had become his kid.

Oh, for fuck's sake, he was long over this crap, closure or not.

And he would've been if Jackson would've stayed in goddamn Egypt – or in his time line – in the first place. 

Jack found the opener and sat on the couch to enjoy his beer while he cursed the loud stillness of the cabin. The memories crawled into his mind like shadows or mist. And Jack let them come, realizing this was the only place and time he could probably finally work through all this.

He remembered how he and Daniel had struggled in the beginning with the new setting of their friendship all those years ago. At least Daniel had just been Daniel back then. Not shrunk, not from another time line... Just his Daniel. His brilliant, stubborn best friend...

At first, it had seemed to be a no-go.

He wasn't sure how it all began. He guessed they had always loved each other, even when they had hated each other. The beginning of the real change had just been some harmless bantering in an elevator.

Just as harmless as when he and Jackson had tried to put the drawer back in...

Four years ago.

He recalled being tired, a little worn out after their last mission. He had looked forward to a quiet Friday night with Daniel and beer. Oh, and a hockey game. Pizza maybe. Things had been a bit rough for SG-1 back then, and Jack had planned a chill-out team night for Sunday.

Friday nights, however, had been reserved for Daniel. Period...

_...“You serious about buying dinner?” Jack arched an eyebrow at Daniel, who was busy stuffing a few items into his backpack. A book, his laptop, a journal... everything he needed to get through the hockey game they were going to watch at Jack's place.  _

_Of course, it was just a subterfuge. Jack knew Daniel had at least gathered the basics of hockey and just liked to annoy Jack by pretending to be totally ignorant about every kind of sport. Jack was far from annoyed. Having a Daniel Jackson sit on his couch was always a treat. Not that he would tell him that. Might go straight to the kid's head. Or scare him away._

“ _Sure, why not?”_

“ _You bought last Friday.” Jack shrugged. “It's my turn. Not that I'm complaining or anything...”_

“ _Let's just say you get lucky. And I can choose where we order.” Daniel grinned as he closed his pack._

“ _Ah! Don't tell me... Thai?”_

“ _Yesss,” Daniel hissed triumphantly. “Thai it is.”_

“ _Daniel, we had Thai last week. My taste buds are still numb!”_

“ _I like it. And since I'll pay…” Daniel smirked._

“ _It's my turn,” Jack growled. “And I want pizza.”_

“ _You should actually thank me. My paycheck is bigger than yours. So...”_

_They walked down the corridor towards the elevators. Jack scowled at the smug expression on the younger man's face. When they reached the first lift, two airmen were already waiting there. They stood at attention at the sight of Jack, who nodded and then turned back to Daniel._

“ _Whaddaya mean, yours is bigger than mine, eh?”_

_Daniel blinked, confused for a moment. “What?”_

“ _It's my turn and just because you don't like my choice of...”_

_The tiniest of smiles tugged at Daniel's lips when he said, “Jack, I happen to like it. And you made the rules for this, so...”_

_Jack rolled his eyes. Yeah, yeah, it had been his idea. Whoever paid for dinner got to choose where to order. So sue him. But that wasn't the point here. They stepped into the lift and Daniel put his pack between his feet. Jack glanced at the two airmen, who tried very hard to look like they weren't listening to the conversation. One of them pressed the button for the upper levels where they had to switch elevators to get to the surface._

_Turning back to Daniel, O'Neill muttered, “Yours isn't bigger anyway. I'm a colonel, for crying out loud. How can yours be bigger?”_

“ _I'm telling you, mine's bigger.” Daniel suddenly grinned and then bit down on his lower lip._

_Jack huffed again, leaned back at the elevator wall and crossed his arms over his chest. “Oh, and how do ya know, huh? You checked?”_

_Daniel shrugged and smirked. “Uh... well... actually...” There was a sparkle in those blue eyes._

_The two airmen exchanged a strange look._

_ Jack whined, “Oh, crap, I thought that stuff was private!” _

“ _Yeah, well, when you know how and where to look...” Daniel raised his head again, and their eyes met briefly._

_Daniel smiled. Jack scowled. “Uh... Sooo... It's bigger? You sure about that?”_

“ _Yep. Not by much, though.”_

“ _How much?” Jack spun around to one of the youngsters standing next to him. “Can you believe that? He says his is bigger than mine!”_

_The guy stood at attention, and Jack could see the redness spreading over his face as he stuttered, “No, sir. Very unlikely, sir.”_

_Looking at Daniel again, Jack growled, “See? No way is yours bigger, Book Boy.”_

_Daniel tipped his head back and looked at the ceiling as if there was something interesting there. “We, um... could compare them, you know? If you really don't believe me. It's no big deal.”_

_Jack cocked his head. “Ya think?”_

“ _Yeah, um... and I think we should check for any possible errors... y'know... while we're at it... just to be sure..”_

_The doors to the lift opened, and the two airmen burst out. Jack and Daniel followed close behind. One of the younger men swiped his ID card through the control slot next to the elevator. For a moment they stood in silence as they waited for it to arrive._

“ _Sooo,” Daniel finally drawled, “my place or yours...?”_

“ _Oh, yours. You've got the bigger... you know...” Jack shrugged._

“ _Ah, right... okay. And you don't mind the spicy stuff? Because... it is, after all, your turn, so we could just...”_

“ _Nah, that's okay. I'll bring beer to wash it down.”_

_ The elevator arrived, and Jack waved at the airmen to go first. Both guys stepped right to the back wall of the car. They looked like they wanted to be anywhere, but in the same elevator as Jack and Daniel. At the same time, they cast glances at the colonel and his archaeologist, obviously waiting for the conversation to continue. _

_Jack smirked and bumped Daniel's shoulder. “Hey. You know, once we see for ourselves, we should go get it checked out with the general... I mean, he's got more experience with that stuff.”_

_Daniel bit his full bottom lip so hard, Jack thought he would draw blood anytime. Then he choked out, “Sure, that's... that's a good idea.”_

_Daniel coughed and lowered his gaze again. Jack leaned against the elevator wall and allowed a grin as he caught the covert glances of the two guys and the blush that was now on Daniel's face._

_They parted from the airmen at NORAD. The two of them couldn't get away fast enough. Jack and Daniel crossed the several checkpoints and finally reached the parking lot. Jack stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans, the grin still on his face._

_Next to him, Doctor Jackson snorted. “You're impossible, you know that, Jack? Those poor guys were almost having heart attacks. And what if they're going to take it seriously? You ever thought about that?”_

“ _You started it.” Jack shrugged. “And no one's going to take THAT seriously.”_

“ _Yes, but you had to push it even further.” Daniel laughed as he shook his head._

_O'Neill listened as the sound faded and then returned as his civilian team mate let out something that sounded suspiciously like a chuckle._

“ _You should do that more often, you know,” Jack said, suddenly serious again._

“ _Do what? Have suggestive conversations with you in the elevator? No, thank you. The rumors are bad enough as it is already.”_

“ _Laughing,” Jack replied. “You should laugh more often.” Laughing Daniel came right after blushing Daniel on Jack's list of favorite things that had to do with Doctor Jackson. Annoyed Daniel and really pissed Daniel were somewhere in between those, too. But laughing Daniel was a special treat because it happened far too rarely._

“ _Yeah,” Daniel said, the sparkle gone from his eyes and the laughter dying on his lips. “You too.”_

_ Neither of them had much to laugh about lately. They had stumbled from one hell into another. Their latest trip through the gate had almost ended with Jack being Hathor's happy snake mate and the rest of SG-1 serving as Jaffa. Nope, not laughing here. It had been a rough year with new nightmares and scars for each of them. Most of the time they'd spent on Earth, Jack had either been stuck in the infirmary himself or watching over one of his injured “kids”, Daniel in particular.  _

_When they reached Jack's truck and Daniel's car, Jack said, “I'll be over at nineteen hundred.”_

_He had opened the door to his truck when Daniel said, “You know... I just remembered I have to get a suit from the cleaners and do some grocery shopping.”_

“ _Twenty then?” Jack asked. He got in and pushed the key into the ignition, grabbing for his seat belt with the other hand._

_There was a long pause and when he looked up, Daniel still stood in the same spot, looking at Jack over the hood of his own car, eyes tired. Jack knew what was coming next even before his friend said the words. “Do you mind if we cancel the game tonight?”_

_Jack shrugged. “We don't have to watch the game. We could just... hang out. Sit and talk. Eat. Not talk.” He winced when he saw the guilt flicker over Daniel's face. Crap. Now he was re-considering and probably would give in just because he felt he had let Jack down._

“ _Yeah... sure... we could,” Daniel mumbled._

_Here we go. Daniel had finally dropped some of his “If the world goes down, it's my fault” attitude. But he fell back into it all too easily sometimes._

“ _Hey, don't sweat it. You go home and get some rest. That way, I don't have to eat Thai,” Jack said with a smirk._

_Daniel blinked. “Um, yeah. I... I'm pretty beat. Will hit the sack early. See you on Sunday then.”_

_Jack turned the starter. “Sunday. Dinner's at seven. Don't be late.”_

_On his way home, he tried to ignore the nagging hunch something was very off. It was this gut feeling he’d developed over the last two years when it came to Daniel. Like they were connected somehow. As if he had an antenna on his head that was tuned on Daniel. Like a freaking receiver._

_Which was nonsense. He was just used to being worried and to keeping an eye on the kid. From the very start. Daniel wasn't military and Jack had felt responsible, so he cared... Well, that was crap as well. He was the team leader and therefore felt responsible for all his “kids.” How about... Daniel was his best friend, had grown on him over the time they worked together and Jack knew him better than anybody._

_There. That sounded about right._

_He stopped at the grocery store for beer and then went home, still contemplating. Sometimes he felt like he was getting too close to them. All of them. Even Teal'c. They had become so much more than just a team. They'd become family._

_Jack wondered from time to time if his ability to command SG-1 was colored by his feelings. If he should keep his distance._

_Except he couldn't._

_T was like a brother to him, equal in battle, and he probably understood best how Jack's military mind worked. There had been a mutual understanding between them from the start. Sometimes Carter and Daniel's minds were more alien to Jack than Teal'c's. Right. Carter's mind was. Daniel's mind was just weird sometimes. But Jack knew more about how it worked than he let on._

_Carter... Carter was a little sketchy. He mostly felt like a big brother to her, but sometimes he sensed more from her side. It made him uncomfortable. Though it was flattering as well to imagine that she might have a crush on him and maybe 'crush' was even a too strong word for it anyway. Not that it would ever interfere with her duties. She had her priorities straight. She was great as his 2IC, and even though she never seemed to relax enough around him to lose the sir, she was neither a pushover nor did she grovel. She was a military brat, all right. And she stood her ground just fine._

_Frowning as he entered his house, Jack shook his head. Nah. He was all right with the two of them under his command._

_Daniel, however. Daniel was... Daniel._

_ Jack sauntered into his kitchen, placed the beer into the fridge and grimaced at the leftover food from yesterday. Chinese. He should eat it tonight instead of ordering pizza. He took one of the containers out, opened it and sniffed at the chicken a la whatever. It reminded him of the Thai food Daniel had wanted to have them tonight. Before he had  suddenly  canceled their date.  _

_Whoa, Jack mentally thumped himself over the head. Daniel wasn't his date. They met for pizza and beer to watch TV on Fridays. That wasn't a date. It was a buddy thing. And best buddies didn't date. Period._

_Jack didn't date Daniel._

_Actually Jack didn't date anybody. Not in a very long time. Not that he bothered or anything. He was too tired and too fucked up to even start working on relationships that weren't work-related. It wasn't worth the effort. He'd have to lie his way around missions, crises, injuries... wasn't a great foundation for happily ever after._

_Friday Nights with Daniel were nice and easy._

_Sometimes they spent Saturdays together, too. They jogged together or Daniel would bug him into going to some fancy exhibition with him. Jack bugged Daniel to accompany him to baseball games and jell-o wrestling. They had beer at O'Malley's or coffee at Starbuck's. They were hanging out together. Not dating._

_Daniel didn't even know Jack was interested._

_In guys. Not in Daniel, mind you._

_It had just never come up. Wasn't important anyway. Jack hadn't gotten laid in... forever. He couldn't just go out and pick someone, even if he wanted to. Colorado Springs was a military town, and being seen in a gay club was a no-go._

_He didn’t do clubs anyway. He had tried it a long time ago and decided it wasn't his cup of tea.. He was picky and he didn't want casual. So he'd developed a nice and easy relationship with his right hand and left it at that. No promises, no complaining and no other boundaries._

_He'd just watch the game alone then._

_Jack took a shower, letting the hard water spray massage his stiff neck and taut back muscles. While he soaped up, he wondered if Daniel would be squicked if he knew that his best buddy had a thing for guys._

_Nope. Not Daniel. Daniel was the most open person Jack knew. He was an anthropologist. He'd probably seen more porn on temple walls than Jack had in magazines. Greek mythology came to mind. Alexander the Great had had a male lover. And several women. Oh, yeah, sometimes Jack did listen to Daniel's “Earth History and Myth 101.”_

_So, no problem there. It just never came up. Since they both didn't have a sex life, there was no need to talk about it, period._

_Daniel could’ve had any woman on base though. And some of the guys as well, as far as Jack suspected. He wondered if his friend was that oblivious about his effect on others or if he just shrugged it off and wasn't interested. Probably a bit of both._

_Not that Jack had checked Daniel out._

_Much._

_He was his friend._

_Had a nice tan though. Had worked out some and developed a good build. Not much left of the geeky, lanky grasshopper who had opened the Stargate. Okay, Daniel still was book boy and rock boy and a geek. Kinda. Granted, he had always been snarky, strong-headed and unbreakable. Now, however, his body was fit and well trained, too. Had a nice ass._

_Very nice ass._

_Daniel Jackson was also married and still grieving for his loss, still loving his wife deeply and still hoping to get her back. There was no way Jack would even try to compete with that kind of devotion._

_He quickly washed his hair and cursed about the shampoo getting into his eye._

_There was no need to stay in here longer and dwell on Daniel's ass. No matter how nice it was. Firm too. And yeah, he had noticed Daniel had some pretty blue eyes. Wasn't easy to ignore when he gazed at you with them, batting eyelashes and all, pouting lips and ..._

_Jack turned on the cold water, washed the soap off and hurried out to dry himself._

_Half an hour later he switched on the TV and started sipping his beer, the little voice still nagging somewhere in the back of his mind._

_He probably should call Daniel to see if he'd really gone to bed and got some shut-eye. With Daniel, you'd never know if he wasn't working instead._

_The game started, and he leaned back, propping his feet on the coffee table._

_He eyed the phone. If Daniel was asleep, he'd be pissed as hell with Jack for waking him._

_Why was it that he couldn't stop thinking of Daniel lately?_

_Today._

_He couldn't stop thinking of Daniel today._

_Not lately._

_That was a difference._

_ He was just worried. They’d had a rough month and the whole team had been put through the wringer.  _

_But Daniel was his friend, not his kid. And that was it. The guy would catch up with much-needed sleep, and on Sunday he would look much better and feel much better, too. Daniel was never down for long. He was like an Energizer bunny. He never stopped talking or moving or working._

_ He’d never just said he was tired on a normal day. And he had been pretty goofy in the elevator before... _

... Jack snorted and emptied his beer.

He couldn't help but grin at the memory of that Friday night when h ~~ e ~~ had been sitting in his living room, fretting over Daniel, unable to concentrate on the hockey game. He didn't call Daniel that night. Jack O'Neill didn't give in to certain feelings easily. He also hadn't been able to come out of his denial that fast. And he was simply too stubborn to admit to himself that Daniel was getting under his skin so much that he couldn't stop thinking about him. Or that the jerking-off fantasies he had under the shower and in the mornings for months had all been about Daniel. 

Jack was a little dense, right?

***

The two Daniels took a step back and thoughtfully gazed at the Greek Acropolis, the blue sky and the tufts of grass between the large stone ashlars on the ground.

“Wow,” Big Daniel said.

“Oh, yeah. Wow,” the little one echoed. 

“Very impressive,” Teal'c added.

“Are we good, or what?” Sam was beaming as she put her arms around both Daniels. 

“Yes. We should celebrate!” Big Daniel announced. “Pizza! I'm paying!” He felt Sam's hand squeeze his middle, and his smile widened. It was odd. He had never been very tactile, not even with his closest friends. Except Jack. It wasn't really an issue. Hugging was fine. It just wasn't something he'd do often. And if he did it, he liked to be the one to hug as opposed to being hugged. 

That had changed though.

In the few weeks after he'd gotten big, he had been too busy getting his old life back to notice any subconscious after effects from the downsizing. Then everything had crashed down on him before he could make real peace with the year he had lost – in his mind. He hadn't been able to work out their change of relationship with Jack properly. Hadn't been able to really “get to know” the kid he had been. First, he didn't want to, and then there'd been no time between getting a new apartment and catching up on a backlog of work and missions. SG-1 had gone back to full-time duty as soon as Janet and Svenson declared Daniel fit for gate travel.

Then SG-1 had died.

Just like that.

On Abydos.

Daniel had come home,... orphaned. Yet again. That was how he had felt. His friends, his family. Gone. He had been confused about his grief for Jack. Didn't even know if he'd been mourning for a lover or a father. In the end, it didn't even matter. It was just too much to take in.

There hadn't been anything left for him but to continue the fight against the Goa'uld. Daniel did what he did best. He'd adapted, functioned.

And he'd dreamed.

He had been used to nightmares. But he had re-lived the Abydos mission over and over, felt the ground tremble under his feet, saw the dust rippling from the pillars in the great pyramid. Heard Jack yelling that he should dial ... that he should  _GO!_ ... the wormhole engulfed him and the dull explosions followed him through. And when the gate spat him out on the other side, he would wake up, sweating and screaming, thinking he was little again, and alone. 

It had been as if he'd gone back to the days when he watched the coverstone fall and bury his parents beneath it.

Again and again.

He had spent over a year “team hopping,” going anywhere they wanted him to go, with any team they asked him to join. The more he'd been off world, the better. Too many ghosts had wandered through the cold, gray corridors of the SGC.

Then one night Oma had appeared in his bedroom and revealed the prophecy of Cassandra, the Witch of the Donan Woods to him. Had taught him what he needed to know and told him what to expect. She also told him to wait. To wait and learn what was going to happen before he acted.

So he had waited.

When Anubis attacked Earth as it had been foreseen in the prophecy, Daniel had been ready to fulfill his destiny. After the evacuations had ended, Hammond had given the order, and Daniel had left his time line.

Ten months.

He’d been living in this time line for ten months now. As soon as he had arrived, he'd contacted Pierson in Paris, and they had gone to Egypt together to hide the Yggdrasil. To prevent little Daniel from getting big again before his time. And to wait for Jack and Daniel to come to Egypt so they could warn them.

It hadn’t gone according to the plan since then.

For five months now, he had lived in Colorado Springs again, worked at the SGC. Daniel felt his restlessness fading. Felt how he eased back into a “normal” life. Slowly. And as slowly as he had returned from being nothing more than an empty vessel without desires, hope or any other feelings, so slowly had he realized the subtle changes.

He liked being touched. He had never shied away from a touch of one of his teammates. They had always been close. But there was an ease now about touching and being touched he hadn't felt before.

Daniel had realized it at Christmas. When Teal'c had managed to drag him out to Jack's house. Later that night, BD had almost heard when some pieces had fallen into place. It suddenly felt right to walk into his friends’ open arms, accept what they were willing to give.

Of course, Jack was a whole different story.

“Hey, BD! What pizza do you want?” LD nudged him.

“What? Oh, um... Hawaiian, please. With extra cheese,” he answered absently. 

“You know, I think the mural is beautiful, too. I'm glad you fell in love with it so much,” giggled Sam.

“What?”

“LittleDaniel asked you three times for your order,” Teal'c commented. “You seemed to be engrossed in looking at your wall.”

Sam became serious again and eyed him worriedly. “Are you all right, Daniel?”

Shaking his head to clear his mind, he grinned and nodded. “Fine. I was just... thinking. Let's call Pizza Hut. Drinks anybody? Beer? Coke? Doctor Pepper?”

Sam and Teal'c decided on beer while LD opted for Doctor Pepper. Daniel fetched the drinks from the fridge, along with a coke for himself and came back into his living room to see his friends gathered on the couch. Little Daniel was sandwiched between the giant Jaffa and the blond major.

Jackson didn't smother the smile. He didn't have to wonder why he was enjoying physical closeness so much more these days. If LD’s example was anything to go by, he must have gotten used to his teammates’ physical affection to him as a kid, even to the point where he still liked it.

“I ordered the food,” Teal'c said.

“Oh. Then it won't take long.” He knew how intimidating Teal'c was when he was hungry. 

“So what are you guys gonna do tomorrow night? I'll chill out with Janet. Cassie is at a sleepover with friends so we’re having a girls night.” Sam beamed, obviously looking forward to it.

LD frowned. “Is she with Dominic?”

“No. Girls only. She's not doing sleepovers with a guy yet,” Sam explained, then frowned herself. “Well, at least, I hope not.”

“She's almost seventeen.” Daniel shrugged. When he'd been seventeen, he’d gone to college and couldn't have cared less about curfews or dating rules. Not that he'd done a lot of dating. 

“She's a kid,” LD said. And then as if he had read his adult self's thoughts, he added, “She's a girl. That's different. For the parents, at least. I think. I mean... Cassie _has_ a mom who worries.” The “ _we didn't”_ hung in the room, unspoken. 

“Still, we didn't end up a total failure.” Daniel quirked a little self-deprecating smile, picking up on what his little self hadn't said. 

Daniel had made choices for himself all his life since he'd been old enough to go to high school. And even before that, he had only bent to the rules in foster homes because he had to. Because they made him. As soon as he'd been able to spend time outside those foster homes or orphanage, he lived by his own rules more or less. His sanctuary had been libraries. Not the streets and not the discos or clubs. He couldn't afford those anyway.

“It's not always a bad thing to have someone worry over you,” Little Daniel said quietly, then grimaced and muttered, “I don't believe I just said that out loud.” After a moment of thinking, he added, “When you're a real kid. That's what I meant.”

“Are you not always the one who worries about others, DanielJackson?” Teal'c raised an eyebrow at both Daniels.

“Yes. Of course. And I would be worried if Cassie spent the night with Dominic. But face it. She's almost an adult. And if she wants to have sex with her boyfriend, she'll do it anyway,” Daniel tried to explain. 

“Well, that doesn't mean we have to encourage her, right?” Sam asked.

“No. Nono. I didn't say that. I'm sorry. I think she's an intelligent young woman who was raised to make mature decisions when it counts.” 

“She's seventeen.” Sam rolled her eyes. 

“Right.” Daniel sighed, giving in. He wondered if he'd be a total failure as a father. He understood the concept of protection and love. Even though he hadn't experienced it much after his parents had died. He would probably never know how to “feel” like a parent. 

“We will go to a motion picture theater to watch ‘Pirates of the Caribbean,’” Teal'c brought the conversation back on topic.

Sam's eyes lit up. “Oh! I've seen it with Cassie! It's a cool movie.”

“Teal'c chose it,” LD said. “There's a Captain Jack in it. And I think he's gay.”

“Indeed. I have read about a subject called fan fiction on the Internet. Jack Sparrow is believed to be gay and in a relationship with his friend Will Turner. It is called slash. It is quite amusing to read.” 

Sam, who had just taken a sip of her beer, spluttered and almost spewed it all over the living room. Wiping the wetness from her mouth with one hand, she choked. “Teal'c! What kind of stuff are you looking up on the net?”

Little Daniel started giggling, and BD couldn't help but join in. Teal'c merely raised his eyebrows, never losing the sincere look on his face. “I have come to believe that the majority of authors are women. There are Yahoo groups for the purpose of this fiction.”

“Really? I have to Google it.” LD grinned and off he went, searching for his laptop. 

“Are we supposed to stop him?” Sam's eyes searched Daniel's. “I mean, since he's just... you know...”

They looked at each other and then simultaneously said, “Naaaah.”

“I do not believe LittleDaniel's mind will be compromised any further by this kind of fiction,” Teal'c said. If he were human, he would have snorted. BD was sure of that.

The ringing of the phone kept him from asking Teal'c more questions about his Internet adventures. It was Jack, who wanted to know how things were going and immediately started whining when Daniel told him they were waiting for pizza to be delivered.

“The nearest pizza joint is god knows where. And it's too cold at nights to get the grill out. So I'm stuck with Campbell's soup and sandwiches. Or deep fried pizza.”

“You'll live.” BD grinned.

“Yeah, right. How's the kid? And don't feed him pizza all ten days, by the way.”

“We'll probably go out and have Chinese or Thai tomorrow,” BD said, smirking.

“Thai, eh? So how are things going?”

“We're fine. We finished the mural. And we’re going to ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ tomorrow night.”

Daniel heard Sam choking on her beer again.

Jack snorted. “That was T's choice, right? Well, have fun. Where's Daniel?”

“Oh, he's on the Internet looking up slash fan fiction,” BD said, casually. 

More choking and coughing from Sam. Teal'c gently patted her back. Her face turned slightly red, and she pressed a hand over her mouth as she tried not to laugh out loud.

“Slash... what? Uh, never mind. I probably don't even want to know.”

“Nope. You don't.”

Little Daniel burst into the room, holding his laptop in both hands. “Did you know there's art, too? They're called photo manipulations, and I think they put Jack's head on naked bodies! This is ridiculous! Teal'c, I can't believe you're into this stuff!”

“I am not. I accidentally came across one of these sites and was curious. O'Neill is on the phone,” Teal'c said.

“What? Jack?” 

“Yep.” Daniel handed over the phone and sagged on the couch next to Sam, who had covered her face with both hands and was shaking with silent mirth. 

“Hi, Jack,” LD greeted him cheerfully. “You'll never guess what Teal'c looks at on the Internet! What? Oh... you heard me? No, Jack, not your head on a naked body! The guy from Pirates of the Caribbean is called Jack, too! There's all kind of stuff about it on the net.” 

They talked a little while longer, and LD told Jack what they had done during the day, then listened to him some more. From what Daniel could decipher from LD’s side of the conversation, Jack had repaired the roof and cleaned out the cabin, complaining about lots of cobwebs everywhere.

After they had said goodbye, Sam burst out laughing. “Did the colonel really think you were talking about him, Daniel?”

“He was a little confused.” LD smirked, then pointed to his laptop. “Do you want to see what I found?”

The pizza guy rescued Sam from answering.

  
  


While they ate, LD said, “Jack said we should make sure the movie's not ages restricted before we go. If it's PG, then it's okay since you'll be with me. But we were sent away once when we wanted to watch ‘The Last Samurai.’ It's age restricted, and they thought Jack was out of his mind to take a seven year old to watch that movie.”

“Wow. I guess you don't realize how different living as a kid is until you... become one... again,” Daniel mumbled.

“Most people do not have that experience,” Teal'c pointed out.

“No. And real kids are used to it. I'm not. Not really. It's not a problem anymore with you guys or at the Mountain. But out there, it's... odd sometimes,” LD said, the lightness gone from his eyes for a moment. “They offer me lollipops for dessert in restaurants – which isn't that bad, of course. Oh, and I often get only the kid's menu and crayons to color with when we’re at Denny's. I can't just wander around alone in the city. They look strangely at me when I'm in a bookstore and don't go to the teen or kid sections. And they look at Jack with raised eyebrows when I buy linguistic books or history books. Or a National Geographic magazine. They second-guess my orders at Starbucks and then give Jack the hairy eyeball when he says it's okay to give me a latte or a real coffee. People pat my head and call me 'little man' or talk to Jack over my head. I'm used to it now. But it's still weird sometimes.” Then he just shrugged and continued eating his pizza. 

“The movie isn't age restricted as far as I know,” Sam said. 

Daniel grinned. “Sam, can't you come up with a shield that makes him invisible if we decide to watch some sort of adult movie instead?”

“Oh, yeah, that would be real cool, Sam.”

She laughed, and for the rest of their meal, they pondered the pros and cons of using some alien technology for the purpose of getting Little Daniel into adult movies.

 


	3. Ten Days III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains adult artwork

**III**

Daniel woke with a start. Gasping for air, and covering his mouth with one hand to keep the scream inside, his other hand grabbed into the thick neck fur of Flyboy, who let out a startled yelp.

He bit on his bottom lip as he felt tears trickle down his cheeks. “Sorry, sorry, Flyboy. Didn't mean to wake you,” he whispered in a strangled voice and, with shaking hands, stroked the dog's head.

Flyboy nudged Daniel with his nose.

“'s okay. Okay. Just a bad dream,” Daniel murmured. He forced himself to draw several deep breaths and wiped he moisture off his face with his arm. 

He had seen Anubis's nonexistent face. The cold darkness in the oily rippling thing where his face should have been. Had heard that inhuman voice again... the scream of anger because the Goa'uld hadn't been able to fix his ship's computer... and then he had seen Jack.

Bloodied and broken on the floor in that cell, like a thrown-away doll...

Daniel felt sick to his stomach and, for a horrible moment, thought he'd throw up.

“Was just a dream. Nothing more. A dream.” His voice became more secure, and the nausea backed off as he switched on BD's desk lamp. It was currently on the floor next to the bed. 

It was still dark outside, and a look at his watch confirmed that it was very early. Five thirty. He sat still, carefully listening for footsteps or other noises.

The house was quiet.

Good. He hadn't woken his adult self over a stupid nightmare. That would have been really embarrassing.

LD grabbed a book and started reading. It was a novel for a change, about a life in the Sinai. It told the story of a man who lived in the desert and married a beautiful nomad girl. Then, in what was known as the Smiting of Sinai, the Egyptian Pharaoh Djer ordered the slaughter of all nomads. The wife was killed when Egyptian soldiers attacked the tribe. Distraught, the hero of the book wandered the desert for months until he was caught stealing figs and brought before the Pharaoh. Djer made the man his protégé, and there he waited until one night when he shot the Pharaoh with a poison dart as revenge for his wife's death.

It was a good book, the events told with such animation and so close to the known facts that it seemed like the author had lived then and there, like it was his own story. The most fascinating fact and the reason Daniel had bought this book in the first place was that it had been written by Doctor Adam Pierson a couple of years ago.

Daniel had to give Pierson credit. He knew his profession as an historian, and he could write.

In these early morning hours, however, Daniel couldn’t concentrate on the book. He kept getting flashes of Jack's unconscious, battered body lying on the cold cell floor, mingled with the moving mass of energy lurking from under Anubis' hood.

Why wouldn't the nightmare let go of him?

He closed the book and gazed out the window where the dark sky slowly turned grayish.

Flyboy left the bed and went to the door, wagging his tail.

Daniel got up, let the dog into the living room and opened the deck doors.

While he waited for his four-footed friend to return, Daniel spotted his cell phone on the coffee table. He picked it up and cradled it in his hand, feeling the strong desire to call Jack.

To hear his voice.

Nonono. It had just been a nightmare, and there was no need to alert Jack.

Daniel started shivering in the cool morning air coming through the open door. He put the cell back on the table and called for his dog to come in.

***

Lying on his back, all tangled up in his bed covers, Jack gazed at the ceiling. The slightly stale scent of the room and bedspreads tickled his nose. It had always been like this. The house was old, and during the winter months when it was deserted, it became a little dusty and clammy.

He could see the break of dawn through the small bedroom window.

There was no way he could've spent another night on that couch in the living room. So he had dragged the bed covers out and made the bed.

His and Daniel's bed.

It had once been his and Sara's bed, too.

Jack fingered the blankets twined around the lower part of his body, covering his legs and hips. Still damp from his shower last night, he had just gone to bed naked. Now he felt cold, but was too lazy to cover himself up.

Early sun rays dipped the room into a dim light. Looked as though it was going to be a nice day.

Jack had always loved how Daniel looked, lying in bed naked, basked in early sunlight. He'd slept on his stomach in the mornings mostly, head to one side, one leg pulled up and the other stretched out. And the sun would make his hair look soft and give his skin a bronze tone.

Jack felt his hand sneak over the cold bedspread next to him, reaching out for a memory that wasn't real anymore. He could almost feel sleep-warm skin with strong muscles underneath... He remembered how Daniel had sometimes woken to Jack's featherlight touches and how they had moved together then, into each other's arms, to enjoy waking up together. He could almost feel Daniel's weight on his chest now. Heavy, solid, familiar. Loved.

He remembered how Daniel had smelled. He'd smelled like...

Like...

Coffee? Aftershave? Yeah, that. But Daniel had smelled like something else. Something that was just Daniel. And Jack could almost remember. Almost.

His eyes snapped open as he snatched his hand away and rubbed his face.

Crap.

He couldn't have forgotten how Daniel had smelled, right?

Oh, for crying out loud, he had work to do. He'd go nuts in this room.

With a low growl, Jack threw off his covers and got up. He padded into the bathroom, absently scratching his balls. He was half hard. Just from remembering sun rays on Daniel's body.

He sighed and turned on the shower, hoping for enough hot water as he stepped in. He leaned back against the wall and swiftly jerked himself off, which didn't take long. There. He didn't have to remember how exactly Daniel had smelled. The memories of touching him, feeling him under his hands and tongue were enough.

Still, it bugged him.

It was still bugging him after he had dressed and fixed breakfast.

***

It was long after lunchtime when Daniel Jackson, the grown up version, left the briefing room.

SG-2 had been on a planet once ruled by Hathor. The people were friendly and didn't know their goddess in person. They had some old tales, handed down to them by their early ancestors. They didn't think Hathor was an evil god. She was imagined to have great beauty and wisdom. And one day she had left and just never returned.

Daniel hadn't thought of Hathor in ages. She really wasn't very dear to him, and while she'd been a beautiful woman... well, her host was... the mere thought of her was simply disgusting.

Well, she was dead now. Jack had killed her. Stuck her into a big honking deep freezer, as he used to say.

And it had happened a long time ago.

In a way, they should thank her, Daniel mused as he walked down the corridors. He thought of paying LD a visit, but then remembered that mini-him was at the gym with Teal'c for some light exercises. So Daniel went straight to his office and turned the coffee maker on. He was a lot more mobile since Janet had given him the walking cast yesterday.

His thoughts returned to Hathor. Yep, he owed her a thank you. In a twisted weird way, it had been Hathor who had brought him and Jack together. Because Jack had been worried. Then again, their 'relationship' probably had started way before Hathor.

Maybe Daniel really had to thank the Asgard instead. That thought was much more appealing, too.  It had happened after Jack already lost the capability to speak English when he'd had the repository of the Ancients downloaded into his brain. 

Ja ck had been in Daniel's office, pacing and rubbing his temples. He obviously had a headache, was frustrated and annoyed. Daniel remembered how unshielded those eyes suddenly had been. How clearly they seemed to display Jack's feelings. There had been fear and anger...

 

_... But when Jack finally sat down on the couch and stared at Daniel, his eyes went soft and warm. Daniel crouched next to Jack and put a hand on his shoulder._

 

“ _Jack?”_

 

“ _Cruvus," he said. " Ego." _

 

_"What's wrong? You feel wrong?"_

 

_ " Aetiem. " Then he shook his head. " Haud ." _

 

_"No? Nothing's wrong? What..."_

 

_ " Tactus? Tu ?" _

 

_"You want to touch...?"_

 

_Jack reached for his face. Daniel just sat there, unable to move while Jack's fingers brushed over his cheek, wandered down and then rested on his lips for a moment._

 

_"Venustas... adorabilis...mei Daniel."_

 

_Mei Daniel..._

...My Daniel.

Once Jack had come back from the Asgard home world, Daniel didn't know whether to confront Jack or not. But Jack had claimed that the Asgard had successfully sucked out all the ancient knowledge from his brain and he didn't remember a thing.

In the end, Daniel had decided not to say anything. There had been too many reasons why it was impossible for them to get into that kind of relationship. One of them being Jack's work and the importance of it. Jack HAD to be straight. He couldn't risk court martial. So it keeping quiet about it had been the reasonable option.

It just hadn’t been that easy.

Six months later, they’d been kidnapped by Hathor and kept in her fake SGC. When Jack had killed her and they returned home, Daniel needed time for himself, and he desperately needed to take a step away from Jack. There had been feelings under the surface of the complicated, but deep, friendship they shared. Feelings that needed to be dealt with, one way or the other. He had to come to terms with them, had to think. And Daniel couldn't do that with Jack around. So he slowly tried to put some distance between them.

He had made excuses to get out of their Friday evenings together and only showed up at Jack's place on team nights. Jack's own inability to talk about emotional matters had come in handy. It had taken the colonel several weeks to finally come over and demand a talk. He remembered how he'd been home one evening when his phone had beeped...

_...He grimaced at the caller ID. For a moment he seriously considered ignoring it. But if it was an emergency and work-related, he’d better take the call.  _

“ _Jack,” he said when he answered the phone._

“ _Hey. Mind if I come over?”_

“ _Actually, yes. I'm up to my eyeballs in work, and I just got out of the shower. There's nothing good on TV, and I'm sure you don't want to watch me typing on my laptop. I'd be the most boring company tonight.”_

“ _Yeah, and what else is new? I brought beer.” Jack paused and when Daniel refused to join in the banter, continued quietly, “Open the door, Daniel.”_

“ _Oh.” Bastard. “You could have called before you got here, you know?” Daniel pinched the bridge of his nose and crossed the living room. He was about to open the door when he realized he wasn’t wearing anything but a towel. Technically, that wasn't a problem since they'd seen each other in all states of clothing or no clothing. During missions and at the locker rooms. In showers or wherever._

_Yet, he picked up his old blue sweats, mumbled an apology, switched off his phone and dumped it on the couch. When he was at least halfway dressed, he hung the towel around his neck and opened the door._

_He was greeted by a six pack of Heineken shoved into his chest. Daniel automatically grabbed it and stepped backward as Jack slammed the apartment door and rushed past him._

“ _I brought wine, too,” he hollered from the kitchen._

_Daniel followed slowly, watching his friend put a paper bag on the table._

“ _Chardonnay,” Jack said._

“ _Wow. You want us to get drunk?”_

“ _Might come in handy when we get to the seducing part.” Jack shrugged._

“ _Wha... What? The... Jack, what are you talking about?” Daniel blinked, totally bewildered, as he watched Jack open a cupboard, take out a wine glass, then search for the bottle opener in the drawers._

_No. Not searching._

_Jack opened one specific drawer and got out the opener._

_Because Jack knew exactly what was where in Daniel's apartment. And vice versa. God, they really had spent that much time together? Was it a wonder Daniel missed him?_

“ _Talking. Yeah. That,” Jack muttered, opening the wine and pouring a glass for Daniel._

“ _No, I don't think that's what you said. You said... um... Thank you.” Daniel took the glass. “Seducing. That's what you said.”_

_Jack opened a beer, put the bottle to his lips and took a deep swig. “First we talk,” he said as he walked into the living room and slumped down on Daniel's couch._

“ _First we talk and then we... what? And didn't I tell you I have work to do?” Daniel sat next to Jack._

“ _Cheers,” Jack said, gently clinking his bottle against Daniel's glass._

“ _Uh... yeah.” Daniel felt himself blink. He was sure he had his mouth open, doing the guppy impression. He cleared his throat and placed his glass on the paper-cluttered coffee table._

“ _Jack.”_

“ _Daniel?”_

“ _What do you want?”_

“ _Talk?”_

“ _About?”_

“ _Stuff.”_

“ _Ah. Like?”_

“ _Daniel, stop that.”_

“ _What?”_

_Jack drank some more, then stopped, his lips still around the neck of the bottle, and just gazed at him. Finally he put the bottle down and let out a deep breath. “We can do this one word conversation all night, you know.”_

“ _I know.” They were good at that sort of thing._

_Silence settled over them, but not the comfortable one they so often shared. It was growing, stretching between them like chewing gum._

_ Jack had said “seducing.” Daniel knew it was probably a slip, but he felt that Jack had come here to talk. To really talk.  _

_No, wait. This was Jack. Jack didn't do feeling-talks, right?_

_Yet, he was here and he looked like he was as freaked out by the thought of talking as Daniel was._

_Oh god._

_ Jack had come here to talk.  _

_It made Daniel want to hear all of it, and at the same time he wanted to send him home before they said things they'd both regret later._

_He knew he wouldn't be able to give Jack what he – probably - wanted. Yet, on some bizarre level, Daniel needed to hear it. Talk about it. Maybe this way they could find a solution which would allow them to continue their friendship and work relationship._

_So he kept silent and waited, dreading and needing to know all at once._

_Jack sipped his beer while his other hand played with the TV remote. Then he slammed bottle and remote on the table and got up. “Look. This was a bad idea.” He crossed the room and had almost reached the front door when he stopped. Daniel could see his body stiffen for a moment before he turned around. “Right. Let's try this again. Daniel...”_

“ _Jack?”_

“ _Are you mad at me?”_

“ _Why would I be mad at you?”_

_Jack took two steps back into the room, eying Daniel as if he would find the answers in his face. Daniel sat on the couch, arms firmly around himself, and frowned. Then it dawned to him. Jack thought... “Oh. Nonono. I'm not mad at you. That's... I'm not.”_

“ _So, why are you avoiding me? Canceling our Fridays and... whatever else we used to do together. If I did anything... screwed up something. You know me. I say lots of dumb things, I like to tease you.” Jack shrugged, trying to keep this light. But there was something dark in his eyes. Something Daniel tried to catch. “Whatever I did, I'm sorry, okay? Now can we go back to being... normal?”_

“ _Normal? How can we go back to normal... you just came in here,” Daniel waved in the general direction of the front door, “and said you want to seduce me. How is that normal?”_

“ _Awright, that was a bad decision. Let's pretend I didn't say that, shall we? I'm here in the first place because you've been acting a little odd lately. And I wanna know why.”_

_Daniel sighed. “It's... complicated.”_

_Jack scrubbed a weary hand over the back of his neck. “Of course it is.”_

_Daniel forced himself to relax and placed his hands on his thighs, feeling the worn material of his sweats under his palms. It was smooth and soft from repeated washings. “You can't just come in here, say something like…that and then pretend you didn't.”_

“ _It was a joke. A bad one, but a joke. You know me and jokes,” Jack tried, his voice flat and his brown eyes still too dark, too serious._

_Daniel thought he'd drown in those eyes. Jack could bare his whole soul in one look, if he decided to. His eyes were like windows to his inner self. If one knew when and how to look._

“ _I don't think it was a joke.” Daniel didn't know why he said that. He could just take the way out Jack was offering him, accept it for the joke it was not. It would make things more simple for both of them._

_Except he couldn't._

_Jack opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Instead he shook his head, walked over to the balcony door and just stood there. From where he sat on the couch, Daniel could see his friend's face reflected in the window. He got up and moved to stand behind Jack, close enough to touch and yet not touching. Not daring to touch._

“ _Jack?”_

“ _Yeah,” Jack said quietly._

_His answer to not joking, to being here to talk, to being... attracted to his best friend? Daniel wanted to reach out and grasp one strong shoulder. But he sensed that, right now, Jack didn't want to be touched._

_So he just stood, waiting. For what, he wasn't sure. He didn't know why he needed Jack to spell it out for him, either. It wasn't as if he would be able to act on it. But maybe, if they could talk about it... maybe if they both pulled this... thing... between them out into the open, it wouldn't affect their friendship too much in the long term._

_Backing off obviously hadn't been the best solution._

_Finally his friend turned around._

_They were standing so close. Daniel could see the fine lines in Jack's angular face, the scar that left a gap in his left eyebrow. He had brushed his finger over it once when Jack had been unconscious in the infirmary._

_When nobody had been looking._

_He blinked, then prodded gently, “Seducing?”_

“ _I'm too old to feel like a school boy. And I'm definitely too old to fret over DADT,” Jack croaked, his brown eyes almost black with... something... something Daniel hadn't seen there before._

_Want._

_Suppressed longing._

“ _Okay.”_

“ _But I have issues. It's... huge.”_

“ _Why?”_

“ _You're... you,” Jack said._

_Daniel felt his eyebrows wander upwards and a smile tugging at his lips. “I'm me? Oh. And that's bad because...?”_

“ _You're straight, for starters,” Jack said, taking a step aside. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans._

“ _So are you. Or so I thought. Jack, this is okay. If you're gay, I'm fine with it. I mean, I'm not gay... but there's no reason for you to feel... odd about it.”_

“ _I'm bi,” Jack said simply. There was no blushing, no stammering, no indication that he'd been holding this little piece of information back because he was nervous or ashamed about it. “I like guys. And women. Sometimes.”_

“ _Oh, wow,” Daniel mumbled. He hadn’t expected Jack to be comfortable admitting it. He expected a... a military guy who was hiding in denial and never wanted to let this secret slip. Had expected Jack to keep it in the closet, fight it to his last breath. Jack O'Neill didn't talk big feelings. They were there, but even if Jack admitted them, he showed rather than talked. A man of action, that was Jack._

“ _Why did you never...” Daniel started, wondering. He had suspected, if not known, since Jack had gone Ancient on him. But he needed to hear. And needed to know._

_They had to stop this conversation..._

_But they couldn't._

“ _You never asked.”_

“ _I'm your friend, Jack. Don't get me wrong but... don't best friends share things like this?”_

“ _What are we? Girls? We don't go to the bathroom together to compare lipstick or any of that crap. So, no. I don't think it was my duty to tell you.”_

“ _But... but what's the big deal? I mean... you're bi, and I don't care. Oh, wait, that probably didn't come out right. I do care. I just... I don't mind.” Daniel knew he was starting to babble._

_He had to look away, had to escape those burning eyes in front of him... except he couldn't. He felt his skin prickle and little drops of sweat appeared on his brow._

_Oh god, this was so, so not good._

“ _Why are you avoiding me?” Jack abruptly changed the subject. “If you're not mad at me, there has to be some other reason. I might not be the best of friends at times, and if you're bored with watching the games or hanging out with me – fine. But you could at least tell me so I can find something else to do on Fridays.”_

“ _Why are you asking me this tonight, Jack? Why not last week or last month? Why now?” Daniel knew they were talking at cross purposes. Or maybe they weren't._

_Jack's jaw twitched. “I don't know.” He shook his head and bit his lower lip. “Something was wrong, and I couldn't figure out what. Thought today was as good a time as ever to... find out if you're, you know... If you were avoiding me because you were...”_

_He turned to gaze out the window again and Daniel was grateful for it. “What? Interested?”_

_Jack placed the fingertips of his left hand on the balcony door frame, tapping a short rhythm. “Wasn't the most charming way of coming out, huh?”_

“ _Seducing?” Daniel snorted softly. “You know me. I have two glasses of wine and am out like a light. Not much to seduce there then.”_

“ _You're a cheap date, Daniel. But not that cheap.” Jack spun around to face him again. “I had a hunch. Seemed like you started to avoid me since that elevator joke. So...?”_

_Now it was Daniel who turned away from Jack. He went to the couch, sat down and took a large gulp of his Chardonnay. “So?”_

“ _You're okay with me being into guys. You're not freaking, right?”_

“ _No, not freaking. Not about you being into guys. Just freaking about... you being attracted to me.”_

_Jack winced. “So you knew before tonight.”_

“ _I wasn't sure until now. Well, I was sure, but I didn't know. When you were under the influence of the Ancients... you somehow... let it slip. I don't think you had control over it, but you said... something. And I wondered if it was you or...”_

_Jack just looked at him. There was no movement in his face, no sign he remembered anything he had said to Daniel while he had been possessed by the Ancient knowledge._

_Daniel coughed and carefully put his glass back on the table. His arms started creeping around himself again as he continued and he forced himself to relax and stuffed his hands into his pockets instead. “You claimed not to remember and... Well, let's just say I didn't know how to act on it.”_

“ _So you did freak over it.”_

“ _No! No, I didn't. On the contrary, I... I was... flattered, maybe, um... sort of. I just had no idea how to... God, this is such a mess.” Daniel shook his head. Why did he think it was a good idea to talk this through?_

_Jack blinked. “Wait a minute... What are you saying?”_

“ _I'm married, Jack,” Daniel blurted out. “And that doesn't actually go well with the way I feel. For you.”_

_Jack's jaw dropped and hit the floor. “Daniel? You saying you're...”_

“ _Attracted to you. Yes.”_

“ _You're straight!”_

“ _I'm gay curious.”_

“ _Gay... what?”_

_Daniel shrugged. “Um, it's a... a slang term. Describing a gay-friendly person who’s curious about their degree of homosexuality. This person often feels they may be gay, lesbian or bi but has never had confirmation of those feelings to prove them right. I've seen stuff... you know, I'm an anthropologist. I know some gay stuff turns me on. I know you do. But I never...” He shrugged._

“ _Temple porn. I knew it,” Jack groaned._

“ _What?”_

“ _And of course you're gay curious. You're curious about everything.” A lopsided grin appeared on Jack's face, but was gone quickly. “So this,” he waved a hand between them, “is why you backed off, right?”_

_Daniel lowered his eyes. “I can't do this. With you. There's no way I'm going to... do this,” he said, aware that his linguistic skills had been better._

“ _Okay. Actually, it was one of the reasons why I didn't want you to know. Because you're...”_

“ _Married,” Daniel said flatly._

“ _Yeah.”_

“ _And because you're a guy in the military. There're just too many...”_

“ _I told you, I can live with that. 'Don't ask Don't tell' isn't an issue for me. Not when it comes to you. I’d trust you more than myself to keep it safe,” Jack said, and there was not a hint of doubt in his voice._

_Daniel could hear Jack pace the room, but he kept his eyes fixed to the glass of wine on the coffee table. After another moment of silence, Jack's voice was unnaturally loud to Daniel's ears, even though it sounded calm. “So, why on Earth didn't you just thump me over the head for my screw-up about the seducing crap and leave it at that? I'm sorry I said that, by the way. It's... it just popped out.”_

“ _Because I feel this... attraction... crush... whatever this is… between us and it isn’t going away. I don't want this to ruin our friendship. I thought talking about it might help,” Daniel said. “At least it's better than avoiding each other, right?”_

“ _I didn't avoid anyone,” Jack said._

“ _Right. Thanks for pointing that out.”_

“ _You're welcome.”_

“ _Jack.” Daniel finally looked up and shook his head. “Don't.”_

_Jack let out a slow breath and stopped his pacing. “How is talking about it making it better? As far as I get it, we're both on the same page here – and can't do anything about it because of a wife who isn't even around.” He bit his lip. “Aw, crap, I didn’t...”_

_Daniel bolted from the couch in sudden rage. “What?! You... you think it's okay to cheat on her just because she's not here? Do you have even the slightest idea what she's going through?” He braced himself for the pain his own words caused him. He didn't talk about Sha'uri very often. “Maybe knowing I'm waiting here for her... that I'm trying to find her is the only thing that keeps her alive. Keeps her fighting Amaunet! How dare you expect me to just...”_

“ _Whoa, Dan iel!” Jack shouted. “All I'm saying here is that we should just carry on as usual. It wasn't me who started acting weird suddenly. You didn't think I'd just let you sneak out of my life, right? You started this little game and you wanted me to be honest and spell it out for you – what for?!”_

“ _Jack, she's my wife!”_

_Jack's eyes were intense and deep, and it made Daniel want... just want... to plunge forward and give in to this need to kiss him. Swallowing hard, he concentrated on his anger, grateful for feeling it._

“ _As long as there is the slightest possibility of getting her back, there is no way I could ever start another relationship.”_

“ _Then why didn't you keep your mouth shut?!”_

“ _I told you why!”_

“ _No, Daniel,” Jack snapped. “I'm not buying this. There's more to it, isn’t there? You said you knew I had a thing for you before and apparently you had no problem with that. Why pull back now? What happened?”_

“ _I'm sorry, Jack,” Daniel said, catching his breath. He suddenly felt naked, wanted to put a shirt on. Goosebumps crawled over his arms and shoulders. “I think you should leave now.”_

“ _Daniel...”_

_He closed his eyes for a second in desperation. “Just... Go.”_

“ _You're making no sense here...”_

“ _Can you, for once, just stop prodding and pestering me about stuff I don't want to talk about,” Daniel snapped._

_ Jack threw up his hands in defeat. “Fine. I’ll see you Monday.”  _

_He was closing up. Fast. It started in his eyes as they turned cold and stony. Daniel watched Jack's face change from vulnerable into the hard mask of the USAF Colonel who had learned to suppress emotions so deep that even he didn't know they existed anymore._

“ _Jack...”_

“ _Thanks for the beer. Oh, wait. I brought the beer,” Jack bitched as he grabbed his jacket. “Thanks for nothing then.”_

_Daniel stood frozen in the middle of his living room as the door slammed..._

....”Doctor Jackson?” He blinked and realized that the young woman standing in front of his desk was waving a report at him. “Doctor Lee asked me to give you this file.”

“Um... thank you, Lieutenant,” Daniel mumbled, took it and watched her leave his office. 

His hands trembled as he opened the folder. He had to firmly remind himself that all he had done was recall an old memory. Nothing to get all anxious about anymore. Spilled milk, Jack would say. Shaking his head, Daniel concentrated on his work and shut every other thought out.

  
  


They left the mountain at five. Flyboy stayed with Sam. Teal'c showed off his new hat, a white boonie. BD wondered if there would come a time when Teal'c wouldn't need to cover his tattoo anymore. When the stargate went public. The thought was thrilling and scary at the same time.

On their way to the restaurant, LD talked to Jack over the phone, chatting away about their evening plans and listening to what Jack had done at the cabin. The boy seemed to be in a good mood, cheerful even.

They ate at a Chinese restaurant and then headed to Kimball's Twin Peak theater. Both Daniels had enjoyed their sweet and sour chicken while Teal'c had opted for duck.

When it was their turn at the booth and Daniel paid for the tickets, the woman smiled at LD and asked him if he wanted a poster from Nemo, adding apologetically that there were no posters for “Pirates of the Caribbean” left.

“No, thank you,” LD said, smiling up at her. “Did you know that clown fish live in a mutual relationship with sea anemones or settle in some varieties of soft corals or large polyp stony corals? Once an anemone or coral has been adopted, the clown fish will defend it. That's 'cause reef life is dangerous for small, brightly colored fish with very poor swimming abilities. That's why clown fish never stray far from their host.” 

“Really?” The woman blinked and raised her pierced eyebrow at Daniel, who shrugged and smiled.

“He likes fish.”

“Indeed,” Teal'c said, and they walked on.

LD chuckled. Then he stopped at the concession stand and tugged at Daniel's arm, asking loudly, “Can I have popcorn, Daniel? Please? And a Coke? I love theater snacks! It's like being a kid again!” The  _kid's_ eyes twinkled with mischief as the guy at the concession stand looked strangely at them. 

Teal'c smirked. At least Daniel thought it must be a smirk. “LittleDaniel has a very unique sense of humor. I believe it is the influence of his guardian.”

“Nah. I've always been like this. Right, Daniel?” LD chirped.

“Sort of,” Daniel muttered and got his money out. “Um... The large bucket or the small one?” he asked, glancing at Teal'c.

LD beamed. “Large! I’ve been eating large popcorn at the cinema for years. I remember back in the eighties...”

Daniel quickly interrupted, “Okay. But let’s go for a small Coke, okay?”

LD pouted. “But I want...”

“DanielJacksonO'Neill,” Teal'c said quietly. 

Squinting up at the looming figure of the Jaffa, LD sighed. “I never tried throwing a tantrum in a cinema.”

“Don't start now,” Daniel groused, then rolled his eyes when the boy giggled. “You can try that next time you go out with Jack.”

“Uh-huh, that's no fun,” LD said good naturally, then added, “I was just kidding anyway.”

Daniel bought each of them a medium bucket of popcorn and drinks. Teal'c took the jumbo bucket for himself.

They entered the theater and found that most of the seats were already taken. Teal'c spotted three seats in the middle rows. He took the lead, and the three of them made their way over outstretched legs, bags and purses. Jackson really tried not to step on any toes, but his cast wasn't made for walking carefully in narrow spaces. So he found himself blushing and murmuring apologies to complaining and cursing people as he hobbled and wobbled to their seats.

Finally, wiping cold sweat from his brow, he sank into his chair just as the commercials started. LD started munching his popcorn and slurping his coke through a straw, happily making bubbles with it. People were still talking to each other, so Daniel settled into a brief discussion with Teal’c about the consumer society of the Tau'ri and its many wondrous differences to other cultures. That way, the commercials were over soon and the movie started.

Daniel couldn't help but grin every time Jack Sparrow showed up. Sparrow was played by Johnny Depp, and on the outside there was really no resemblance to Jack O'Neill. But Daniel remembered their conversation about slash fiction and photo manipulations the other day. Jack Sparrow also had a keen wit and his match, Will Turner, was a good-looking guy. Well, he wasn't Sparrow's match, of course. Daniel was really enjoying the movie, and as he glanced sidelong at his friends, he figured they were as well.

An hour later he decided the undead walking skeletons might be a little too much. It was a nice movie, but had some flaws where it turned into slapstick paired with horror...

LD had placed his popcorn at his feet and it seemed he had lost his appetite. Done with his popcorn half way through the movie, Teal'c reached for LD's, who gave an approving nod. Some time after Teal'c had eaten the kid's popcorn as well he told them that he needed something to drink and left the cinema.

A moment later, a tug at Daniel's arm made him look at LD.

“I need to go,” the boy whispered.

“Okay. You want me to...?” 

“No. I can do that alone, really,” LD muttered and started his walk over legs, feet, bags... When it was clear the kid was out of the door, Daniel settled back into his seat, glad he didn't have to squash more feet with his cast.

Only a couple of minutes later, he found himself turning and watching the entrance though. This was really ridiculous. It wasn't as if LD didn't know how to use a toilet. Or how to find it. Daniel frowned and looked in the direction of the entrance. Shouldn't he be back by now? Jack had told him to keep an eye on the kid, especially when they were going out. It wasn't possible that the NID had followed them into a theater without Teal'c and him noticing. As far as he knew, the NID had never made a leap at LD at any time, despite Simmons' threat.

However, the NID had been in Cairo when Daniel had tried to get the Yggdrasil, and nobody had seen it coming. With a sigh, he got up and apologized sheepishly as he hobbled along the row of seats.

He met the Jaffa outside the door, a can of Doctor Pepper in his hand.

“LD went to the restroom. I'll just take a look... see if he's okay,” Daniel explained.

“You did not accompany him?” 

“I was confident he would find it on his own,” he said defensively. He turned and spotted the sign for the men's room. Followed by Teal'c, Daniel walked down the quiet corridor and opened the door.

He almost jumped backward when the odor of vomit assaulted his nostrils. His eyes took in the sight of something brownish sprinkled with yellowish popcorn pieces all over the floor in front of the urinals. When he took a closer look Daniel noticed that most of it had actually hit the urinals so there was enough space to walk on and avoiding stepping into the mess.

“Daniel!” He walked into the room, trying to avoid the puddles of vomit on the tiles as he hobbled over to the stalls. “Daniel?” he called out again.

“In here,” a small voice finally answered from the stall farthest away from the door. BD tried breathing through his mouth. He had seen far worse than this. Still, it wasn't a very pleasant sight or smell. The sweet and sour chicken sure wasn't a great treat when eaten backwards.

“You okay? I'm... I'm coming...” Daniel almost slipped on the slithery ground, but a large hand grabbed his bicep and steadied him.

“I will join LittleDaniel. You should not go any further with the cast.” Teal'c observed.

Daniel nodded. “I'll...” he waved back over his shoulder as he brushed past the Jaffa and out the door, “find someone to clean up the mess.”

The concession stand was deserted, but he spotted a young woman standing at the stairs leading down to the exits. “Excuse me, Miss. My.... nephew threw up his popcorn in the men's room... um... could you...?”

The woman's eyes grew wide. “Threw up, you say? As in... puked in the restroom?”

“Uh, yeah. That's what I said. Sweet and sour chicken, too,” Daniel replied, wondering if she wanted him to draw a picture.

Grimacing, she said, “There is a roll of paper towels somewhere in the men's room. Our cleaning staff won't show up for another hour. They are on the other floor now. Sorry, we're short of staff tonight.”

“O... Okay. You could just... lock the room, maybe? I have to take care of my nephew, and um... it's quite a mess.” 

“Yeah, well, use the paper towels.”

“Paper towels.”

“'s what I said. The cleaning staff will take care of the rest later.” With that, she turned and walked down the stairs rather quickly, leaving Daniel standing there, gaping.

“Paper towels,” he muttered, flabbergasted. “Right.” 

He returned to the men's room, trying to ignore the smell as he carefully made his way around the mess. “Daniel? Teal'c? I'm back.”

“We are here, DanielJackson,” Teal'c's calm voice greeted him. “Do not walk through it. Were you able to you find the cleaning staff?”

“Um... not exactly.” Ignoring the Jaffa's advice, Daniel reached the stall to see Teal'c sitting on the toilet lid with LD standing between his legs, leaning against him. The boy was pale as a ghost, his eyes two pools of blue, hair sticking out to all sides.

“Hey.” Daniel said softly, “Did you have to throw up again?”

A shake of LD's head was the only answer. He had his head nestled against Teal'c's broad shoulder and the Jaffa's arm was wrapped securely around the small body. Daniel realized he hadn't noticed how little his mini-version looked. He wondered if he had been that small at the real age of eight. Hadn't he been rather big for his age? Then again, every kid would look tiny compared to Teal'c.

“I have to clean this up. Are you guys okay here for a moment longer?” he asked with a worried look at LD, who tried a weak smile and mumbled, “Yeah. I'm fine. Sorry for the mess.” A deep blush covered his face and he bit on his bottom lip.

“It's not your fault,” Daniel said.

“Indeed.” Teal'c's large brown hand patted LD's blond tousled head. 

Daniel took a deep breath and hopped back around the spots of popcorn-sprinkled chicken to the sinks, carefully avoiding to step into the mess. He looked for the paper towels and found them lying on the hand dryer. Grimacing, he unwrapped the roll and was just putting a layer of paper towels on the floor, using his cast-free foot to wipe everything off, when the door behind him opened and two guys came in, froze and started choking.

“Shit. What the hell...?”

“I'm sorry...” Daniel started. “My nephew...”

“Can't you keep your kid at home when he’s sick?” the second guy griped.

“He wasn't sick...” Daniel tried again.

But the men had already left, cursing and slamming the door shut.

With a sigh, Daniel continued throwing paper towels on the floor. He could hear Teal'c's low, rumbling voice as he comforted the little Daniel.

The next clueless visitor of the facilities glanced at the mess and said, “You shouldn't let your kid eat that much popcorn, pal.”

“Well, thank you,” Daniel snapped, getting tired of apologizing for something that was nobody’s fault. Or was it? Should he have refused Daniel his popcorn? But as far as he remembered, LD hadn't even eaten much of it. 

The roll of towels was almost empty now, and there were heaps of wadded paper on the floor. If anything, it was even more disgusting.

Another guy came in. He was halfway through the sticky, smelly stuff before he realized it. “For heaven's sake! What's this?”

“Sweet and sour chicken with popcorn,” Daniel said and shrugged. “Want a bite?”

The guy turned and fled.

“It's still warm,” Daniel yelled after him, suddenly thinking this was funny in a weird way. 

“DanielJackson.” Teal'c stood in the middle of the room, looking stoically at the paper towel mountains on the floor. “I do not believe this is efficient.”

“Well, I tried to get somebody to clean this up, but was told to use the paper towels.” 

“Stay with LittleDaniel.”

“Sure,” Daniel muttered at Teal'c's departing back, wondering why he hadn't thought of that earlier. Send the scariest-looking man on the planet. The cleaning team would be here ASAP. At least, he had managed not to step into the mess with his cast. Much. 

Daniel entered the stall where LD was sitting on the toilet, still pale and silent.

“Are you feeling better?”

“A little.” LD whispered, then went a tad paler, jumped, opened the toilet lid and started throwing up again. 

BD moved behind him, placed his hands on the shaking body and held him steady until he was done. Then he grabbed the toilet paper and wiped LD's mouth clean before flushing the toilet.

“Sorry. I'm sorry,” LD mumbled again. “I didn't make it in here in time and all the mess landed on the floor. Sorry.”

“Well, this time you didn't miss. Score for you,” Daniel joked weakly as he cradled the boy against him. He didn't care about cleaning up anymore. He just wanted to get out of here. “We'll go home, okay?”

“I'll be fine in a minute... We can go back to the movie.”

Daniel gently steered him out of the stall. “I'm kinda tired. And the movie wasn't really that great. Teal'c didn't seem to be that impressed either.”

Apparently too drained to object, LD gave a small nod and they left the men's room.

Teal'c met them a moment later, followed by a very intimidated lady with a cleaning trolley.

As the lady hurried off to the men's room, the three of them silently walked out into the night. The cool air helped to get rid of the stench of puke, and when they had reached Daniel's jeep, LD looked a little better.

Teal'c and LD settled into the back seat, and Daniel handed them an old paper bag he found under the passenger seat. Just in case.

As soon as they were inside the house, LD ran for the bathroom, Daniel on his heels.

  
  


Once the boy was tucked into bed with an emergency bucket placed next to it, Daniel met Teal'c in the living room. He grabbed a bottle of water and poured them both a drink, wishing he had a bottle of JD's at hand.

“Do you think I have to call Janet, Teal'c?” 

“I do not believe it is food poisoning since you both had the same meal. Perhaps LittleDaniel suffers from a stomach flu.”

“Oh, great,” he groaned. “Just what I need. Not.” He rubbed a hand over his face and winced as his eyes started to sting. It was time to take out the contacts. “I should check him for fever then and get fluids into him.”

Daniel had his first aid kit in the kitchen, stored away in a cupboard. It would go into the bathroom once he had the cabinet under the sink. The kit was still sealed. He opened it and studied the items inside. It contained bandages of all kinds, eye pads, a pair of latex gloves, band aids, wound dressings and scissors. No thermometer. He checked his meds and found Tylenol, aspirin and Vitamin C tablets.

Cursing softly, he went into LD's room to check on him. His small counterpart was sleeping restlessly. This was so not good. Daniel sat down on the edge of the bed. He felt LD's forehead, and of course, it was warm. Too warm. Almost hot.

At least, he hadn't thrown up again. Yet.

Deciding to let him sleep for now, Daniel quietly left the room and picked up the phone to call Janet at home, knowing she and Sam had left the mountain early today for their girl's night. Then he reconsidered and put the phone down again. This didn't have to be anything serious. Not serious enough to ruin one of Janet's rare free nights. The fever didn't seem that high. LD would probably be all right in the morning. Daniel would make sure he didn't get dehydrated, and he could always give him half of a Tylenol. Then he remembered that Jack had even told him the kid had children's Tylenol with him.

All LD needed was some sleep and fluids. No big deal.

“Do you wish me to stay here, DanielJackson?” Teal'c asked.

“No. No, we're fine. I'll keep an eye on him. But thanks for offering. I guess he'll sleep through the night if he doesn't have to throw up again.”

“I agree,” Teal'c said and stood. “I will return to the SGC then.”

“Yeah, do that. I'll call Janet in the morning. I can handle this. Even if it's a stomach flu, he'll be fine for now.”

Teal'c bowed his head and took his hat. “I am not questioning your ability to do the right thing, DanielJackson. I know you will take care of LittleDaniel quite well.”

He couldn't help, but give the Jaffa a grateful smile, realizing just how much his friend's confidence meant to him. Teal'c had made it easy for Daniel to feel home again. Of all of SG-1, maybe the whole SGC, he had been the one who welcomed Daniel without any issues. Right from the start, the Jaffa had treated him like a friend, had accompanied him to the gym, shared a table with him at the commissary.

It had been Teal'c who'd convinced Daniel to accept Jack's reluctant offer to join them on Christmas.

Which reminded him.... He had to call Jack.

Oh joy.

Not in the middle of the night, though.

Daniel saw Teal'c to the door and went into the bathroom to take out his contacts. Blinking in relief, he put his glasses back on. His eyes were still sensitive when he wore the lenses too long. He took a good look at his cast and cleaned the bottom of the foot with alcohol wipes, but whatever of the mess had been stuck to it, he had already walked it off on their way to the car.

The sound of retching made him run for LD's room as quickly as the cast let him. When he got there, he saw the boy hunched over the edge of his bed, holding on to the bucket with both hands. Daniel held LD's shoulders until he was finished.

With an exhausted sigh and Daniel's help, LD lay back on the bed and his eyes dropped closed. Daniel put a hand on the boy's forehead again.

“Feels like you really have a fever now,” he mumbled. “I’ll bring you one of the children's Tylenol in a bit.”

“No,” LD said. His little hand, which was ice-cold compared to the warmth of his head, closed over Daniel's. “Kids... should fever for a while... fever's good,” he mumbled. “Janet says... 's normal for kids to have fever. 's not good to suppress it. Only if it goes over 104.”

Daniel blinked. Yeah, he remembered this. Kids fevered easily, and it was a sign that the body was trying to fight the virus. The tolerance for fevers in kids was higher than in adults.

“Do you want something to drink, Daniel?” 

Head shaking.

“Are you still feeling sick?”

Head shaking.

“You want anything else?”

“Sleep.”

LD curled up into a ball and pulled the covers over his head.

 


	4. Ten Days IV

**IV**

Little Daniel woke up when his bladder decided it was time. He felt queasy and drowsy. His head hurt, even his eyes. Smacking his lips, he thought he must have had a dead rat for dinner, going by the taste in his mouth. He felt hot and cold, and his stomach hurt. Shivering, he cracked his eyes open, but closed them again, because opening his eyes made his head hurt even more. Maybe his bladder could hold out a little longer.

“J'ck?” 

Daniel grimaced and wrinkled his nose at the stench in the room. It smelled yucky. And there was something heavy pulling at his bed covers. That must be why he felt cold even though he wore a tee. The covers only reached his belly. Daniel made a weak attempt to pull his blanket back over himself.

“J'ck...” he mumbled. “J'ck, whatswrongwithmyblanket?” 

When there was no answer, Daniel opened his eyes again. He slowly sat up and gazed at the heap of dirty, crumpled sheets in one corner, then at the plastic bucket next to his bed. That was where most of the bad smell was coming from. Daniel tugged at his blanket again, then stopped and blinked.

Big Daniel was sitting on the floor with outstretched legs, his head tipped back against the bed, glasses hanging askew from his nose. His head and left arm, which was thrown backwards on the bed in an awkward angle, kept the blankets in place.

“BD?” Daniel tugged harder at his blankets and stupidly watched his friend tip to one side as his arm skidded from the bed and landed on the floor. 

BD came around with a start, jerking upright. He grabbed his glasses and pushed them into place, almost poking a finger into his eye as he did so. “Wha...? I'm up, I'm... Oh!” He cleared his throat. “Are you okay? Need to throw up? Want something to drink? New shirt...“

“Jack?” Daniel asked groggily, rubbing his eyes.

“Jack? Oh. Jack,” BD mumbled as he slowly started moving from the floor, groaning when his cast-covered leg bumped into something. “Jack's not here. You're staying with me, remember?”

Jack wasn't here? But Daniel felt sick and hot. And cold. His head hurt. And his stomach hurt real bad. Jack was always here when Daniel was sick.

Oh, wait... Jack was in Minnesota...

He shivered again and pulled the blanket up under his chin. Curling up like a hedgehog, Daniel tried not to clatter with his teeth. A hand settled on his head, feeling for temperature.

Then BD hissed something that sounded like “Oh, shit,” and LD heard him hurrying from the room.

Daniel really needed to pee. But he was cold. And all his limbs felt so heavy. Realizing he couldn't hold it in any longer, he pushed the covers aside, then pulled them back around his body, craving the warmth. Maybe if he wrapped them around himself, he wouldn't be so cold on his way to the bathroom.

He got up and walked out of the room on wobbly legs, holding the covers together at his front with one hand. He almost tripped a few times as he crossed the hall.

He could hear BD talking fast to someone.

“No, he doesn't have diarrhea. Not yet, at least. But he vomited several times last night, and I think the fever climbed. I don't have a thermometer here. I'm going to call Sam so she can bring one when she comes over with breakfast... should be here in an hour... No, I didn't call you last night because the fever didn't seem that bad then. Um... nope, he didn't keep much liquid down. I tried. Yeah. Okay... Are you sure, Janet?”

Daniel groaned. He didn't want to go to the infirmary. He just needed to pee and then back to bed. He'd sleep through it. Worked all the time. Like a charm. Sleep. Jack said so. Sleep. Taking meds as ordered, drinking lots, sleep, chicken soup... more sleep. Yep. That's what Jack said.

He opened the bathroom door and almost tripped over his blankets again. He got hold of the sink, but hit the shower stall door with his hip. Embarrassed, he blinked away the hot tears pricking his eyes. Daniel dropped the stoopid blankets and, rubbing his hip, wobbled on to the toilet.

With a sigh, he relieved himself and even though he was in a kind of haze, he remembered to wash his hands afterward.

When he was done, he felt his tummy churn and froze on the spot, waiting for the nausea to go away or... he tried to breathe deeply and closed his eyes.

_Please, please don't let me throw up again._

Slowly the yucky feeling receded, and he opened his eyes. He had to go to bed and lie down. Yes. Lying down sounded very good right now.

Daniel turned and made a step toward the door when something fluffy and soft trapped his right foot. With a surprised cry, he tumbled forward, his hands flailing uselessly in mid-air for something to hold onto. He missed the door frame and fell hard on his knees.

The pain shot right up into his head and in his fever-fogged state, Daniel let go of dignity and control. Clutching both knees with his hands, he rolled on his side and let out a strangled cry.

A moment later, he felt hands on his body and heard BD calling his name.

Daniel opened his mouth to say he was fine and had just gotten scared for a moment, but all that came out were little pathetic sobs. His knees hurt and his hip throbbed, and he was so hot and yet couldn't stop shivering.

He wanted Jack. He wanted Jack to be here now and not BD... He started to cough again, which hurt his head even more.

“Daniel? Are you all right? You tripped over your blanket. Can you tell me where it hurts? Can you get up?” BD helped him up and cradled him as he rubbed his back. “Talk to me, Daniel, come on. Shhh, it's okay...”

Oh, it had been a stupid idea to let Jack leave him and go to the cabin. Jack would make it better because... because... only he could.

Daniel felt his teeth clatter, and the more he tried to stop crying, the more tears he seemed to spill.

“Can you walk? I'm sorry, I can't carry you over. That stupid cast...”

LD wiped a hand over his eyes and nodded. He didn't want BD to carry him anyway.

“Okay, off you go, back to bed,” BD murmured soothingly. He settled a hand on Daniel's back and led him to his room.

A moment later, he was settled in the bed and his covers were tucked around him. Amab was put into his arms, and BD brushed his hand through his hair, almost like Jack would do it.

“I'm sorry, Danny,” BD said in a very soft voice. The way he said it reminded Daniel of his dad. Dad had called him Danny like that. Only his parents and Jack ever called him Danny on occasion. “Jack can't come. You have a bad fever and I'll give you something in a minute. Janet doesn't think you have to see her though.” BD continued stroking his hair. “It's going to be all right. I'm here, and I won't go away. Can you tell me where it hurts?”

“Knees,” Daniel hiccuped. At least, he could finally stop crying. His throat felt sore and his voice was raspy again, like it had been when he had the cold. 

“You tripped over your blanket.”

“Was cold.”

“Okay. Can I take a look at your knees?” 

Daniel wished he could stop sniffling and hiccuping He nodded and watched BD pull the covers away from his legs.

“They are a little red. You fell right next to the blanket on the tiles. Bad luck,” BD said. “I'm going to get cool gel. I'll be right back, okay?”

Daniel nodded and sniffled again.

A moment later, grown up Daniel was back, holding a tube of First Aid Sport Gel and a box of tissues. He handed Daniel the tissues and sat down on the edge of the couch bed. “This might burn a little. And it'll be cold,” he said as he carefully rubbed the gel on Daniel's slightly swollen knees. “On a scale from one to ten...”

“It's already getting better.” Daniel fingered the box of tissues and sighed. 

BD looked at him with a lopsided smile. “You should blow your nose.”

Daniel needed four more tissues until his nose felt free again. At least, BD didn't pull him on his lap to cuddle him or something like that. Jack was a little over the top with that anyway. He wasn't a baby after all. Daniel felt the tears sting his eyes again. He bit down hard on his bottom lip and took another tissue to wipe his cheeks and eyes.

After a while, BD went out to bring a glass of water and a chewable children's Tylenol. “Try taking this. You need to drink, and we need to get the fever down, okay?”

Daniel chewed the tablet before BD handed him the water glass and he took a few sips.

“Once you feel better I'll help you to the bathroom so you can brush your teeth. The Tylenol should kick in soon. Janet said the fever probably feels worse than it is.”

“'kay.”

He had made a fuss again. Squinting at BD, he wondered if his adult self thought he was a baby. For having a mini meltdown because of some fever and bruised knees.

The other Daniel looked tired and a bit sad. He took the water glass from Daniel and said, “I'm sorry Jack isn't here.”

“It's okay.” But it wasn't. And from the way his voice trembled, BD must have known it, too. “I'm fine.”

There was a sigh and a nod. “Look, if you need anything – anything – please call me? I'm not that quick with this cast, but I'll be here as soon as I can, okay?” BD licked his lips and shook his head, as if he knew what Daniel was going to say. “Don't give me the I'm-fine-line. You can't fool Jack, and you can't fool me either. You could have hit your head on the bathroom door when you fell.“

Daniel swallowed and was about to apologize, but BD squeezed his shoulder. “Don't,” he said simply. “It's not your fault you're sick. I know in a weird way you think it's your fault, but it isn't.”

“Maybe if I didn't eat the popcorn...” Daniel started.

“You have a stomach flu, Daniel. And you really didn't eat much of your popcorn.”

He lowered his gaze and started wringing his hands under the blankets. BD squeezed his shoulder again and said, “Sam is going to be here soon and she'll bring Flyboy home. I better go and start the coffee. Are you okay for now?”

He nodded and when BD had left, he snuggled back into his pillow and buried himself as far under the blankets as possible. A moment later, he had fallen asleep

***

Jack wiped his brow and groaned as he heaved the last of many large garbage bags onto the bed of his truck. The grass was cut, and he’d started empty ing the little shed next to the blackberry bushes. God only knew where all that junk had come from. He'd found Charlie’s old fishing net and bucket. His son had always fished for frogs, water snails and polliwogs. He used to wade in the shallow water, where Jack kept his little boat tied at the shore, and find all sorts of life forms and treasures. Now the net was broken, and rust had eaten a hole into the bucket. Jack had thrown them into one of the bags, refusing to think how neat the bucket had looked years ago when it housed polliwogs who had names such as Squiggly and Squaggly...

He wondered what Daniel would name polliwogs if he caught any. He'd probably name them Aphrodite and Cleopatra or something like that.

Deciding to take a break, Jack walked up to the house and got himself some cold water from the fridge. Bottle in hand, he went to his dock and sat on one of the old camping chairs he had dragged out that morning. While he was drinking his water, Jack looked over the pond and enjoyed the feeling of his sweat cooling on his skin.

This afternoon he'd finish the shed and take the trash to the junk yard. Then he'd buy paint so he could start on the porch and dock tomorrow.

He stretched out his legs and opened a few buttons of his flannel shirt.

He and Daniel used to sit here a lot. One of them in a chair, the other on the warm wooden dock. Mostly it was Daniel on the ground because Jack would fish and Daniel would read, back settled against Jack's legs, a book on his thighs. Or he'd just gaze out onto the water, doing nothing.

Daniel liked sitting lotus style. Jack, whose knees would scream murder at him if he so much as tried sitting lotus style these days, had enjoyed watching Daniel sitting like that, barefoot and wearing his oldest pair of sweats or jeans.

He liked Daniel being relaxed and peaceful. In tune with himself. Daniel, big or small, wasn't like that often. But out here... Out here, he had let go. Just like Jack.

He blinked into the sun as he searched the blue sky for birds or planes, his mind producing images of Daniel. Him and Daniel. Sitting here.

His lover was here. Everywhere.

But for crying out loud, so was Charlie, right? It was different with Charlie, though. Charlie was gone, and Jack was as good at suppressing unwelcome thoughts as Daniel was.

He'd never forgive himself for what had happened to Charlie. Not really. Not deep down in his heart. But sometimes he could forget. And on the whole, living with the guilt was doable, somehow. He couldn't bring back his kid, so he dealt. Even if it meant just shoving it all aside at times.

But Daniel wasn't gone. Daniel was there in Jack's face all the time. The little one. The big one. That part of Jack's past was alive all around him, reminding him. He could forget and concentrate on what he had. He could even spend time with the “other” Daniel and not feel gut-punched now.

And if there were moments when he couldn't, he at least held himself in check so it didn't show. It was okay at home because daily life kept him busy there.

Here, however, here Jack felt vulnerable. Attackable. This used to be their happy place. There had been no hiding here. No pretending.

Yet, he was sitting here, feeling gloomy, while at the same time, he was glad he had come. Jack couldn't force LD to to return here. And he wouldn't. But maybe giving the place to Jackson wasn't such a bad idea.

After all, it had been his happy place, too.

Why was it so hard to just accept Jackson as part of his life?

If he was brutally honest with himself, Jack knew the answer to that one.

He wasn't immune to the new adult Daniel. God, he was like a forbidden fruit. Jack knew if they continued to let down their barriers, they'd probably get into trouble. And that would end in all three of them getting hurt. Jackson and he shared the same pain. Jack wondered if that pain would become dangerous for their... for the new ground of friendship they tried to maintain. They were trying to build a foundation on... on the old foundation they already had.

Jack had to remind himself that their strongest foundation had always been friendship. There already WAS a strong foundation.

Yep, he could do this friendship thing with Jackson.

They'd be fine.

It just wasn't easy. But they'd deal. Hopefully.

***

“You need to drink something,” Daniel said for the hundredth time, looking down at the bowed blond head with the sweaty, bed-messy hair.

“I'm not thirsty,” LD answered for the hundredth time, refusing to touch the squeeze bottle of Pedialyte. Janet had recommended it, and Sam had brought it a few hours ago. It was supposed to taste delicious, like apple juice, and according to the instruction manual, every kid loved it. Basically, it was a "rehydration formula" consisting of water with sugar and certain minerals.

Little Daniel refused to even try it.

“I'll get sick again,” he argued.

He hadn't thrown up today, so far, and Janet strongly suggested trying to get fluids into the boy. Aside from a few sips of water early that morning, LD refused to take anything other than chewable children's Tylenol, which had brought the fever down by lunchtime, at least.

Aside from the so-very-delicious Pedialyte, Sam had brought the thermometer and some light foods LD would be able to eat once he felt up to it. She had offered to stay the day, and finally Daniel had given in. Because she really seemed to want to stay and he was grateful for the company.

After LD woke up around ten, they had watched a movie together, but the kid had dozed off again halfway through it.

Now it was early afternoon. Sam was assembling another cupboard in the kitchen. Daniel felt exhausted from staying up most of the night and nursing his sick counterpart.

LD was awake and cranky.

“Look,” Daniel tried again, “you know you need to drink, right? And Janet says plain water isn't enough because you have to take minerals and vitamins. So you have to put up with this stuff. It's as simple as that.”

“I don't like apple juice,” LD said stubbornly, refusing to look at BD.

“That's not true. You do like apple juice.”

“Not today. I want cherry.” 

“Cherry? Why would you want cherry? You hate cherry!” Daniel snapped, losing his patience.

“You might not like cherry. Maybe 'I' do,” LD griped right back.

“Oh, please! Come on now... that's... that's... childish!” 

“Well, surprise!” LD snorted. 

Daniel groaned inwardly, and before he could hold back, the words were out of his mouth, “If you don't drink enough, I will take you to the mountain so Janet can hook you up to an IV!”

LD's head jerked up, and he glared at Daniel with blazing blue eyes. “You wouldn't!”

“Would. Sorry.” 

“You know how much I hate to stay in the infirmary!” 

“Yes, I know. So you better start drinking this stuff, no matter how bad it tastes,” Daniel said, a lot calmer than he felt. 

LD glared at him a moment longer, but when he didn't cave, the boy grabbed the bottle and ripped the lid off. “Fine. If I throw up all over you, it's not my fault.”

“No, it's not,” Daniel sighed.

LD took a tentative sip and grimaced. When Daniel didn't leave right away, he frowned and sipped again.

“Don't drink all of it at once. You know the drill. It's not as if you've never been sick before,” Daniel said, shaking his head at the sullen expression on the little guy's face.

“What? Do you want me to drink it or not?”

“I want you to drink it, but carefully.”

“I'm no idiot, you know?” 

“Could have fooled me,” Daniel muttered. 

He stayed until LD had drank some more, then took the bottle away and left to join Sam in the kitchen. To get a coffee. And a pill for his own developing headache.

She smiled sympathetically and handed him a full mug as soon as he entered the room. “Thanks,” he mumbled as he sat down, savoring the familiar smell.

“How is he?”

“Ugh.... he tried the apple juice. Finally.”

“That's good, right?”

“He's cranky. Wanted cherry instead of apple. And before that, he wanted nothing at all. Oh, and before that... never mind.” Daniel grimaced at the thought of LD not wanting to brush his teeth – the taste of toothpaste made him sick again - and wanting his laptop, but then not wanting to work or to play. He had clicked on a few files without really doing anything. Then he had wanted to read, but the book he wanted was at home. So LD had taken another very short nap. And when he'd come around, they had the drinking issue. 

“He's sick, Daniel. Sick kids are cranky. You are cranky when you're sick. The colonel is... okay, the colonel is...”

“Don't remind me,” he groused. “Unless it has changed, Jack's the worst patient under this sun. Under every sun.” 

“Only he says the same about you. Always did.” Sam smiled as she sat next to him with her own coffee. 

He placed his head on the table and crossed his arms over it, like he was going to sleep or cry. “I'm getting the picture,” he moaned.

Sam patted his back soothingly. With a sigh, he sat up again. “When he was so out of it this morning, he... he cried for Jack.”

He had been uncomfortably distressed by the little boy asking for Jack like a kid would cry for his dad, complete with tears and snot all over LD's face and Daniel's shirt.

It had been... disturbing.

“He misses him,” Sam said. 

“It's not that I don't understand him. It's just that I think... even if he's emotionally more like a kid... And he is. I got that much. He still remembers. He should be able to get over the bad taste of the Pedialyte. And that meltdown... I'm not used to... I mean... the... I would expect him to act more like me when I was that age. The first time around.“

Sam shrugged. “Didn't you always want your mom or dad near you when you were sick or hurt as a kid? I think it's an instinct of some sort.”

“When I was sick as a kid, I mostly tried not to draw attention to myself. I kept quiet and hoped it would go away. Some of my foster parents weren't very understanding,” he said, lost in his own past for a moment.

When he felt Sam's hand on his arm, he blinked and shook his head. “Um... That was... that didn't come out right. I didn't mean he should suck it up and live with it. That's not... not what I meant.“

“Sorry. I didn't mean to open up old wounds. I still wanted my mom when I was hurt or sick. Even after she was... gone,” Sam said quietly. “It doesn't matter sometimes if you know they aren't coming back. The need is still there.”

Daniel gazed in his empty coffee mug. “Yeah. I know.”

Half an hour later, LD strolled into the kitchen, Flyboy on his heels. Under his arm, he carried a box. His cheeks were rosy, and Daniel suspected that the fever had risen again. LD got his apple drink from the kitchen counter and placed the box on the kitchen table before he took the chair next to Sam.

“Can we do a jigsaw? I brought one from home.” 

“Sure, I'd love to,” Sam said. 

Daniel placed a hand on the boy's forehead and wondered if he should give him another Tylenol. Out loud he said, “Great idea. I haven't done a puzzle in ages.”

It was a motif of the sunken city of Atlantis. They spread out the 1000 pieces on the table, and a moment later they were engrossed in the puzzle.

For about twenty minutes.

Then Little Daniel started yawning again and lost his concentration. His movements became more clumsy and at one point, he almost spilled his apple drink over the whole table. Sam saved the bottle just before it tipped over.

“Why don't you lie down on the couch for a nap?” she suggested as she handed him the fever thermometer so he could stick it into his mouth. 

Complying reluctantly, LD trotted into the living room. When the thermometer came out, he called out to them that it showed 102 degrees.

When Daniel checked on his little charge a while later, he found him fast asleep, the thermometer lying on the coffee table. He tucked a blanket around the pliant body and made sure LD was comfortable, then he and Sam continued working on the puzzle and chatting through the late afternoon.

Doing the jigsaw distracted Daniel from his itching leg and from worrying about LD. When his phone rang around six, he felt himself jump, thinking it might be Jack. He suddenly realized he had forgotten all about calling him. He’d had his hands full taking care of the kid and trying to get some sleep in between.

But it turned out to be Janet, who wanted an update on her little patient. She seemed satisfied with everything Daniel told her and suggested they try for solid food the following day.

Daniel listened to her advice about rice and bananas. LD would have to continue drinking the Pedialyte. Then Janet ended her lecture with the announcement that she wanted to see LD as soon as he felt good enough to come to the mountain. She was the one with the last word to that and no, it didn't matter if both Daniels thought that wasn't necessary. Period.

You never talked back to the Napoleonic power monger – no matter which time line you were in. So Daniel just swallowed it and said, “Yes, ma'am.”

Sam left after they had shared a light dinner.

  
  


They were watching TV later, LD sipping another bottle of apple Pedialyte.

“We should call Jack,” Daniel said during a commercial break.

LD shook his head. “He'll just get anxious.”

“Yeah, but...”

“I'm better. Let's call him tomorrow, okay? It's no emergency, really.”

“Okay. Maybe he'll call later anyway,” Daniel mumbled.

But Jack didn't call that night, and both Daniels were exhausted and for once went to bed early.


	5. Ten Days V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains adult artwork :)

**V**

The ringing of his cell phone had Jack sitting upright in bed, his heart racing. He wasn't even fully awake yet when he answered it without looking at the caller ID. “O'Neill.”

“Jack?”

“Daniel?” Jack cleared his throat and scrubbed a hand over his face as he leaned back against the headboard. Daniel calling him in the middle of the night couldn't be good... Keeping his voice calm and casual, he asked, “You okay? What time is it?”

“I'm fine. It's... Four am. Sorry.” 

“'s okay. What's up?” 

There was a long pause, then, “Nothing. Just wanted to say hi.”

“O-kay. Hi there. Why aren't you asleep?” Jack wriggled around in his bed until he was lying comfortable again. He propped his pillow behind his back.

“Can't.”

“Nightmares?”

“Yeah.”

“Ah.” 

Jack waited.

When Daniel didn't say anything else, he asked, “Want me to tell you what I've been doing around here? I'm sorry I didn't call yesterday. I spent hours emptying the shed and cutting the grass. Then I had to take all the trash to the junk yard. When I got back in, the phone was dead. By the time it was recharged, I had fallen asleep...” Jack continued talking for a while, stifling several yawns and wishing he had a cup of coffee at hand. When he stopped, he could hear his little guy cracking a yawn himself. “You still with me, buddy?”

“Mmh. Can you just talk some more, please?” He did sound sleepy now.

Jack bit back the question if Daniel was really okay and instead talked about the weather, how the deep-fried pizza tasted like chicken, and that he’d found Charlie's fishing net in the shed.

“J'ck?” 

“Daniel?”

“What did you do with Charlie at the cabin?”

“Oh, you know, guy stuff. Fishing, sitting in the boat, swimming... we had picnics in the woods.” 

“Yeah. I remember you telling me that,” Daniel said, a smile in his drowsy voice.

Jack smiled, too. “The first time you came here with me, you made me talk about Charlie a lot. You've always been a pesky little bug, you know?”

There was no reply from the other end of the line.

“Daniel? Daniel, you have to switch off your phone.” Jack listened for a moment longer. Registering the muffled sounds coming over the phone more with his senses than with his ear, he whispered, “Aw, Daniel,” and hung up.

***

Daniel almost fell out of bed when his phone rang. He peered at the clock and had to blink several times to get the sleep out of his eyes.

Four... something... in the morning... oh, god.

This was so not good.

He picked up his phone and mumbled something incoherent, like, “Jack, that you? What?”

“Daniel just called.”

“No, I didn't.” 

“ _My_ Daniel,” came the sharp reply.

He sat up and his cast scratched over his other leg. “What? Did he throw up again? No, wait... I would've heard that, right?”

He had horrible images of LD covered in his own vomit and calling Jack for help because Daniel wouldn’t wake up. Of course, that was ridiculous. The kid would just come over then, right? But what if he was too weak to...

“What do you mean, _threw up again_?” Jack's voice sounded like it did before he shot someone. Calm but deadly. 

“He's been a little sick... nothing... nothing serious. Just a stomach flu.” Daniel managed to untangle his covers and sat up properly. He grabbed his glasses from the nightstand.

“Did you...”

“I called Janet. We have everything covered. He didn't throw up yesterday or last night. I think he's almost through it,” Daniel rattled, then blinked. “He didn't tell you he's sick?” 

“Of course he didn't,” Jack bellowed. 

“Well, yeah... but why did he call you?”

“Nightmares,” Jack muttered, then added, “Listen, don't let him have coffee or chocolate.”

“Why not?” Daniel couldn't resist bitching. “Isn't that what you would give someone with a stomach flu?”

To his surprise, Jack grumbled, “Right. Point taken. He... was crying. So you’d better go over there and...”

“'m on my way. Hey, I wanted to call you, but it's really not...”

“I know,” Jack said. 

Daniel stood in the middle of the hall and pressed the phone against his ear. “You won’t jump in your truck and come back here ASAP?”

“You don't really think I'd let him stay with you if I thought you weren’t able to take care of him, right?” 

He opened his mouth to remind Jack that he hadn't been happy about the arrangement in the first place, but Jack continued, “When he's better, give him salty stuff. Pretzel sticks are good. Oh, and if he doesn't like the electrolyte stuff, you can give him Coke. Not cold though, and you have to stir it to get out the fizzing. It worked like a charm on Charlie when he stopped throwing up.”

BD blinked. “Did you say Coke? Pretzels? Janet said rice and bananas.”

“Daniel, do you like rice or bananas?”

“Um... nope.”

“There ya go.” 

“If he throws up again, I'm going to tell Janet you suggested pretzels and Coke,” Daniel warned. Jack chuckled. A tired but humorous chuckle. Daniel felt himself smile at the phone as he added, “Of course, you'll deny it with your last breath then, right?”

“Damn straight,” Jack said, still grinning from what Daniel could hear in his voice. Then he sobered and continued, “Ask him about his nightmares.”

“I don't think he'll talk to me about them.”

“He won't if you don't ask him. Try, at least. They're bugging him.”

“What are they about? Anubis's ship?”

“Me dying.” 

Daniel leaned heavily against the door frame of his office, watching the dark room, trying to make out LD on the bed. The dog came over and sniffed him. Daniel twirled his fingers through the fur of Flyboy's giant black head. “Oh. I know those.”

There was silence at the other end of the phone. Then Jack said, “I'll call again later.”

Daniel switched his phone off and let it slide into the pocket of his sweats. He approached LD's bed and gently picked up the phone lying next to the sleeping boy. He made sure it was off before putting it on the desk. As he was on his way out, a small voice spoke from the bed.

“Did Jack call you?”

So much for sleeping. “Yeah.” Daniel turned around. “How are you?”

“Better. I talked to Jack, too.”

“I know. Did I wake you?”

“No.” LD sat, pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. “I couldn't sleep.”

Daniel settled down next to him on the bed and tried to make out LD's face. But it was still dark, so he couldn't see much. “What happened?”

“I cried, okay?” LD said curtly. “I had this nightmare and woke up. I needed to talk to him. He always...” Daniel could hear the kid swallowing hard. “He talks to me when I have nightmares. Holds me and talks. And I needed him to... And when he talked to me, I started crying like a baby. So I just dumped the phone and pulled the covers over my head. Didn't want him to know.” His childlike voice vibrated with anger and embarrassment. 

Daniel nudged his young counterpart gently. “Scoot over.” He crawled under the covers, carefully moving his bad leg.

LD crossed his arms over his chest and turned his head away, looking at the wall. After a moment of just sitting together, Daniel asked finally, “Do you want to talk about your nightmares?”

“No.” 

“Oh. Okay. Can I... talk to you about mine?” 

LD shrugged. “Sure.”

Daniel wriggled around a bit until he was more comfortable. “You remember how I talked about my time line, right? When we came back from Abydos and had all these debriefings about what happened on Anubis's ship.”

“Yeah. Hammond ordered you to tell us.”

“He didn't have to. Since we all survived Abydos this time around, I didn't see any reason not to share. Could have done it before. But I decided not to. So.”

“So?” There was a spark of interest in the kid's voice now, but he still didn't look at Daniel.

“That's what my nightmares are. About what happened on Abydos in my own time line. There are other nightmares, of course. The old ones. From missions. Some nightmares didn't return after a while. Others...”

“I know. Like Sha'uri's death. Or MacKenzie's cell. Hathor. And Reese...“

“Reese? Oh. I don't remember... Reese. Only from the reports and your journal.”

“Don't feel sorry about it.” LD snorted. “Wasn't pretty.”

“I bet,” Daniel murmured. After a pause, he said. “Every time I have that nightmare when Jack and Sam die on Abydos and I stumble through the gate... When I come out at the SGC, I'm little again. Or at least, I think I am. Each time I wake up, I think I'm alone and... a kid.” 

When a small hand sneaked into his, he carefully took it and squeezed.

“You remember when I told you how things are different now? When we talked about my birthday and what it's like to be little?” LD asked.

“Yeah.”

“I'm a kid now. I know this is temporary. My mind knows that. But as long as I'm... a kid... I'm not like you. I'm not me anymore. Not entirely. Not always. I like to pretend I am, but... I can't deal with things the same right now. I whine, I cry and I get cranky when I'm not... 'in tune'. That's what Jack calls it. It even seems harder to act 'fine' now than it was when I was little the first time around.” LD grimaced. “Jack thinks that's improvement. He gets mad at me when I bottle things up. Which is real annoying, 'cause he does that too. Not talking about stuff. About feeling stuff.” 

Daniel entwined his fingers with Little Daniel's. He remembered how awkward he had felt about his little self's breakdown yesterday morning. How he could never imagine doing something like that when he had been a kid – after his parents were gone. He’d always kept rather quiet and hoped nobody would notice he was not “functioning” for some reason. Only a few of his foster parents cared enough to really worry about him.

But actually, it did make a lot of sense.

This Little Daniel had the luxury to rant and whine or cry – and still be loved. He didn't have to fear rejection. Nobody would try to get rid of him because he was cranky or geeky or didn't fit in anywhere. He could say when he felt lousy, sad or plain angry.

Even though it might annoy LD that he did react like a little kid sometimes... BD realized that, childish and whiny or not, it was good that he could act that way sometimes.

When LD started talking again, his voice was so low that Daniel had to listen hard to understand him. “When they told me Jack had died on Anubis's ship, I felt like I had lost it all over again and... at one point I just cried. I wanted him back. I went out to rescue both of you because 'I' couldn't accept, couldn't stand to be left behind – again.“

“Well, I'm glad you came – for whatever reason,” BD said dryly.

“It was needy and selfish to interfere like that. You should see that too. You would have accepted Jack's role in this and let him ascend. You would've been stronger than me and walked your foreseen path,” LD spat.

“Sure. That's why I talked Jack into staying and sabotaging Anubis's ship even more, instead of leaving after he messed with the computer. If we start pointing fingers, you can blame the whole getting captured and beaten up part on me,” BD said. 

“I wonder how he did that,” LD mumbled.

“What?”

“Jack. How did he work the computer thing out?”

“I have no idea. And he said he doesn't either. I think it must have triggered some unconscious part of his mind. There are probably still buried memories from when he had the Ancient repository downloaded. And Anubis used ancient technology on his ship,” Daniel replied.

“I know. But you said the screen froze on you, and you weren't able to make it work at all. Something's odd about that.” 

“Jack was probably able to override some security code.”

LD chewed on his bottom lip and nodded. “Yeah. Makes sense.”

For a while, they just sat there, and Big Daniel was about to tell his little charge to get some more sleep when LD said, out of the blue, “There's more.”

BD squeezed the small hand again. “More what?”

“That's changed.”

“Like... uh... what?”

“My memories changed, too.” He licked his lips and tried again. “I forgot how to love him like I did. I remember. Here.” He tapped his free hand at his head. “But the essence is gone.”

Trying to ignore the uncomfortable tingle in his stomach about where this was going, Daniel nodded. “Yes, it makes sense. You’re in a kid's body. You can't connect the physical to the psyche yet.”

LD didn't answer, and Daniel gazed down at their hands. “My memories from before the downsizing are very... alive.” He bit on his lip to stop himself from saying more.

LD pulled his hand out of Daniel’s and looked up at him with earnest blue eyes. “I'm not sure anymore how it felt to... kiss him. Like adults. How Jack,” he swallowed hard, “tasted. Smelled after we made love. My memories are like a... pretty wallpaper. Like a movie. I'm able to watch and listen, but not feel it.”

“I really think it's a physical thing,” Daniel said softly. “It'll be back once you're big again.” As an afterthought, he added, “Do you think that would be good?”

LD lowered his gaze to the stuffed monkey lying on the bedcovers. “I don't know. I used to think having my old life back once I'm big again – including Jack – was what I wanted most. But... I don't... I just don't know anymore.”

Daniel closed his eyes for a brief moment as he tried to come up with something comforting, confident and optimistic. “It'll be okay. You and Jack will work it out.” His voice sounded hollow to his own ears.

“Yeah,” the kid said flatly and looked at him again. “And... what about you?”

“I'll leave. There are plenty of possibilities for me,” he said, feeling his own jaw set into a hard line. “So you don't have to worry about me. It's just you and him then. And you'll figure it out.”

LD held his gaze, and in the semi-dark room his eyes were deep and painfully knowing. “It's not that simple.”

“Has to be,” BD said. 

But he wasn't able to hold the other Daniel's gaze for long. In a helpless attempt to just end the conversation for now, he slipped out of bed and ruffled young Daniel's hair, saying, “Besides, we have more important things to worry about. Like Anubis. And how to get rid of him when he comes back, don't you think? If we're all still alive afterward, we can start to think about the future.”

LD's eyes grew big. He opened his mouth, then closed it again.

“Get some more sleep. See you later for breakfast,” Daniel said, his throat tight with emotions he didn't want to deal with right now.

Little Daniel buried himself under the covers.

***

Jack refused to worry too much. He refused to call Daniel right after his shower. Which was an hour after he had talked to BD. He forced himself to have breakfast and think of what to do as he looked out the window.

It was still dark – and raining.

“Crap,” he cursed. 

Rain meant no deck painting. Rain also meant not repairing the boat. Rain meant staying inside. He stood at the window and glared at the dark sky and the droplets of water running down the glass.

So he was gone for a few days and his kid had caught the flu. Well, the flu wasn't serious. Nothing like the Antarctica virus they‘d all had. He could hear Janet warning him that it was common for kids to catch a second infection if they were already weakened from the first one.

Jackson knew the drill about fluids and checking temps. Jack had nursed the guy often enough through the years. Even though BD would ignore his own state of health stoically until he dropped dead, he sure wasn't going to neglect his mini version. Besides, Fraiser, Carter and Teal’c were there, too.

They'd be fine.

Jack lingered over a second cup of coffee as he gazed out at the rain, and watched the night turn into early morning.

He decided to tidy up the bedroom. It was the only room he didn't spend more than the nights in. So he hadn't cleaned it yet.

He'd start with the closet.

All the clothes he had brought with him were still in his bag or draped over a chair. Daniel would tease him about it because it wasn't like Jack to be sloppy. He would usually unpack and put away his stuff. It had always been Daniel who only unpacked books, his laptop and toiletries. The rest wasn't important so it stayed in his bag until he needed it.

But since Jack hadn't cleaned up here, he hadn't unpacked his clothes.

He opened the closet and stood there for a minute, gazing.

There was a lonely, long-sleeved T-shirt of Daniel's on a hanger. It was plain white, but the back and sleeves were stained with some grass spots.

An instant visual popped into Jack’s head.

Daniel, lying on the short grass, reading. Enjoying the summer weather was something Daniel never took for granted. Before he had started working at the SGC, he'd been so full of allergies that he couldn't lie or sit on a lawn, much less a meadow with wild flowers in bloom. But Fraiser had managed to figure out which antihistamines worked best for him, so he could be outside without red eyes and a running nose.

It had been one of the good side perks of the job. Daniel needed to function off world so he got the best medications available, no matter what the cost.

There was one of Jack's caps, thrown carelessly to the bottom of the closet. It looked worn, the olive color bleached by the sun. He picked it up. Slapped it against his thigh to dust it off and tossed it onto the bed behind him.

His fingers brushed over the white shirt, and he remembered the box with some of Daniel's belongings in his closet at home. How he used to open it and get out everything. Photos, a bandanna, the creamy sweater. How he had sat on his bed, hugging the sweater, feeling the loss of adult Daniel like a frigging black hole inside.

It had been the first time Jack allowed himself to let out some steam since Daniel had become little. He had ended up jerking off all over that creamy sweater, images of his adult Daniel circulating in his head. Since then, his right-hand relationship had returned to normal.

The white tee joined the cap on the bed. He wasn't going to become a shirt fetishist, thank you very much. The closet was empty now, except for a lot of dust on the ground. Cobwebs, too. Great.

Grimacing at the dirt, he sat on his bed and opened the nightstand on Daniel's side.

A book, a half-empty tissue box, lube.

Peachy. Just...

Jack took out the book, figuring it must be the one Daniel had mentioned on the phone. He half-expected it to be a diary. Wouldn't that be just the super cliche?

God, Jack really hated cliches.

But it wasn't a diary. It was “Lovers' Legends: The Gay Greek Myths”  by Andrew Calimach.

Jack frowned and turned it to read the synopsis.

Nine previously suppressed Greek myths about Hercules, Narcissus, Zeus and others reveal a new side to characters we thought familiar and reflect a nuanced morality integrating spirituality and male love. Lucian's Different Loves, a dialog on gay and straight love illustrating the roots of this ongoing debate, frames the tales.

“Oy,” he said to the empty room. He remembered how his learned friend and colleague had found a new way to lecture the ignorant colonel about aspects of the ancient Greeks that Jack would never have heard in the briefing room of the SGC. 

“Temple porn, Jack,” he heard Daniel murmur into his ear, “is a very intriguing part of ancient Greek mythology.”

Oh, yeah. Jack had been the one with first experiences in their relationship, but in the end it was Daniel who'd pushed them forward. Because he had to follow his inner need to explore and to learn. And to try out new things. And Jack had found himself eager to follow his friend's lead in that adventure.

He put the book in his travel bag, wondering if Jackson would want it if LD decided not to take it back after all.

He grabbed the dusty tissue box and the Astroglide bottle. The tissues went with the shirt and cap on the bed. Jack weighed the lube in his hand for a moment, then tossed it away as well.

More trash.

His own nightstand on the other side of the bed held a half-finished crossword on an old newspaper page. Jack was about to put it on the trash pile when he caught some of the words.  _Across: Norse God, Four letters..._ That would be Thor. Somebody had written “Jack” and somebody else had crossed “Jack” and written “Jerk” over it in red letters. 

Jack snorted and tried to connect the crossword with the right moment. He couldn't and shrugged. The crossword joined the lube, shirt and cap.

They’d had lots of fun and goofy moments. As often as they’d had dark and uncertain times. They had their demons to fight and had known about most of them before they made it together.

Jack was sure Svenson would have the right terms and words for their problems, but he didn't care one way or the other how fucked up both their minds were or why they'd been so drawn to each other.

Perhaps because there wasn't anybody else. Couldn't be anybody else. Daniel wasn't a guy who could live in a relationship that required lying and making up cover stories long term. Jack had done that up to a point with Sara, but he was too old to get into that kind of compromise again. He also didn't want to go with a woman anymore. And he couldn't go with just any guy. The risk was too high. Going with Daniel had been safe. And honest.

Because even though they sometimes crashed their stubborn skulls together and came back through the gate with steam coming out of their ears, ready to shoot each other on the spot, they stayed honest with each other. Even if it hurt.

So, yeah, they might have clicked only because they'd shared the same pains. Because they'd both been lonely and unable to hook up with someone else. They had been desperate. Needed to hold and to be held by somebody who cared. Somebody who understood that it had been a rotten, screwed-up day fighting yet another slimy Goa'uld that caused the other to scream and lash out in the middle of the night. Somebody who knew what it was like to have your mind screwed with an alien doohickey or your body spit out in hell at the other end of the wormhole.

Jack didn't care about the reasons for their relationship.

The day Daniel had said he was attracted to Jack and then practically thrown him out of his apartment in one breath... That day Jack had realized two things...

_...First, he wanted Daniel and second, he had just done the most dumb-ass thing and screwed up by telling Daniel – if not literally – that Sha'uri was gone and therefore didn't count as a real marriage anymore.  _

_Well done, O'Neill._

_But Daniel had practically confessed he wanted Jack too – and that alone was mind boggling. And while Jack knew Daniel loved his wife and honored her, he had the insane feeling that Daniel belonged with him. Even more so now that he knew Daniel felt it too. Sort of._

_Jack was furious despite the fact that he probably deserved to be thrown out. Daniel turned him down. Doctor I'm-Mister-Complicated-Jackson had insisted that Jack spill his guts and come out with it._

_ And then told him “sorry, but no.”  _

_Hell, Jack hadn't expected flowers and celestial choirs. But he'd talked feelings. Had done something he'd never done before. Not since he had made his proposal to Sara or since his son had been born. It was huge. It was... the dumbest thing he'd done in a while._

_Making a fool out of himself and cheapening Daniel's marriage._

_Jack slammed the door of his truck shut and glared out at the street, his hands clutching the steering wheel like he wanted to strangle it. In reality, he wanted to strangle Daniel, of course._

_And what else was new? The things he had wanted to do to Daniel over the last three years included strangling, kicking his ass, smacking him upside the head - hard, shooting him or zatting him three times... and alternately, he wanted to hold him when he was lying in his damn infirmary bed, ruffle and play with his hair when they sat on the couch together, listen to his voice – if not always to what he was saying – during briefings, slam him against a wall and kiss him senseless._

_All that._

_And a whole lot of other things that didn't make sense and freaked him out. Not because Daniel was a guy. But because Daniel was Daniel. Under his command and his best friend. And you didn't go with a subordinate or your best friend. Period. He wouldn't do it with Carter, so he sure as hell shouldn't do it with Daniel._

_Yet, he had gone out on a limb tonight and offered._

_And Daniel said he was gay-curious and attracted to Jack._

_And then told him to leave._

_Jack's mind was telling him, Daniel had been right. He was, after all, married. Jack had no right to judge whether Daniel loved Sha'uri or not. He knew Daniel was devoted to her._

_Yet, he was attracted to Jack._

_Right._

_Things never were easy with Daniel Jackson._

_He could have lived with Daniel being straight and not being able to do anything about it. With Daniel being in love with Sha'uri too much to even think about being with someone else. But that wasn't what he'd said, right?_

_This.... didn't make sense. Only, coming from Daniel, it probably did make sense in a weird way Jack didn't understand..._

_He would go home and forget about it then. He wouldn't go to his knees and bring the kid red roses and a bottle of champagne or strawberries. He'd lived without Daniel in his bed, and he would continue to live without Daniel in his bed._

_It wasn't as if he was in his twenties and needed the sex. Or somebody who was always there, especially not somebody as annoying as Daniel._

_Crap._

_Jack shoved the key into the ignition and started the truck. He veered out of the parking space. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw someone cross the road in front of him. Jack slammed on the brakes, unbuckled his seat belt, and opened his side window. Leaning out, he yelled, “For crying out loud! Do you want me to explain to Hammond why I squashed you under my truck?”_

_Daniel patted the hood awkwardly. “Your truck could use a washing.”_

“ _A washing my ass! Care to explain why you jumped in front of it?”_

“ _You should get off the road.”_

“ _I was on my way home, Daniel. You should get out of the way,” Jack said through gritted teeth._

“ _We need to talk.” Daniel explained._

“ _Been there. Done that. You made me leave, remember?”_

“ _I know. I changed my mind.”_

_Jack was SO going to shoot him. Now. “Daniel.”_

“ _Look. I'm not saying I changed my mind about what I said to you. I just think you have the right to know why,” Daniel had the nerve to tell him._

“ _You’re married, Daniel. I got that much.”_

“ _Yesss. But I still want to explain it to you. There's more.”_

“ _Oh, for...” Jack put the truck in reverse to get back into the parking spot._

_Daniel followed and opened the passenger door. He got in and put his seat belt on. Jack noticed that he had dressed in a pair of fading blue jeans and a red buttoned-down shirt. His hair was still a little damp, and he placed his leather jacket over his knees._

“ _Look, I'm sorry...” Jack sighed._

“ _No, no, I know you didn't...” Daniel mumbled._

“ _It's just that...“_

“ _I was just...” Daniel shook his head. “There are so many reasons why we can't get together that I don't even know where to start. Sha'uri is only one of them.”_

“ _She should be the most important reason though,” Jack said softly._

_Daniel didn't reply to that. Instead he asked casually, “How about a coffee?”_

“ _Starbucks?”_

“ _Sure, why not?”_

_But Jack didn't move. They were sitting in the truck, staring out the windshield. Daniel looked at him, and Jack looked away. Then Jack looked at Daniel, and Daniel turned his head and coughed. “Or we could just go... back inside.”_

“ _Will you make up your mind, Daniel?”_

“ _I did. I said coffee. You drive. So drive.”_

“ _You just said we could go back inside,” Jack nagged, knowing he was being annoying, but not caring right now._

_When Daniel glared at him with blazing blue eyes, Jack shrugged and started the engine._

_A while later they were seated at a table in the Starbucks on North Tejon Street. Daniel gazed into his Café Mocha while Jack sipped the coffee of the week, which was something strong and black. The Starbucks wasn't very crowded, and they had relative privacy in their corner._

“ _Spill,” Jack prompted finally._

“ _You could be more subtle, you know,” Daniel groaned._

“ _Okay. Spill, Daniel.”_

“ _Yeah, thanks. I'm sorry I made you leave.”_

_ Jack grabbed the cookie Daniel had bought with his mocha and started munching it, ignoring the irritated look it earned hi m before Daniel went back to stare into his mug. _

“ _Go on.”_

“ _You’re right,” Daniel said, finally looking up from his mocha. He met Jack's eyes briefly and then glanced around the café before he focused on Jack once again. “Sha'uri should be the most important reason why we can't be together. She's my wife, and I do love her. It's just...”_

“ _Not that simple?” Jack felt his irritation fade at the realization of Daniel’s dilemma._

“ _No. It isn't. But then, it never is, right?” Daniel gave him a faint smile and took a sip from his mocha before he continued, “Jack, I'm not just attracted to you, too, I was probably in denial about it as long as you were. By the time you had the Ancient knowledge in your head, I was already... feeling it.”_

_Now it was Jack’s turn to gaze into his coffee. “Wow.”_

“ _But I can't. Don't you see? Sha'uri is out there, waiting for me. What kind of a husband am I if I’m with you while there's still hope for her?”_

_Jack rubbed a hand over his tired eyes. “I know. I'm sorry, Daniel. I didn't mean to be disrespectful. We'll find her. Someday.”_

_He had no right to belittle Daniel's love for Sha'uri, no matter how strongly he believed that Daniel belonged with him. It was utterly arrogant and pigheaded._

“ _But you were also right when you said she's not here,” Daniel continued in a low voice, ignoring Jack's apology. “And it gets harder for me... each year, a little bit... to hold on to the love we shared. It shouldn't be like this. I always thought Sha'uri and I had a very strong foundation despite her being a gift to me by her father. We really had a life together, Jack. I thought our bond was stronger than that.”_

“ _It'll come back to you,” Jack said, feeling numb inside. “Once you have her back, you'll settle down, build a house, have kids... that sort of thing. You deserve it, Daniel. If anyone does, it's you.”_

“ _Maybe,” Daniel muttered. Then he looked Jack in the eye and explained, “But it's more complicated. I wasn't aware you'd think I was mad at you, or freaked, when I tried to... get some distance between us. I'm sorry for that, by the way.”_

_He made a whirling motion with his hand, like he was chasing a fly. “And?”_

“ _Jack.” Daniel leaned forward, and for the first time Jack realized how haunted he looked. How pale he was. His eyes were huge. And bewildered. “You got snaked. Hathor made you a... host,” he hissed, his voice so low that only Jack could hear him._

“ _Okay, just... what does me being snaked have to do with anything?”_

“ _Nothing. And everything. When Sam and I had to leave you behind because Makepeace wouldn't risk taking you with us, it suddenly hit me that it was happening again. It gets kind of annoying when your friends and family die or join the snakehead club – to use your words.”_

_Jack snorted. “What? You cursed or something?”_

“ _Or... something.”_

“ _Right.”_

_He wanted to joke it off, tell Daniel not to worry about it because Hathor screwed up and the snake hadn't liked the deep freeze it went in. But his usually keen wit left him as he realized what this was really about. Jack probably wasn't very sensible when it came to emotional stuff. But he was no idiot._

_Sha'uri got snaked._

_So did Skaara._

_God, if he looked at the whole picture... The guy had lost his parents when he was seven. From there, it had probably gone downhill._

_Jack didn't know what to say. He couldn't promise Daniel he'd never die. Not with what they were doing. Neither could Daniel. So Jack did what he was good at. He got defensive._

“ _You died,” Jack fired back, forcing himself to keep his voice down as well. “You freaking died on me at least twice.”_

_Daniel blinked. “No, I didn't.”_

“ _You SO did. We had a memorial service.”_

“ _You only thought I was dead. I was with...“_

_Well, d'oh._

_Jack pushed his coffee aside and leaned closer as he hissed, “Didn't change the way I felt. Second time you were dead was on Klorel's ship. Oh, and let's not forget the time when you had to rescue Shyla, the bitch princess from the first-class mining prison.” Jack was on a roll now. “There, you not only died, you also got addicted. Oh, and while we're at it... what was that stunt on Ernest's... palace... when you wanted me to leave you behind so you could study some intergalactic...”_

“ _Universal. It was a universal language,” Daniel interrupted quietly. “And I didn't die there.”_

“ _Whatever! All those times you turned my hair more and more gray – and you, of all people, are telling me you can't be with me because 'I' might die on you? What kind of logic is that?”_

_Daniel nervously looked around, but nobody was paying any attention to them. “This is probably not the right place....”_

“ _You wanted to come here,” Jack growled._

_Daniel closed his eyes for a moment. “Fine. I did. Walk with me?”_

“ _Is this getting somewhere?”_

“ _Will you stop bitching?”_

_They grabbed their jackets and left._

  
  


_They sauntered down the sidewalk, elbows and shoulders almost touching. It was a mild evening, and the setting sun had turned the sky red and orange._

“ _So,” Jack said when they had wandered down a quiet street. “Where's the difference in you dying or me dying?”_

“ _If I die, it won't be your fault,” Daniel simply said._

“ _Says who? And how would it be your fault if I die?” Jack said, rolling his eyes._

“ _If I die out there, it’ll probably be because I didn't follow one of your orders. Or because I did something useful and hopefully saved the team. The world. Whatever.“_

“ _Amen. So would I.”_

“ _I'm like a branded child, Jack. And I can't bear the thought that the two people I love most might end up either dead or snaked. Maybe it's my karma or something.” Daniel's voice was calm and final._

“ _You don't really believe this crap, do you?” Jack turned left when they reached a deserted playground. There was a swing, a playhouse and a couple of benches. Daniel followed him and sat down on one of them._

_Jack walked around the bench until he stood behind Daniel. He placed his hands on the back of the bench, left and right of Daniel's head, and looked down at him. “Danny?”_

_Daniel tipped his head back and gazed up at him. “You know you're the only one who calls me Danny and still lives?”_

“ _Yeah? Sweet.” Jack grinned._

“ _My parents called me Danny. Nobody else did after they died.”_

“ _I'm not going to die, Daniel. Not if I can help it. And if I do… it won't be your fault.”_

“ _I'd still lose you though.”_

“ _So, what? Shit happens, Daniel. You can't switch off your feelings just because something might happen to me. That's not how it works. And it won't make losing me easier,” Jack said bluntly._

_Daniel hugged himself, but didn't lower his eyes. “I know that. My rational mind knows that. My intellect knows that. Maybe there's a part in me that never grew up and still thinks it's my fault that people die around me. Maybe I'm just too messed up. MacKenzie should have kept me probably.” That was followed by a cold, humorless laugh._

_It was getting dusk now, the sky slipping from red into gray._

_Jack scanned the playground quickly before he gently cuffed Daniel's head. “Then MacKenzie should lock me away, too,” he said. “I'm as messed up as you are. I can even top it. I was in Iraq. Got tortured in prison... the whole package.” He walked around the bench and sat down next to his friend. “So I win the 'who has the most screwed mind' contest.”_

_Daniel didn't respond for a long time. But the silence wasn't uncomfortable anymore. Finally he said, “What if we get compromised? What if you start to treat me differently because we're together? What if one of us suddenly starts making decisions based on personal feelings? What if you have to choose the life of Sam or Teal'c over mine? This is a real mess, Jack.”_

“ _Yeah. It is. And what do you think is happening each time we go out there? Whether we act on it or not, we'll go through all that shit anyway. And more. What if one of us dies and we never found out if we could have made it together?”_

“ _What if...”_

“ _What if someone is sitting behind that bush over there, listening to what we're saying and reports us as queers? What if one of our snaky friends decides to attack at just this moment and the sky falls on our heads? If you start going through all the what if's, you'll never stop worrying, Daniel.”_

_Daniel got up and started walking away fast. Cursing under his breath, Jack followed him back to the truck._

_It was getting dark quickly as they drove through Colorado Springs. After a while Daniel said, “You can't take this so lightly, Jack! I mean... this... us. This... me, you... we're on the same team and...”_

“ _And we're way too close already. But we're still doing our jobs and we're still here, kicking Goa'uld ass. If I have to, I'll still shoot you. But I'd rather not,” Jack said tightly. “Am I worried? Yes, dammit. I'm scared shitless about a whole lot of things when it comes to you... and me. But if I’ve learned one thing, it's that sometimes the meaning of life stuff is right in front of you. If you don’t want to do this because of Sha’uri, I respect that, Daniel. Everything else is just making it work.”_

_They were silent for the rest of the drive. In silence, they left the truck and entered Daniel's apartment building, were greeted by the doorman and rode the elevator to Daniel’s floor where Daniel led them into his apartment, closing the door behind them._

“ _What are you really afraid of, Daniel?” Jack asked._

_They were standing in the dark hall. Jack could hear Daniel breathing next to him._

“ _Ending up alone again. I'm used to being alone now. It's... normal. But if you and I are together... and I'd lose you...” Daniel trailed off as he walked past Jack into his living room._

_ He stopped beside the balcony door, gazing out into the now dark night.  _

_Jack followed and stood beside him. He knew Daniel wasn't done talking. So he waited. He could do patient if he put his mind to it._

“ _I'm afraid of finding Sha'uri and realizing she's not the same, even if we can remove Amaunet from her. Or being with you and then finding her... having to face her and tell her I... moved on,” Daniel whispered. “Finding out that our foundation is stronger than Sha'uri's and mine. Do you think th ese are enough issues?” _

_Jack drew in a deep breath. He reached out and placed a hand on the nape of Daniel's neck, squeezing gently. “It's okay, Daniel. Nothing's going to happen if you don't want it. We'll work it out.”_

“ _No, it's not... It's not okay, Jack. Don't you get it?” He leaned into the touch when Jack's fingers rubbed his neck and brushed through the short strands at his hairline. “I want this as much as you do. For the first time in my life, I feel like I belong somewhere. Even more so than on Abydos. And it's not just you. I'm... I'm not sure I can give this up. SG-1, the work we do. I feel like I'm two different people. I miss her. I grieve for what she has to suffer. But if… when she’s back, I'm... I'm not sure I can step out of this life just like that. That includes being with you. Being with you feels right. And yet, it's wrong.”_

_Jack stepped around Daniel and pulled him forward so their foreheads touched. “And what about Sha'uri? Did it ever occur to you that she might have changed, too? Because of what Amaunet did to her?”_

“ _But if she changed it happened by force. By the things she had to go through. Who am I to tell her it's over once she comes back to me, Jack?”_

“ _Who are you to pretend nothing has changed and live a lie? Do you really think she won't notice, Daniel? She's a smart woman. If this is how you feel, you owe her the truth.”_

“ _I don't even know what the truth is, Jack,” Daniel snapped, frustrated. “It's not that simple. I still love her. I care for her.”_

_Jack's arms came around him and Daniel fit into them like he was made to be there. He hugged Daniel, who let his head drop to Jack’s shoulder, exhaling deeply as he, too, gripped Jack's body tightly._

“ _Look. It took me months to get that fantasizing about you isn't enough. And it took weeks to work up the guts to come here. If you think that's a piece of cake, you're damn wrong, Doctor Jackson. But it's your call. If it's not going to happen, then I'll just lick my wounds and take whatever you're ready to give. And that's the longest speech I've ever held. Don't make me do it again.”_

_Without letting go, Daniel raised his head to look at him._

_Jack licked his lips. “I'm not good with relationships. Sara and I broke up because I shut her out and she let me. I'm not good at begging either, Daniel. If you keep pushing me away, I'll eventually leave. I wish I was a better man than that, but I'm not. So be good for both of us and help us not to screw up our friendship over this. If anyone can work this out, it's you.”_

“ _I don't think this is going to be easy,” Daniel breathed, licking his own lips._

_God, why did he have to do that?_

_Jack shook his head. “No. Probably not.”_

_Then Daniel's hand was on his cheek to still him and his lips brushed against Jack's mouth, tasting and exploring. Jack felt Daniel's lips part as he returned the kiss with equal tentativeness._

_ _

“ _Daniel, what'cha doin'?” Jack mumbled when they parted._

“ _Trying to figure out what I want.”_

“ _This is a bad idea,” Jack warned, as his hand clamped around Daniel's skull. They almost crushed their noses and clashed their teeth as they eagerly devoured each other's mouths._

_Daniel tasted like mocha and Chardonnay._

“ _I knowmmpf.”_

“ _Do you, really?” Jack roamed his hands up and down Daniel's arms, diving in again, forcing Daniel's lips apart and finding his tongue to battle with. G od, it had been so damn long since he'd kissed like this._

“ _No, I don't,” Daniel whispered breathlessly. His hands wandered down Jack's back, clutching and pulling at the leather jacket until it finally hit the floor._

_Jack started nibbling at the corner of Daniel's lips, then rubbed his chin against Daniel's jaw, enjoying the friction of whiskers on his own skin._

_Daniel's hands were busy, ripping Jack's shirt out of his jeans. Fingers sneaked under the shirt, exploring firm back muscles, fingernails scratching along Jack's spine._

“ _You sure you want this?” Jack growled. “You'll probably hate me once you're able to think straight again.”_

“ _Hate you already, Colonel O'Neill, terrific pain in the...” Their mouths crushed once more. Daniel's glasses were in the way for a moment, but it didn't matter._

“ _Hate's good,” slurred Jack when they came up for air. “Wanna hate me somewhere more comfortable?”_

“ _Here's good. Want...”_

_Jack felt light-headed and a little bit out of control. A tiny voice screamed at him to stop now, or they would both regret this. But he was too far gone._

“ _What do you want?” he whispered as his teeth nipped Daniel's ear._

_His hands had settled on Daniel's ass, admiring it the way Jack had always done with his eyes before._

“ _Want,” Daniel repeated and then did something very stupid._

_He started rubbing his groin against Jack's while his hands found their way into the back of Jack's jeans._

“ _Daniel,” Jack snapped. “Stop!”_

_But he sped up instead, and Jack found himself bumping right back into Daniel, felt the friction of his own dick against Daniel's through both their pants. Jack's jeans were too tight, and his balls felt like they'd burst anytime._

“ _Holy buckets,” Daniel moaned. “Jack... Jack, fuck...”_

“ _No, crap... Daniel... no... Not like this,” Jack groaned. But it was too late. He tightened his hands on Daniel's ass, crashed against him one last time, sucking hard at the pulse point of Daniel's neck as he came. Came in his pants like a teenager. Someone was yelling something, and then they skidded down the wall and collapsed onto each other in a heap of jello bones on the floor..._

... Jack blinked at the ceiling, panting in little huffs. He squeezed his now-slack dick one last time, and then his hand fell on his thigh. Groaning, he smacked his other hand over his face.

Fuck.

That had taken him totally off guard.

Wriggling his ass and legs out of his jeans and boxers, he realized he should take a shower. But his body was totally limp, and all he really wanted was sleep. Jack lazily scratched his cum-covered stomach. His shirt was hanging open around his body, and his tee was shoved up to his chest.

Well, at least he hadn't come in his pants like back then in Daniel's apartment. Smirking, he remembered how they had both needed some time before they were able to move again...

_...Jack felt awkward as he watched Daniel heave himself from the floor and grimace at the wet front of his pants. Then they looked at each other and snorted with laughter. _

_They argued about who would shower first, not quite ready to do it together yet, and when they were both clean again, Jack complained about the too-short sweats Daniel had borrowed him._

_They emptied the wine and a few more beers. They didn't have any more meaning of life talks, and Jack slept on the couch like he always did when he stayed at Daniel's place._

_ At breakfast Daniel said he needed more time to think about “it”.  _

_Jack said “Sure”, then went back to munching his French toast, glad that the scary talking part was over for now._

_It was okay._

_They were okay._

_After that, life went on as usual for a couple of weeks. Negotiations, running, shooting, more running and only minor injuries. When SG-1 was officially on leave for a couple of days, Daniel showed up at Jack's front door with two bags._

“ _You’ve never invited me to your cabin, you know,” he said._

“ _I haven't?” Jack opened the door to let him in. His own luggage was already in the truck since he had planned to drive through the night._

“ _No.”_

_Jack eyed the bags, then shrugged. “Wanna come along?”_

“ _Is there a double bed?”_

“ _Sure.”_

_And that was that._

_In the end, everything fell into place much easier than either of them had imagined._

_When Sha'uri died at Teal'c's hands, Daniel withdrew for a while and Jack let him, knowing some things you had to work through on your own before you were ready to share. They never really talked about the guilt they had both felt when they buried her._

_Daniel's guilt for betraying this young beautiful woman who had been loved by and been in love with Danyel, even though she had been a gift in the first place._

_Jack's guilt for knowing he had taken her husband and never regretted it, not even in the face of her death._

_But mostly the guilt they both felt because they hadn't been able to save her._

_When Daniel was ready, he came home to Jack._

_They made love in the dark. Daniel wanted it rough, needed to feel pain, and he hissed at Jack to give it to him. So Jack took him fast and hard as he rode out the waves of anguish and raw grief pouring out of Daniel, who dug his fingers into Jack's back, scratching his shoulders, slamming his own body against Jack's, cursing and growling._

_ And later, Jack had gently kissed Daniel's tear-streaked face as they clung to each other, exhausted, sore and aching everywhere...  _

... Jack forced those memories away and finally got out of bed to take a shower. It was still raining, but he wasn't done with the cleaning yet anyway.

***

In the early evening hours, Little Daniel sat at the kitchen table and gazed at the same jigsaw piece for several minutes, trying to figure out why he felt so... what was wrong with him? He didn't have to throw up and his stomach didn't ache anymore either. He had kept his breakfast and lunch inside and had even taken a short walk with BD and Flyboy this afternoon.

Maybe he should go to bed early? But he wasn't tired either.... He just felt a little out of kilter. A little wrong.

He knew this feeling from the time when he had been new to being little. When he would become angry or frustrated without being able to figure out why. Or without wanting to figure out why.

“Are you not feeling well, DanielJacksonO'Neill?” 

“Sorry, Teal'c. I can't place this one,” Daniel mumbled.

“Oh, that's easy. Here it goes.” Sam took the piece and placed it at the upper left of the jigsaw. It was the eye of a large colorful fish. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I'm fine,” he said, absently picking up another piece.

“We can do something else if you do not want to finish the puzzle,” Teal'c offered.

Daniel put the piece down and sighed. “I dunno.”

“We could watch TV, or you could read something,” Sam suggested.

“Yeah, maybe.” Daniel started to move the jigsaw pieces around on the table.

“Or you could help with dinner,” Big Daniel said. He was at the stove, stirring the simmering vegetables in the pot. 

“I'm not really hungry either,” Daniel mumbled.

“Are you feeling sick again?” Now Big Daniel sounded worried.

“No. Just not hungry.” He wished they would leave him alone for a while. He wished he could go to his tree house or sit on Jack's roof. Daniel felt restless and much to his embarrassment, he felt like crying, too. 

“You really should try to eat a little,” Sam said.

“I'm fine. I'm tired. I'll just go to bed.” Daniel jumped up and left the kitchen as fast as possible. He retreated to his current room and slammed the door, hoping they got the hint and let him be. 

With a watery sigh, he threw himself on the bed, grabbed Amab and buried his face into the soft fur of his stuffed monkey. Amab smelled like home.

He wanted to go home so badly.

Out of the blue, Daniel remembered one of his appointments with Svenson, shortly after he had started to meet her alone. She’d wanted him to count off all the things that meant home or family to him, without thinking about it.

Jack

Flyboy

Their house

The tree house

Teal'c and Sam

Amab

That was what Daniel had said without hesitation. If he thought about it, he would have added Janet and probably to some extent, the SGC.

He had told Doctor Svenson how terrified he had been at the thought of losing Jack on Anubis's ship. The intensity of that fear had annoyed him. He had wondered if it was time to pull back a little from Jack, to protect himself just in case Jack died for real.

He wouldn't be alone. He'd be safe with Teal'c and Sam – and Big Daniel. He'd never end up in foster care again. Daniel's adult mind knew that they'd keep him and take care of him until he was big again.

But the needy little kid in him insisted that Jack was the one he needed to be there the most. And that if he would lose another... important person in his life, he would probably die of a broken heart or something like that. Of course, that was pathetic and stupid. But it was how he had felt for a while after their return from Abydos.

Daniel couldn't talk much about his fears to Jack. Of course Jack knew about the nightmares, but Daniel tried to tone them down, to convince Jack the nightmares were just his way of working through the Abydos episode. If Jack knew how much those dreams haunted Daniel, he'd just worry and feel guilty about going off world. The last thing he needed was Jack getting even more protective or putting Daniel over his job. Jack was important. He was needed out there.

So he couldn't talk to Jack. But he had learned that sometimes he had to talk about these things or they would eat him up. So he had talked to Svenson about all this.

She had listened, nodded and taken notes.

She had suggested – again - he start a personal journal to write down his fears and longings so he could reflect on them or just get them off his chest. “Writing things down sometimes helps us to process them, Daniel,” she had said. “Especially in situations you can't change.”

She’d been trying to get him to write a journal for a while now, but Daniel was resisting the idea.

His diary had been his best friend while he’d been growing up the first time and yes, Svenson was right. Writing had helped reflect his emotions and actions. He had continued to write a personal journal as an adult.

But at one point after the downsizing, when it seemed like Daniel would stay a man living in a child's body, he had decided not to write about his feelings anymore. He didn't feel like having a journal helped him to cope. Instead, it had made him depressed all over again. So he’d stopped. He was now using his journals for notes and work-related thought processes only. The last major personal entry he had made was after his Antarctica trip.

So no, he wasn't keen on writing down his fears of losing Jack. The more he would think about them, the more they would bother him.

And he was working on getting over this irritated feeling, too. Daniel knew from hard learned lessons that the mantra “I am not a real kid, so I should think and act like a grown up” didn't always work. That he was, to some extent, kid-like. He had stopped fighting it on some levels.

But this was important.

He couldn't expect Jack to always be there for him. No one ever did. Eventually everyone left him. He had to be able to handle this as a man. It didn't mean he liked it, but it was just the way their lives went. There was always risk. No day at the SGC or being off world was 100% safe. Yet, he wouldn’t have traded his life for the world. Even if it meant he and Jack were safe on Earth.

Which – knowing what was out there – wasn't a given either, when it came down to it.

Daniel sighed.

He really hoped he would retain the right perspective on his life once he got big. The other Daniel clearly had his priorities straight. He could see the bigger picture instead of dwelling on petty needs and hurt feelings.

“Daniel?” The deep, gentle voice of Teal'c startled him out of his thoughts. “May I come in?”

“Yeah, sure.” 

His friend crossed the room and moved the desk chair closer to where Daniel was lying on the bed. “O'Neill has called.”

“Didn't he want to talk to me?”

“DanielJackson informed him that you went to bed. O'Neill sends greetings.” 

Fighting the irrational feeling of rejection Daniel asked, “What did he say?”

“He did complain about miserable weather and the lack of television.”

Daniel snorted. “He'll hardly survive this.”

Teal'c smirked a little. “He also says to tell you to take it easy and not return to work until you have fully recovered. And to let DoctorFraiser examine you as she ordered.”

“D'oh,” Daniel grumbled. “Of course he said that.”

“DanielJackson agrees.”

“Of course he does. Funny how they suddenly are on the same page, isn't it?” Daniel tried his attempt at humor, then grimaced and shook his head. “I'm fine.” 

Teal'c reached out and placed one of his large brown hands on Daniel's shoulder. “DanielJacksonO'Neill.”

When Daniel looked up into Teal'c's warm dark eyes, the Jaffa said, “There is no shame in missing O'Neill.”

“I don't...”

“There are times when I long for my family to be with me, Daniel. It is not beneath me to miss them and desire to be there and see my son grow into a man.”

“I know. It must be hard sometimes,” Daniel whispered.

“It is not always easy. But I found valuable friends here who have become my second family.”

“You are my family as well, Teal'c. You and Sam and... even BD. It's not like I'm all alone just because Jack left for a few days.” Daniel sighed. “And he'll be back soon. You hardly can compare your situation with mine. I'm just tired. I'm sorry I snapped at you all earlier.”

Teal'c's hand squeezed his shoulder. “Then rest so that you will feel better tomorrow.”

Daniel pulled his covers up and snuggled into his pillow. He was about to say goodnight when he remembered something and sat up again. “Will you come shopping with us tomorrow?” Daniel asked. “BD and I want to buy a gift for Cassie's birthday.”

“I cannot. DoctorFraiser and MajorCarter will accompany you and DanielJackson to the mall. Master Bra'tac will arrive tomorrow. We have many matters to discuss.”

“Oh, joy. What?”

“The progress of the resistance against the Goa'uld. The possibilities of freeing more Jaffa of their Prim'tas. Bra'tac and I will meet with a contingent of the Tok'ra. The Tretonin shows no physical side effects, and Bra'tac believes it is time to introduce it to other Jaffa who are willing to volunteer. When our leave is over, SG-1 will help in this process.” 

“Wow. Yes, I remember Jack telling me that Bra'tac was eager to move on with the Tretonin since it worked for the two of you. How do you feel about this, Teal'c?”

“I lost the ability to kelno'reem properly, and it is a matter of getting used to this. My body does not reject the drug,” Teal'c replied quietly.

Daniel sat up straighter. “Yes, but how do you 'feel' about it? Do you think replacing the symbiote for a drug is the right solution? Doesn't that mean you only trade one dependency for another?”

“There is a great risk, for we always need to carry enough Tretonin with us,” Teal'c said. “But we will live without being host to a creature that one day will bring evil to other worlds. I will adjust and be well again, DanielJacksonO'Neill. The Tretonin is a giant step into the Jaffa's journey to freedom.” 

“The lesser of two evils, huh?” 

“Indeed.” Teal'c gave a small smile and asked, “What is it DoctorFraiser wants you to buy for Cassandra's birthday?” 

“Can you believe that Janet wants us to buy a teddy bear? Why would a seventeen year old girl want a teddy bear? Isn't that just stupid?”

“If that is Cassandra's wish, why would it be stupid?” Teal'c answered with a question. “Do you not have a stuffed monkey yourself?”

Daniel frowned at Amab and then put him aside. “That's different. I'm eight. Okay, part of me is. Anyway... Sam says Cassie is captain of her cheerleading squad this year, and Janet thinks it would be fun to give her a cheerleading bear. Along with her real gift, of course. She wants a DVD. So Sam said if Jack, BD and I throw in together, we could get the bear and the DVD.”

“I, too, will contribute to this gift.”

“Oh,” Daniel said. “Okay. But you know... Cassie'll be mortified. A teddy bear! I don't think she really wanted one. I think it's just Janet's idea.”

A little smile crept into the corners of Teal'c's mouth as he stood. “Of that, I am not so sure. Sleep well, my friend.”


	6. Ten Days VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack remembers First Times and LD has to face a scary place - the Colorado Spring's version of a Buld a Bear Shop :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to Amberfly, who allowed me to use her little 'Danwell' to play with, even though he's incognito. But I'm sure you won't miss him – he's his usual charming self. Amberfly gave him his voice, and her contribution gave this story a wonderful quirky sense of humor :-)
> 
> This chapter contains adult artwork.

**VI**

The midday sun glistened in the rippling water of Brule River. At the shore, Jack stepped from one flat stone to the other and felt the fine spray on his skin as the water shot over rocks and tree trunks. It was spring, so the river was carrying melt water.

Later, in the summer, the river would be much calmer.

They used to come here often.

It was only a 30-minute drive from the cabin and even though it was a hiking trail, they had found several spots undisturbed. There were nice places in the woods around the cabin, too, but Jack used to go fly fishing at Brule River with his dad and grand dad, and later with Charlie.

So one day he had brought Daniel here.

Daniel didn't exactly enjoy fishing. But he had brought a book, and they had some food in their backpack for lunch. Daniel had read a book while Jack stood up to his knees in the more shallow water, explaining to Daniel the skills and secrets of fly fishing. It had been one of the rare occasions where it was Jack who did the enthusiastic talking while Daniel had to listen. The difference had been that Daniel politely tried not to zone him out and Jack knew it.

At least, for a while.

Grinning, Jack remembered how much fun he’d had taking advantage of Daniel's natural sense of fairness and his attempts to look interested. Of course, Daniel had come up with his own sweet revenge by their second visit to Brule River…

_...”I have some great new flies. Got them online,” Jack told Daniel as they put their packs down and he started attaching the line to the rod._

_Daniel got out his book and made himself comfortable on one of the flat large rocks along the cove. “Really? That's nice,” he said with mock enthusiasm._

“ _Oh, yeah. We'll have trout for lunch. I can feel it,” Jack said._

“ _Good, Jack. I'd like that.”_

“ _Did ya know, there are so many different flies out there? I had no idea. My folks always used the ones from a local store when we came here.” Jack was busy getting his gear together while Daniel had already opened his book._

“ _I think they're actually works of art, these flies.” Jack held up one of the flies, made of different colored feathers, fur and thread. “Look at this baby, Daniel.”_

“ _'m looking,” Daniel said, eyes glued to his book._

“ _No, you're not,” Jack muttered._

“ _Am too. Nice fly. Hey...” Daniel closed his book and smiled sweetly. “Did you know that fly fishing actually has some ancient history?”_

_Jack stopped fiddling with his line. “It has?”_

“ _Yep. See, the first mention of fly fishing was around 200 AD, by the Roman traveler Claudius Aelianus.”_

“ _You're making this up.” Jack frowned._

“ _No, really. Aelianus described how people fishing on the River Astraeus in Macedonia dismissed the normally baited line and instead fastened red wool around a hook. They tied two wax-colored cock feathers to the wool. Then they threw their fly onto the water, and the fish become very excited, expecting a delicious mouthful.”_

“ _Macedonia, eh?” Jack shook his head and put his wading boots on._

“ _Oh, yeah.” Daniel watched him as he got ready to go into the river. “In the beginning of the 13 th century, a German romance mentions the catching of trout and grayling, using a ‘feathered hook’. The hero of the novel wades barefoot in a stream to catch trout and grayling with a fly.”_

“ _Daniel...”_

“ _Oh, and in the early 15 th century, a manuscript, kept at the Bavarian abbey of Tegernsee, lists at least fifty different fly patterns for catching carp, pike, catfish, burbot and salmon, as well as trout and grayling.”_

“ _Right. TMI. Fly fishing actually requires quiet, so the trout will bite,” Jack said, voice gruff, as he tried not to slip on the ground while he looked for a good spot to stand._

_Daniel beamed and lazily waved at him. “Okay, Jack,” then opened his book again and started reading. “Let's not scare the lunch away then, shall we?”_

_ Jack opened his mouth, but closed it again, realizing that Daniel had just managed to shut him up with his own advice to be silent. Bastard. O'Neill shot his lover a gloomy glare. _

_Just you wait, Space monkey... Revenge served cold and all that..._

_His eyes remained fixed on Daniel until the younger man felt it and looked up again, eyebrows raised over the rims of his glasses. As their gazes met, Daniel's lips twitched upwards, and with a knowing smirk, he bent his head again to read on._

_ _

_ Or pretend to read on. _

_ Jack turned away from him, stretching his back muscles for show and wait ed for unsuspecting trout. The trick with fly fishing was that flies – real flies – went for food on the surface of the water. Like mosquito larvae and other poor microscopic beings. It was the food chain cycle. The hunting flies became the hunted by the fish, who would ignore the usual baited fishing lines for living food, like flies who were out for lunch on the water. Now fish weren't very intelligent, so they mistook the feathery flies for real – and zap, hooked they were.  _

_ Three zaps later, Jack proudly presented three trout for lunch. Doctor Jackson closed his book, looked up at the fish dangling in front of his face and said, “It's about time. What took you so long?” _

“ _What? You don't appreciate that I let you read for...” Jack turned his hand to check his watch, well aware that the fish were sending droplets of cold water over Daniel's book and shirt, “...two hours without interrupting?”_

_Daniel brushed the water from his book and stood. “Oh, I do. It's fine. I liked it. Aside from you muttering at the trout to get a move on and whistling the Simpson's Theme in an awful tune.”_

“ _Right. You're on KP duty, Book boy,” Jack decided good-naturedly and started gathering their gear as he whistled the Simpson's Theme once again for good measure._

_Back at the cabin, Daniel just looked at the fish and said, “You want them fried?”_

“ _Yeahsureyabetcha. I’ll be out on the dock. Don't let them get too cremated.” Jack grinned._

“ _Okay.” Daniel took the fish and sauntered off into the kitchenette. Jack was barely out of the door when he heard Daniel call after him. “You want something else with the fish, Jack?”_

“ _Potatoes would be nice and a salad,” Jack called back over his shoulder._

_When all that answered him was deadly silence, he stopped outside the cabin and cocked his head. “Daniel?”_

_Jack turned and met challenging blue eyes from inside the little house. Daniel held out the potato peeler to him. “Get useful, Colonel, or you'll have fish without any side dishes.”_

_Do'h._

_ The fish was delicious, the potatoes okay and the salad edible. Jack wondered how he had ended up doing the dishes – again - but it wasn't really important. They were sprawled on the couch, the fire was crackling and it was dark outside.  _

_It was perfect._

_As perfect as Jack O'Neill's life could get._

_And that was more than enough._

_He was perfectly snuggled to a solid warm body beneath him. “Like your hair,” Daniel mumbled, long fingers playing with the short gray tufts._

“ _Yeah, all your fault. The color, anyway,” Jack murmured back, finding quiet happiness in the movements of Daniel's chest with every breath he took. He had lost Daniel so often, had thought he’d lost him... Daniel uninjured and vibrant with life was nothing Jack would ever take for granted._

“ _Jack?”_

“ _Daniel?”_

_Daniel wriggled out from under Jack's back, and they found a new position, plastered against each other, face to face. The old couch gave a terrifying creaking sound, but it didn't crash - yet._

“ _We should go to bed,” Daniel whispered, voice husky._

“ _Ye-ah.”_

_They kissed. Started out slow and tender, but worked up to open-mouthed and hungry, Daniel's fingers tangled in Jack's hair, Jack's hand on Daniel's neck._

_In the middle of trying to pull each other's pants off, they skidded down to the wooden floor, taking a pillow with them. Jack knew his knees and back would be a bitch in the morning, but he didn't give a damn right now as they managed to get rid of almost all their clothes. The semi-dark room was soon filled with harsh panting breaths and slick, sweaty skin-on-skin rubbing. Jack's dog tags made low jingling noises as Daniel played with them, brushed them aside as he dove in to gently bite at one of Jack's nipples, then playfully tug at some chest hair with his teeth._

_Jack bucked against Daniel, his hands clamping on his lover's ass._

“ _Mine,” he growled, then hissed when Daniel's teeth scraped over his nipple again._

“ _Mine,” Daniel echoed Jack, leaving a trail of hot little bites and licks down to Jack’s navel._

_Now his fingers were in Daniel's hair, guiding his head until he felt hot breath blowing over his straining erection. “Yes, that's it,” he huffed. “Daniel...”_

_Daniel's lips touched the tip of his cock and his tongue took a tentative swipe at the slit. “Look, who's happy to see me, Flyboy.”_

_Jack moaned, “Oh, yeah, right there... verrry happy.”_

_But then Daniel just knelt there, not moving, head hovering over Jack's groin. Jack tightened his grip in Daniel's hair just a little. “Dannniel... don't you dare stop now.”_

“ _I want.” Daniel said, his own hoarse voice matching Jack's._

“ _What?“_

“ _You.”_

“ _Yeah... okay... just... just...” Jack thrust his hips upwards to underline his words. “Come on, Daniel... Please?”_

_Then the mouth was back, engulfing him little by little, pulling away, coming again, sucking, nibbling and milking. Jack gritted his teeth as he felt his balls tighten. “G... God... dammit, Daniel.”_

_Daniel chuckled around his cock, sending vibrations all through it. And that sent Jack off and over the edge. Tightening his hand around Daniel's skull, Jack yelled out his lover's name and came, feeling Daniel's throat working as he swallowed and then easily broke free from Jack's grip, coming up for air, his mouth glistening in the light of the fire._

_ _

“ _Oh yeah, oh yeah,” Jack whispered, raising a shaking hand to wipe a finger over lush, moist lips. “Holy buckets... That's... mmmh.” Daniel captured his mouth in a kiss, letting Jack taste his own cum._

“ _I want you,” Daniel said when they parted, his eyes big and deep, merely inches from Jack's._

“ _Want you, too.” Jack felt Daniel's still-hard cock pressing against his thigh as they kissed again._

“ _Jack... let me?” Daniel's hand stroked his cheek, his finger brushing over Jack's eyebrow scar._

“ _What?” Jack felt drowsy and light-headed, his mouth searching for Daniel's again._

“ _I need to know what it's like...” Daniel started a moment later, then licked his swollen lips, “how it feels to be inside you.”_

_Jack tipped his head back and gazed at the dark ceiling for a moment. He had never let anybody... Not after what had happened in Iraq. Adam Pierson had been his first after that, had taken away the layers of anxiety and denial in two amazing nights and days. But Jack had been the one on top. Needed to be the one on top. Pierson had taught him lots of ways to do a guy, had given him back the fun of having the guy, had chased away some of the darkness there. But Jack had never let him top._

_And now here was Daniel..._

_Daniel was so much more than just a fuck. He was the other side of Jack's soul, and Jack wouldn't, couldn't, deny Daniel this... or anything else. Not that he would ever tell him that..._

“ _Jack?” Daniel's voice was soft, a question, not demanding and not pushing._

“ _Yeah, sure,” Jack whispered. “Anything you want.”_

“ _I don't... I don't have to... I know you wouldn't expect me to do anything I don't want, either,” Daniel said slowly, pulling away from Jack._

_Jack followed him, sitting up. They got off the floor, and Jack put his hand on Daniel's back, right above his gorgeous butt, guiding him towards the bedroom._

“ _Ready for the 'How to Do an Air Force Colonel 101', Geek boy?”_

“ _You sure you can get it up 101 times in one night?”_

“ _Slut.” Jack grinned._

“ _Yeah. I'm your slut, though.”_

“ _Oh, you better be. I don't share.”_

_ A soft snort was the answer as the door closed behind them with a soft click...  _

...Jack came back into the present as another shower of cold water sprayed him from the river. He stepped away from the rim of the stone he was standing on and plucked at the now damp windbreaker he wore over his jacket.

He took in the vibrant gurgling water, the high trees and shore cliffs, the sun shining down from a blue sky. It was incredibly warm for the time of year.

He felt good.

Usually memories like this helped him to get some sexual satisfaction once in a while. But no matter how often he used them to jerk off, there was always that little sting, that small amount of bitter-sweetness accompanying the turn-on.

He still missed Daniel.

Deep down in that part of him... his heart, or gut, or whatever one might call it... he'd never stopped missing his lover and grownup friend.

Sure, he had stopped the dwelling about their whole situation as it was now versus to how it had been for the most part. He didn't linger in front of his “memory box” with Daniel’s adult belongings anymore. From time to time, the creamy sweater went to bed with him, but it didn't happen that often.

Actually, Jack couldn't quite remember when was the last time he had used that particular piece of cloth to feel adult Daniel's presence.

Probably...

Sometime before Christmas.

Yet, Jack still missed him in moments like this.

But the feel of that was different, too.

What used to be raw and hurtful had turned into a gentle ache. Something that was there, but not in his face all the time. Missing Daniel had moved into the background, and even these rare intense memories didn’t make it more - or less – painful.

Sometimes... sometimes when Jack used the memories of adult Daniel to jerk off, his mind wandered away from the memories to actual fantasies these days. It was surely a coincidence that the Daniel of his imagination seemed a little different from the Daniel he remembered... a little more bulky, a tad older and without glasses...

Gazing out onto the fast-moving river, Jack decided now was a good time to stop dealing with the past and figure out how to get his LD to listen and understand the changes Jack had planned for his life.

***

The Chapel Hills Mall was one of the larger malls in Colorado Springs, with two levels and lots of shops, restaurants, a movie theater and even an ice rink. Daniel and Jack came here for Christmas shopping, birthday gift shopping or anything else they couldn’t get at Walmart or in one of the local stores of their neighborhood.

It was loud, crowded, colorful and air-conditioned. Aside from the large book store and the Starbucks, Daniel didn't like it much. Neither did Jack.

Janet and Sam had shown up at Big Daniel's house in the late afternoon. Until then, Daniel had crossed his fingers that neither would be able to leave the SGC on time. He didn't want an emergency in the infirmary, but usually there was always something that kept Janet longer than she expected.

Not today.

On days when SG-1 wasn't off world, Sam never seemed to leave her lab - not to mention the base - early, unless she had to run important errands.

Buying a bear for Cassie apparently fell into the “important errand” category.

Last night Daniel had pondered calling Cassie and telling her about the bear, so she could convince her mom to drop it and find a really cool gift for her.

But he didn't. Because he knew Janet already had the cool gift for her daughter, and the bear was just a “cute and funny” side gift. And it wouldn't be from her but from SG-1 and the two Daniels. That way Janet wouldn't end up as the most uncool mom in the world.

Very smart.

And for once Daniel had wished to be sick just a little bit longer. But, according to Janet, he had one of those viral infections that struck out of the blue and left as quickly as they showed up. So Janet had given him a short once-over, asked what he’d eaten the last two days, if he was still feeling slightly sick – and Daniel didn't have the guts to lie to her so she would declare him unfit to go. That would mean he had to stay home from the mountain tomorrow as well, and he was determined to go back to work the next day.

Which was why Daniel was traipsing along now, hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans, all “anti” in body language, while Janet and Sam chatted about god knew what and BD was trying to look comfortable.

Both Daniels weren't really big fans of shopping. Unless it was shopping for books.

They passed Barnes and Noble, and Daniel sent a longing look over to the books displayed in the windows and the high shelves filled with more books inside the store.

BD must have noticed because he bent down and said in a stage whisper, “We'll get them to go there, too. It's the least they can do for making us build a teddy bear for Cassie, huh?”

“Don't be such a spoil sport, Daniel – both of you,” Janet called over her shoulder.

“Oh, we're fine. Right?” BD nudged Daniel's shoulder in encouragement. 

“Fine,” he sighed. “Peachy, really.”

In all the time he’d been a kid, he had avoided toy stores.

Jack had tried to lure him in, telling Daniel he was the best cover story for an old colonel to go into a toy store and buy a Simpson's doll. Or more Lego space station sets.

But Daniel wasn't comfortable in toy stores. Too much kid stuff. Too many kids, period. Too big the temptation to be enticed into playing. There was a need in him to play. He gave in to it, too, on occasion. Okay, he’d given in to it more lately.

But he had misgivings about what a toy store full of stuffed bears might do to his kid side.

What if he liked it? What if he loved putting that bear together and wanted one of his own? What if, once he started to like it, he couldn't stop wanting more toys? Like he couldn't stop wanting ice cream or watching some of the dreaded cartoons on TV? Like he couldn't stop wanting hugs and hair ruffles? Or bubble baths?

Daniel shuddered at the mere thought of stuffed toys moving into his room.

He tugged at BD's arm. “I really don't wanna do this,” he whispered as they made their way through the low level of the Mall.

BD put an arm around his shoulders and squeezed him lightly. “It'll be okay. Let Janet choose it and give it to the clerk so they can put it together. You won't have to do anything.”

“I don't think it works like that,” Daniel mumbled.

But it was too late anyway.

They had reached the “Build Your Furry Friend” shop.

Daniel had looked it up on the net. Apparently people were supposed to make their own bears. Choose one, stuff it, put a heart and a wish into it and get an outfit for it. The bear would get a birth certificate, too.

They walked into the store, and it was like stepping through the gate and entering a colorful little planet with lots of furry aliens.

Like the Furlings. Of course, no one knew what the Furlings looked like. But Jack used to say they sounded like something cute and fuzzy. Like Tribbles.

Or stuffed bears.

The main colors in the store were bright blue, red and yellow.

Along the wall, in little open boxes, were different bears, monkeys, cats and dogs with only their heads stuffed. The bodies were still empty. The heads, however, were staring at the customers with beady, shiny, blue or brown eyes, asking to be picked up and taken home.

At least, that's what a sign on the wall said.

Build your furry Friend – take home a pal for life.

Yep.

Scary.

They probably grew huge teeth and a thirst for blood if you fed them after midnight or got them wet.

Daniel kept his hands into his pockets and trudged after Janet, Sam and BD, who were wandering alongside the wall, discussing bears.

“This one is cute. Look – it has the biggest brown eyes I've ever seen,” Sam said, pointing to a big, brown bear. Well, at least the sample bear hanging above his box looked big. He had a large belly and seemed really cuddly. 

“Lil Milk Chocolate Jolly,” BD read the name of said bear, with some doubt in his voice. “Sounds like a milkshake to me.” 

“We need something more girly,” Janet decided. “Oh, look at that one, Sam,” she squealed a split second later. 

Janet squealed at the sight of a stuffed bear?

Daniel gaped at her.

“It's cuuute,” Sam squealed back.

The two Daniels exchanged a horrified look.

Oh, god. This WAS scary!

Pink Cuddles Beary had soft white fur with light pink accents, a pink nose and brown eyes. It looked very fluffy.

Daniel grimaced and hurried to disappear somewhere. He would just wait near the exit until they were done.

“Daniel, don't wander off,” Janet told him just as he was vanishing between two rows of bear clothes.

“I won't,” he said as cheerfully as possible.

“Best you stay right here with us,” Sam chimed in and gave him a smile.

Did she think the NID would sneak up on them in a bear shop? Probably dressed up as Chocolate Chip Fluff Bear, or whatever they were called?

“She's right. Better stay close. It's crowded,” BD said, looking around with a frown.

There were some parents with kids, as well as some men and women who were apparently looking for gifts.

He heaved a sigh.

“Which one do you like, Daniel?” Janet patted his shoulder.

“Huh?”

“Which bear? The bear will be from you, Teal'c, Daniel and Jack. So... which one would you choose?”

“Um...” Daniel let his eyes wander over the furry little friends. “None?”

Janet's eyes narrowed. “Try to be more enthusiastic, please? For Cassie? Think how she's going to love it.”

He wondered if this was one of those emergencies where he could call his shrink and cry for help?

But then he spotted a dark brown bear. Not as dark as the milk chocolate shake... uh... jolly, though. It had chocolate brown eyes and was taller than most of the other bears. He was called Butterscotch Teddy and looked very soft.

Actually, the bear reminded him of Jack.

Jack in a cheerleader costume?

He covered his mouth with his hand and snorted.

“What's so funny?” BD wondered.

“You see that one?” He pointed at Butterscotch.

“Yeah. Doesn't look like something girly, though.”

“No.” Daniel grinned. Almost against his will, he stepped closer and brushed a hand over the bear's empty body. 

Very soft and smooth.

The bear smirked at him.

Daniel blinked and took a step back.

“This one,” Janet called out behind him.

When he turned, she held up a creamy bear.

Vanilla Cutie.

Right.

There was also a Sassy Cat, which Daniel thought would be much more appropriate for a cheerleading outfit. The Sassy Cat was white with pink pointed ears and mischievous blue eyes. She also had a furry white tail.

“I like this one,” he said before he could stop himself. He took the cat and shoved it into Sam's arms. “This one looks like a cheerleader.”

Weren't they done yet? Couldn't they leave... like, right now?

Sam and Janet compared the Vanilla Cutie with the cat and then showed both items to BD, who shrugged. “I like the cat, too.”

“Yeah.” Sam grinned and held the Vanilla Cutie at arms’ length. “This one actually looks a little like you, Daniel.”

“What?” both Daniels asked, puzzled.

Sam laughed. “Like Little Daniel. Minus the blue eyes, of course. He's cute.”

“Oh, puh-le-ase,” both Daniels grumbled as one and marched off to look for the cheerleader costume to go with Sassy Cat.

“We'll be faster if we split up,” Daniel muttered at BD as they gazed at the endless rows of beary outfits. 

BD thought about it for a second, then nodded. “Okay. You take the left side, I’ll take the right. But don't leave the store, and don't talk to strangers.”

“Ex-cu-se me? What's next? Don't take candies from bad men?”

BD had the decency to blush and mumble, “Sorry. Just stay out of trouble.”

“Which is going to be extremely difficult in a shop full of teddy bears,” Daniel snorted. 

BD snorted back, and they parted.

Wow, they sure had lots of outfits to go with the bears. Daniel’s eyes widened at little prom dresses, ballet dresses, ice hockey costumes complete with helmets and skates, or just plain jeans and shirts. There were miniature leather jackets and biker pants. A fishing outfit with reel, line and two fishes. When he saw the desert camouflage pants with caps and boots, Daniel picked them up and turned to look at the Butterscotch Jack in his box.

The bear seemed to wink at him.

Which was ridiculous beyond anything.

“Ithn't that thooo cool,” a lisping voice said next to him, and a small hand tugged at Daniel's shirt. “My dad'th in the milithairy. He'th a big bad major. He can kill you in firthee thecondth.”

“Yeah? My dad is a colonel, and he can kill you in twenty,” Daniel muttered to the freckled, blond brat standing next to him. 

“Weally? How coolth!” Eyes, blue as his own, gazed at him. The kid had something brownish and gross-looking under his nose and on his upper lip. “I’m getting a bear. I wanted thomfink totally coolth, like a thpida. Dad weckonth they d’on do thuffed thpidath, tho ith a bear or nufink. No thpidath? Ithn't that ridicolouthe.”

“A spider?” 

“Uh-huh. I love thugargildath, but thpidath are thepicailly neat, doncha fink? Oh, but they hafta be black and hafe HUGE fangs. Funnel webth are hideouth, and, course, bird thpidath are twerrifying.” 

“Right. Now, go away,” Daniel said as he put the camo suit back on its hook. 

“Huh? What? Go where? Wanna know which bear I chooth, huh? Thath’th okay, I’ll tell you, it’th the Curly bear. I fink it lookth a lot like my dad, cept my dad hathn't got curly hair. Hith hair ith all gray and thpiky, like a toilet bruth. He thay that he be bald thoon 'cos of me. My dad is a real teather. He loveth to kid awound all the time wif me.” A shower of spit came with that speech, and Daniel took a step back. He noticed the other kid didn't have front teeth and wondered why that was when he realized that they were probably milk teeth which had fallen out. 

Daniel shuddered. He, too, had milk teeth. But he hadn’t lost any, yet.

Which, now that he thought about it, was a little odd. This had never occurred to him before. He had to ask Janet about that. He was going to be nine in July, so why hadn't he lost any teeth yet?

No way would he run around with gaps in his mouth, though!

Momentarily stunned from the shock of realization that milk teeth would eventually fall out, Daniel absently nodded when the lisping kid continued, “Thee that machine ova there. The one wif all the fluffy thuft in it? Neat, huh. There, thee?”

Daniel's gaze followed the outstretched little finger, which was covered with that gross brown stuff as well, to a huge machine, filled with white stuffing for the bears. It looked like a house or a cotton candy machine. There was a nozzle in front of it where the stuffing came out and was pressed into the bears. There was a second machine in the other corner of the store. But only one of them was in use right now.

“What about it?” he muttered.

“I wonder how it workth.”

Daniel was about to answer that he didn't know and didn't care either, when a loud angry voice boomed through the store, “Mickey! Where the hey are ya?”

The kid's freckled face scrunched up into a frown. ”Uh-huh, that’th my dad. I athk you, ith it my fault he hath no thenthe of direwection? He geth lotht and then he geth weal cranky, ath if it'th my fault. I’m neva loth, I know zactly where I ith. Jeeze Louise.”

“I know the feeling.” Daniel grinned against his will. “Mine does, too.”

“Thee? It'th juth not fair that we have to endure thith... ow!” 

Daniel watched as the little boy was snatched off his feet by a tall gray-haired man. “Here you are, rugrat. What did I tell you about wandering off?” He settled the kid on his hip.

“Wander off? Meee?” Squinting down at Daniel, Mickey sniffed. “Huh? Where wath you, Dad? I didn’t wander off, promith. I wath zactly here all the time, talking wif my new beth friend. Whath your name?” 

“Uh, Daniel,” Daniel said.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot, hith name ith Danwell. Thilly me. Daddy, thith is Danwell, Danwell, thith ith my dad. He’th the cooleth dad in the whole wide world, Danwell. Yep, no doubt ’bout it. Wanna know why? He’th gonna buy me a weal thpida and probably a killer thnake too. Probably a plylon, from the Amazoo. He’th the beth.”

“When hell freezes over,” muttered the coolest dad in the whole wide world. “And you still have chocolate ice cream all over you. Didn't I tell you not to touch anything until we found a restroom to wash it off?”

Oh, so that was the disgusting brown stuff all over the kid.

”I didn’t touch nuffink, Dad. It touched me when I wath’nt looking. Ice cweam can be very twicky.”

“Sure you didn’t. That's why the nice woman who sews the bears asked me to stop you. You smeared chocolate all over one of the bears. Guess who has to pay for that now?”

Mickey cocked his head and blinked innocently. “Oh, I know! The milithairy.”

“Wrong. Guess again. So now we'll go to the restroom and then home. That's what you get for not listening to me, Mickey-boy.” 

“N-ooo, Dad, you promithed to buy me a bear, ’member? Cos ’member, I wath weal brave when the doctor wipped the thitcheth out off my head. Did I have any anethtethia? No!” Mickey turned to look at Daniel proudly. “I hit my head when I felled off my bike and put this wayyy big hole in it. You could almoth thee my brainth thpill out. It wath dithguthing, I wath praticabibly dead. I didn’t cry weally, did I, Dad? Well, my’b juth a little, coth I wath deadified, wif all the brain thuff leaking out.” 

The dad sighed and patted Mickey's back. “We'll talk about the bear later. Cleaning up first. And there was no brain stuff coming out of your head, little one.”

Daniel watched as they left rather quickly. He shook his head. Jack really was lucky he didn't have to deal with a real kid. Daniel vowed to point that out to his guardian at the next best opportunity so Jack once again knew  _how_ lucky he was. 

“Daniel? Did you find a cheerleading dress?” Big Daniel appeared next to him.

“Uh? No... there're lots of outfits here.”

He even spotted Christmas costumes. An elf suit in red and green for boy bears and girl bears. And a Santa Claus suit as well. Had to be leftover stock from Christmas because they were on special offer.

He spun around and discovered even more clothes for the bears at the back wall of the store. And accessories like bags, glasses, shoes and hair clips. They even had furniture. Little beds and tents, for example.

For a split second, Daniel wondered if that Butterscotch Jack bear would go with the camo suit, a tent and backpack. Oh, he could get something to dress Amab in, as well.

No way.

He spotted Janet and Sam standing in the line for filling Sassy Cat. There were two girls around Daniel's current age in front of them, accompanied by an elderly couple. A young woman was at the next work station, brushing her brand-new bear so his fur would become soft.

“Go over if you like. I’ll keep looking for the costume,” BD offered.

“Look, can I go to the bookstore and wait for you guys there? This is really not my favorite place, and I promise I won't get lost,” Daniel tried, on the off-chance his adult self would understand how he felt and let him go. 

“I'm sorry, Daniel. I know how you feel... well, I'd rather be in the bookstore, too. But all whining aside - there are worse things than buying a bear, don't you think? Seriously – it's just a store,” BD said as he took his shoulders and gently shoved him towards Janet and Sam.“ Janet wants us to wish on the heart. I'll be there in a minute.”

“She wants us to – _what_?” Daniel blinked in horror. “But you said I don't have to do anything!”

“I know. But it's our gift, remember? And it's supposed to be a mascot, so... go with the flow. I'll do it, too,” BD coaxed.

“Well, it's from Jack as well, and he doesn't have to wish on it,” Daniel hissed, stomping his feet into the ground and refusing to walk over there.

BD sighed. “Jack's not here. Or he would do it. Don't you think you're overreacting a little right now?”

The bad thing was that Jack  _would_ wish on a stoopid beary heart if he was here. He would probably roll his eyes, but he would do it.

Jack would probably like that butterscotch bear, too.

Daniel dragged himself over to Janet and Sam.

“Daniel! Would you like to put the cat together for Cassie?” Janet held it out for him, a hopeful smile on her face.

She obviously thought it would be good for him to do it. Maybe she wanted to lure out his kid side.

“Uh, no, thank you,” he said, trying to be polite, but firm. Just the way Jack was sometimes. 

The smile faltered a little. “It might be a great experience for your playful side,” she pointed out.

HA. He knew it. “I'll wish on the heart,” he offered with a forced smile of his own.

“Oh, that's good,” Sam said. “Cassie will really love that.”

“I'm sure she will,” Daniel muttered snarkily, his politeness slipping a little, just like Jack’s did sometimes.

Janet's face became a little pinched as she lowered the hand that was holding the cat. “All right, you don't want to do it, fine. I guess there is no point in forcing you to have some fun and enjoy this.”

A young woman with long blond hair and warm green eyes assisted the kids and other customers with assembling their bear. She took the customer’s chosen bear and attached it to the nozzle on the machine. Daniel watched as she instructed the kid who would own the bear to step on a pedal. Once the kid followed that instruction, the stuffing material in the glass box started to flow and was pressed into the bear body.

The woman worked the bear around the nozzle until it was filled with the white fluffy stuff . All the while, she was telling the kid to think positive thoughts for the beary friend and to fill it up with love along with the stuffing.

Oh, joy.

Daniel let his eyes wander through the shop again, at the same time fascinated and disgusted by the bright colors and beady eyes gazing back at him out of cute, lifeless faces. Then he spotted the brat from before.

The kid had to be younger than he was. Maybe five or something like that. He was now clean, aside from some ice cream splotches on his Buzz Lightyear t-shirt.

A moment later, Daniel also spotted the dad, who was busy helping a clerk picking up bear clothes off the floor, apologizing over and over for his son who had probably accidentally brushed by the shelf and all its contents had scattered beneath it, with hangers and everything.

Ouch.

With growing interest, Daniel watched Mickey-boy sneak towards the unused stuffing machine.

The beary friend of the girl, who was in front of Janet and Sam, was now stuffed and the sales lady placed it into the kid's arms. “Does he feel right to you, hon? Or does it need more stuffing?”

“It feels okay,” the girl said.

“Okay. Now, do you know what your new friend needs the most? So it can live with you and share everything with you?”

The girl giggled and shrugged. Another kid next to her said, “A heart!”

“Yes, that's right. A heart. But not just any heart.” She held a basket out to the girl. “You are going to choose the perfect heart. Then you blow life into it and kiss it, so your new friend will live and feel how special it is to you.” 

“Ooooh, okay,” the girl said.

Daniel zoned them out and watched Mickey-boy. Only his sneakers were visible now. He was kneeling at the bottom of the machine, out of sight to everyone else who was watching the incredible, wondrous birth of the new beary friend.

Daniel tiptoed away from Janet and Sam and walked to the second stuffing machine in the corner. He moved around the machine until he was right behind Mickey, who had his head almost on the ground as he tried to peer under the machine.

He had no idea what the kid was looking at. There was only a little dust on the wooden floor. Yet this kid was much more interesting than the kiss-the-teddy-alive procedure going on over there.

“What are you doing?”

Mickey's head shot up, and he almost hit it on the machine. He turned, and when he recognized Daniel, a huge smile crept over his face. But he put his finger to his mouth and whispered, “You hafta be weal quiet, Danwell. I’m on a Thpecial Opth mithon. I hafta thee how thith machine workth. Look at the fluff, how’th it thuffing the bearth, huh? How come It’th whizzing round the boxth like that? It’th my mithon to find out, but I hafta to be weal thneaky-like, coth you-know-who might dithcover me.”

“Well, I guess it works with air compression,” Daniel said. “Why are you trying to look underneath?”

“Mm, it hath to open thomewhere doeth’t it?” Mickey muttered but gave up the attempt to crawl under the machine. He stood, and his blue eyes wandered over the house-shaped box. “Hey, do you fink it lookth a little like cotton candy? Mmmm, cotton candy.”

“It's not cotton candy. It's stuffing material. Don't know what, but it's not for eating.” Though it really did look like cotton candy, now that Daniel thought about it. 

“How'd you know that, huh? You ever eat that thtuff?”

“Nooo, but... why would they fill the bears with cotton candy. It'd just rot.”

“Maybe it’th to feed the bearth?”

“Yeah, right.” Daniel grinned. Little kids’ logic still beat him. 

”If it’th not cotton candy, then it'th thnow. Do you think it'll fly through the thtore if I open the box?” Hopeful child's eyes gazed at him.

Daniel smiled down at the kid. It was nice that somebody looked up at him again for a change. Then he realized what Mickey had just said. “Um... it only flies if somebody steps on the pedal to make the air compressor work. But I don't think it would fly out of the box. It would probably shoot out of the nozzle if no bear is attached to it, though.”

“Don't you think the bearth would love to have thome thnow? I bet they never thaw thnow before. It’th not real thnow, but it lookth like thnow,” Mickey mused, gnawing on his lower lip just like Daniel did when he was thinking real hard about something. “If I could find the thwitch, then we’d know, wouldn’t we, Danwell? It’th weal ‘portant to finith a mithon coth if you d’nt you can get dwessed down. My dad told me, and he’th way thmart.”

Daniel heard someone call his name.

He really didn't want to stuff that stupid cat. If they could start a little ruckus, maybe the manager would throw them out, and that way Daniel would have spared Cassie the embarrassing gift and himself the mortifying experience of stuffing a silly white cat and kissing on a heart.

Janet would be royalty pissed, though.

Then again, deep in his heart, BD would probably be happy to leave as well and take sides with him. They were, after all, thinking alike on basic things, right? And later Janet would realize what a silly gift this was and that Cassie would have been very disappointed to get a kid's toy for her 17 th birthday instead of money or a bracelet or something hip. Or whatever it was that teenage girls liked. 

“Hey, if I give you a boost, you could reach the roof, right? I think I can see the switch up there,” Daniel said as he gazed up to the red plastic roof. Right underneath was the on/off switch, too high for either of them to reach.

Mickey's eyes started to gleam with joy. “Yeth! Danwell, what a great idea that ith!”

“You could stand on my back,” Daniel offered and bent forwards, putting his hands on his knees.

“Thure fing.” Mickey eagerly nodded and a moment later climbed Daniel's back, holding onto the stuffing machine with both hands. 

Balancing himself on top of Daniel, Mickey started swaying as he stood. Daniel bit his lip to keep in the giggles, which were threatening to escape him. “Can you reach it?”

“Yettthhhh.” There was some scrambling and coughing, and then Mickey was on top of the machine. Nobody paid attention to what they were doing, and the machine’s pitched roof made it possible for Mickey to hide from sight. 

Daniel heard a low click and then the machine began to hum.

“Daniel, where are you?” That was Janet's voice, and she didn't sound happy.

“Get down, Mickey,” Daniel hissed.

Mickey tried to climb down from Daniel's back quickly. But in the process he almost fell and as Daniel tried to grab him they lost their balance and tumbled to the floor in a heap. “Ouch! Be careful,” Daniel squeaked, pushing the smaller kid away.

“Oops, how clumthy of me, thowwee. Thoo, what now, huh? You’re the commanda, tho I hafta follow orderth, don I, Danwell?” 

“Okay... now you have to jump on the pedal as hard as you can, so it starts snowing,” Daniel whispered. “But wait until nobody's looking, okay?”

“'kay, thure fing, buddy,” Mickey whispered back, showering Daniel in spittle. 

Daniel and his little sidekick walked around the stuffing machine to the front when Janet seemed to appear out of nowhere.

She gave him a very stern look. “Daniel! Where have you been?”

“Uh... Right here?”

“Come over here so we can stuff the cat, will you?” 

Before Daniel was able to do or say anything, her small hand landed on his shoulder, and he was marched away from Mickey to the other stuffing machine where the young blond woman awaited them, a smile on her face.

“You could at least watch,” Janet told him, her voice like ice chips. 

“Jaaanet,” Daniel whined. “Cassie won't like this gift! It's childish and stupid.”

This made her sigh, and she patted his shoulder. “Daniel, believe it or not, she WILL love this cat as a cheerleader mascot. We actually talked about it some time ago, and she said everyone on the team wants a stuffed toy with a cheerleader costume which they could take to games. Now will you please stop being so stubborn?”

“Uh... you did? She does?” 

“Yes, Daniel, I did. She not only had the idea, but she also pointed out this store to me. Girls get these bears from their boyfriends as well,” Janet explained. 

“So why doesn't Dominic buy it then?” Daniel asked, puzzled. 

His eyes darted over to the unused stuffing machine as first doubts about the brilliancy of his plan rose in him.

He had probably overreacted. Again.

“Dominic already has a gift for her,” Sam chimed in. She was holding two outfits in her hands. Something with glitter and pink and something yellowish with flowers.

Blinking, Daniel squinted at the grinning little boy in the other corner of the shop, who winked at him and gave him a thumbs-up.

He started wondering what had possessed him...

BD shoved himself between Daniel and his view on Mickey, waving a blue cheerleader costume into his face. “Here! Found it! There was a little problem with a guy who is looking for his kid.”

“Hi. Let me see which little friend you chose, please?” The blond woman approached Daniel. 

With a smirk, Janet shoved Sassy Cat into Daniel's arms.

The woman tousled the long, glittering white tuft of hair between Cat's pointed ears. Daniel noticed that her tail was glittering, too. He blinked and blinked and opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He had to tell Mickey not to let it snow...

“That's a good choice. What's your name?”

“Uh...huh?” Daniel mumbled, feeling his hands getting sweaty. 

“Your name? I'm Marcia.”

A series of loud poofs, followed by a squeal of laughter, brought the conversation to a halt. Then Marcia's smile froze and everyone slowly turned to look at the white polyfill snow floating through the store before it gently drifted to the floor.

Another poof and another salvo of white stuffing material shot out of the machine's nozzle as Mickey enthusiastically stomped the pedal.

More stuffing settled on the floor and the nearest shelf, on the beady-eyed empty bear bodies...

Mickey cheered, “It thnowing! It thnowing! It thnowing! Ithn't that thoooo thuper!”

Daniel covered his face with both hands and, despite feeling embarrassed all of a sudden, started giggling.

Marcia hurried over to snatch Mickey away from the pedal and turn the machine off.

After that, all hell broke loose.

Customers talked to each other and to the employees, complaining about the stuffing in their clothes, their hair and all over the floor. Someone brought out brooms and a vacuum to start cleaning before anyone would slip on the polyfill, get injured and sue the store.

The snow shower had stopped, and several customers had gathered around the stuffing machine, mumbling and shaking their heads.

“God, what has he done now?” a weary voice was heard. “Michael Garrett Webber, front and center, please.” 

Michael Garrett Webber didn't have time for front and center. He slumped to his butt and started shoveling up the stuffing material from the floor with both hands and let it fall on his head. “Pweeeetty,” he exclaimed. “Look, daddy, it’th thnowing. Ith't it coolth? It’th juth like Chwithmath, ith’t it? ’Magine, I made it thnow. I’m Thanta Clauth. Wonder where the raindeerth are? Probalby thuffed on a thelf thomewhere. Wanna look, daddy?”

Mickey's father wasn't a happy camper, and once again the freckled blond boy was snatched up by the back of his pants. “Now that's it. This is the last time I’ll ever take you shopping with me, young man. From now on, you'll stay home with Aunt Amanda and Uncle Chris.”

“But Daaaad!”

“Don't you ‘But Dad’ me! You see what you did? We'll have a very long talk about this later. Now...” Mickey's dad looked around and then carried his kicking and squirming little boy over to one of the shelves and placed him on his feet in front of it. “You see that skipping rope they have for the bears? If you don't want me to use one of those to tie you to this shelf, you’d better stay put right here until I’ve paid and groveled for yet another havoc you’ve created!”

“It wathn't meeee,” Mickey screamed. “It wath that other kid over there.”

Daniel gazed at the chaos and the busy store workers. He wondered why things around him seemed to gt out of control occasionally. Memories of Nashi's wild goose chase through the SGC or the food fight in Egypt came to mind.

He cringed and at the same time tried not to laugh at the “snowflakes” everywhere.

“Some kids are really impossible,” Janet huffed next to him, shaking her head in annoyance.

“Yeah. Unbelievable,” Sam mumbled, obviously shocked.

“Wow,” BD said. “That's... wow. Lots of stuff. How'd that happen anyway? I mean, that kid had to switch the machine on somehow...” 

Daniel cringed again, wondering when Janet would realize that he’d been with the kid when she had looked for him earlier. He watched Marcia hurry over to the store manager, who was listening to Mickey's dad grovel and wave his credit card while Mickey stood beside the shelf...

At least, he should be standing beside the shelf.

Only he wasn't.

In fact, Daniel couldn't see him anywhere.

The store manager, Marcia, Mickey's dad and some customers who had seen the kid kicking the pedal were all talking at once.

“Come on. Let's find somebody else to stuff the cat,” BD finally sighed. “This might take awhile. Or maybe we should go for a coffee and come back later. What do you think?”

“That might be a good idea. I will take everything to the checkout and ask if they can keep it until we're back.” Janet nodded and walked away.

“What a mess,” Sam said, eyebrows raised. 

Daniel bit his lower lip. He was shoved out of the store by BD's hand on his back, and they had almost reached the exit when he cursed softly under his breath and stopped. “Wait. I need to do something first.”

With that, he turned and wriggled away from the hand that was trying to keep him going. He darted through the store, looking for Mickey, ignoring the three calls of “Daniel!” following him.

If that kid had run away because of all the trouble they’d caused, it would be Daniel's fault. He had encouraged the boy instead of trying to talk him out of it. That brat was so very little. What if something bad happened to him? What if he got lost?

From somewhere, he heard Mickey's dad curse as he discovered his son had left the shelf, despite the threat of being tied up with a jumping rope. “Next time I'll bring duct tape,” Daniel heard him holler.

Oh, shoot. That guy was seriously mad!

The dad, the employees, the manager, and yes, even BD, Sam and Janet were now looking for the little boy among the shelves and calling his name. Most of the other customers had left the store, shaking their heads in stunned amazement at what had happened.

Daniel decided that Mickey wasn't anywhere in the store.

Where would little boys hide when they didn't want to face the trouble they were in? He should probably know this, right? But he had never gotten in trouble at the Mall. Well... until today.

Daniel left the “Build Your Furry Friend” shop. He spotted another toy store, the bookstore and a Starbucks nearby.

“Okay. S and R,” Daniel mumbled and started with the Starbucks. The Starbucks was covered fast. No Mickey. Not under the tables and not in the restrooms.

The bookstore was tricky.

Daniel circled around the shelves, calling Mickey's name, until an angry sales woman compelled him out of the store and told him to stay out. He tried to explain that he had lost a friend of his, and she said if that was the case he should wait at the checkout while she called the Mall security.

“Oh, boy.” Daniel winced. This was so not good. No, this was actually getting worse by the minute.

And for the first time in days, he really didn't miss Jack. The farther Jack was away from him right now, the better. Yep, no doubt about that.

He waited until the woman was gone and then scurried away to tackle the toy store. At that moment, his cell rang, but Daniel didn't have time to answer it and explain things to BD or Sam right now.

When he entered the store, Daniel stopped dead in his tracks and gaped, his jaw hitting the floor.

Little Mickey was seated on a yellow plastic chair at the checkout, happily sucking on a lollipop. He waved at Daniel and yelled, “Danwell! Do you want a lollipop, too? You jutht have to tell the nice thop perthon that you decided to become a circuth kid cuz your daddy ith mean to you and wantth to thend you to the homleth peth thelter!” Then the freckled face turned into a frown. “Wait. It wath all your fault, Danwell. You told me to do it. You forced me to.”

Daniel crouched in front of the plastic chair. “They are all searching for you over at the bear store. Will you be in lots of trouble?”

“Twouble? Yeth, I’m dead meat. I’ll be thent to my room until I’m old and gray like daddy. He’ll plobably try to thell me to a pathing Indian twibe again. Oh, no, worthe, he’ll thwap me for the girl guide bithcuith at the pet thelter. Dad gonna be weal cranky wif me, I fink.” 

“Um, I don't think Indian tribes or the homeless pet shelter take kids,” Daniel mused, pushing up his glasses and licking his lips. “But you're just a kid, so... yeah, it's kinda my fault. I'll tell your dad.”

“Thith thuckth,” Mickey whined. “Wonder if my dad ith thill gonna buy me a thuffed tarantulaha? He might be a little croth, though. Maybe he’ll buy me a thuffed thnake thill? Coth, it wathn’t weally my fault, wath it? The thnow made the meth, not me. Fink daddy will be croth wif you coth you’re the commanda? He might dwess you down, and then you hafta do wot I thay! That’ll be weally coolth. Don tell your daddy, though. He’th a colonwell, and he might dethide to dwess down my daddy. K’y? Danwell?”

Daniel blinked.

“Do you know this kid?” A man in a suit looked down at them. He had a cell phone in his hand, and Daniel assumed he was the toy store manager. “Is that your little brother?” 

“Um, yeah... no... I mean... He ran away.”

“Daniel!” Big Daniel waltzed in, followed by a grim-looking Janet, a flustered Sam and Mickey's dad, whose face was very red and angry. They were accompanied by two men in uniform, obviously Mall security.

Oh, shoot.

Mickey's dad hugged his kid and then started yelling about how scared he had been and how there would be no dessert for Mickey until he went to college.

Daniel tugged at Mickey’s dad's arm. “Excuse me, sir?”

The tall gray-haired man looked down at him with a scowl on his face. “What?”

“About what just happened...” Daniel started when he suddenly felt a tiny, sticky hand slip into his. Mickey stood there, grinning up at him and the adults. “It wath a Thepcial Opth mithon. It wath Danwell’th command, but I wath a gweat tholdier, wathn’t I? I followed it weally well! And we made it thnow,” the little kid let everyone know, pride audible in his voice. “He’th the beth fwiend I ever had, awen’t you, Danwell? Can Danwell come ova to play, Daddy? Huh? We can practithe being tholdierth again, and thith time we won’t make it thnow tho much. Maybe we could make it wain, though?”

Daniel couldn't help it. He burst out laughing, and not even the deadly glares of the adults around them could stop him. Mickey beamed at him with his tooth gaps, and the dad rolled his eyes at the ceiling as they made their way back to the bear store.

***

An hour later Big Daniel was sitting at Starbucks, trying to enjoy his Mocha. Janet sighed into her Caramel Frappuchino, and Sam silently drank her Cafè Latte with vanilla syrup.

Sassy Cat, now officially named Cheery kitty, stuffed and dressed in her blue and white cheerleader outfit and given a special heart by Daniel Jackson O'Neill who had blown on it, sullenly kissed it and made a wish on it, all the while blushing and gritting his teeth, was sitting on the table.

Daniel Jackson O'Neill sipped his sparkling water and avoided looking at them.

It had been Janet who had refused LD anything except water and Daniel knew it wasn't just because the kid wasn't supposed to drink any coffee yet. But it had been Big Daniel who had made him go through the whole process of stuffing and wishing on Cheery kitty. He figured if LD had no problem embarrassing them all in public, he might as well suffer through making a stuffed animal for Cassie.

He wondered if Jack would be proud of him?

Marcia had been friendly, though her smile was forced. But the manager had been rather impressed by the two boys’ sincere apologies once they were all back in the store, and the security guys had left after giving the kids a warning about running away and vandalism in public places.

So in the end, Mickey's dad and BD had shared the cost for the stuffing material, and Little Daniel would so pay him back that money.

Jackson sighed.

He missed Jack.

Right now, he really missed him.

  
  


  
  



	7. Ten Days VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Cancer for her help with the Scottish Accent for Fergus. Any remaining mistakes are mine. 
> 
> milis aingeal - sweet angel  
> claise – clothes  
> fash - “Don't fash yourself over it” - don't be bothered by it or in my context it would mean: I don't want your dog get all upset

**VII**

Daniel entered the kitchen let the dog out into the garden and listened to the spluttering sounds of the coffee maker. A wonderful normal sound to chase away the night’s ghosts.

He was so tired.

With each passing week he hoped the nightmares were going to stop haunting him. But they were still pretty much present. At least he mostly managed to calm down on his own with the help of Flyboy.

This night had been even worse than others, the dream about Jack and Jackson's death and Anubis returning to him whenever Daniel closed his eyes. After lying in his bed for an hour, tossing and turning, he had finally dismissed any thought about sleep and started reading his book for another hour until he'd been able to go back to sleep.

BD stood next to the coffee maker, mug in hand. It was his usual morning ritual. There was no mug for Daniel though, which out of the blue irritated him more than it should.

“I'd like a coffee too,” Daniel said, voice close to a whine. 

“Uh, I don't think that's a good idea just yet.” 

“I'm fine.” He didn't consider himself sick anymore. Yesterday, Janet hadn't had any qualms about dragging him along to a teddy bear store to stuff a stupid cheerleader cat. What more proof was needed?

BD frowned at him. “Jack wouldn't let you have coffee just yet, I think.”

“Sure he would,” Daniel snapped, already reaching up to open the upper cupboard. He was finally big enough to do that, even though he still had to stretch himself a lot. 

“No, he wouldn't.” BD gently put his large hand over Daniel's small one and pushed the cupboard door close. “You can have coffee tomorrow, okay?”

“I can decide on my own whether to have coffee or not. I'm fine. You would drink coffee, too, no matter what Jack thought,” Daniel pointed out as he snatched his hand away from under BD's.

“Yes, but... that's... uh...” 

”How's it different? Because I'm small? You know Jack lets me have coffee!”

“You were sick.”

“Were. Not am. Past tense. Now I'm not sick anymore,” Daniel griped.

BD shook his head as he retrieved the pot from the machine and poured himself a coffee. “I want to stay on the safe side... Hey!”

Daniel had grabbed the full mug and slumped down on a chair without letting it go. “Thanks,” he muttered.

BD glared at him and then obviously decided it was too early for a fight over coffee, as he filled a new mug for himself. “At least, put lots of cream into it, okay?”

“I’m going back to work today.”

“Why? You're officially on leave. Take it easy for the rest of the week,” BD said, then added, “Did you check the gate before you let the dog out?” He got the cream out of the fridge and placed it on the table, then pointed at it. 

Daniel put sugar and cream into the coffee and gazed at the table. Shoot. He had forgotten about the gate. But nobody had been in the garden the other night, right? So he guessed it was okay. He nodded and figured that not actually saying it out loud didn't make it a real lie.

What in the world could happen anyway if nobody had been in the yard to open the gate?

BD sat down and gazed at him over his own mug. “Normally I'd say it's too early to discuss this... but I've been thinking about calling Jack.”

“Now that's just peachy,” Daniel muttered, then frowned when he saw the lopsided smile develop on the man's face. “What?”

“I think someone's rubbing off on you.”

“Well, d'oh. And? Did you? Call Jack?”

“No, I didn't,” BD said quietly. “I want to believe we can sort this out on our own.”

“What's there to sort out? I screwed up, I apologized, I had to stuff the cat and everyone was mad at me, including the father of that lisping kid,” Daniel said with a sigh. 

Janet had glared daggers at him all afternoon and Sam had been very quiet, her expression altering between disappointment and confusion. Daniel had gone to his room and stayed there all evening, not wanting to talk to his adult self. He was torn between being embarrassed and mad because BD had forced him to stuff the cat under the sour looks of the store employees.

He knew his attitude was less than appropriate, but he couldn't help being mad either.

Stupid teddy bears.

BD frowned and bent slightly forward as if he could find the answer to his puzzlement in Little Daniel's face. “Yes. But  _why_ did you do it in the first place? There has to be a reason.. a... an explanation... something.”

“How about I'm eight and therefore my attention span is short, I got bored and thought it was a cool idea at the time?” Daniel said in his best snotty voice.

BD looked at him, eyebrows raised questioningly. “Not good enough.”

Daniel ground his teeth and gave his mug a little spin, not hard enough to spill any coffee. “I  _am_ sorry,” he grated. “I apologized. To all of you.”

“I know you were sorry and I believe you. I want to know what possessed you...”

“I don't know! I was mad! I didn't want to go there in the first place!” He jumped up and pushed his chair back hard. “I'll get ready for work now. If you won't drive me, I'll call Sam and ask her to pick me up.”

With that, he marched out and a moment later, slammed the door to his room.

***

Big Daniel rose to clear the table, trying to ignore the headache developing at the base of his skull.

Reliving the last couple of days in his mind, he tried to figure out when things had started to go wrong.

What had happened?

Then again, maybe nothing had happened, and this little Daniel was just having one of his moody days. Or two of them. Or three, maybe.

Daniel's mood and attitude had seemed to change after he'd gotten sick. Which had been understandable while he'd actually been sick. Now, however, he seemed to be okay. Or maybe he wasn't and still felt a little queasy. How quickly did kids recover from infections?

Janet would have known if Daniel wasn't well enough to go to the Furry Friend Store, right? She had given him a short once-over beforehand.

Well, LD had his appointment with Svenson on Friday. BD vowed to have a word with her if the situation didn’t improve. It probably wasn't a big deal. It had been a prank. Granted, a very stupid and annoying prank. Just a try to get out of having to stuff that bear.

It had just seemed so...

Childish.

Daniel sighed.

Right.

It seemed he still didn't know his little version very well.

Yet, he couldn't help feeling there was more to it than just the willfulness of a little kid.

Maybe LD missed Jack far more than he let on. Sam was probably right about Daniel being homesick. If he was hiding it, he could be building up a lot of negative emotion. Daniel knew that feeling. The need to conceal it so nobody would worry. He was quite skilled at it.

And the kid had just told him a few days ago that he wasn't as good at pretending anymore. Daniel wondered if little-him would have been better off if he had gone to Minnesota with Jack. But then he dismissed the thought. Little Daniel obviously hated facing all those memories and didn't want to go to the place where he and Jack had been so happy. He had probably underestimated how much he would miss Jack and was now trying to cope with it.

Daniel frowned.

Something wasn't quite right with that picture.

Closing the dishwasher after putting the mugs inside, he decided to give it another try.

***

There was a tentative knock at the door and Jackson's voice. “Daniel?”

“Go away!” Daniel put all the anger he could into his kiddie-voice as he wiped tears from his cheeks.

“Look, we don't have to talk about what happened yesterday. I was just wondering... and thought I... maybe I could help you figure some things out.” Jackson sounded muffled through the closed door, but LD could hear that his adult self was worried.

“You don't have to. Figure out your own problems and leave mine alone,” he said loudly, snuffling his running nose. He wasn't going to use a tissue. So, he was disgusting. Big deal. Not. 

The door opened, and Jackson stuck his head in. “Hey.”

“What? Does ‘leave me alone’ mean anything to you?”

“Uh... do you mind if I ask you something?” 

Daniel sniffed again. “Depends.”

“Doesn't have anything to do with the bear store.”

Daniel shrugged.

“Okay... Um, remember when we talked about your memories? I've been thinking about it.”

Daniel squinted up at his adult self. “Huh?”

“It's less painful for you now to think back, right? Because it's not so intense anymore as it had been... let's say, the first six months or year?”

“Uh, yeah, so?”

“Soooo... what worries you more right now is what'll happen after you get re-sized? Like if you’ll be able to feel... the same for Jack as before. Or rather how Jack will feel about you then,” BD said slowly. “The memories from before aren't that much of a problem anymore, right?”

Daniel nodded, suddenly alert. Where was Jackson going with this?

“But you still didn't want to go to Minnesota. If it's true – what you say about your memories becoming less vivid...“

“Just because it's gotten better doesn't mean it doesn't bug me anymore,” he snapped. “You can't just switch them off like... .”

Jackson pinched the bridge of his nose and held up his other hand to silence him. “Waitwaitwait... I didn't mean it that way. Sorry, that didn't come out right.” Crossing his arms, he looked at LD, reevaluating, “I just think there has to be another reason why you didn't want to go with Jack.”

“Wa-hy?” 

“Because... Because it doesn't make sense. You wouldn't be intimidated by memories. We all assumed you didn't want to deal with them. That you feared you'd fall back into depression if confronted with the past. I didn't realize you are already beyond that.“

“Who says I am?! I'm not! I'm not beyond anything! It's just not as painful anymore,” Daniel yelled. “You have no right to say I'm beyond it! I didn't forget!” He had to stop to get some air into his lungs. His arms were squeezing his own body tightly in that dreaded self-hug. 

“I didn't say you’d forgotten,” Jackson said patiently. “But you have moved on. You've come to terms with things. And I think you know that. You're more afraid of what will happen when you're big again, than of anything that happened before you got downsized. I think you'd be able to deal with the memories now. I think you know that, too.” 

“But maybe I don't want to deal with them!” 

“I don't believe that.”

“I don't care what you believe!”

“You want to get over your issues. The therapy, all the adjustments you’ve made. You've worked too hard to just stop here. I didn't realize that until I really thought about it. It doesn't make sense. If it was just the memories, you would tackle those, too.”

Why was Jackson so calm? His tone was conversational, gentle even. And Daniel hated that he couldn't stay calm as well.

“Just fuck off,” he snarled. _I don't wanna hear it_ , he thought, channeling Jack. 

BD blinked. “Wow,” he mumbled. “Why are you so mad? I was just trying to help.”

“Why do you suddenly want to talk about my feelings? When 'I' wanted to talk to you about feelings, you cut me off and walked out,” Daniel accused him, wiping an arm under his nose.

“What? When did I walk out on you?” BD really seemed puzzled by that statement.

Daniel ignored the question and went on, his voice bitter with resentment, “You're right, though. We have more important things to worry about than my little problems. Or yours. I'm just a whiny little kid with memory issues and a coward because I don't wanna go to the cabin.” It wasn't meant to be sarcastic. It was all true... well, up to a point, anyway.

So he probably was more mad at himself than at BD.

Knowing that didn't help him calm down though.

“That's not what I...”

“You'll just pack your stuff and move on when this is all over. So why do YOU care anyway?”

“Isn't that what you want? Both you and Jack? To have me out of here so there’s one less thing you have to worry about once you're big again?” Jackson didn't say this accusingly. It was another mere statement. If anything there was mild curiosity in the man's voice, like he was analyzing the habits of an unknown culture. 

“Yes. That's what we want. And I want you to mind your own business until then!” Daniel hissed, his hands closing around Amab. He really wanted to throw his monkey at Jackson. 

He probably needed a time out. Too bad there was noone who'd make him take one. “I never really liked you, you know?”

Jackson's face paled, but he didn't start yelling back, didn't take the bait. He didn't come over either. He just frowned and said, “You were the one who wanted to stay with me for some reason. So if you changed your mind... feel free to call Teal'c to pick you up.”

He turned and left the room, softly closing the door behind him.

Daniel fell backwards on his bed and stared at the ceiling.

He wanted to go home.

Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to think about what to do next.

He'd call Teal'c or Sam to pick him up right after he'd let the dog in from the yard.

He snatched some tissues out of the box on his desk to clean his face and blow his nose. When he was done, the rage had left him, and he felt already ashamed about his outburst.

He hadn't behaved like such a jerk for some time now. So Jackson had made him stuff a cat and had partially seen through Daniel’s little smokescreen about why he hadn't gone with Jack.

Big deal.

And once again – friends and neighbors – Daniel Jackson, the little one, had shot out of the loop and presented his worst side in all its childish charm.

Daniel sighed.

Well, he'd still have to call Teal'c. Big Daniel wouldn't want him to stay after he had blown it so efficiently. But he vowed to himself that he would at least try to apologize.

He left his room and, a moment later, walked out on the back porch. He gazed over the still-fallow yard. It would look so much better once the lawn was in. Daniel called his dog, figuring he was in the front yard.

Flyboy didn't come.

Daniel whistled.

No dog.

Uh-oh.

He ran through the yard, jumped over mud puddles and yelled Flyboy's name. When he rounded the house, his eyes fell on the gate.

The wide-open gate.

“Oooh, shit,” Daniel whispered as he looked frantically up and down the driveway and street for a sign of his dog. He had no idea how this could have happened. But it was an old house and the wooden, formerly white fence was battered and old. 

Probably the wind had dragged the gate open.

He glanced back at the house, aware that he should go and get BD. But wouldn't he be faster if he went after Flyboy himself? BD wasn't even dressed properly yet, and there was the cast... he wouldn't be able to run...

Aside from that, Daniel really didn't want to talk to BD right now... If he had to confess that the dog escaped, BD might get a stroke or something.

Muttering under his breath, and ignoring the warning voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like one Jack O'Neill, Daniel trotted along the sidewalk, peering over fences and hedges. When he reached the corner, he called his dog again.

What if Flyboy had run in the opposite direction?

Panicking just a little, Daniel turned and ran back to BD's house, then continued down the street, calling his dog once more. He had almost reached the other end of the street when loud barking, coming from one of the backyards, cut through the quiet neighborhood.

“Gotcha,” he yelled and entered the garden in a flash, zipping around the house, only to see Flyboy heading over a small wire-mesh fence, barking wildly as he ran after something white and brown. 

Oh, Daniel would bet good money it was the cat they had discovered a few days ago.

This was bad.

Real bad.

Flyboy was a good dog, and followed most commands very well by now. But in the face of a cat, he would just forget that he was a good dog.

Nervously glancing at the house again, Daniel went after him. He hoped he wouldn't get into trouble for trespassing, but by the time he'd explained everything to the owner of the house, Flyboy might already be gone.

He had to get him. If he caught the dog, they'd be back at BD's house before he'd even noticed they were missing...

“Flyboy! Flyboy, come here! Will you get here right now!” Daniel yelled several times, alternating between English and Egyptian, as he jumped over the fence and followed his dog in a wild goose chase through the next yard. The grass was wet from previous night's rain, and Daniel almost slipped and landed on his butt. 

Flyboy vanished around a corner of the house and out of the driveway.

They crossed the street, and Daniel was able to grab his dog's collar just as they reached the sidewalk again. But now he really slipped and almost fell head-first on the pavement. He had to let go of Flyboy in order to stop his fall with his hands, which was still painful, but better than cracking his head open.

Cursing and rubbing his burning palms on his jeans, Daniel scrambled to his feet.

“Flyboy! You're in SO much trouble,” he yelled, almost sobbing. 

He quickly checked his hands and let out a sigh of relief. No blood. Only a little scraped.

Meanwhile, Flyboy and cat were off to another yard. Daniel pushed the glasses up his nose and followed, ready to win the battle. After all, he had hunted down Goa'uld. He ought to be able to catch a stupid dog, right?

Right.

Trained by the best Jaffa of all Jaffa, Daniel was fit and had enough breath left to gain speed as he zigzagged through grinning, red-headed garden gnomes.

Ooops, there was a crashing sound under Daniel's sneakers...

But Daniel was too focused on his target to care about garden gnomes right now.

Out of the blue, Flyboy darted sideways, changing direction.

Daniel was so focused on the dog that he didn't see the small pond.

The next thing he knew, he had lost his footing and skidded on something slick. He tried to come to a halt, but it was too late. With a loud splash, he went face-forward into cold brackish water, swallowing a mouthful, which made him gag and splutter as he came up for air.

Coughing and retching, he felt water gargling in his throat as he frantically tried to drag air into his lungs. He tried to swim, but his soaked clothes pulled him down again. Then his sneaker got caught in some weeds at the bottom. He was stuck.

His mouth opened and closed like a fish thrown out of water, only it was Daniel in the water, unable to breathe... He tried to get his foot free, losing one sneaker in the process. He swirled up mud and swampy water and couldn't see anything.

It probably hadn't taken more than a few seconds, but for Daniel, it seemed like an eternity before he finally shot upwards again, broke through the surface and tried to breathe.

He gagged again, and water streamed out of his nose. He took a burning, aching breath... and then Daniel's hands grabbed something wet and furry and he latched onto it. More water and bile came up as his feet touched ground and he half-walked, half-crawled out of the pond, one hand still clutched to whatever was hauling him forwards...

Then he was kneeling in the wet grass, bent forward, and retching. Finally, Daniel flopped onto his back and took deep gulps of the wonderful crisp morning air.

A low yelp and a swipe of tongue across his cheek made him cry out in relief. He hugged his wet and dirty dog with both arms. “You s... s... saved me, Flyboy,” he sobbed, stunned with shock.

“Oh, _milis aingeal_! What are ye doing here?” The voice was a mixture of anger and worry, and when Daniel pulled back from his dog, he saw a man running towards them. “Are ye a'right, lad?”

“Think so,” Daniel croaked, feeling the embarrassed heat creeping into his face. He frantically wiped at his dirty, wet cheeks.

The man - Daniel assumed it was the owner of the house - knelt next to him and reached out a hand, but snatched it back at the low growl from Flyboy.

Daniel put an arm around his four-pawed friend. “Shh, it's okay, Flyboy.”

“Great dog ye have there, lad. Come away in. Ye'll catch yer death o' cold if ye stay out here.” He moved to pick Daniel up, but the dog growled again.

“Do ye think ye can walk of yer own? I dinna want ta fash yer friend here.”

“I'm fine,” Daniel mumbled.

He followed the stranger into the house on wobbly legs. Somewhere in his shocked and foggy mind, he knew he probably shouldn't go with the man, but he was shivering with cold and his teeth had started to chatter. Pond water ran out of his hair and down his face, and he smelled awful.

His remaining shoe made squishy little noises with each step he took.

Once inside, he was shown the way to the bathroom and told to get rid of his clothes and take a hot shower. Daniel blinked and plucked at his wet, heavy jacket. He was dripping on the tiled floor. Then he realized that he had lost his glasses. “Shit,” he mumbled.

The guy raised dark eyebrows. “What? Ye mad because ye did nae drown?”

“Uh, no, just lost my glasses in the pond. And one of my shoes. Um, sorry for bothering you and... falling in.”

“Well, ye squished some of me sister's garden gnomes. Or yer dog did, ma'be. Go take that shower. I'll call yer folks so they can come fer ye. I'm Fergus, by the way.”

“D... Daniel,” Daniel spluttered, his teeth chattering some more. “I... I... I'm sorry. I sh... should go now. I live right down the... street. I can shower at home.” 

“Ye'll catch pneumonia if ye don't get out of those wet things, wee man. Let me call yer ma or da. They can bring ye new claise.” 

Daniel took his first good look at the man. He was tall and broad, wearing a plain white shirt and jeans. His head was bald like Teal'c's, but he wasn't black, and he sported a huge dark mustache. His eyes were brown and warm, almost like Jack's.

Daniel decided it was safe.

He pulled off his shoe and muttered another apology as he got rid of his socks and left water puddles on the floor. He gave BD's phone number to Fergus and then traipsed into the bathroom, Flyboy on his heels.

Feeling a little lost in the unfamiliar room, he tentatively undressed and eyed the shower stall. The faucets were easy to reach and there was shampoo and shower gel. Towels were stacked on the bright window sill. The room smelled like some flower, probably a room spray.

Daniel glanced back at the bathroom door, then went over and locked it.

He wondered if he should rub Flyboy dry with a towel, but he was sure he'd ruin it by doing so. The dog was pretty dirty. Patting the damp black head, Daniel said, “You're such a good boy. Stay put, okay? I'll ask for a towel for you as soon as I'm done here.” With that, he stepped into the shower.

The hot water was a bliss. After a while, he became warm again and his teeth stopped chattering.

He was almost done when Flyboy started barking outside the shower and Fergus's voice boomed, “I have a robe and some socks here for ye. Putting them by the door!”

Turning off the water, Daniel poked his head out of the shower stall door and told Flyboy to keep quiet. With a low growl in his throat, the dog settled down again.

Daniel left the shower, dried himself, unlocked the door and put the robe and socks on. The clothes were too large for him, and he had to sling the robe's belt twice around his body. He also had to roll up the sleeves. However, he couldn't just stay naked until BD showed up, so he had no choice. His clothes were soggy and smelled real bad.

Fergus was in his large kitchen, putting a kettle on the stove. “There was naebody home. Ye think they're already looking for ye? There's a blanket for yer dog. And take the other blanket frae the chair and wrap it around ye,” the man told Daniel without turning around. “I'll make ye some tea.”

Daniel took the blanket and wrapped it around Flyboy. As he rubbed the dog’s fur dry, he said, “Thanks, but I really have to go. My... uncle is probably searching for me. I have to find him before...”

“Ye can't leave like that, lad. Away and sit by the fire. I'll go check the street if I can see him. What does yer uncle look like?”

“Um, he's wearing a leg cast,” Daniel mumbled, wondering how long BD might have been looking for him and if he had called the mountain already to report Daniel missing.

He cringed.

“Stay here,” Fergus said and hurried out his front door.

***

He was dead.

Jack was going to kill him.

Just like that.

With a snap of his wrist.

Okay, maybe not. Maybe Jack would want him to suffer a slow death...

“Daniel!!!”

No answer. Not even from the dog.

Daniel whistled.

Nothing.

He had peered into yards, questioned the next-door neighbor, had tried LD's cell phone – which turned out to be in the house.

Hadn't Jack said one of the first rules was that LD had to carry his cell phone with him if he left the house? Oh, and of course, LD wasn't supposed to leave the yard without permission.

At least he seemed to have Flyboy with him.

Was it possible that he had gotten lost?

And where had he wanted to go in the first place?

Jackson cursed himself for not backing off when he had first realized Daniel didn't want to answer his questions this morning. He also winced as he remembered how he had cut off their talk two days ago without realizing that he had not only hurt LD's feeling, but had also told him that his worries weren't important.

Well, in the face of the situation with Anubis, they really weren't. But Jackson was honest enough with himself to know that Anubis wasn't the reason he had ended the conversation rather quickly.

Little Daniel wasn't the only one who tried to avoid talking about issues and feelings.

God, where was he?

BD had reached the end of the street. The houses and yards were quiet and still. Most people had gone to work by now, and there was no sign of a little boy and his dog.

Searching like this was pointless.

He had to get the jeep and drive through the neighborhood. If he didn't find the kid he had to call the mountain. A cold hand clutched his heart. What if the NID had been around somewhere, biding their time for a good opportunity?

Daniel closed his eyes for a moment. No. He wouldn't start to panic. Little Daniel might just have taken a walk with the dog to cool off his bad mood. He realized that was exactly what he would've done in the kid's case.

He sighed. They had both been a little edgy these last few days.

Ignoring the dull ache in his ankle, he turned around to get his jeep.

He had reached his driveway when he heard someone calling from across the street. A tall, bald man with a huge dark mustache hurried towards him.

“Are ye looking fer yer nephew, man?” 

_Oh, thank god._ “Yes! Did you find him? I was looking down the street in the other direction.” Daniel was already moving, meeting the other guy halfway. “Is he all right?”

“Aye. He fell into me pond though. Needs new claise.” The man extended his hand. “I'm Fergus. Me sister and I live down the street.”

“He... fell into your pond?” Daniel felt his eyebrows rise as he absently shook Fergus's hand. “Now, how did that happen? But he's all right, yes?”

“Oh, he's fine. I'm nae quite sure how. His dog got him out before I was there. A fine dog.” 

“Okay, yeah. I...” Daniel pointed at his house. “I’ll just go and get his things.”

  
  


They were greeted by an empty kitchen when they entered Fergus’s house.

“I left him right here. Told him to stay put,” Fergus muttered with a frown.

Daniel sighed. “Well, he has a habit of... uh... not exactly listening sometimes.”

“Aye. Now, where is he?”

Daniel called LD's name and let out a sigh of relief when there was an answer from somewhere inside the house. A moment later Flyboy burst into the kitchen and greeted him with licks to his hands and a wagging tail. The dog was damp and stinky, but looked all right. LD followed a moment later at a much more subdued pace. He was wearing an oversized blue robe, which made him look incredibly small.

“I was just... um... looking around a little. You have lots of nice things in your living room. Where in Scotland are you from, Fergus?”

Daniel frowned. “I hope the dog didn't break anything.”

LD shook his head. “No. I left him in the hall outside the living room.”

“I'm frae Argyle, laddie. Ye saw our family tree on the wall? We can trace our line back to the first of the Celtic Clans. Me sister and I are history buffs. We're trying to write a book about our clan.” Fergus smiled, pride in his voice. “Our tribe traded with the bloody Romans. But some of me ancestors were part of a small group of rebels who did nae want to have anything to do with those folks.”

“Really? That's... that's interesting. I'm an archaeologist,” Daniel chimed in. 

“What's yer field of study?” Fergus went to the stove and poured boiling water from the kettle into mugs.

“Ancient Egypt mostly, but other cultures as well.”

“He's also an anthropologist,” LD pointed out. “You don't really look very Scottish, or Celtic, by the way.”

Fergus answered that with a deep laugh. “Well, there have been some American interludes and even some French influences here and there, lad. But don't ye worry, I'm still Scottish.”

Remembering why he had come, Daniel put his hands on the shoulders of his little charge and crouched in front of him. “Are you okay, Daniel? What happened? Why did you run off?”

“I'm fine. I just got a little wet. Flyboy ran into the street and was chasing the cat again. I went after him,” LD mumbled, blushing from his chin to his ears. 

“You said you checked the gate,” Daniel said.

The blush turned from pink to deep red. “I kind of... didn't think it would be open.“

Exhaling a deep breath, Daniel stood and pointed at the dry clothes. “Get dressed, please. I have to call Janet to see if she wants to come out so she can take a look at you.”

LD bit his bottom lip and looked up at him like he was expecting more. But Daniel couldn’t deal with this right now. He watched as young Daniel gathered his clothes and made his way to the door. Before he left the room, he turned and looked at him with uncertain, troubled blue eyes.

“Are you mad?”

“I'm... uh, no, I'm not,” Daniel said. “We'll talk about it at home, okay?” 

LD lowered his gaze to his feet and clutched the bundle of clothes to his chest. “I'll be right back,” he murmured as he scurried through the half-open door.

Daniel slumped down at the kitchen table and gratefully accepted the mug of hot herbal tea Fergus handed him. “A wee troublemaker ye have there, huh?”

Daniel licked his lips nervously, trying to find the right words. “He just acts before he thinks sometimes. Or maybe it's just because,” he was at a loss for explanations. Finally he said, “he's a kid.”

“Aye. He got lucky out there. I was in the basement, working on something. I only happened to come up here fer a glass of water, when I saw the kid and his dog crawling out of the pond. It's more a swamp than a pond though, which makes it dangerous to go take a swim. Me sister and I have wanted to remove it for years, but never gotten around to it.”

The mug of tea almost slipped out of his slackened hands when he was hit by the realization. Seeing Little Daniel alive and well had somehow decreased the meaning of “falling into the pond” and “saved by the dog”... until now.

“He could have drowned.” Daniel heard his voice shake a little. 

“He was lucky, damn lucky,” Fergus repeated. “I reckon he swallowed water, and that's why he couldn't just crawl out right away. The water's mighty cold this time of year.” 

“I'm responsible for him. If something had happened...” A wave of nausea struck him. 

“Are ye all right?”

“Fine.” But he wasn't fine. Wasn't fine at all. He had told Daniel that he wasn't mad, but it wasn't true. He was, in fact, angry. And relieved. That, over all. 

He felt awkward, realizing that he was exactly in the same place Jack usually inhabited. Was this how Jack had felt dealing with some of the tight spots Daniel had put himself – and sometimes the whole team - in over the years? Of course, the situations had been a lot different. It had never been careless thinking on Daniel's part or the intention to stir trouble. Daniel knew he would have acted the same way all over again in some of the situations that had led to him being injured, captured, tortured or killed. Some things just had to go a certain way, whether he liked it or not. And despite all the huffing and nagging of Mister Overprotective, Jack had known that, too.

Yet, he suddenly understood how Jack must have felt. Must feel now with this little Daniel, when he managed to get into trouble.

“He knows he's not supposed to leave the yard. Alone. Without saying a word. Just like that.” 

“Thank god, nothing worse happened. It's just a mystery to me sometimes how kids survive their childhood.” Fergus shook his head. “See me bald head? Me daughter's been the cause of that while she grew up. Are ye looking after him?"

“Just until his... dad is back.”

Fergus smirked. “Boys and their dogs. I bet his da will have a word or two to say to him about this little adventure.”

“Yes. So will I,” Daniel said through gritted teeth, for a moment giving in to the anger.

He could have drowned.

A shudder ran down Daniel's spine.

Fergus clapped Daniel’s shoulder in sympathy. “He's fine. Got away with a shock and some wet claise.”

At that moment, LD returned. He had dressed and was holding his wet clothes rolled up in a ball. Fergus gave him a plastic bag to put them in. When both Daniels had finished their tea and thanked Fergus for his hospitality, they took Flyboy, left the house and stepped into the yard again. The sun had come out and chased away the gray clouds.

Big Daniel spotted the scattered pieces of the garden gnomes and was about to offer reimbursement when Fergus seemed to read his thoughts.

“Dinnae fash yerself over it. I'm nae too keen on those buggers anyway. And me sister will live. I'll explain it to her.”

“No, we'll pay for it,” LD said meekly. “I'm sorry, Fergus.”

The Scot smiled and patted the kid's back. “If it makes ye feel better, lad”

Blushing, LD nodded.

“Why don't ye come back and I'll show ye more of my clan history? Ye seemed to be interested,” Fergus offered with a warm smile. “Both of ye.”

“Sure, why not?” Daniel smiled back, feeling a little less embarrassed for the - what had Jack called him on occasion - Wretch. That Fergus seemed to be a nice guy.

LD didn’t talk much while they bathed the dog. After the bath, he snuggled under a blanket with Flyboy, unfazed by the wet-dog-smell, and waited for Janet, who had insisted on coming over.

Watching the two on the living room couch, Daniel wondered how to handle the whole situation. He was torn between giving the kid a piece of his mind and feeling sorry for him, seeing how drained the little guy looked. He opted for letting the two of them rest first and tackle the issue later.

When Janet arrived an hour later, she examined LD right away, threatening him with at least three days of infirmary if he had caught a relapse of his cold.

She took LD's temp and checked his lungs while she scolded in her best Napoleonic Power Monger's voice, “You'll be lucky if you don't get sick after the two infections you've just been through. One should think you’d know better than to...”

“It was an accident,” Daniel couldn't help defending the boy, who tortured his bottom lip with his teeth and was obviously fighting back mortified tears. 

“It wasn't an accident that he ran away though,” Janet snapped. 

Nobody dared to object.

When she was done with her examination, she let out a long breath, and finally her eyes softened as she pushed LD gently down on the pillows. Stroking a hand over his blond hair, she said, “Well, you got lucky, Daniel. I don't think there'll be any complications. You have a really good dog there.” Then she straightened, and the glare returned. “I want you to take a nap now. You're exhausted. When you wake up, I suggest a hot meal and taking it easy for the rest of the day.” She patted his cheek and flashed Jackson a reassuring smile on her way out. “He'll be fine. I want a look at your Chinese takeout menu. I haven't had lunch yet.”

***

Daniel resisted the urge to pull the blanket over his head when BD, instead of leaving the room after Janet, sat on the edge of the couch, giving him a troubled look.

But his voice was surprisingly light when he said, “Hey, you survived Janet. You think you can rest now?”

“Guess so.” He wasn't tired, but he wanted to be alone, so napping wasn't all that bad.

They fell silent and Daniel found himself fiddling with Amab, pulling his ears and tail. Big Daniel had brought the stuffed monkey from LD's room earlier, and he had accepted it without a word. Finally he choked out, “I'm sorry, Daniel.”

“Oh, I know you are.” 

“I didn't want you to...”

“Run after Flyboy with my cast? Or talk to you, period?” Now he looked as exhausted as LD felt, and the edge to his voice was like the one LD often heard from Jack. “Look. I know we didn't have a great start this morning, but do you think it was worth running off like that? You almost drowned in that pond. How the hell do you think I'd...”

“It wasn't your fault,” LD interrupted. “I decided to go after Flyboy alone, and the rest was just bad luck.” 

“Well, that sure doesn't make me feel better about it.”

LD swallowed hard but instead of admitting how foolish he felt, chose to get defensive. “You, of all people, should know how these things happen to us. As you just told Janet, I didn't intend to take a bath and almost drown.”

“You wandered off and you lied about checking the gate. You know the dog's stronger than you are. You should have told me he escaped the yard in the first place.” Big Daniel shook his head. “What's wrong with you, Daniel? Why were you so mad at me this morning? I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to belittle anything...”

“I told you, I'm different now,” LD muttered, knowing that was no excuse for his actions or his earlier tantrum. “Sometimes I just snap. Then I do stupid things. It doesn't happen every day anymore, but it still happens. I'm sorry, though.” 

Jackson took a deep breath. “Okay. So what are we going to do about this now? Aside from replacing the garden gnomes? Am I going to lock you in the house for the rest of your stay?”

Daniel lowered his head and kept his gaze firmly glued to Amab and his own hands as he blurted out,”I'm going to tell Jack about it and he's going to rip me a new one. I don't need you to act like you're my uncle or another father figure. I don't want you to think you have to make choices or set up boundaries for me.”

He wanted to go home.

But he couldn't. And he had to get a grip on that.

“I’ve told you before, I'm not trying to be paternal. But Jack's not here, and like it or not, I'm in charge. What do you expect? That I just shrug and let you do things that are obviously not good for you? What? Besides, these are Jack's boundaries you overstepped. I haven't invented new ones.” 

“I know that.” Daniel sighed. 

“I'm glad you didn't drown in that pond,” BD said, his voice gentle now. “Try to sleep. We're ordering Chinese. Do you want something specific?”

“Soup and egg rolls, please.”

BD nodded and gave him a crooked smile as he fussed with the blankets for a moment. “Sleep tight.”

Daniel curled up under his covers and snuggled deeper into the cushions as his eyes started to brim with hot moisture. Not even Flyboy was with him. Janet had insisted that the dog left the couch when she'd examined him and not even the dog dared to go against the good Doc's orders.

There it was again, the need for Jack. Stupid, irrational and utterly annoying.

He should be glad Jack wasn't here right now. Jack would have hugged the stuffing out of him. Then he would have given LD a much harsher tongue-lashing than Janet and Daniel had.

Jack would be disappointed in him, and Daniel couldn't even tell him everything because then Jack would also be worried and try to fix things.

And there was just no way to really fix Daniel's problem. He had to work this out for himself.

***

They ordered Chinese with soup and egg rolls for LD. Daniel would reheat it when the kid was awake later.

He made coffee and joined Janet at the kitchen table.

“Thank god for your neighbor. Putting Daniel under a hot shower right away was the best thing he could have done,” Janet said, shaking her head. 

“Jack was right,” Daniel interrupted her, as he stared gloomily into his coffee mug. 

“About what?”

“I'm not qualified for this job,” he muttered. “Daniel'd be better off with Teal'c.” 

“Nonsense.” Janet clucked her tongue, shaking her head in disapproval. “You're as good for the job as anyone on SG-1.”

“I'm not part of SG-1,” Daniel said sharply.

Ignoring his objection, Janet went on, “You know Daniel better than anyone, except maybe Colonel O'Neill. Why would you not be able to take care of him? Do you think he doesn't get in trouble while he's with the colonel?”

Daniel rolled his eyes. “No. We always do. It seems to be our goal for life.”

Janet gave a soft snort and then asked, “Why didn't he call you when the dog was missing?”

Daniel shrugged and told the tale of their morning argument.

Janet tsked at the coffee bit. “He's eight. Eight year olds shouldn't drink coffee, period. No matter what he knows or remembers, or how much he resembles his former adult ego – his body is eight and he knows it pretty well,” Janet huffed. “The colonel is much too indulgent in that matter, too.”

“Yes, maybe. But he was right. I wouldn't skip my morning coffee either once I felt better,” Daniel said, a little annoyed that he actually felt sheepish about that. “Besides, the coffee was just the smokescreen for what's really bothering him. Ever since that stomach flu, he's become moody and irritating.” 

“You said he's worried about the time after he gets re-sized,” Janet said slowly. “Maybe this has been bothering him for some time, and he hasn't said so. And for some reason, it came up now. You said you talked to him about nightmares and how he feels about his memories from when he was big?”

“Yes. But I don't think that's all. There's more to it. I just can't put my finger on it.”

“He's homesick.” 

Daniel nodded. “Yeah. That, too. But he blew up in my face like C4 when I asked him why he really stayed home. I'm getting the feeling he's not telling the truth about his reasons. I'm sure he'd be able to go to Minnesota and face his... our... past.”

“Don't underestimate the child in him. I mean, remember what happened yesterday? That was... impossible,” Janet warned. “It actually makes me wonder if he is really learning to control himself or if the colonel just has a better handle on him now.” 

“I don't underestimate the child. Well, at least, I don't think I do. Not anymore. But he's facing his issues now instead of avoiding them. From what I’ve gathered, he's trying harder to adapt.”

Their conversation was interrupted when the food arrived.

They ate in silence for a while until Janet suddenly spoke again, “I want both of you take at least the rest of the week off.”

“Janet…” 

“You are already on leave, Daniel. The last few days have been exhausting for both of you. You can both return to base next week with the colonel. I will clear this with Hammond. Since neither of you have to follow a mission schedule, it shouldn't be a problem.”

“He won't like that,” Daniel muttered, nodding in the general direction of the living room where LD was still asleep on the couch. 

“He doesn't have to like it. Neither do you. You both never liked what's best for you,” she said sternly.

“I just can't see how staying home for another couple of days will improve the situation. He's probably better off working than hanging out here with me.” 

Janet gave him a thoughtful look, then abruptly changed the subject. “How are you and the colonel getting along lately?”

“We're getting there,” Daniel said. He wondered if he should tell Janet that Jack had hinted at the possibility to get him on a team. Then again, after LD's shopping and drowning adventure that was most likely off the table. Grimacing he added. “I need to talk to him about what happened yesterday and today.”

“Yes, you do.”

Daniel sighed. It wasn't going to be a nice talk. Jack had been surprisingly easy about the stomach flu and the fact that Daniel hadn't called him then. But the last two days events wouldn't go over so well.

“I'll call him right after lunch.” 

“I think I have a better idea,” Janet said slowly. Her brown eyes were still on Daniel when he looked at her. 

And suddenly he knew she was up to something. “Janet?”

“You and LD might need a change of scenery.”

Uh-oh. He wasn't going to like this...

***

“Hey.” BD sauntered into the living room later that afternoon, hands stuffed into his pants pockets. “How are you doing?”

Daniel put the container of warm soup on the coffee table.

“Would you rather I packed my things and moved in with Teal'c until Jack's back?” The words were out before he could bite his tongue. He had been pondering this ever since he had woken up an hour ago. 

“Why would I want you to leave?”

“Because I got into trouble?”

BD looked at him, his eyes intense and sincere. “Would Jack send you away because you got into trouble?”

Daniel chewed on his bottom lip, slowly shaking his head no. Jack wouldn't send him away. If he had learned one thing over the last couple of years – and not only since he was little again – it was that Jack would never leave him behind or stop loving him. Neither would Sam or Teal’c.

“Then why should I?” BD asked softly. “Unless it's what you want.”

“Because,” Daniel started, then stopped and swallowed, not sure what to say. “I thought you wanted me to... leave.”

Jack loved him.

He wasn't sure about Jackson though. Sure, they got along great. But the guy might just have realized what a brat Daniel was. Maybe he regretted having agreed to take care of him.

But BD said, “I'm not Jack, you know. But I do care. A lot. If you want to stay, you'll stay.”

Little Daniel nodded solemnly. “Okay. Thanks.”

“So. What do you think Jack will do when you tell him about your recent adventures?”

“He'll ground me, take away my privileges... that sort of thing,” Daniel said matter-of-fact. “Probably forever.” Then he smiled. “Um, well, not really, but... probably for a while.”

BD cocked his head and seemed to think about that for a moment, then shrugged and actually smiled. “Okay. Then we'll just let Jack deal with this. He's much better at this paternal stuff anyway.” Then his face became serious again, and he gave Daniel a long, hard look. “There's just one thing.“

“Yeah?”

“I lied to you.”

“You did?” 

“When you asked me if I was mad and I said no. I was mad. I was worried sick.”

“Jack gets mad, too, when he's worried,” LD said quietly.

“Oh, yeah, he does. Well, we all do when it comes to people we feel close to. I guess you're somehow like a... little brother to me. So I guess that makes us pretty close to each other. That actually makes sense, doesn't it? I've been trying to figure this out for some time. The you-me thing.” 

“I'm not you,” Daniel mumbled. Not by a long shot. BD was so much better at everything than he was. 

“No, you're not. Well, you are, obviously, but not exactly,” Big Daniel said, grimacing. “Is this giving you a headache, too?” 

“Um, yeah. Sometimes.”

“You know, not even Sam can explain it. Not really.” BD settled on the couch next to him and eyed the egg rolls. “Do you mind?”

“No, go ahead.”

They munched the cold egg rolls and Little Daniel thought about what BD had just said.

“I like the brother thing,” he finally mumbled. “It's better than the uncle-nephew cover story they worked out before you showed up. Too bad we can't just change it.”

“You make a good brother.”

For some reason, that made Daniel blush and feel very warm inside. “Really? You don't think I'm representing the worst sides of our personality? Because it felt like it today... um, and yesterday, too.”

Instead of an answer, BD ruffled his hair and they shared another, more genuine smile.

The evening sun drew shadows on the freshly painted walls and the mural. The house was quiet, and Flyboy was asleep by LD's feet, stuffed with lots of extra treats he had received for his heroic rescuing.

“You miss Jack a lot, huh?” BD asked out of the blue.

Daniel thought that putting a few days between today and facing the father-hen and having time to work out some great linguistic strategies to calm Jack before he would really go ballistic wasn't so bad.

He sighed. “Yeah. But that's okay.”

They gazed at each other for a long moment and, out of the blue, Daniel remembered how he had been in the infirmary on Christmas Eve with his bruised tailbone. That evening he and Jackson had really reached out to one another for the first time. It had been scary at first, but they had build a foundation there.

Today they were friends. Or brothers who had spent a long time together and then parted at one point. They'd never be one and the same person again.

“I've never been in a toy store before,” Daniel suddenly confessed. “All those stuffed toys made me feel so... out of place. But the worst thing was that I happened to like them. Especially the Butterscotch bear. I wanted it. I don't want to want a stuffed bear.” 

He could hear BD exhale. After a moment of silence, he replied, “Why didn't you just say so?”

“I tried. You wouldn't listen. I'm sorry I’m so much trouble,” Daniel sighed. “I know none of this is important and that if I want a bear, I can have one. I know I'm fretting too much. I sometimes seem to forget to see the bigger picture, now that I'm small.” 

“No, I don't think you do. Holding on to the big goals and concentrating on the great scheme of things often serve well for not having to deal with your own issues,” BD said quietly.

“If we don't survive Anubis's attack, there'll be no need to worry about memories or feelings or whether or not I like having a stuffed bear.”

“But with you and me being here, the possibilities of surviving it are a lot higher. We all survived Abydos this time around. There's hope. Much more hope than there was the first time around.”

“I wish I knew how to stop Anubis from attacking us.” 

“It'll come to you. According to Oma, you are the key. If I'd listened to Pierson in the first place...”

“If you'd listened to Pierson in the first place, you and I would never have met,” Daniel said. “I didn't mean it when I said I never liked you. I think I like you a lot. I'd never thought I'd say that about myself, but... You're not so bad.”

“Oh, thank you,” BD snorted. “That's touching.”

“You're welcome.”

BD said, “I really screwed this up. I should have stayed away from you guys.”

“I wanted you to come on Christmas. Teal'c wanted it, too. We couldn't let you stay away,” Daniel mumbled. “You were hurting. I want you and Jack to be... friends.”

BD smiled sadly. “Yes. And since we are where we are now... I'd like that. I really would. For the time being.”

Why was talking about these things still so hard? And so confusing? Had Jack known this? Had he been so reluctant about Daniel staying with his adult self because he wanted to protect Daniel from getting all tangled up in his emotions again?

“Are you really going to leave when I'm big again?”

“Yes. I don't think there's room for two of us. Not in Jack's life. And not in our lives. Once you’re big again, you'll not only have to work through the memory loss, but you also have to fight for your relationship with Jack. I rather be somewhere else than being the odd man out.”

“Oh, we won't make it back together again,” Daniel said.

“You don't know that. Give it time,” BD insisted.

They finished their egg rolls while watching an Indiana Jones movie.

Slowly the events of the day lost their frightfulness and became just another interlude that had ended with Daniel being lucky to lose no more than his pride.

All's well that ends well.

Knuckling his eyes and once again cursing the little body, which betrayed him by being tired way too early, Daniel slumped deeper into the couch cushions and felt his eyelids drop closed. He caught himself leaning against BD, his head resting at the broad shoulder. And BD put his arm around him and hugged him close.

It felt good and safe. Not quite like it felt with Jack, but still good.

“Daniel?” BD nudged him gently. “Daniel? It's time for bed.”

“Says who?” Daniel rubbed his eyes.

BD chuckled softly. “Your eyes, maybe? Go to bed. We have to get up early tomorrow and it's going to be a very long day.”

“Why?”

“Um, Janet prescribed a change of scenery,” BD said with a lopsided smile.

“As in...?”

“As in we're going away for a couple of days.”

Uh-oh, Daniel wasn't sure if he was going to like this...


	8. Ten Days VIII

**VIII**

Jack looked at his freshly scrubbed and painted deck with the quiet satisfaction of a man who had done a good day’s work.

Yep, not bad at all.

The clear stain gave the old wood a new shiny look, and Jack thought it was well worth his aching back and knees. He had spent yesterday cleaning and this morning painting till after lunchtime. Now that it was going on dinnertime, the paint was almost dry.

He raised his beer bottle to the old cabin in a silent salute.

Jackson had better be grateful that Jack had done most of the work. All the guy had to do was maintain it until LD was upsized and Jack would be able to come out here again, with or without him.

Jack felt a smile blossom on his face. He actually liked the thought of Jackson taking care of the place. He hadn't even realized how much the cabin still meant to him until he had come back. Hadn't noticed how much he had needed this little time out, either. Jack felt loads better than he had in a long time. Aching back and knees, aside.

But it was time to get on with life, and he was ready and happy to go home now.

He missed his kid. A lot. He had been good and followed Svenson's advice not to haunt the Wretch with daily phone calls. Svenson had called it “Jack's little assignment for the week”.

Oy. He couldn’t believe how hard it had been to let them be and not give in to the urge to call three times a day. Especially when he’d found out the kid was sick. But he knew Daniel was surrounded by friends and family, and there was no need to jump the gun.

Okay, fine, he had called Carter last night. He just wanted to know how his boy was doing and he really didn't pester her for details. Not much anyway. And Carter had said Daniel was fine and they'd been shopping the day before. She seemed to be in a hurry though and had cut him off rather fast.

What do ya know... the kid had a point about Jack being too overprotective at times. But dammit, it was hard not to become overprotective with a guy like Daniel.

He pulled his cell out of his jeans and speed-dialed LD's cell.

All he got was the voice mail.

Same on Jackson's cell.

He tried Jackson's home phone, then his office at the mountain. There he got Doctor Lee who apparently was in the room to get some books. Lee told Jack the Daniels were off duty until next week, ordered so by Doctor Fraiser.

That, at least, was a good thing. Jack had wanted the kid to stay home after the stomach bug.

Where the hell were they?

Right.

He wasn't going to panic. Yet. He wouldn't call Carter. Yet. He switched the phone off and chose to be annoyed rather than worried. The Daniels were probably off to some museum or exhibition, having fun.

Sipping his beer, he sauntered back to his dock and settled in his chair, gazing out at the pond where the water lilies were painted golden by the late afternoon sun.

He could call T.

He was about to switch his phone on again when he heard the sound of an approaching car.

What the...?

He wasn't expecting visitors. Probably somebody who had gotten lost and was searching for the route to the next Interstate. A little grumpy about the interruption of his very important phone call, Jack heard the sounds of slamming car doors and voices.

People ever heard of GPS?

Huffing and cursing under his breath at the dull ache in several body parts he finally stood and stretched, beer still in hand, to see who had found him out here and to get rid of them as fast as possible.

However, the moment he saw who was running around the house, wearing a mega-watt grin, Jack changed his mind.

He put the beer down on the dock next to his chair and then crossed the distance between them in three long strides, dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around the joy of his life, hugging him tight. “What the heck are you doing here? Jackson kicked you out already?”

“The homeless pet shelter didn't want me.” Daniel giggled as his octopus arms squeezed Jack's neck.

“Yeah, I can imagine that.” Jack chuckled. 

For a moment Daniel clung to him like a little monkey before he started to wriggle and Jack let him go. His hand automatically reached out to ruffle the blond mop of hair as Daniel grinned up at him.

“Let me take a look at you, Wretch. Seems Jackson fed you well, huh?” 

The Wretch stuck out his tongue at him.

“Yes. We actually had regular meals, believe it or not. We even went grocery shopping on our way here.” The quiet voice made Jack look up and smirk at grown up Daniel, who was coming around the house, carrying a backpack. 

Daniel tugged at Jack's arm. “Hey, you look great, Jack,” he said, the smile on his face faltering as it was replaced by a serious look. “Did you enjoy your vacation?”

“Yeahsureyabetcha,” Jack sing-song-ed, giving his kid another hair ruffle. “You got luggage with you?”

“Yeah. I'll help getting it,” Daniel mumbled and ran back to the car.

“We left the dog with Janet and Cass,” Jackson said after a moment of silence as they watched the kid open the trunk and pull his backpack out. “We don't have to be back until Monday. Janet cleared it with Hammond, strongly suggesting Daniel and I needed a few days with a change of scenery, sooo...”

“So that gives us another two days,” Jack ended the sentence, then asked, “Why didn't you call?”

“Um, it was kinda a spur of the moment thing. And it took some time to talk Daniel into coming along.”

“Yeah, well... I let him stay home because he didn't want to come. So why...?”

Jackson shrugged. “Janet thought it'd be a good idea.”

“Ah.” You didn't disagree with Fraiser on her good ideas. 

“Daniel didn't think so at first. But we talked and sorted it out. And then we had to catch a flight... So... here we are.” 

Yep.

Here they were.

And Jack SO knew that mixed look of uncomfortable guilt and defensiveness on Jackson's face. He had seen it on Daniel often enough, no matter if big or little.

Something was up.

Deciding to let it go for now, he pointed to the dock. “Go. Sit. I was painting the deck so I brought all the chairs down here. Want a drink?”

“Um, sure. Water would be nice.” The grown up version of the Daniels visibly relaxed as he shuffled over to the dock and sat in one of the chairs. 

Jack went to help Daniel with the duffel bag he was having trouble getting out of the trunk. Then they retrieved a box with food from the car.

Together, they carried the luggage in through the front door and dumped it in the main room. Daniel then took a good look around as Jack went into the kitchenette to put the groceries away.

“I still have to paint the ceiling sometime later. But the water spot needs to dry out completely first,” Jack said when he returned to stand beside the kid, water bottle and cups in hand. 

“It's big,” Daniel mumbled.

“Nah, not that big. It’s already dried some.”

“No. The cabin. It seems bigger now that I'm... smaller. But then everything seems to be. I'm used to it by now. But I wasn't here since... and I remembered it being smaller.”

“Yeah,” Jack said quietly. After a pause, he added, “I found your book in the bedroom.”

“My book?”

“Yeah. The one about gay ancient gods.”

“Oh! I used to read parts of it to you, remember?” Daniel smiled.

“Yep. I liked listening to you when you did that,” Jack said. They hadn't talked about their former life together in a long time. Probably since Christmas. It seemed like Daniel had lost the need to talk about “before”. Jack was wondering if he shouldn't have mentioned the book at all. 

Much to Jack's surprise, Daniel giggled. “You used to call them history lessons in temple porn.”

Jack cocked his head and looked at Daniel, who started to circle the room, his small hands touching things, like the mantle of the fireplace, a chair at the table, the couch, framed pictures on the wall.

“What changed your mind about coming out here?”

Daniel stopped at the shelf, his thumb brushing over the spines of books. “Janet thought it was a good idea,” he said lightly. “So BD booked a flight, and it all happened kind of fast.”

“Ah. And you're okay with it? Being here, I mean?”

“I guess.” Daniel stopped caressing the books and turned to look at Jack. “I always liked coming to the cabin. I had some of my best vacations here in... forever.”

Jack opened his mouth to reply when something else caught his attention. “Hey, buddy, you broke your glasses?”

“Uh... ye-ah.”

“Good thing you took the spare glasses with you then. What happened?”

“Um...” Daniel mumbled something about being very thirsty and scurried out of the house.

Jack raised an eyebrow, wondering what story might be behind door number one, and followed his little guy out.

***

Daniel gazed out over the pond. It wasn't a small pond. Actually, it was quite big. Not a real lake, but big enough. Well, otherwise Jack wouldn't need a boat, right? They had been out on the water sometimes, Jack with his fishing line, Daniel holding his feet in the cold water while sitting on the edge of the boat. Sometimes they'd gone swimming from the boat.

When he heard footsteps on the wooden planks, he looked up to see LD crossing the dock. He didn't take one of the chairs. Instead he sat down at the edge of the dock. His feet didn't reach the water, and he scowled a little, which made Daniel grin.

Then Jack was there, placing cups by their chairs. A beer bottle was already sitting there. He settled in his own chair, picked up one of the cups and filled it with water from the bottle he was still holding.

Daniel took it with a nod of thanks and enjoyed the drink. His leg was itching, and he felt in need of a shower after the flight and long drive up here. It wasn't easy to shower with the cast, but over the last couple of weeks, he had gotten used to it.

Jack held out another cup to LD, who came and took it before he went back to his place at the edge of the dock.

“So,” Jack said finally. “What's brought you out here – aside from Janet wanting you both to get a change of air?” 

“Nothing, really. It was...” Daniel looked over at LD, but he wasn’t being any help. The boy stretched his legs and feet towards the water, obviously trying to reach the surface. “It was a gut feeling.” 

“O-kay,” Jack said and Daniel knew they'd be back to this topic soon. “You like what I've done with the place?”

“Yeah. You cut down the blackberry bush, right?”

“I had to. It was growing around the shed,” Jack said. “Lot of dead wood there, too.”

“I think the last time I was here... was around the time we are now,” Jackson mumbled, realizing it was true. He had come here on a sunny day at the end of March to... 

“You were here after you got big again?” Jack raised his eyebrows.

“Someone had to pack up the...” he started and trailed off, then started again, “You always wanted me to keep it, in the off chance you died before me. You used to say that you most likely wouldn't come back from death. I came up here to decide if I wanted to sell or keep it.

“Oy,” Jack said. He remembered saying that. 

“Yeah.”

They watched LD, who had leaned back on his hands as he wriggled his butt as close to the edge as possible. His legs still weren't long enough to reach the water. He pushed himself forward a little more.

“Daniel,” Jack warned him.

He tipped his head back and squinted at them. “What?”

“If you want to take a bath, I suggest you undress first. Though I have to remind ya, the water's cold this time of year,” Jack said dryly.

“I'm not trying to take a bath,” LD muttered, wriggling a little more, his hips almost dangling from the dock now. “I just want to see if I can reach the water with my toes.”

“A bath is what you'll end up with if you keep doing that,” Jack pointed out. “Get your butt back on the...” 

With a loud splash LD was gone.

Daniel covered his face with one hand. “Oh, no. Not again.”

Jack shook his head, got up and knelt at the end of the dock. When LD came up, spluttering and splashing, he grabbed the kid and pulled him out of the water.

“Looks like taking a bath to me,” Jack said sarcastically once Daniel was standing on the dock again, wringing out his shirt and wiping water from his face. 

_At least he didn't lose his glasses this time_ , Daniel thought with relief. 

“Uh. I guess I'm going to change now...” LD's teeth started to chatter. 

“Ya think?” Jack put a hand on the kid's shuddering shoulder and gave a gentle push towards the house. “Move, my little merman, or you'll catch pneumonia.” 

Daniel groaned as he watched the two of them leave.

Thank god it wasn't his problem to deal with anymore.

***

Jack helped Daniel peel off the wet clothes and ushered him under the shower to get warm and wash the pond water off. Once the kid was dry and dressed again, he gave Jack a sheepish look as he moved to hang his soak ed jeans up to dry. 

“I used to stick my feet in the water when we sat on the dock. I wanted to see if I could still do it. I didn't mean to fall in,” he explained.

“Daniel, you've been this size for how long now?”

“Um...”

“Right. I was thinking you'd be used to it by now,” Jack said, rolling his eyes.

“I am! That's not the point!” Daniel snapped.

“What exactly IS the point then?” 

“The point is...” Daniel huffed as he threw his soggy shirt into the bathtub with gusto. “Oh forget it. It's not important anyway.”

“No, come on. Enlighten me,” Jack coaxed, sitting on the edge of the tub.

Daniel blushed and pulled in his bottom lip with his teeth while he glared at Jack. “Kid stuff,” he mumbled. “There was a piece of wood in the water and I wondered if I could kick at it. Happy?”

“Okay. What's the big deal?” Jack shrugged, trying for casual. But his Daniel alarm was ringing loudly by now. As far as he remembered they'd moved beyond meltdowns over these little “kid stuff” situations. 

“Nothing I guess. Sorry.”

“That's okay. Hang up your shirt, please,” Jack said quietly and watched as the kid fished his shirt out of the tub and draped it over the edge. When he was done and turned to leave, Jack decided it was time to get to the bottom of a few things.... 

“What did Big you mean when he said 'Not again'?”

“He said that?” 

“Yep. When you fell into the pond.”

“Uh... didn't hear him say that.”

“I did.”

“Really?”

“Yep.” Jack crossed his arms over his chest as he watched the Wretch blush.

“Maybe he said something else? Like... um... 'he fell in'? And you got it wrong? They say the hearing is the first thing to... uh... never mind. Just ignore that. I know your hearing is very good.”

“At least it's not as selective as yours,” Jack quipped, keeping his voice light while his eyes searched Daniel's, trying to figure out how much trouble the kid thought he was in – and what for exactly. And if Jack needed to pray for strength, patience and wisdom. 

“Um. That depends on the point of view, actually...” 

Jack crooked a finger at him. With a heavy sigh, Daniel seemed to give up the dumb act and shuffled closer until he was standing in front of Jack.

“Okay, maybe he did say 'Not again',” he muttered. 

“Anything you want to share with me, Space monkey? Or do you want me to ask him? He probably can tell me what happened to your glasses, too?”

“Oh, yes, about that. I need new ones. Janet said we should go to an optometrist to see if my eyes have changed, too. We can do that and get the prescription. I was thinking about trying out a new color for the frame, and I was wondering if rectangular frames would look cool on me...” 

“Daniel.”

Blue, innocent eyes blinked at him. “Yes, Jack?”

“Spill.”

“Oh, the glasses? I lost them. In the water. When I fell in the pond. Yesterday. It's all Flyboy's fault anyway because he ran off. And I wouldn't have gone after him alone if I hadn't been so mad at BD for making me stuff that cat for Cassie. Of course, he only made me do it because of the chaos at the Furry Friend Store, but that's really not important.” 

Jack felt himself getting slightly dizzy at the rapid-fire explanation. The phrases “stuff that cat” and “Furry Friend Store” didn't make any sense at all. But there were the words “fell in the pond” and “ran off” sticking out at him.

He stood, turned Daniel around and prodded him out of the bathroom. “Why don't we go sit down in the living room and you start from the beginning. Sounds like you’ve had some interesting days.”

***

BD had wandered around the property a little, marveled at the freshly painted deck and gazed at the familiar trees, the house and the water. Daniel remembered wild ducks mating in the reeds and he wondered if they still came back each year. Here and there, Daniel could see the first patches of grass starting to turn green.

It was much less painful than he had imagined it.

Coming back to this little house in the woods evoke pleasant memories, warm voices from the past and a feeling of belonging and safety that surrounded the place. He'd never thought he would find such peace in returning to the cabin.

Or maybe he had sensed it. Otherwise, he wouldn't have asked Jack to give him the cabin to take care of it. He had been wondering about his own offer for the last couple of days. After all, he didn't take pleasure in hurting even more than he already did.

And it hadn't been peaceful and comfy the last time he had been here, packing up Jack's belongings and everything that was his. He had decided to sell the cabin on Jack's behalf, in the end.

Now Jack was alive, and it changed everything.

Smiling at memories about love and laughter, yes, even at the ones of brooding silence and days of soul searching, Daniel was glad they had come, and he hoped LD would agree. They’d had a long talk this morning, and Daniel was stunned to learn what was going on in the little guy's head.

It made him wonder if his own mind was that complicated and if he, too, got tangled up in his own emotions and thought processes. Or if it was somehow connected to the downsizing?

Speaking of Little Daniel...

They hadn't returned yet. LD probably had some confessing to do. Otherwise, they'd be back by now. Showering and getting dressed couldn't take that long.

Daniel found himself slowly pacing in front of the deck, not sure if he should join them inside or stay out of it. Jack was going to pry everything out of LD and then give one of his famous O'Neill lectures. Daniel snorted softly, wondering if he would get some kind of colonel-speech as well. After all, Jack was Jack and he was... well, Daniel. And if Jack found Daniel was to blame, he'd blame them both.

Well, he had let the kid out of sight.

But he couldn't stay on LD's heels 24/7, right? That was an impossible task.

How did parents cope with leaving their kids out of sight and trusting them to stay alive, out of trouble or just at the place they were expected to be? They probably just closed their eyes and hoped for the best...

What was taking Jack so long? Daniel sighed. Surely Jack knew that LD's problem didn't lie in understanding the rules or how to follow them, but in the burden of having an adult mind combined with a kid's temper.

Daniel really wouldn’t want to trade with this littled version of himself.

He frowned at the closed back door.

Okay, there was no yelling. Which was a good thing, right?

Yep. Good thing.

He scrubbed a hand over the five o'clock stubble on his chin and made his way back to the dock and his chair. It was ridiculous to think about sneaking on the deck and trying to eavesdrop.

Not that he had been thinking about that.

Finally the cabin door flew open and out stalked a very red-faced, huffing Daniel, who was about to take a sharp left turn and vanish around the corner of the house. Next on stage was Jack O'Neill with the familiar grim face and narrowed eyes, who stopped on the deck and called after LD's retreating back, “Daniel – you put one foot out of the driveway and you won't leave this cabin until we go home.”

There was a long silence.

It grew even longer before LD finally came back around the house, as slowly as possible, dragging his feet to where Jack was standing, the perfect example of sulkiness.

Jack said, “Go back inside and take some time to think about your options. I’ll be right here, waiting.” He still didn't yell, which had Daniel in amazement.

LD mumbled something in Arabic. Jack raised his eyebrows, but didn't react to it. Daniel suppressed a low whistle at what his small counterpart wanted Jack to do to his... never mind.

The slamming of the door echoed loudly through the stillness around them, and Daniel realized he had been holding his breath, which he now exhaled slowly. “Wow,” he muttered finally.

“Welcome to my life.” Jack snorted, then cocked his head. “Though you just had a dose of that yourself. Shouldn't surprise you that much.”

“What makes you think he won't wander out the front door and take a walk?” 

“He won't,” Jack said succinctly, then gestured towards the house. “I'd give you a beer, but I'm not going in there until he's done soul searching.”

“I'm fine. Have my water,” Daniel said. 

They settled back into their chairs.

Jack grabbed his beer, peered into it, obviously remembered it was empty, sighed and put it down again.

For a while they sat in silence. Then Jack hissed, “Crap.”

“Jack...” 

“I knew this would backfire. What the hell were you two up to? I haven't seen him like this in months,” Jack snapped, glaring at him. “I'm telling you, if he's discovered any new issues and falls back into depression, I'll blame you. He's just reached some emotional stability, and if the two of you awoke any sleeping dogs again by trying to analyze...”

“You're wrong,” Daniel said quietly. “This has little to do with me. What's bugging him started long before he came to stay with me.”

Actually, it had started way long before the downsizing, but that was another story.

“Now isn't that just peachy?” Jack groaned. But the anger instantly vanished from his eyes and was replaced by the weariness Daniel was so familiar with. 

“There are things he needs to tell you,” Daniel said.

“Like what?”

“I promised not to say anything.”

Jack stretched his long legs and dipped his head back as he let out a low growl. “Of course you did. Didn’t know you two had a doctor/patient confidentiality, too.”

Daniel blinked. “What?”

“He's been dragging something around again for a while now, and he's talked to Svenson about it, but she won't tell.”

“Wait... you knew? Didn't you just want to blame me?”

“Sure I wanted to. It's what I do,” Jack snarled. “You're easy to blame because you're willing to take it.” 

“Don't be an ass, Jack,” Daniel said lightly.

Jack snorted.

They gazed out on the water and Daniel started wonder ing what LD was doing inside the house and if he had escaped through the front door after all and was on his way to the next Interstate...

“I thought I was reading too much into it because he seemed to be doing okay. When he started seeing the shrink alone, I got kinda worried,” Jack said finally. “But he was still calm, and aside from the usual nightmares, I couldn't point my finger on anything.”

“What's he doing in there?” Daniel jerked his thumb back over his shoulder at the house. ”What options did you give him? I assume he told you what happened at the store and the day after?”

Jack gave a short nod. “Oh, yeah, he told me. And all was calm until I tried to figure out why he had ticked off like that. Apparently I have no right to know and could go straight to hell if I thought I could force him to talk. If he knows what's good for him, he's parked his ass on the couch and is making up his mind about whether he's gonna talk to me about the 'why's' of his latest escapades.”

Daniel raised his eyebrows. “Or...?”

“Or he's going to have his adult privileges revoked for four weeks instead of two.”

“Wow... you're blackmailing him? And you think that's going to make him talk?”

“His choice. I can't help him if he doesn't talk. Talking to Svenson obviously didn't do the trick. Either way, he's not getting away with running off or stirring up trouble in public places. We've been there, done that – and I promised him I won't let him get out of hand like that again, whatever the reasons,” Jack said grimly.

Daniel frowned. “Okay, but what if he decides not to talk? Disciplining him won't make the problem go away, right?”

“Four weeks is a long time,” Jack replied. “He'll come around sooner or later. If he's stewed enough, he'll talk. If not, he's at least going to think about his ways of letting off steam again. We've been there before, too.”

“He missed you, Jack,” Daniel said softly. “And he's bottled up a lot for some time now. Falling in the pond was an accident. They happen. And he tried to tell us that he didn't want to go to the Furry Friend shop...”

“Hey! All of that is fine, and believe it or not, I understand. I've been down this road god-knows-how-often with him. Trust me on this, will ya? He's ticking a lot like you, but not quite,” Jack said sharply.

Daniel let out a humorless laugh. “Oh, I figured that one out. I should have stuck a tracking device on him. He escaped me twice in two days. Sorry.”

“It's not your fault.” Jack sighed. “As much as I want it to be.”

“It's not?”

Jack answered with a shrug. “Nope. I wouldn't have expected him to pull stunts like that anymore either.”

Daniel realized they had never talked about his little self before. Sure, they had spent time together, and he had seen Jack and LD interact and gotten a glimpse into their daily life. And he had heard about the battles and the crises they had gone through. But he had never actually considered how exactly they were dealing with this side of their lives together.

Frankly, he had never really wanted to know. Thinking of Jack as his father always felt a little disconcerting to him. A big-brother type, maybe. Someone for the kid-version of him to lean on and rely on.

But that wasn't what Jack was.

And it wasn't what this Daniel needed, either.

When they heard the creak of the screen door opening, they both turned to see LD heading towards the dock. His red-rimmed eyes and mussed hair showed that he had been crying. But now he seemed calm and composed.

“Hey, kiddo,” Jack said, all sharpness gone from his voice.

“Hey,” LD said back, sniffing a little. 

Daniel watched as LD walked up to Jack, who reached out for him, put an arm around Daniel's middle and pulled him sideways into a hug. The boy put his arm around Jack's neck, and they gazed at each other.

“You done?” Jack asked.

“Yeah. Guess so.”

Daniel stood, stretching his back muscles, and said, “How about I go inside and fix us something to eat?”

Jack looked up at him. “You mentioned food earlier?”

“Yep. Steaks, salad, potatoes... those kinds of things. We knew you didn't expect visitors and were about to leave tomorrow so we decided to shop. We didn't plan to starve out here.” he grinned. “I'd like to take a shower and start dinner.”

“By all means – go forth! Do your kitchen magic.” Jack grinned back.

“I'll leave the salad to you though, Jack.” With that, Daniel left them to their much-needed talk. He entered the house, feeling welcomed in the familiarity of the old furniture, the homemade rugs and the creaking wooden floor. 

***

“Can we sit at the water?” Daniel asked when they were alone.

“Only if you don't try to take another bath,” Jack said, half in jest. 

They settled down next to each other, Jack with his long legs and Daniel with his much shorter ones. They were both wearing jeans, except Daniel's were rubbed off at the knees and Jack could see clothes-shopping in their near future. One knee was already so thin he could almost see the skin through the fabric.

Of course, rubbed-off jeans were inevitable when you were a grown up in an eight year old body and had to cross the distance from the couch to the DVD player by skidding across the floor on your knees, which was way faster than getting up, walking over and crouching down to change a DVD. Very understandable.

Crawling after balls and other dog toys on your knees was a given, too. After all, the dog was on all fours as well, right?

“How's the big black guy doing?” Jack asked.

“Which one do you mean?”

“The one who eats my socks, licks my ears and has the smelly breath.” 

“He's fine. He rescued me from drowning. I bet Janet will spoil him rotten.”

“I always knew the dog had watcher qualities,” Jack mused. “How about the other one?”

“Teal'c's worried about the Tretonin, I think. He says he can't kel'no'reem anymore.”

“Yeah. It's a pain. But he'll deal.” At least, that was what Jack hoped. T was a tough guy. He'd get used to the Tretonin and its side effects.

Jack nudged Daniel with his elbow. “I missed you, kiddo.”

After a brief moment of hesitation, Daniel wriggled closer and leaned against Jack's side. “Are you sure? You really look good. Needed the time off, huh?”

“Yeah, and it all went to hell in a handbasket the minute you told me you almost drowned and managed to run off twice in two days,” Jack said dryly as he squeezed the nape of Daniel's neck to take the edge off his words. “So. Who goes first?”

“First?”

“Well, I have some news for you,” Jack confessed, carefully judging Daniel's features. 

He looked up, and his eyes narrowed. “I'm not going to like this, right?”

“Nope, probably... not.”

“What is it?”

“Why don't you...”

“Ja-ack...”

“I could make you spill first, you know,” Jack growled.

“I could just take your four weeks of torture and discriminatory treatment of having my human rights ripped away from me and stay silent.”

“Discriminatory... human rights... Whoa... easy, young man.” When Daniel didn't cave, he muttered, “I get no respect. Fine. So we have a deal. I'll talk, you talk.”

“And the punishment is off,” Daniel added.

“In your dreams, Wretch. I'll go back to two weeks, that's it.”

“Can't blame a guy for trying.”

Jack scrubbed a hand through his short silver hair. “All right. I don’t know the best way to tell you this, so I’ll just say it.” So much for thinking of a really intelligent and sensitive way of telling Daniel. Seven days of thinking, and all Jack could come up with was this. “I talked to Hammond before our leave. I'm going to stay Earth-side for a while. And before you start to rant – everything's covered. Carter is more than ready to take temporary command and who knows – it might get her a promotion to Lt. Colonel in the near future. She's been out with SG-1 alone often enough lately, and she's doing a good job.”

Daniel looked puzzled more than mad. “But... why, Jack? You okay? You're not... ill or something, right? Look, if you're doing this just because of me, I have to tell you that, while it’s a nice thought and all, I'm...“

“Don't. Don't say 'I'm fine', Daniel,” Jack warned. “Because what you threw at me in there just a few minutes ago actually proved to me that I was right about my decision.”

Daniel's little face went through various expressions, from the stubborn scowl over widening eyes and open mouth for panic to puzzled pursed lips and narrowed eyes again, and finally he settled for something Jack had expected the least.

His shoulders slumped and his head hung, he whispered, “No, I'm not fine. I miss you when you're off world and I missed you lots this time, too. But that's not the problem. I don't wanna lose you. Ever. It's childish and needy. I'm panicking each time you go through the gate that you might not come back. Ever since you went to Abydos and didn't come back. Ever since I saw you... on that ship. I want you to be with me. But I didn't want you to stop going off world or to give up SG-1. They need you, Jack. So I thought if I could stay with BD I'd get used to be without you again. But I'm still having these nightmares, and they're not going away. And my stomach hurts when I think about you going on missions again next week.” All of this came out in a rush and was spoken so low that Jack almost had trouble understanding everything. Daniel took a shaky breath and looked away, murmuring, “So, no, I'm not fine.”

“Neither am I,” Jack said quietly. “Look at me, please. I don't want to talk to the back of your head. This is important, and you have no reason to feel bad about it.”

Daniel looked at him with troubled eyes. “What's wrong with me, Jack? Why can't I get a grip on this? It's never been that bad before. I tried. I really tried not to be bothered by it. I talked to Svenson. It isn't helping.”

“I don't like leaving you behind either, kiddo. I never liked you staying alone on base even with Janet keeping an eye on you. When none of us is there, it just feels wrong. I don't like you being alone with your nightmares – and yes, I do know the dog is there now, but still. Sleeping with the lights on and the TV running until someone comes to switch it off doesn't tell a happy story. And those are just a few reasons why I don't feel peachy about this situation.”

“You... how'd you know about the lights and TV?”

“I have my sources.”

“Rats.”

“I never said anything before because Svenson insisted you should decide on your own where you're staying. And I know you want to be on base when we're off world, in case something goes wrong. But it's not what I want for you.”

Daniel started chewing his bottom lip, a sign that he was mulling over Jack’s words. Finally he said, “I can stay with BD. I'll get used to it again, Jack. I just need more time. Oh, man, I never wanted you to know about this in the first place.”

“You didn't want me to know how much the Abydos mission really gets to you.”

Daniel gave him a tiny nod.

When Jack didn't say anything further, he continued, “I don't want you to cut back even more on your mission schedule. You already stay home more than we used to. Not on my account. That's... not right.”

“Yet, right now it seems to be what we both need,” Jack said. “Look, at the moment there's nothing going on that SG-1 can't handle without me. I'll still be there for when they really need me. Hammond already has some assignments for me. It's not like I'm retiring.”

Jack didn't tell Daniel that the weight of his command seemed heavier on his shoulders these days or that he felt old and battered after certain hard missions. His knees and back seemed to act up more often and it all added up to the feeling that his field days were coming to an end sooner or later.

And he, too, had to deal with demons that had to do with dying out there and leaving Daniel behind. Abydos and the comfy stay on Anubis's ship had made Jack realize again how easily he could bite the dust. Of course that wasn't news. But if he died before Daniel got big again... before they were able to fulfill their destiny or whatever Oma was calling it... He wasn't willing to risk his life on a mission where they had to deal with some rat-bastard of a Goa'uld or unfriendly natives who thought SG-1 were sent by evil gods.

Not as long as his kid needed him and the odds were good that Anubis would show up for his Tau'ri barbecue. Oma had warned him that if he didn't ascend they'd change the fate and turned their back on the prophecy of Cassandra of the Donan Woods. Jack still had no idea how he'd been able to heal himself and Jackson without Oma's help. Maybe she had granted his wish after all and healed them both. It had been his decision not to die and ascend. Now he had to continue to stay alive for Daniel.

So Jack had talked to Carter, T and Baxter and then approached Hammond about it. He had always known what a lucky bastard he was to have a CO like Hammond. But when the general had sat down with him to make this work, Jack appreciated him all the more.

Hammond hadn't been too happy at first. But the longer they had talked, the more both men realized that they could make compromises and work out details around the regulations to make it happen.

“It's not permanent,” Jack told Daniel who was very still and stared into the water again. “I’m being assigned to help engineer changes on the F302 and will probably have to make several trips to Nevada. Plus, Hammond has talked to the President who wants to start a new department at Homeland Security called Homeworld Security. They need people familiar with the program to help pull it off. That means I’m going to stay Earth-side for a couple of months and will still be able to go out there and put a fire out, if I have to, which includes kicking our friend Anubis's glowy butt to Netu.”

“Wow. You worked all of this out without even talking to me,” the kid mumbled. “I'm not sure how I feel about that.”

Jack sighed. He had expected far more trouble. Tantrums, even. He wasn't sure he liked this subdued, guarded reaction any better though.

“There's more. Maybe you’ll like this part... I'd like you and Jackson to work for me on this one. When I put together the Homeworld Security staff, those people will need to be debriefed about the program and the threat that's out there. I’ll need essays, Power Point Presentations, the whole package. Hammond and I already went over possible men and women to be re-assigned to Washington.”

“Does Daniel know about this?”

“Nope. I wanted to run it by you first. The two of you would work on this together. You think you can handle that?”

The chewing on the bottom lip got more frantic, and Jack gently tapped a finger on Daniel's chin. “Let go of it, before you draw blood.”

With a low “plop” Daniel's teeth released his lip. “I'm okay about working with Daniel.”

“You don't have to decide now. There'll be briefings and more negotiations in Washington. The higher-ups still have to negotiate the fine points before this thing can take off.” 

“Okay,” Daniel mumbled. 

Jack let out a low “Phew” as he felt the tension ease up for the moment. That went surprisingly well. He knew, from hard-learned experience, that little Daniel hadn't said his last word about Jack's plans. Right now, however, the kid seemed to be mulling over more urgent personal issues.

Heaving a huge sigh, Daniel said, “Those nightmares really get on my nerves. Svenson has suggested I write them down. And write down my fears, too. In a journal.”

Jack was well aware Daniel had stopped writing his personal journal some time ago. He raised an eyebrow. “Sounds like a plan.”

Daniel shrugged. “Dunno.”

“You might want to write down good stuff, too. Like when you figured out I wasn't dead. Or how about the fun you have when playing with the dog? The paint fight at Jackson's house? Christmas? Sledding – minus the accident, of course.”

“It might be nice to read those things after I'm big again and can't remember,” Daniel said softly.

“Might be.”

“I really hated to be homesick,” Daniel said out of the blue. “It was so embarrassing.”

“It's been awhile since we spent so much time apart from each other,” Jack pointed out. 

Daniel grimaced. “I was so looking forward to it. I was sure being without you would make me feel better. That it would prove to me that even if you're not there because... because something happens to you... I'd still be okay. I'd be able to live with BD until I'm upsized again.”

Jack stared at the munchkin, momentarily at a loss for words as the whole meaning of all this hit him. Then he blurted out, “What? You did rehearsal for an emergency? Like a... Plan B for the rest of your kiddie-time?”

Daniel winced. “It sounds pretty stupid, now that you say it out loud.”

Jack shook his head and groaned.

“I just wanted to be prepared. When I realized how... scared I was. I don't want to end up like after my parents died. I was in a pretty bad shape then. I want to take precautions and be able to voice what I want. I know it'll be only a year and a few months before this is over, but even for that time, I need to know... need to know where to go in case... .“

“Daniel...”

“And I can't just rely on Sam or Teal'c. What if all of you... like in Jackson's time line.” Daniel's voice started trembling, and he caught his bottom lip with his teeth again, biting down on it. 

“You'll never be alone,” Jack whispered. “You know that, right? Whatever happens.”

“I know that, yes. But there's a part in me that doesn't believe it. I hate this. It's so irrational. I didn't want anyone to notice.” Daniel covered his face with his hands like a little boy and shook his head. “Damn. Why can't you stop being so important to me? It's not that I can't live without you! I lived without everyone else who died on me – or got snaked. It's what happens! What always happens and probably always will happen! It's just easier to deal with when you're not a stupid kid!”

Jack knew Daniel had grown out of sitting on his lap over the last few months. He still liked to snuggle and had the occasional weak moment where he allowed Jack to carry him or pick him up for a cuddle. But the sitting on Jack's knees had stopped, for the most part.

Now – at the risk of annoying the kid - Jack wordlessly gathered him in his arms and soon had his lap full of a skinny, shaking little boy.

Jack cradled Daniel, as he had so often in the first few months after the downsizing when the kid had cried himself into exhaustion. Daniel's fingers curled up into Jack's shirt, and he buried his face against Jack's shoulder, not crying, but close.

Jack started rocking.

His hand rubbed up and down Daniel's back, and when Daniel slightly relaxed, Jack dropped a kiss on the tousled blond hair.  “ It wasn't easier when you were big, Daniel.”

“Was too,” came the muffled reply.

“No. It's just easy to pretend that risk is our business and that we have to be able to live with every piece of shit that's thrown at us – because it's what we do. Being an adult doesn’t make that easier, and you know it,” Jack reminded him. “You've been through a lot of crap all your life, and you never gave up. And you still don't. Don't you think you should give yourself a break?”

Frantic head-shaking.

“There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel safe, Daniel. And there's nothing wrong with wanting your family to be safe. It's what I want, too.”

“I want the nightmares to stop. I don't want to see you dead on that ship anymore. Or Jackson.” 

“They will stop. It’ll just take a little more time.” And Jack wondered how often over the last weeks Daniel hadn't called for him in the middle of the night. How often Jack hadn't woken up to cries and screams coming from his kid's room because Daniel had managed to suppress them, crawled under his blanket, bit into his pillow or sought comfort from Flyboy before Jack could notice and come over to soothe him. 

He must have tried to hide some of those nightmares from him. And still Jack had stayed through enough of them with Daniel over the last few weeks to be already worried.

Some things fell into place now. Like why the kid had wanted to see Svenson alone and why he had been so determined to stay with Jackson instead of Teal'c.

After a few more minutes, Daniel wriggled out of Jack's embrace and sat back on the dock, but snuggled himself to Jack's side. Grabbing for Jack's hand, he absently started his ritual of playing with his fingers. It was something Daniel had started doing very early in his second childhood, and he still did it from time to time.

“I know you hate it when I work up to things like that,” Daniel began. “And I know there's that rule about not trying to hide my problems from you. But I talked to Svenson, so I wasn't exactly breaking that rule, right?”

“And what'd you do when you realized talking to her didn't help?” Jack chided gently. 

“I tried to cope on my own,” Daniel mumbled, getting a little defensive again.

“While you could have talked to Daniel, Carter or T if you didn't want to come to me.”

“They would've told you.”

“Maybe. And now I know anyway. Was it worth all the trouble you went through?”

Daniel gave him a one shoulder shrug. “I didn't want you to worry about me even more. You have enough on your plate without having to tear your hair out over this.”

“I think we both have enough on our plate to deal with, kiddo. What's one more thing to tear our hair out over?” Jack said, then turned his head at the sound of footsteps. 

There was no way in Netu Jackson could sneak up on anyone with that cast on his leg, even if he wanted to. He had changed into loose-fitting sweats and a sweatshirt, his short hair still a little damp from the shower. And he was wearing his glasses now. “Actually, I think all three of us have a lot on our plate,” Jack added when time seemed to shift and the sight of adult Daniel casually strolling over the grass towards the dock made him ache and smile at the same time.

“Hey, are you two okay?” Jackson stopped by one of the chairs, leaning his arms on the backrest. “I prepared the steaks and put the potatoes in the oven. Your turn with the salad.” 

Jack and LD fixed the salad, sliced the bread and set the table while Jackson cooked the steaks and took care of the baked potatoes. Soon the smell of dinner made their stomachs growl. When they sat down to eat, the two Daniels shared more of what they'd been up to the last seven days. Jack grimaced at the visual of LD puking all over the men's room – but couldn't stop himself from laughing at Jackson's attempt to wipe the mess up with a bunch of paper towels.

Jack, in return, bragged a little over everything he'd accomplished around the cabin and was teased by the others that, for an old guy, he had done an acceptable job.

The food was great and the room cozy with the crackling fire Jack had started earlier.

The chatter continued while they were doing the dishes, and Jack found himself smiling. Oh yeah. As much as he had liked it quiet and peaceful, he had missed Daniel.

Had missed them... this.

He watched Jackson soaping up plates and rinsing them while he talked about something called a Butterscotch Jolly as he handed the dishes over to LD, who dried them and placed them on the counter for Jack to put away.

“It's okay to want a bear, really,” Jackson coaxed.

“Stop it! I told you not to mention that in front of him...” LD waved his dishtowel at Jack, who had somehow missed the start and the meaning of this particular conversation.

“He was cute.”

“He looked like him.” Again, the dishtowel was waved at Jack, who cocked his head and glared for good measure. 

“Who looked like whom?”

“That bear in the Furry Friend…”

“Nothing. Just keep doing your chores, Jack,” LD muttered, almost letting a glass slip.

“You want a bear?” Jack thought that was interesting news, especially after the kid had so many issues with stuffing that cat for Cassie. He caught the glass and handed it back to Daniel.

“No!” Daniel slammed the glass on the counter and crossed his arms over his chest, pouting for all it was worth. Then he heaved a huge sigh and gave up his posture to grab the next plate Jackson held out to him. “Yes. I did. Do. DID. It was a fluffy brown bear and it looked like you, Jack. It even had your eyes. I missed you, what can I say?” 

“I'm flattered, I think.” Jack snorted, making a mental note for Daniel's birthday.

That was when Jackson started laughing.

Jack and LD exchanged a look and then joined in.

***

Little Daniel went to bed soon after the dishes were done. It was close to twenty one hundred. Jack had tucked the kid into bed at the master bedroom and was now carrying bundles of blankets and a pillow into Charlie's room.

BD sipped coffee from one of the big mugs he had brought up the second time he had accompanied Jack... before his downsizing.

He looked up and suddenly felt awkward, almost a little coy, as Jack settled on the couch next to him. Or rather, on the other end of the couch, propping his feet on the small coffee table. The fire was still going strong, and it was warm in the little room. Daniel smelled the familiar scent of wood mixed with the faint odor of their cooking earlier that evening. There was the low sound of rain dripping against the windows.

Jack held his own coffee between both hands and absently blew over the steam while his eyes seemed to be fixed on the fireplace. Daniel tried to read his body language and thought that Jack was a little tense under his relaxed surface.

He tried to figure out why the mood had changed from being relaxed, almost goofy, to... this.

Daniel frowned, and then his lips formed a silent “Oh” as he realized that they were spending their first evening together, alone. Well, semi-alone, since LD was asleep in the next room. They'd never done this before. Usually they were surrounded by Sam, T and LD – or at least, one of the others was somewhere near them, awake and conscious.

Sitting here together had a whole new feeling to it. It was a first – even though it really wasn't. Daniel had spent countless evenings like this with Jack. Sitting on a couch, relaxing, drinking, watching TV, playing chess, gazing at the fire, arguing, sulking, laughing... anything.

Daniel coughed and cleared his throat. “So,” he said.

“So.”

“What's going to happen with the cabin now? You made a decision yet?”

Jack turned the mug in his hands, peered inside, then dipped a finger into his coffee and flicked out an imaginary hair. “I was going to give it to you for the time being. But it looks like Daniel got over his... issues.”

“Which means... what?”

“I don't know yet. I'll have to talk with Daniel first.”

“Okay.”

Jack leaned back and settled his head on the back of the couch. After a moment he looked at Daniel and asked, “How's the leg?”

“Itchy.”

“Thought so.”

“Yeah. I have ice packs to put on it at home, and I brought a hair dryer to blow cool air into the cast. But you know these casts... nothing really helps.” Daniel grimaced and scowled at the leg. Even with the walking shoe, this one was much lighter than the cast he had to wear before. But it was still uncomfortable. The upside was that he could walk without crutches and put weight on the leg. 

“How long until you get it off?”

“Oh, depends on the next examination. Janet looked at it this week when I got the walking cast. It’s healing okay, so maybe another two weeks.”

“You doing PT then?”

“Yeah.”

“Fun.” Jack smirked.

Daniel rolled his eyes. The physical therapists who worked for the program knew him well. Then again, all of SG-1 were familiar with PT, thanks to the amount of injuries they came home with. Daniel wondered if other SG teams had the same track record when it came to off-world injuries that needed PT afterward.

“I’m going to hit the sack, Jackson. I'll take Charlie's bed, you can sleep with the kid,” Jack's gruff voice pulled him out of his musings.

Daniel blinked. “Oh, that's okay. I can take Charlie's.”

“It's not as comfortable as the double bed. Your leg will thank you. I'll take the bathroom first.” With that, Jack sauntered out of the room.


	9. Ten Days IX

**IX**

Daniel woke when a tossing and moaning LD almost rolled over him. Then a high-pitched scream made him bolt up in bed. A small fist hit his jaw when he leaned over the restless boy to wake him.

“Daniel... It's me, Daniel. You have to wake up, it's just a nightmare.” He grabbed a skinny shoulder and shook his little self slightly.

“No... Don't...” LD cried out. “Nonononono... You can't help him ascend... no, he's evil... no... Jack, he's hurt...” 

“Shhh, it's okay. You're having a bad dream. Nobody's gonna hurt Jack,” Daniel crooned, switching on the night lamp before he put his arms around the bewildered child to hold him close. LD bucked and tried to break free, but Daniel didn't let go of him. 

After a moment, the kid calmed.

The bedroom door opened. Jack burst in and came to a halt in the middle of the room. He took one look at Daniel and the kid in his arms, then walked around the bed and climbed in on LD's side.

Daniel loosened his hold on the boy, expecting Jack to take him. But Jack just put a hand on LD's back, rubbing soothing circles as he murmured, “I'm here, Danny. It's okay, we got ya.”

After a moment, LD wriggled out of Daniel’s embrace and scooted over to settle his back against Jack’s chest. Letting out a deep breath, he latched onto Daniel's shirt as if he needed the physical contact to both of them.

Daniel moved a little closer and carefully pried LD's fingers from his shirt so he could hold the kid's hand instead.

Jack put one arm around the boy and patted his chest. “You with us now, buddy?”

“Yeah,” he mumbled, knuckling his eyes. “Sorry.”

“It's okay,” both men said as one.

“It doesn't always get this bad when Flyboy sleeps with me,” LD said. “He sometimes wakes me up 'cause he starts licking my face.”

Daniel couldn't help, but smile as he exchanged a knowing look with Jack. He’d been right to give LD the dog when they had left Egypt. He had missed Flyboy at first when he'd still lived on base. But the kid needed him much more than Daniel.

Jack rubbed the sleep from his own eyes and stifled a yawn. “You want to stay up for a little while? I don't have hot chocolate here though.”

“Coffee?” LD asked with a smirk.

Jack snorted.

“Doesn't hurt to try.” The smirk left his face, and he grimaced. “I hate this nightmare. I really can't go back to sleep right away. I'll always see... Anubis when I close my eyes.”

Daniel squeezed LD's hand. “I know what you mean. He's not particularly... charming.”

“Nope. He's not even overdressed. I'd say he totally lacks the style and fashion of your usual system lord,” Jack agreed.

“Maybe he needs a new stylist,” Daniel mused.

“I was thinking plastic surgery,” Jack said thoughtfully. 

LD rolled his eyes, but a small smile appeared on his face. “You two are so... so...” He shook his head and groaned. “Are we like this, Jack?”

“Yep,” Daniel said.

“Are we like what?” Jack muttered, scuttling his fingertips up and down LD's sides.

“Like... stupid. Jack, stop it, that tickles...”

“Oh, yeah? You think we can tickle Anubis to death?”

As soon as LD started giggling and squirming, Jack stopped and whispered loudly, “Hey... if you close your eyes and see that scum again, try to imagine how he looks in his underwear while he gets tickled to death.”

Both Daniels let out a disgusted, “Ewwww.”

“What? Maybe he's wearing cool boxers with a snake design.” Jack shrugged.

LD laughed. “They can't be worse than your Homer Simpson boxers, Jack. Really.”

Jack looked hurt, muttering that he had spent a fortune for those boxers and the shirt to go with them. “They were collectibles.”

Daniel snorted as he made himself comfortable again, punching his pillow into the right shape. “I've never seen you in a Simpsons shirt, Jack. Not even you would wear something like that.”

“Yeah, where are you hiding that shirt?” LD grinned. “I haven't seen that either. Not now, and not before.”

“A man needs his dark secrets.” Jack said as he slid down under LD's covers, his arm still around the kid. “I get it out on occasion and put it on just to look at myself in the mirror.”

That earned him another giggle and a gentle punch on his arm from LD. “You're such a goofball, Jack.”

“Go back to sleep, Wretch,” Jack growled affectionately.

“Can't we get up? What time is it?”

“It's dark outside. Sleep.”

“All that yadda about Anubis's underwear... I'll just have another nightmare,” LD muttered and yawned. Then he asked abruptly, “Are you staying here?”

“I'll leave as soon as you're asleep. Good night, Daniel,” Jack said, gentle but firm. 

LD muttered and squirmed a bit and then said in a drowsy voice, ”Night, Jack.”

Daniel, who was already drifting back to sleep, heard Jack mumble, “Night, Jackson.”

“Good night, John Boy,” Daniel managed as he felt his eyes drop close. 

He woke up when early morning light fell into the room through the window. He had forgotten to close the curtains last night. Opening bleary eyes, he could make out Jack's form under the blanket next to him and LD wedged between them.

Something was absolutely not right with this picture. Then again, there wasn't anything particular wrong with it either.

Daniel blinked and rubbed his unshaven chin. His leg was itching under the cast, and he definitely needed the bathroom. Untangling himself from his own blanket he rose, trying to be as quiet as possible while sneaking out the room.

In the small bathroom, he relieved himself and washed his face with cold water. Contemplating whether he should shave right away or wake up properly first, Daniel decided coffee had first priority.

Once he had the coffee maker going, he opened the back door to let in some fresh air. It was cold. A faint mist hung over the pond and in the trees around the house. It was still very early.

He shivered slightly in his sweats and t-shirt as he stood in the open doorway and let his gaze wander over the water and the trees. A lonely kingfisher let out his shrill whistle from somewhere near the pond. Behind him in the kitchenette, the coffee maker did its gargling and spluttering.

_Flyboy would love_ _i_ _t here_ , he thought. The dog would enjoy playing in the shallow water of the pond, run around the clearing and probably try to catch a rabbit. 

Jack had always wanted a dog. They were his favorite people. Daniel couldn't suppress a smile remembering how they had discussed it once and decided it wasn't possible with their mission schedule and being away so often.

Funny how things had changed since then.

Apparently, not all of those changes were bad.

“Hey,” a hoarse, sleepy voice came from beside him. Daniel turned, and a steaming mug of coffee was shoved into his hands. “I'll light a fire.”

He nodded his thanks and savored the aromatic beverage, enjoying the warmth spreading from the mug into his palms as held it. He heard Jack rustle with the wood and paper in the fireplace.

God, it would be so easy to pretend nothing had changed. To pretend they were still the same people they had been before the downsizing. That there wasn't a little boy sleeping in the next room to prove how all their lives had been turned upside down.

Daniel inhaled the cool air, taking in the scent of pine needles, grass, pond water and his coffee.

It felt so comfortable to be here, so much like home.

“Fire's goin'. Shut the door so it can get warm in here,” Jack said.

When Daniel turned to sit on the couch, he spotted his sweatshirt thrown over a chair. Following his gaze, Jack shrugged. “I thought you might want something warmer to wear.”

“Thanks.” Daniel pulled it over his head and immediately felt warmer. 

Jack settled down next to him with his own coffee. He was fully dressed in jeans and an old, white, long-sleeved shirt. “So. You up for a trip to the river? I know we can't hike with that thing on your leg. But we could drive to one of the viewpoints, take something to eat.”

“Isn't it too cold for picnics?” 

“Ah, but Janet prescribed fresh air, right?” Jack smirked at Daniel's eye-roll. “I thought we'd drive up to the waterfalls at Brule River and use one of the picnic tables,” Jack suggested, fiddling with his mug. “It's warm for the end of March. We had mid sixties a few days ago. We won't be able to sit there for long, but it's sunny and mostly dry during the day.” 

“Or we could just sit out at the pond and watch the no-fish,” Daniel suggested.

“There are a few spots we haven't been to,” Jack went on, ignoring Daniel's objection. 

“Oh?”

“Yep. One of the smaller falls is near the parking lot, and it has tables. Or at least, it had when I used to go there with Sara and Charlie.”

“Sounds nice. We just have to make sure LD doesn't fall in.” Daniel grinned.

“You brought the dog's leash?” Jack looked up from his coffee mug, his eyes twinkling with humor.

“Now you're telling me. I should have thought of that back home,” Daniel joked. He rose and walked over to retrieve the coffee pot. “We better leave some for LD,” he said after he had poured Jack another mug. Then he shrugged and filled his own mug as well. “We can make fresh coffee later, though.”

“Nah, he doesn't get any.” 

“He doesn't? But he's not sick anymore,” Daniel said, puzzled.

“It's part of the consequences for the stunts he pulled those last few days back home.”

Daniel sat down again and slowly placed his mug on the table. “Oh... What else falls under 'adult privileges?'”

“Oh, basically most things he's not supposed to do at his current age. Like having coffee, going to bed late, spending money for extras, having unrestricted access to his laptop at home, watching TV in his own room. If he gets bored, I'll provide him with chores to keep him occupied.” Jack's eyes narrowed when they met his, daring Daniel to question his decision.

“You know...”

“Don't!” 

“Jack...”

“No. I'm not discussing whether or not I'm disciplining him – or how I do it. I got enough of that from Carter last year.” 

Daniel frowned. “Jack, I don'...”

“Oh, for crying out loud!” Slamming the coffee mug on the table with enough force to make some of the hot drink spill, Jack snapped, “He has to learn to curb his temper, no matter how upset he is. He can't go around and blow up in peoples' faces because he's having issues. I told you we've been there before, so can it, Jackson.” 

“I wasn't going to judge your way of dealing with him,” Daniel said quietly, which seemed to catch Jack by surprise because his eyebrows wandered upwards.

“You weren't?” 

“No. If you'd just let me finish... “

Jack waved at him apologetically. “Go on.”

“Thank you. So. I've been thinking about this since he told me what was going on. We had a lot of time to kill on our plane ride. I've been trying to figure out why he has so much trouble adapting. Or why he's so reluctant to just talk about his troubles – even to you.” 

Jack opened his mouth to answer, but Daniel held up a hand to silence him. “Just... listen, okay? I know what you're going to say. I'm not easy or particularly happy about spilling my guts either. Neither are you, by the way, but that's another story. You do realize, though, that most of the kid's problems are issues I've worked through a long time ago.”

“Or so it seems,” Jack said thoughtfully. “Maybe you didn't. Maybe you just got better at suppressing them. I remember having the talk about losing people with you before. You thought you were cursed or something.” 

“And you helped me work through it.”

Jack's eyebrows rose again, and he looked smug for a moment. “I did?”

“Yeah. You did. Not right away, and not overnight, but little by little. You and Teal'c, and Sam, too. By being the one constant thing in my life. By proving to me over and over again that you were family and that you weren't going to leave me. And we were good, Jack. SG-1. Good at beating death and sticking together. Good at going to Netu and back – alive.”

“Until we didn't make it one day,” Jack whispered, looking at his coffee. “I'm sorry you had to go through that.”

“It wasn't your fault. It just happened. I survived, and life went on.” 

“You were hurt,” Jack said, voice soft. “You lost. Again.” 

“Yes. But we had what we had and nobody could take that away from me. Life without SG-1 was...” _Empty and cold_. “...let's just say it wasn't particularly happy. But I adapted. I went on. Daniel, even with his memories intact, feels small. He's a kid. You were right after all. Deep down inside, he's a little boy, and the memory and the knowledge aren't always helpful. On the contrary... I think it often gets in his way, and even though he wants to be more content, he probably can't.”

“I know that,” Jack said. “Do you think I don't know that? I told you. And on top of a brain full of ugly memories, he knows you lost us on Abydos in your time line. He's probably convinced himself that no matter what he does, he'll lose us again, too. He's trying to prepare himself for it. In case it happens before he gets big.” 

“To protect himself, yes.”

Jack stood and walked over to the kitchenette. He grabbed a cloth, returned and wiped the spilled coffee off the table. “Every damn time I think we're making big steps forwards, something comes up and throws him out of the loop again. I had a hunch, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I should've known.”

“This isn't your fault,” Jackson said softly. 

They were the ones with the problems. Not Jack. Daniel had always been trouble for others through his real childhood. The few foster parents who meant well in the beginning had soon given up on him. Or he had been taken away and moved on to another home before he was able to adjust. The others... well, they didn't care much anyway.

“The hell it isn't. I was just glad he seemed so much more relaxed and calm than really trying to pry it out of him. Why doesn't he talk to me? We always have to get into some kind of fight before he opens up and spills his beans. And I thought we were past that.” 

“He tried to cope without worrying you. He talked to Svenson.” It was a hell of a lot more than Daniel ever did as a child. Despite all that was still simmering in LD's subconscious, he had taken major leaps by reaching out to someone to work through his problems. 

“Much good it did,” Jack snorted, going back to the kitchenette and throwing the used cloth into the sink.

“I still think these days without you have been an important step for him. And for me, too. I got to know him a lot better.” 

Jack gave him a questioning look. “And? Scared?”

“To death,” Daniel snorted, then sobered up. “Honestly though... he can stay over anytime you're off world if he wants to... If you let him. ”

“You're a brave man. Though, I won't go off world anymore for a while,” Jack said.

“You won't?” Daniel blinked and then silently listened to Jack's plans for the future.

“Svenson's not happy about it. But it's not a decision she has any say in so she just has to swallow it. She thinks I'm too much of a mother hen and she's probably right. But she doesn't know Daniel the way I do. She wants me to give him space and I can do that. Up to a point. But as long as he's a kid I'll stay on the same planet with him,” Jack ended his explanation. 

“Does Daniel know?”

“I told him yesterday. He took it surprisingly well. So far.”

Daniel wasn't sure how he felt about all this. Sure, it was Jack's decision and he could see the point in staying on earth and near LD. But SG-1 without Jack? That was... “Who'll take over for you?”

“Carter's ready for the job. She deserves it, too.” 

“Wow. That's... so you gonna be a stay-at-home-dad?” 

“More like a stay-on-earth dad.” 

“Right. You'll get bored out of your skull. ” 

“Ah, but I get to play with the F302. Re-design, engineer. That's cool stuff I haven't done for a while.”

“Okay. You'll get bored after you're done playing with the F302,” Daniel said dryly. 

“Nope. Not with the Wretch giving me enough trouble to take care off,” Jack said with a smirk.

“There's a point,” Daniel admitted. “And when Daniel is back to normal, you'll just come back? And what about Sam? She's getting her own team then? Or will she just step back to being 2IC?”

Jack took his time to answer as he looked at him over the rim of his coffee mug. “We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“Might be a damn long bridge to cross,” Daniel said.

“Yeah.” 

Daniel looked at his friend and once again was hit by the realization that none of them would be able to just switch their lives back around to normal. It wouldn't all stop and be reversed once Little Daniel was upsized again.

They were already moving on with their lives. How could they go back to just shrug the years of Daniel's second childhood off and start over like nothing had happened?

They couldn't. None of them.

No matter how hard they tried, they were marked by Daniel's downsizing forever. Even LD. Even though he wouldn't remember any of this consciously once he'd be returned to his natural age.

And Jack... Jack would lose another son – and live with the knowledge and the memories. And Daniel couldn't even begin to imagine how deep that must cut.

At the same time, when all was said and done, Jack would be the one who'd fall back into normal routine and get on with life most easily. On the outside. Because he was trained to do it. Because it was drilled into him to leave personal issues and his demons in the darkness of his bedroom and behind the closed doors in his soul. Jack O'Neill was way better in bottling things up and suppressing them than the Daniels were.

“I know I'm doing the right thing,” Jack pulled Daniel out of his thoughts. “I know it's what's best for the kid. Independence or not. He needs me to be here so that's what I'm gonna do. Hell, “I” need to be here. Looks like there's still more going on under the surface than I want to know.”

Taking a deep breath, Daniel focused on the here and now instead of mulling over the future. He knew Jack was making the right decision for LD. Maybe there was something Daniel could do as well to help his little self with some of his issues. It meant revealing personal things from his own past he'd rather not deal with. But Jack was right. There was more going on under the surface than Jack wanted to know...

“You're right. But you should. Know about a few things regarding LD. His... our... first childhood, I mean.”

“Like what?”

“He needs to tell you.”

“All right, hold it – right there! If you have anything to share, share it. I still want to believe I didn't just imagine all the progress we made. So if there's anything that will help me to help him... spill,” Jack huffed.

“He still needs to tell you himself because I think that's what he needs to do to work through it and get rid of it,” Daniel said slowly. “But I'll try to fill some blanks for you. Did he ever mention foster parents named Ellen and Geoffrey?” 

Jack shook his head. He fiddled with his mug. “He doesn't talk much about his... your... foster time. Only bits and pieces. Not sure if he has started going into it with Svenson lately, though.”

“He once said to me that if he'll ever talk about it to someone it's going to be you. How's that for making progress?”

“It's... reassuring,” Jack muttered.

At that moment they heard the padding of little feet and then LD came in, yawning widely, his blond hair sticking out in all directions. He was dressed in an old T-shirt of Jack’s, which was ridiculously big. “Mornin',” he mumbled. “Anyone seen my toothbrush?”

“I'll make breakfast,” Jack said, absently ruffling LD's hair as he brushed past him. 

***

He noticed how quiet BD was during breakfast and wondered what had happened. Jack seemed a little grumpy as well and snapped at him when he tried to sneak a hand towards the coffee pot.

LD sighed. He would have forgotten how coffee tasted by the time he was allowed to have it again.

Two weeks.

Oh, well.

Right now, it seemed the worst of his restrictions.

And there wasn't even hot chocolate up here. He hated plain warm milk, so he had to stick to sparkling water, which was really not his favorite drink for breakfast.

Why didn't they buy orange juice?

Looking first at Jack and then at Daniel, LD asked, “Are you two all right?”

Daniel absently nodded and shoved the last piece of egg into his mouth. “Fine.”

“Sure. Didn't sleep very well with you plastered against me like a limpet, that's all,” Jack said in jest, winking at him. 

“He fell asleep before he could leave,” BD informed LD, and finally a small smile appeared on his face. 

“Oh. Sorry.”

“It's okay. At least the dog wasn't there. Would have been a little crowded then,” Jack said dryly.

“We were talking about a picnic,” BD said. “What do you think?”

“Isn't it a little bit too cold for picnics?” Daniel wondered.

For some reason Jack laughed about that, and BD waggled his eyebrows in a funny way.

“What? It IS cold,” Daniel muttered.

“That's what I said.” BD grinned. “He won't listen.”

“We'll take blankets and bundle up.” Jack shrugged. 

From there, the mood rose momentarily as they planned where to go and what to take with them.

After clearing the table and washing the dishes, they fixed sandwiches, got the chocolate cookies the Daniels had bought, and packed everything into the large picnic basket.

Around noon, the sun had chased the mist away and the sky was incredibly blue. The weather was very mild for the end of March, but they all put on thick jackets and caps. Jack also insisted that Daniel wear his windbreaker over his warm jacket.

On their way to the Falls of Brule River, Jack shared how he and Sara had accidentally found the small picnic area one summer.

“We were about to hike to the upper falls, but Charlie had been cranky all morning, and Sara was afraid he was coming down with something, so we decided not to go that far. We found a small path that led us to smaller falls, and there were benches and tables. The area was deserted. There was no sign pointing to it and there was scrub and moss everywhere. The tables were pretty old, but the spot was nice. We spent all afternoon there, and no one showed up.” Jack paused for a moment, apparently remembering those days. In the rear view mirror, LD could see his face becoming soft. “Charlie and I found a way to the fall. We could stand right next to it, and there was a natural stone platform leading behind the water.”

“Cool. Did you go behind it? Did you take Charlie?”

“Not until he was a little older. The stones behind the water are wet and slippery, so we had to be very careful. Though we only did it once. Sara was about to rip my head off for taking him,” Jack mused.

Daniel sighed. “You won't take me, right? Because I fell in a pond – twice. Sometimes I think everything Teal'c trains me for is good for nothing.” Or rather, he was good for nothing. Teal'c really did his best, and he kept telling Daniel he was a good student and made much progress. Well, there were times when Daniel doubted that.

To his surprise, Jack raised an eyebrow and said, “We'll see.”

Feeling a flicker of hope, Daniel bent forward as much as his seat belt allowed and promised, “I'll try not to break my neck or drown.”

“That's nice of you, Daniel.” 

They reached the parking lot soon, and Daniel carried a blanket while Jack had the basket and another blanket. BD traipsed along with his cast.

They left the paved hiking trail a few minutes later and walked on a narrow grassy path that seemed to vanish into the forest. Even though it had rained the other night, the grass was surprisingly dry, thanks to the dense trees. They could already hear the mumbling and rushing of the river ahead of them.

“Are you sure I won't get stuck in some scrubs here?” BD had to watch his step, and Jack grabbed his elbow twice to keep him from stumbling. 

“Sure. We're almost there.” Jack grinned. “Trust me.”

“Right,” BD huffed.

The path ended in a small clearing. Three old wooden picnic tables and benches stood in a semi-circle. Daniel spotted some large irregularly-shaped rocks which looked like cubes thrown onto the grass by a giant. The clearing was surrounded by high trees, but the sun still reached them to make it warm enough to stay for a while. Sunspots danced between the trees and on the grass.

“Nice,” Jack exclaimed. He placed the basket on one of the tables, then took the blanket from Daniel and spread it over the bench. He handed BD the second blanket. “Just in case you get cold, sitting here,” he said with a smirk. “You have to share with the kid, though, if he gets cold.”

“I won't,” Daniel assured Jack.

“Oh, you desert rats might get a little chilly in this fine Minnesota spring weather.”

“Ha ha!” Daniel rolled his eyes. “I haven't been in a desert for years... okay, at least I haven't lived near one for years.”

“I did,” BD said, placing the extra blanket next to him on the bench. “But all that gate-traveling I did before that helps my poor body adapt easily now.” 

Daniel started wandering around the clearing. At a closer look, he found evidence of other people who had been here. There was an old fireplace, a coke can and a plastic bag on the ground, almost covered by the high grass. He guessed that some teens had had a party here. Maybe couples sought out this spot as well. He strolled around the picnic tables and felt his assumption proved when he saw the many engraved names with hearts in the wood.

Danielle “heart” Bert. Chris loved someone called Teryl… R+D… C loves L… Daniel brushed his fingertips over the rough wood and smiled, wondering how many of those pairs were still together today or if the engravings had just been secret loves that never happened for real.

He left the tables and found a small path that wove itself through the trees. The rushing and mumbling of the water was getting louder as he followed the path. Through the thick trees Daniel could see the waterfall.

“Jack!” he yelled. “I found the path that leads to the falls!” He turned and ran back. One of the boulders was in his way, and Daniel jumped on it, then hopped down on the other side and continued running until he came to a sharp halt in front of the table. “Can we go there?”

As usual, Jack grinned at his antics. Daniel had gotten used to the weird fact that Jack seemed to love it when he got excited over something and did the childish thing- unless he got in trouble of course.

Jack looked at BD, who nodded and patted his cast. “Go ahead. I'll guard the food with my life. Of course, I won't guarantee there'll be anything left when you come back. I might get bored and hungry.”

“We won't be long. Jack? Can we go?” 

Jack got up and stretched. Winking at BD, he said, “Don't you touch the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches if you wanna live.”

“You can have those, thank you very much,” BD groused, wrinkling his nose. He opened the large basket and pulled out a book. “Have fun.”

“What are you reading?” Daniel sat down beside him, distracted from the waterfall for a moment.

“The Argonautika - The Story of Jason and the Quest for the Golden Fleece. It's about the life of Apollonios and his relationship with Kallimachos... among other things.” BD showed him the book so he could read the back cover. 

“Hey, you want to explore the falls or discuss Greek mythology?” Jack asked.

“That's a tough choice,” Daniel teased but was already up and heading back to the path.

Jack caught up with him a moment later, and they followed the trail. It was covered with scrub, and they had to climb over a tree trunk as well.

Daniel tugged at Jack's jacket. “Can we go behind the waterfall?”

Jack put an arm around his shoulders. “You promise not to play Indiana Jones? I know you're capable of keeping your balance, but I don't want you to pull any stunts.”

Daniel nodded. “I'm not crazy, you know?”

“No, but easily distracted,” Jack said dryly. “Unless you dig for artifacts. Then you're too focused.”

“I know I can never do it right. You don't have to rub it into my face,” Daniel snapped. He felt Jack's hand close around the collar of his jacket before he was able to stomp off.

“Still a little edgy, are we?”

Daniel felt the heat rise in his cheeks and quickly stared down at his feet. “I guess,” he mumbled. “Falling in that pond was embarrassing. Both times.”

“It happens to the best,” Jack said. “Well, not twice in two days, maybe... but... you know...”

Daniel squinted up at his friend and saw the smirk. He should have been mad at Jack for making fun of him, but he felt his own lips twitch into a smile instead. “All I could think of was catching the dog.”

“It's what I said... sometimes you focus too much.”

“Ja-ack.”

The path made a sharp bend to the right, and they stepped out of the dense trees. They were standing on a large stone plateau, looking at the cascading waterfall. The water was glittering in the sunlight and even though it wasn't a very big waterfall, it was still impressive.

“It's beautiful,” Daniel said in awe.

“Yeah. Come on. But stay close.” Jack put a hand on his shoulder, and they approached the ledge without getting too close to the craggy rim. At the bottom of the falls was a basin of greenish water which flowed from there, at a gentler pace, into the river. 

For a moment they just stood there, watching the stream. Daniel was reminded of a world they had once visited. It had been similar to the Nox world, but with much more water. There had been falls like this, and he remembered colorful fish swimming against the stream, as salmon did. Only those fish had been twice as big and, according to the natives, had sharp teeth and weren't afraid to bite even when caught.

His thoughts wandered; he remembered being at a summer camp the year he'd been 11. His new foster parents had sent him to camp at Finger Lakes, which had waterfalls like this. The one he remembered best was the She-Qua-Ga Fall. They could see it on almost every hike they took because it was a very large waterfall.

Daniel remembered how he had enjoyed that camp despite his fears of being bullied and mocked by the other kids. He had known by then that there were worse things in life than being picked on verbally, though. It wasn't too bad that summer. His foster brothers hadn't come with him since they had been sent to a sports camp and so Daniel had been able to get a few weeks of peace. And he really enjoyed nature and living in a tent. He had been used to living in a tent as a small child. However, the forest and rivers had been something he hadn't seen in Egypt or New York City, so he’d had fun exploring them.

He and Jack walked alongside the stone rim.

“There are old stone steps and a wooden rail, but don't lean onto it. It's rotten so it might break away. Just stay close to the rock face,” Jack instructed him.

“Okay.”

The spray dampened his face as he began climbing the carved stone steps, closely followed by Jack.

Daniel wondered why the tourists didn't come here anymore. Maybe the larger falls were more interesting. The new hiking trail probably made people forget about this place. But he didn't mind at all. He liked being alone here with Jack and not having to make his way through groups of chatting tourists.

Once they had reached the top of the steps, there was another stone plateau, much like the one below. Like a gallery, it led right behind the waterfall. Daniel could see the old rail, broken in several places.

It was very damp and loud up here.

Jack took his hand, and they made their way forward, careful not to slip on the stone surface. It wasn't as wet or slippery as Daniel had expected. So he felt secure and had good footing.

They stopped at a viewpoint. Over the thunderous waterfall, Jack yelled at him to remember not to go close to the banister. Daniel nodded and didn't let go of Jack's hand at all.

He looked around at the seemingly solid wall of water gushing down in front of him. So close that it seemed like he could touch it if he stretched out his arm. Of course, that was an illusion. Cold droplets sprayed them and if he craned his neck, Daniel could catch a glimpse around the waterfall at the sun and the trees.

It was really like being inside a cave, behind a thick curtain.

Jack bent toward him and yelled, “I want to show you something. Mind if I pick you up?”

He shook his head and Jack scooped him up into his arms. Daniel was too big to be comfortably settled on Jack's hip, but he still somehow fitted. He put one arm around the back of Jack's neck, and Jack walked them closer to the edge and to the right, until they were standing on a rather small ridge.

Daniel saw more of the forest and the blue sky. He was about to point that out to Jack when a bunch of sun rays caught his gaze.

His eyes grew wide.

A double rainbow arched across the waterfall, spreading from one end to the other. Then the rainbows seemed to vanish in the spray, only to reappear somewhere else. The sunlight was dancing in the water.

Daniel had seen rainbows before. Impressive ones too. But he was still awestruck by the play of colors, and even the knowledge that it was just an illusion didn’t belittle its beauty.

He knew Jack had been here with Charlie to watch the rainbows.

Just like they were now.

Had Charlie been as awed as Daniel? He wondered if Jack's son had believed in a pot of gold waiting at the end of each rainbow. Daniel knew several rainbow legends. From the Indians, the Irish, the Hawaiians... He knew they were just legends, but at this sight it was so easy to believe in them.

He pressed his damp, cold cheek against Jack's and tightened his arm around his friend's neck, smiling as he felt Jack squeeze him back.

Far too soon, they returned to safer ground and Daniel was put back on his feet.

When they returned to the picnic table, BD was reading his book, the blanket around his shoulders. He had unpacked the picnic basket and poured himself coffee from the thermos.

Daniel pulled off his windbreaker and cap because they were damp. He still had his thick jacket to keep him warm. He sat next to BD, who pulled off the blanket and wrapped it around him instead. They enjoyed their sandwiches and cookies while Daniel told his adult self about the rainbows.

It wasn't warm enough to spend hours sitting outside. Especially for BD, who couldn't move around much to warm up. So when most of the food was gone, they packed away everything and returned to the parking lot.

Jack turned the heat on, and soon it was warm and cozy in the truck. Daniel looked through BD's book while the two adults discussed the pros and cons of going out to dinner later.

“Jackson, there's one restaurant in that backwater place they call the 'town' here. The menu hasn't changed in the last twenty years.”

“So? We won't have to cook that way.”

“It's probably full of junk and germs... and old beer-drinking guys who are part of the furniture.” 

“I remember it. It looks nice from the outside.”

“You don't even know if they have decent food.”

“You said their menu...”

“Might just be leftover from the last century.”

“Fine. You cook then.”

“I can do that. I survived seven days of my cooking since the kid wasn't here to help.” 

“You're a true hero, Jack.”

Daniel closed the book and listened to the bantering. He and Jack surely hadn't been like that when he had been big, right?

With a sigh, he looked out the side window. Who was he trying to fool here? They probably still behaved like this, even now.

***

Back at the cabin, Jack started a fire and sent the kid to take a hot bath, which he did without any arguments. Daniel looked a little chilled, and Jack didn't want him to become sick again. Aside from that, he wanted some alone time with Jackson.

The advantage of having a little guy with the brains of a grown-up was that the need for independence made Daniel try to accomplish as many tasks on his own as he could. He had learned to accept most of his limits by now, so Jack could rely on Daniel to run himself a bath, do laundry, clean his room and help with other chores, including the cooking.

Yep, it was nice. Aside from Daniel's habit of leaving his stuff all over the house. And provided Daniel didn't have one of his “I'm just a kid, and who needs to do chores anyway?” days.

Though Daniel's most frequent excuse was that he had work to do for the SGC and really, there was no way he could do anything Jack wanted him to do right now. Maybe later. Maybe tomorrow. Oh, maybe never?

However, mostly Daniel insisted on taking care of himself.

After Jack stopped by the bathroom and saw his kid sitting in the tub, a towel and fresh clothes in reach, he returned to the living room where Jackson had settled onto the couch, his cast-covered leg propped up on a chair.

Jack slumped down next to him. “Tell me about Ellen and Geoffrey.”

“Ellen and Geoff took him... me in when... I was 10. They were one of the very few parents who tried really hard to give me a home,” Jackson started outright. Apparently he had expected Jack to get back on the topic as soon as they had the opportunity. “They were a little flaky, so maybe that’s why it was easy for me to like them. They owned an old house with lots of pets and a big garden. And even though I was allergic to most of their flowers, I liked it there after a while. For once, nobody forced me to play sports, called me a geek or said I was too smart for my own good. They were nice people and never pushed me. They... they bought me books.”

Jack was glad to hear there had been good experiences during Daniel's time in foster care as well. But there had to be good people, right? Foster parents were supposed to be caring people, who were taking kids in to give them a home. Not only to foster them in order to get the money. Yet, he knew this tale didn't have a happy ending, so he tried to prepare himself for what was coming.

“I really thought that was it. The family I had wished for on Christmas when I was eight,” Jackson mumbled. 

“What?”

“I met Santa Claus at Times Square once. Uh, never mind. Where was I? Ah. Ellen was ill. There's really not much to tell about it. She had a bipolar disorder. Some days she couldn't make herself get up, and Geoffrey had to take care of everything, including the pets and me. I helped as much as I could, and Ellen usually was well again after a few days. She... she taught me how to bake cookies and how to cook.”

“So she's the one I have to thank for the wonders you do in the kitchen?”

“Yeah, probably. I was there for a couple of months, I think, when Geoffrey suddenly left us. I never found out what happened. He was just gone one day. Ellen was heartbroken. She... kind of had a nervous breakdown and locked herself into the master bedroom. I couldn't get her to come out. She just told me to leave her alone. I stayed home from school then, tried to feed all the cats and the hamster and birds, did things in the house. I tried to talk to Ellen, tried to make her come out and eat. She didn't want to eat or open the door. School called, and I had to lie and say I was sick and my foster mom was at work. After a few days, I was scared Ellen was going to starve or the school would send social service to take me away. So I went through their personal phone book and called their doctor.”

Jack could see where this was going and felt a cold shiver run down his spine. Jackson cleared his throat and said, “The doctor came and somehow made Ellen open the door. She was taken to a hospital, and the doc left me at the house, promising everything would be all right. I waited two days for Ellen or the doctor to call. Then a social worker showed up and made me pack my things.”

“Crap. Why do they allow people like that to foster kids?”

“I don't know. It was a long time ago. And they weren't bad people, Jack. I guess Geoff just couldn't deal with things anymore. I don't know. But the point is, I trusted that doctor to help us. I know Ellen was very sick and he was doing his job. But back then it felt like the doc took her from me and got rid of me along the way. And Geoffrey probably couldn't take any more of Ellen's depression. But he left me, too.”

“What then?” Jack asked, feeling numb. 

“Then. Then it got really bad,” Jackson said simply. 

“You never told me.”

“No. There was never a need to tell you. I'm not keen on reliving that part of my life either. But I think you should know. For me, childhood always meant being helpless. It meant being moved around and getting kicked when I was down. It meant distrust and being on guard most of the time. And it meant that asking for help makes things worse.” 

“I know you were beaten,” Jack blurted out, feeling a red-hot rage flare up inside at the thought. “Carter told me. Was that after Ellen and Goofy...?”

Ignoring Jack's deliberate mess up of Geoffrey's name, he nodded. “Yes. My new home after they took me from Ellen and Geoff wasn't exactly cozy and nice. After I ended up in the hospital though, I was taken away from there, too.” Jackson’s voice was cold and detached. “So, social service saved me that time.”

He stood and walked into the kitchenette where he started preparing the coffee maker. “I'm not sure I should tell you all this. I think Daniel is the one who needs...”

Jack couldn't remember when he had followed Jackson. One moment he was sitting on the couch and the next he stood behind Jackson, a hand on his shoulder, turning him around. “Hey.”

“I'm fine.” 

“Daniel.” Jack clasped his other hand around the nape of BD's neck and pulled him forward, into a hug. 

There was a brief struggle, but Jack didn't let go, one hand squeezing Daniel's neck and the other arm firmly wrapped around the other man's strong, solid body.

Finally Jackson's chin rested on Jack's shoulder and he returned the hug. Tentatively at first, but soon with more confidence. “I'm fine,” he repeated, his calm voice contrary to the way his arms were tightly wound around Jack like he needed to be anchored.

“Of course you are,” Jack said, his voice gruff.

Jackson took several deep breaths as they both lingered in the familiarity of the embrace, before they pulled apart.

“Been through worse.” he managed a smile. And he had been. They both knew it. Didn't make it better though. Or easier. 

“I'll never leave... him,” Jack finally said. “He should know that by now.” 

“Yes, he knows. But those old fears haunt him more now because he's little again.”

Jack put a hand on Jackson's arm. “There's more, right?”

Their eyes met, and Jack could see the answer in them before Jackson nodded curtly. “You know about the beatings. I won't go into details. And no, not all foster homes were bad like that.”

Jack wondered if he'd ever be able to find those bastards and give them a taste of their own medicine. Oh, he'd love to have a name. Just a name was all he needed.

Jackson took a step away, breaking the eye contact. Jack watched him closely, almost expecting self-hugging or other familiar signs of being stressed. But he just stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and shrugged, giving him a lopsided smile. “I know you've figured out most of the basics by yourself anyway. But I thought you should know some of the stories behind it.”

“Thanks,” Jack said. Not for the first time, he thought it was beyond him how Daniel Jackson had grown up to become this passionate, caring man. With a track record like that, he should be bitter, a criminal or addicted to drugs. But he wasn't. He had somehow endured all that crap and turned out to be... Daniel.

He had a moment of clarity as he remembered what Adam Pierson had told them in Egypt. About how Daniel was touched and how the way his life had gone from an early age had made it possible for him to become the person he was now.

They say if a child goes through a painful anguished time, it will alter his life forever. Some get bitter or disordered. Others get lucky, and the damage is not too severe. And then there are a few who are blessed with great sensibility and the gift of seeing the good - even in evil. Ones who would want to change the world for others. Or save it. Pure souls.

“He'll be all right. Daniel, I mean. Little Daniel.” Jack said slowly, searching Big Daniel's eyes. 

Jackson smiled. “Yes. You'll make it right for him. Maybe I didn't get rid of all the trash I carried with me from my first childhood. Maybe I only ditched part of it, and some of it is still there, deep down... He has a real chance to get rid of it, once and for all.”

“And when he gets big again...”

“He'll know that the weight is gone. In his subconscious.”

“Right,” Jack said, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I better go and see if he's drowned yet.” He had to get back on familiar ground. This was getting too close to Twilight Zone again. But they had said what needed to be said, so that was okay.

“So when do we leave for dinner?” Jackson asked, his voice light again, eyes twinkling.

“Did I actually agree to go out for dinner?”

“Nope. But you could now.” 

Jack looked at his watch. “How about in an hour?”

“Sounds good to me.”

  
  


LD was standing on tiptoe, peering into the mirror over the sink, as he combed his damp hair. He was in his underwear, dark blue boxers and light blue tee. Jack sauntered in and sat down on the edge of the tub, watching him fiddling with the brush and grimacing at his own image when he was done.

“Looks cowlicked,” he muttered.

“Because it's wet.” Jack shrugged.

LD rubbed both hands through his hair and messed it up again. “That's better,” he said with satisfaction in his voice. Then he frowned and asked, “Jack? Do you think I should get a piercing? Or dye my hair?”

Jack bit down on his lip to refrain himself from laughing. The visual of an eight year old with a piercing or colored hair was just... okay, actually since this was Daniel, it probably wasn't meant to be a joke.

“Why would you do that?” he asked.

“I won't be a teenager again. But I wonder what it would be like. Minus the pimples and hormones. I can do without those,” LD mused. “There's a lot of stuff I didn’t do the first time around.”

“There's a lot you haven't done this time around,” Jack reminded him.

The frown on the little guy's face deepened. “Yeah. For some reason, I feel stupid about wanting a teddy bear or wanting to go to Disney World. But not about getting a piercing or dying my hair.” He shrugged. “Maybe it’s because grown ups have body piercings and colored hair in lots of cultures.”

Jack wasn't sure what he should react to first.

Disney World?

Who’d have known?

“You can dye your hair and get piercings when you're big again,” he suggested. “Though I'm not sure Hammond would be happy about it.”

“What about a nose ring?” 

“Disney World? Really?” Jack asked back, raising an eyebrow.

LD shrugged, then laughed and was about to run out of the bathroom. “I'll get dressed.”

Jack caught the corner of his tee and pulled him back. “C'mere a minute.”

“Um... Jack?” Daniel looked a little unsure of himself. “I was just joking about the nose ring.”

“I knew that.” He took the small hands in his and looked at him. “Daniel... You do know that I love you very much, right?”

Daniel blinked. “Yeah. I love you too, Jack. What...?”

“I just... need to tell you from time to time.”

“Jack? Are you okay?” 

He nodded, unable to tell his kid why he was so shaken right now. Daniel bent forward until their foreheads touched. “Thanks for taking me to the waterfall, Jack. That was special.”

“Yeah, it was.”

“Jack?”

“Daniel?”

“Can I have a tattoo?” 

Laughing, he spun the Wretch around and swatted his butt as he shoved him out of the bathroom. “Not until you're living on your own again.”

  
  


The only restaurant in “town” turned out to be a nice place with decent food and friendly folks.

They enjoyed burgers, French fries, salad and fresh warm bread with butter. Big Daniel had red wine and, having a weak moment, Jack made a show of thinking it through and finally gave in to let the kid have a sip of it. LD smacked his lips, then grimaced and mumbled that wine definitely was different than coffee.

“It'll come back to you.” Jackson chuckled.

“Maybe I just don't like this wine,” Daniel muttered, then his face brightened. “Could you order Merlot? Or Chardonnay?”

“Could you order a glass of each wine they have, so His Highness can sip his way through them?” Jack teased and gave the Wretch's head a playful swipe.

Daniel stuck out his tongue at him, which never failed to amuse Jack for some reason. He resisted the urge to stick his tongue out as well and resorted to rolling his eyes and mouthing, “Brat,” at him.

“What are we going to do tomorrow?” Daniel asked awhile later, in between some very blissful moments over walnut chocolate chip ice cream. 

“I saw a sign outside about a village fair tomorrow. With garage sales and a cook-out. Something about celebrating the spring and clearing out old things. There'll be a raffle, too,” Jackson said.

“A garage sale,” LD jumped right in. “I'd like that. It's a little like a bazaar. And you never know what you'll find in others’ junk. I once found a whole box with books for just five dollars. Oh, and I'd love to buy a raffle or too. Maybe I win something.”

“Yes,” Jackson said. “I remember that box of books. There were some interesting books about Egyptian writers and historians among them. Like ‘Under Egypt's Spell.’”

“Yeah. I still have it. It's about the influence of Egypt on English writers in the 18th century.”

“It was a good book. Would you lend it to me? I'd like to read it again,” Jackson asked.

“Sure. I think I have it at home.”

Jack listened to the conversation and shook his head, wondering if he would ever truly get used to this. Then again, if the Daniels could, he sure as hell should be able to go with the flow, right?

“Can we go?” Daniel nudged Jack with his pointed elbow.

“Sure. Though you know that your bank account is off limits right now. No extras.”

“I have cash.” 

“And? So? Therefore?”

“You won't tell me not to spend the money I have in my pockets, right? That's just too stupid. Even without my adult privileges, I should have an allowance of some sort. So you could just imagine I am spending my allowance on the garage sale.” 

Jack pretended to mull it over, then said, “Okay. So how much you got there?”

“I have ten dollars and twenty cents left. I threw in some for the groceries since BD refused to let me pay for the flight and the car,” LD explained like he was talking to a little kid. “I should be able to get a few things for that and have enough money to buy cotton candy and ice cream. Garage sale prices are not that high, you know.”

“All right,” Jack said with a straight face. “The usual allowance for eight year olds is five dollars a week, which means you've got the allowance for two weeks in your pockets. You sure you want to spend most of it tomorrow?”

Daniel gave him a brilliant pout, walnut chocolate chip ice cream mustache included, and Jack had to hide his smirk behind his beer. After a moment of consideration the Wretch shoved his half-eaten bowl of ice cream over to Jack. “You’d lend me some money if I spent too much tomorrow and needed some more during the two weeks, right? I’ll pay you back later then.”

Jack took a large spoonful of ice cream, swallowed, licked his lips and then said, “Nope. No extras. You know the drill.”

The bowl was snatched away, along with the spoon. “No money, no ice cream,” Daniel huffed.

Jackson reached for LD's ice cream bowl, but snatched his hand back when he got smacked with the spoon. “Hey! I was going to offer something for it.”

Guarding his ice cream, LD gazed at BD from under his eyelashes. “What's that?”

“Your ice cream for... let’s say... something you really want to buy at the garage sale. Up to five dollars.”

“I'm not sure I'm allowed to make deals,” LD said thoughtfully. Then his pointed elbow poked Jack again. “Am I?”

Jack knew he should probably put an end to this right now and not let the two of them manipulate him. But he figured as long as he still knew he was being manipulated and since they were on vacation, after all... well, there was just no point in spoiling the evening. His little troublemaker would have enough time to curse his own actions over the next two weeks once they were home again.

Cocking his head and raising his left eyebrow, Jack said, “That's tricky. I'm paying for the ice cream you're just trying to sell to Jackson. So actually he should give the five dollars to me... but since you gave money for the groceries...”

Knowing looks were exchanged between the Daniels, the ice cream – nothing more than melted goo by now – was traded for a five dollar bill, and Jack looked at them and for some strange reason felt blessed.

And how could he not?

If you had a Daniel Jackson in your life, you could consider yourself a lucky guy.

He got two.


	10. Ten Days X

**X**

The next day was as mild as the day before, and the sun had lured out many people to the fair in the little village near Jack’s cabin.

Among several candy booths, there were grills set up and a Chilli cook-out. A guy was offering raffle tickets out of a large bucket hanging from a rope around his neck. Wandering around the fair, he proclaimed the cost of the tickets at the top of his lungs and promised wonderful prizes. “Pay two dollars for twelve tickets and you might get THE prize of your life!”

Daniel patted his pants pocket where BD's five dollar bill was tucked away and considered buying some raffle tickets. However, he wanted to go to the garage sale as well, so he kept his money for now. Jack had bought blue cotton candy for all of them, and even though Daniel's hands and face got sticky from the sweet stuff, he enjoyed eating it.

But it also reminded him of the incident at the Furry Friend shop. Mickey had referred to the filling of the stuffing machines as cotton candy... Daniel felt the heat of embarrassment rise in his cheeks. To his relief neither Jack nor BD noticed it as they were occupied with their own cotton candy for now.

There was a small fountain in the middle of the market place where they washed their hands. Jack teased him to be careful not to fall in and drown. LD sighed. He had known once Jack wasn't mad at him anymore, he wouldn't live down the pond “adventure” for a long time. He remembered how Jack had warned Teal'c and Sam about flying food whenever they had lunch together for some time after they returned from Egypt.

Daniel splashed a handful of water at Jack, who ducked away and growled at him. “Oops, sorry, Jack.” he grinned.

“Let's get out of here before things become too wet.” BD laughed, and they wandered down the main street, following the handwritten signs to the garage sale on the side roads.

Daniel loved the atmosphere of the sale. It was a little like a bazaar. People had set up long tables with piles of whatever they wanted to sell in their front yards. Jack and the two Daniels slowly made their way through the crowds of people who bargained about prices, went through boxes with books or records, looked at old dishes or crystal glasses or albums with stamps in them.

On the whole, everyone seemed to be having a good time. Groups of kids were strolling around the tables, searching for comics or other treasures they could spend their allowance on.

Daniel turned away and was about to walk to the next table when he heard BD whistling behind him. He turned to see what his adult self was looking at and felt his mouth open in a stunned “Oh.”

“That's... that's cool,” BD said.

“Oh, yeah,” Daniel mumbled. 

“Do you remember...?”

“I forgot about it. But I remember now.”

“It was the only one I ever wanted,” BD said.

“The only one you ever wanted – what?” Jack asked next to them.

“It's a Schwinn,” both Daniels exclaimed as if that fact alone would explain everything. 

It was a sturdy String-Ray bike with a red frame and black banana seat. The high handle bar had red plastic covers and two hand brakes with black cables going down to the brakes. The light wires were black as well. The frame was metal and the wheels were original Schwinn wheels.

“One of my foster brothers had one,” Little Daniel said. “I've never wanted a bike like I wanted this one. Of course, I never got it.”

“He attached play cards to the spokes. When he picked up speed the cards made rattling sounds. It sounded like machine gun fire,” BD added. 

“Yeah. And it had streamers attached to the back rest of the seat. They fluttered in the wind.”

“Cool. I had a Sears bike when I was eight. It looked a little like this. My brother and I had to share it,” Jack said. He patted Daniel's shoulder. “I'm right over there. Don't wander off.”

“I'll stay here with him,” BD offered.

“Okay,” Daniel mumbled absently. 

Pulled towards the bike like hanging on a reel, Daniel only stopped when he stood directly in front of it. He reached out a hand and brushed over the cold metal frame. At a closer look, he saw rust stains and noticed how bad the wheels looked; the rubber of the tires was frayed from old age and there was no air on them.

“You like that bike, boy?” A man appeared next to the Schwinn. “It's not worth much anymore. It's my son's. You can have it for seven dollars. I need the space.”

Daniel licked his lips.

He could afford this bike.

His hand crept to the pocket where his money was. With the five bucks he had gotten from BD yesterday, he had fifteen dollars... He looked around and spotted Jack at the next table, engrossed in a box of old CDs. Then Daniel's eyes fell on BD, who was watching him.

The owner of the bike patted the black seat. “It's dusty and needs some fixin'. But if you pump up the tires and polish it a bit, you'll have a fine bike, kid.”

Daniel could probably manage to pull BD on his page and talk Jack into keeping it... It would fit onto the truck if they dismantled it for the drive home. Jack could help him patch the Schwinn up and make it look like new again...

Then he shook his head. “Thank you, Mister, but no.”

The man shrugged and muttered, “If you don't have money, go and ask your dad. Or get a move on. I can't afford to give it to you for nothin'.”

Daniel bit his lip and tore his eyes off the bike, almost smacking into BD when he turned away from the Schwinn.

“Hey, you want that bike?”

“No,” Daniel mumbled, avoiding the pair of blue eyes looking at him questioningly. 

Suppressing a deep sigh, he walked over to where Jack was talking to the guy who was selling CDs and old video tapes. Daniel tugged on Jack's arm.

“Can we go? I didn't find anything I want.”

Jack looked down at him, eyebrows raised quizzically. “Are you sure? Nothing worth spending your extra five bucks?”

“No.”

“I'm done, too,” BD said quietly. 

They made their way back to the fair. “How about a dozen raffle tickets, kiddo?” When Daniel didn't perk up at the idea, Jack added, “My treat. We'll share the prize. Come on.”

They left the garage sale behind and looked for the guy with the tickets. The market place had started to fill even more. A merry-go-round with colorful wooden horses played happy music. Two young women offered to paint fairy and animals designs on kids’ faces or hands. The smell of grilled meat and cooked chili made Daniel's stomach growl.

Jack paid for 12 raffle tickets and, to his surprise, Daniel felt his mood rise again as he stuck his hands into the bucket to choose each ticket with care. When he was done, they had four blue ones, three yellow ones and five pink ones. Daniel carried them over to the picnic benches and tables. He sat down and started opening them while Jack left him and BD to get something to eat.

BD watched, his chin resting on one hand, as Daniel unfolded the tiny pieces of paper and placed the blanks on the left and piled up the winners on the right.

“Seven blanks,” Daniel said. “And the winners only have weird numbers. I bet we won a toaster or something boring.”

“Or a stuffed bear?” BD's eyes twinkled with humor.

“Funny,” Daniel muttered. 

“A bike,” BD suggested.

Daniel pulled a face. “Yeah, sure.”

“You could have bought that Schwinn. It was only seven dollars. Jack could have helped you fix it,” his adult self said.

Daniel balled up the blank tickets in his fist and formed a paper ball. “I'm going to get a bike when hell freezes over.”

“Why? Every kid should have a bike.” BD smiled.

“Really? And where would I ride it? In the driveway?”

“Jack has a bike, too. You could take trips.” BD shrugged.

LD shrugged. “If I had a bike now, I'd want to ride it alone, not only when Jack has time to accompany me. And he won't let me go on my own.”

“Hey, I'm just saying,” BD said in a soothing manner. “I wasn't trying to push you.”

Jack returned with plates full of steaks, corn and bread. He placed everything on the table between the two Daniels and walked off again to buy drinks. LD jumped up to follow him to help carrying everything. Jack bought two large cups of sparkling water and a medium-sized cup of lemonade for Daniel.

Back at their table, they enjoyed their food and much to Daniel's relief, BD didn't mention the Schwinn or bikes in general. By the time they had finished eating, he was relaxed again.

He was actually curious what they'd get for the winning tickets.

***

“Aeronaut, Swiss... seven letters... third one's a c,” Jack asked, looking up from the crossword book at the two geniuses sprawled on the couch and the floor.

It wasn't exactly the crown jewels, but the prize could have been worse. A toaster, for example. Or one of the homemade patchwork doilies they had seen on the prize table. instead, they'd been allowed to choose between a set of wooden bath brushes and the “New York Times Bonus Crossword Book.” Little Daniel had made the choice and handed the book over to Jack with a grin and the words, “Education is always a good thing.”

Jack had rolled his eyes, but they all knew he had a real obsession with crosswords from time to time. So he had thanked the Wretch and was now educating himself.

Jackson raised his eyes from his book and frowned. “A 'c'?”

LD stopped doodling on his piece of paper, nibbled on his pen and wore the exact same frown. “Two 'c' or one?”

“Well, the third letter's a 'c'... that's one, as in singular. I don't know the second or fourth letter, though,” Jack pointed out. 

“Piccard,” both Daniels said as one. 

“I don't think being Captain of the Enterprise counts as aeronaut...” Jack drawled.

“Not Picard, Jack.” LD snorted.

“Auguste Antonie Piccard. He invented the balloon flight,” Jackson added.

“Shouldn't you know stuff like this... what with being a pilot and all that?” LD asked, raising his eyebrows quizzically.

“I'm a pilot, not a balloonist,” Jack sniped and wrote down 'Piccard'. “Thanks. Now... Another word for sodium borate... five letters... first one's a b.”

The Daniels looked at each other. “Sodium borate... that's some kind of mineral, I think,” Jackson mumbled.

“Great. Rocks,” Jack groaned, which made LD giggle.

“Borax,” Big Daniel muttered. “Try borax.”

Jack tried and scored. “Sweet.” He grinned and looked down at LD, who was sitting on the floor, his back against the couch. “Whatcha doin'?”

“Just scribbling.” He shrugged.

Jack frowned. “Hey, you're not sketching me, right?”

“Nooo, I'm...” Daniel stopped mid-sentence and gazed down at the notepad lying on his bent knees. 

“What?” Jack and Jackson asked as one. 

“That's... strange,” Jackson muttered as he peered over LD's shoulder. 

Jack stood and looked down at the drawing his kid had just finished. It was nothing more than a pencil sketch, and still it made Jack shudder for some reason. “What's that?”

There was no reaction from Little Daniel. He just continued to gaze at his picture.

It was a cube with an opening on one side. The opening was shaped like a hollow pyramid standing on its top.

Jack looked up, and his eyes met Jackson's. “You recognize this?”

“I've never seen it, if that's what you're asking. And no, never heard of it either.”

“It's Ancient,” Daniel whispered, a visible tremor running through his body.

Jack crouched in front of him, ignoring the creaking knees. “Daniel? You know what it is?”

Big, blue orbs looked back at him, or rather right through him. “It's dangerous. It was made by the Ancients, but fell into evil hands.”

“Into whose hands? The Goa'uld?” Jack prodded gently.

“Telchak,” Daniel mumbled, then blinked and slowly shook his head. “What's... what's going on? Jack?”

Jack patted Daniel's cheek. “You okay, kiddo? You had one of those... zoning... sessions again.”

“I did?” He blinked some more, then rubbed his eyes. “I have a headache.” He looked at the picture in his hands and frowned. “I did that? What is it? Did I say?”

“No, you just mentioned a name. Telchak. And that it's dangerous – that thing,” Jackson said.

Daniel sighed. “Sometimes I can't remember the things popping up in my head. Or I'll remember only later. I have no idea what it is or where we have to look for it. The name doesn't sound familiar either.”

Jackson sat back on the couch and tapped a finger against his lips, apparently deep in thought. “Telchak... Tel'chak... Tel.. chack. Chak.”

“You got something?” Jack raised an eyebrow at the adult Daniel. “Or are you trying to play a word game?”

“Chak,” Jackson repeated.

“Yes,” Daniel mumbled, “Chak. That's probably it. But it doesn't help us much.”

“Mayan.” .

“Nick,” LD added.

“Yeah, probably. But I'm not sure if what Nick was after has anything to do with this.”

Jack's head had been ping-ponging between the two of them. “Aht! That's enough, kids!”

The Daniels looked at him. One frown, one “why are you yelling” look on two faces. “What?” they asked.

“If you don't mind my asking... Not everybody here is able to follow your little Chak-Mayan-Nick conversation. So – spill,” Jack griped, half in jest.

“I was just thinking how we could place the name Telchak in familiar terms. If he is a Goa'uld, his name is most likely related to an Earth god of some kind. Chak was the Mayan god of rain and thunder. He was very important as an agricultural god. There are pictographs showing him as an old man with reptilian features – like the body of a snake. And he had fangs and a long nose. Oh, there were tears running from his eyes, which symbolized the rain,” Jackson rattled down.

“He was also associated with the frog because the frog could foresee rain or changes of weather,” LD added.

“All right. I'm sure that's all very fascinating, but how is that rainy guy related to this?” Jack tapped the piece of paper with his finger.

Both Daniels looked at him blankly. “How should I know?” LD asked.

“No idea.”

“Right.” Jack shook his head. “So. What about Nick? I assume we're talking about Nicholas Ballard?”

“Yes. One of Nick's early obsessions was finding the so-called ‘Fountain of Youth.’ He claimed he'd found evidence indicating the source of the Fountain's power was a piece of alien technology used by early Mayan tribes around 900 B.C. Nick traced its origins to Chak, the Mayan god of rain.”

“So if Telchak means Chak...” LD started.

“This is probably a drawing of that alien device,” Jackson finished.

Jack rolled his eyes. “Can you stop that?”

“What?” LD asked.

“Doing this... thing you do. Finishing off each others sentences, speaking in cryptic codes?” Jack snorted at the confused look he got from the Daniels. 

Wasn't he lucky?

He got two Daniels.

Oh joy!

He really didn't want to know, but... “That Fountain of Youth legend... what about it?”

“The mythology says...” Jackson began, but Jack held up a finger.

“Aaaht! What did good ol' Nick think it was? And where is it?”

“Nick believed Chak's temple was located somewhere in Central America. He spent decades of his life searching for it, but came up empty. I've been over his notes and most of them are indecipherable. The only mention of the temple's location is somewhere near a waterfall and a river. There was a very old notebook somewhere in my,” BD looked at his little counterpart, “your office. It's in your office now. If it's still there.”

“Yeah, it should be. I remember the book. When we get back, I'll try to find it,” LD replied. His eyes suddenly grew big. “Maybe the device is still there. If Nick had a trace, but didn't find it? We could get it and figure out what it is or what it does!”

“First, we have to translate the parts of his notes that are indecipherable. There were writings he copied from temple walls or something,” BD said thoughtfully.

“We'll figure it out. Think about it... maybe it's written in the same cryptic Ancient I learned to read, thanks to Oma and Aiyana,” LD chimed in, excitement making his voice higher than usual.

“I haven't looked at those notes in a long time. Yeah, let’s try to find out where it is. This drawing came from your subconscious. It probably tells us something. I don't recognize the device from my time line, so it has to be something Oma taught you but never mentioned to me.” 

Jack wanted to bang his head on the table. Here he thought staying Earth-side would help them to have a quieter life at least for a while and now an alien doohickey popped up in LD's mind. One that probably was on Earth and that they had to find. For whatever reason.

“Anyone want a sandwich?” Jack gestured towards the kitchenette. It was almost dinnertime anyway. “I'm hungry.”

“Sure. Cheese and turkey, please,” Jackson said absently. He had taken the picture from LD and was looking at it as if it would start talking to him if he just gazed at it long enough.

LD scrambled up from the floor and followed Jack to help put the sandwiches together. While they worked, Jack felt being pierced with looks. Finally he put down the jar of mayonnaise and turned to give his little fella a long suffering look back. “No, Daniel,” he simply said. “You're not going to Central America. At least not if there's a possibility of sending somebody else to find that thing. IF Hammond agrees to this.”

“You'll send _him_.” There was no anger in the kid's voice, just a hint of... resignation, maybe.

Jack picked up the jar again and continued smearing mayonnaise on bread slices.

“Jack.”

“Look. First off, it's Hammond's call, not mine. Second, I don't know whom Hammond will send if he sends somebody. Jackson won't go until he’s gotten rid of his cast anyway. Third, Central America isn't safe. There's always something going on...”

“I know that. So was Egypt.”

“That's different. We were on vacation there. And remember – we got mugged and brought home a big-you,” Jack snarked. 

Of course, that point didn't slow his LD down at all. “Jack, this is important.”

Knowing from previous experience that the kid was usually right about these 'visions', Jack sighed. “Let's check out Nick's notes first. If it turns out you two can locate this device, we'll talk to Hammond. Then we'll discuss going there – or not.”

“But...”

“All right, let me put it this way – Do you feel like we have to leave right now, drive all the way home and go look for Nick's book ASAP?” 

Daniel opened his mouth to confirm that, but Jack held up his finger again. “Aht. Think about it. Just... a minute, okay? How urgent do you think this is? Like the Eye of Ra thingy? Or is it more like the Atlantis bit – the Lost City information you stored away for later usage?”

Daniel's face turned into an inward look for a moment, and Jack put the upper slices of bread on the sandwiches. Finally the Wretch gave a frustrated sigh. “Jack, I simply don't know how important it is.”

“Then we'll just enjoy our stay here and get all excited over the rainy guy next week,” Jack decided as he grabbed the plate of sandwiches and carried it over to the table.

“Rain god,” LD muttered. “Chak. And let me at least call Teal'c to see if he knows anything about a Goa'uld called Telchak.”

“At least it's not Chak-a,” Jack commented. “Though I'm sure Chaka could do a real cool rain-dance jig.”

Two pairs of blue eyes rolled heavenwards.

Yep.

Having two Daniels was fun.

Oy.

He waved LD off to call Teal'c and then watched the two Daniels on the couch, LD’s cell wedged between them so they could both listen. Shaking his head, Jack started to eat his sandwich.

“Are you sure, Teal'c? How long ago?” Jackson scrunched up his face, trying not to miss a word the Jaffa said.

“Oh, that means Anubis might have something to do...” LD chattered on, but BD hissed at him to be quiet and listen, so he bit his bottom lip and scrunched up his face, too.

“Telchak was a very old Goa'uld,” BD finally explained after they had hung up. “Teal'c has heard of him but not much. There's one interesting fact though. Telchak invented the sarcophagus and he must have lived at a time when Anubis was still a System Lord. Teal'c meets up with Bra'tac again in a few days to find more volunteering Jaffa to try the Tretonin. He'll ask Bra'tac what he knows about Telchak.”

“So... We don't pack up and leave right now?” Jack raised an eyebrow at LD, who continued chewing on his bottom lip.

“I wish I could go home and look at that book,” the kid muttered. 

“Maybe Anubis and Telchak knew each other. Maybe there's a connection. For all we know, Anubis might be looking for that device as well... There has to be a reason why Daniel is remembering it now,” Jackson pointed out. 

“He has been rambling on about a Lost City for months now, but we haven't found that one either,” Jack said. “Eat your sandwiches.” 

“But we will,” LD said gloomily. 

“And we will find out what this device is all about and who this Telchak is – when we get home,” Jack said. “Now, eat your sandwiches.”

He wasn't leaving tonight just because of a hunch, a drawing or the fact that he had been wrong about the Eye of Ra when he’d thought it wasn't necessary to inform Hammond about it at three-thirty in the morning.

Nope. Not gonna happen.

“We don't even know if Anubis is looking for that doohickey,” Jack continued after a moment of gloomy silence from the Daniels, who still sat there, arms crossed over their chests. “For all we know, he could be hiding somewhere, licking his wounds and biding his time. We kicked his ass good on Abydos. He has to recover from that one first before he can continue to rule the galaxy.”

Jackson frowned. “We have no idea how big his fleet actually is right now. Maybe losing his ship on Abydos was just peanuts for him.”

“He's the most powerful system lord. Followed by Ba'al,” LD reminded him. 

“I know that,” Jack griped. “We still managed to damage him. And who knows? Maybe he wants to take care of Ba'al first before he gets back to us.”

“Maybe,” Jackson said. “Or maybe not.”

Shaking his head, Jack turned his back to the glowering Daniels and continued to eat his sandwich. When he was done, he carried his plate to the kitchen sink and strode out of the living room.

“Jack? Where're you going?” LD called after him.

“Packing,” Jack muttered back over his shoulder. “So we can leave first thing in the morning, and I'll get you two off my case about that Telchak thingy.” 

  
  


Later that night, when LD was tucked in and Jackson was sprawled out on the couch again with his book, Jack continued his crossword, muttering about stupid phrases and questions no normal human being could answer.

When a low snort came from the couch, Jack looked up sharply and pointed his pen at Jackson. “I said 'normal human beings'. You are not normal. Neither is the Wretch. So tell me, Mister Linguist... What’s a Swahili drum dance... five letters. First one's an 'n'.”

“Ngoma,” Jackson said without even looking up from his book. 

“Nice. House steward or butler in India... Eight letters... Second one's an 'h'.” 

“Khansama.” 

“You sure?”

“Yep.”

Jack tapped his pen against the book, and finally sighed. “How do you spell kanasthma?”

“Khansama. It has nothing to do with asthma;” Jackson grinned, then gave him the exact spelling.

Jack scribbled it down and nodded. “Here's another one for you...”

Jackson looked up from his book. “Aren't you supposed to do this alone, Jack? To educate yourself?”

“Ah, but it's much more fun to annoy you. What's an early form of hockey, often played on ice? Five letters.”

Jackson blinked, then scowled. “You do know that one, right?”

“Yeah. Do you?” Jack peered at him over the crossword book.

Rolling his eyes, Jackson went back to his own reading.

“You are no fun,” Jack whined, thinking at the same time how much he was enjoying himself. “I'm gonna ask the kid tomorrow. I bet he doesn't know it either. Because it's a sports term.”

“Enlighten me.” BD sighed, turning a page in his book.

“It's called bandy. See, you usually play hockey on the streets or in a field. So when ice hockey was invented, they called it hockey on ice or bandy,” Jack lectured. “For a time, ice hockey and bandy were the same sport, but today hockey is played in a rink, and bandy is played on a frozen football field.”

Jackson blinked. “So... bandy is frozen football? And hockey is...?”

“Bandy gets played with a ball, for example, while you use a puck for hockey.”

“It's still a game where hooligans chase an object with a stick and try to outplay each other by showing alpha male instincts and beating the crap out of each other with said stick if things get ugly. Oh, and it's both wet and cold,” Daniel Jackson said. 

“Yeah? And chicken scratches are still chicken scratches to me. And dead people are still dead people, no matter how long they're dead,” Jack huffed.

“Jack, how you can put hockey in the same league with history and archeology is beyond me.” Jackson sighed.

“Hockey is a classic sport, played all over the world,” Jack said.

“It's just a sport.”

“All right. Let me get this through to you. How many people do you think know about hockey rules and how many people know about the difference between a pyramid and a ziggurat? Well?” 

“Just because more people know about hockey than about pyramids and ziggurats doesn't mean hockey is more important to the world.”

“And in three hundred years, nobody will care about pyramids anymore, but the world will probably still be playing hockey.” Jack shrugged.

Jackson stared at him in disbelief for a moment before the corners of his mouth finally twitched, and he hid his face behind his book again.

Feeling very smug, Jack turned his attention back to his crossword, making good progress for a while. When he felt he was being watched, Jack looked up and caught a glimpse of Jackson's smile before the adult Daniel ducked his head once more, pretending to read.

“What?” Jack closed the crossword book and raised his eyebrow at the occupant of the couch.

“What?”

“You were watching me.”

“Weren't.”

“Were.”

“Nope, why would I watch you?”

“I don't know. You just did.” Jack got up and stretched. “Want a beer? We still have two. If they're gone, we won't have to take them with us tomorrow.” 

“Sure.”

He sauntered into the kitchenette, fetched the two beers and twisted the caps off. He walked back and handed one of the cold bottles to BD.

“Cheers.” Jack clunked his Heineken to Jackson's.

Jackson took a large swig of beer and then looked at Jack over the rim of his bottle. “I missed this,” he finally said, his voice soft. “It's nice.”

“You missed beer?” Jack grinned

“What?” Daniel blinked.

“What?” 

They gazed at each other, and at Daniel's low snort of laughter Jack felt a tremor run through his body. His throat became dry as all of his blood seemed to rush south.

Shit.

This wasn't happening. Couldn't be happening.

Except it happened right here and with such impact, Jack felt sweat on his brow and his whole body seemed to suffer little electrical shocks. He went slightly weak in his knees.

He had to...

“Jack?” Daniel asked, giving him puzzled look.

“WHAT?” Jack snapped.

God, he had to get out of here.

His fingers closed more tightly around his beer. “Look, I... ” He turned and placed his bottle on the table, then hurried to the door. “We need more firewood.”

He slammed the door behind himself and, instead of gathering wood, strode down to the dock. Clouds blocked the light from the moon and the stars, but he knew this place so well, he didn’t need a flashlight to find his way in the darkness.

He stopped when he felt the wooden planks under his boots and heard the lazy splashing of the pond water against the shore.

The cool air helped to clear his head.

The tremors stopped and his legs didn't seem to be so wobbly anymore. He took several gulping breaths and thankfully his body calmed down.

When he heard the creak of the door opening, Jack closed his eyes and cursed under his breath.

Why couldn't he stay away? Give Jack some space.

He listened to the thump, thump, thump of Jackson's cast on the wooden porch and soon after, the more muted sound as he came down to the dock.

“You'll trip and break your other ankle, too, if you stumble around in the dark,” Jack snapped, spinning around and meeting the other man halfway.

“If I do, it's your fault,” Jackson sniped back at him.

“Get back inside.”

“What? After struggling to get down... ow, shit...”

Jack reached out and grabbed Jackson's elbow to support him until they were back on the dock. “For crying out loud!”

“I'm fine! I tripped, that's all.” 

“You're worse than the kid,” Jack griped. “Why didn't you just stay where you were with that leg?”

“Because I'm sick of you being an ass and running away from me whenever you freak out over something,” Jackson huffed and took a step away, shaking Jack's hand off his elbow. 

“What?” Jack snorted. His voice couldn't tremble like that, right? He was a Special Ops-trained colonel, dammit. Only, when it came to Daniel, his ability of suppressing emotions failed all too often. 

“This will end right here, or I'm leaving now. I can always catch a night flight.”

“Leaving?” Jack squeaked, then cleared his throat and huffed, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I have the rental car. I'm not staying if it's a problem for you,” Jackson said tersely. 

“I was going for wood!” 

“You store wood in your pond?” Jackson asked coolly. 

For a moment they just stood there in the dark. The clouds drifted apart, and a half-moon poured silver light over the water and trees around them.

“So,” Jackson finally started.

“So...?”

“What did I say that made you run?”

“You didn't say anything,” Jack said sharply. And he meant it. Wasn't anything Jackson had said. Nope. 

It was the way he had looked at him.

The way his lips had turned into that little lopsided smile Daniel used to give him when they'd teased each other. The way he had chuckled and how he had gazed at Jack... whatever.

Body language.

This was exactly what he had tried to avoid. With every little step they got close to each other... the bantering, the easy going buddy stuff... and now Jack knew that he'd been right. He couldn't separate this Daniel from the man who had been his lover.

God, he had tried.

But this was Daniel. Adult grown-up Daniel. And Jack O'Neill used to be in love with Daniel.

Right.

Tough crap.

All Jack needed was a little fresh air, then he’d get back to his beer and call it a night.

“Okay.” Jackson nodded, crossing his arms over his chest and staring down at his cast-covered leg. Jack couldn't see his face properly, but he knew there was a line between his eyes and his lips were pursed as he tried to figure out what was going on. 

“Make up your mind, Jack.”

He fixed his gaze on the silver light, which made the pond look like it was on an alien planet and not in good old Minnesota. What a fool he had been to believe he could just be Jackson's friend. Like nothing had ever happened between them before...

“'bout what?”

“If you want me to stay. Or if you'd rather I'll get out of here and keep the hell out of your life.” 

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Jack muttered, shuddering as he felt the cold of the night seep through his sweatshirt.

“I'm talking about you. You act like we finally got something back. Some... some foundation. A friendship, whatever. And the next moment, you either push me away or... or you act like I'm trying to jump your bones. So what do you want from me, Jack?”

He spun around to face Jackson, sudden anger welling up inside him. “Hey! I didn't push you. I simply came out for firewood and some fresh air!”

“Yesterday you hugged the stuffing out of me, and today you freak out over a smile? Why, Jack? It's okay for you to have me near you as long as it's on your terms? What kind of bullshit is that? You think this whole situation is only difficult for you? Well, I have news for you. You're damn wrong about that!” 

“For crying out loud, will you stop!” 

“No! No, I won't stop. You'll listen to me, because I'm only going to say this once! I can live with being your friend. It's not what we both might want, but it's okay. These past two days have been great. I felt... a lot better than I felt in a very long time. That's what I was trying to say. Nothing more, nothing less. I missed being with you like this. Easy. Normal. Without the awkwardness between us. I can live with that. But I can't put up with being played like a doll you can put back into the closet whenever things get too emotional for you. I can't, and I won't.”

Jack didn't move or speak. He just turned and faced the pond, until he heard Jackson's heavy steps returning to the cabin. When the door clicked shut, Jack finally released the breath and scrubbed an angry hand over his face.

***

Daniel sat back on the couch and glowered at his half-empty bottle of Heineken, wondering if he should just go to bed. Then he shrugged, took the beer and knocked most of it down in one large gulp.

He had a headache and the urge to kick the table.

He felt like his littled version right now, wanting to throw a tantrum. The thought was wrong on so many levels, though. He would just smack his fist into Jack's face when he came back in.

Daniel let out a humorous laugh, shaking his head.

Why hadn't he just kept his big mouth shut, let Jack have his five minutes of privacy and pretend nothing had happened?

There was no mystery about what was going on between them.

Daniel really shouldn't push it.

Yet Jack's changing attitude towards him grated on his nerves, and they had to figure out a way to maintain a normal relationship.

Oh, he should have stayed away, like he had planned to do.

Only it was too late now. He had discovered on Christmas that he couldn't stay isolated from them. They were his family. He belonged here, even if it wasn't his own time. Even though he had vowed only to stay in Colorado Springs as long as LD was still a boy. He couldn't stand being on his own for another year and still stay sane.

Daniel couldn't fool himself either. If he had a choice. If things were... different, he would stay at the mountain, in the Springs and in this life. He was tired of losing, tired of having to go, tired of letting go.

And he would settle for being Jack's friend if there was nothing else they could be. Which, it seemed, was their only option right now if they wanted to spend time together.

But if Jack wasn't ready for this... if Jack wasn't able to let go of their shared past... and therefore kept throwing his frustration at Daniel whenever he couldn't handle things anymore... was that really worth it?

He knew it was ridiculous to leave in the middle of the night since they were going home tomorrow anyway. But he felt like he had to make a point, shake Jack awake maybe. Give him an immediate deadline to decide if he’d be able to work out his mixed-up emotions or not.

Daniel's emotions were equally messed up. But he had lost Jack once. Really lost him. And his priorities had maybe changed a little in the light of having Jack back in his life. Alive.

He could do friendship. Oh yeah.

He had been so deep in thought that he didn't hear the door open. A rush of cool night air and Jack's looming shadow, distorted by the light of the fire, pulled him out of his thoughts.

After closing the door with his foot, Jack carried the wood over to the fireplace and put two logs onto the fire, along with some paper to make it burn faster.

Daniel watched while Jack straightened, rubbing his hands on his jeans, and then shrugged. “Firewood.”

“Sure.” Daniel shrugged back. “I'll go get my bag.”

Neither of them moved.

“What if there's no night flight from Duluth?”

“I'll take a room at a hotel.”

“Right.”

The fire flared and then settled. Daniel put his beer on the table and stood, once again grateful for the lightweight walking cast, as he brushed past Jack.

He still wasn't fast enough for the hand that settled on his arm and stopped him without much pressure. “Daniel... “

He didn't move, even held his breath for a moment. Only the crackling of the fire was heard and Jack's hand on his arm lingered, his fingers brushing over Daniel's sweater. Daniel could feel the simple touch tingle everywhere on his skin. It wasn't like the hug they had shared yesterday. That had been the hug of a friend, comforting, strong and reassuring.

This was different.

Overwhelmed by the intensity he felt coming from Jack, he swallowed. When Jack spoke to him, Daniel lowered his head as his eyes closed in silent agony.

“You really think we can work out the friendship thing? You can see the sparks fly around us as much as I can.” Jack's hand tightened on Daniel's arm for a second. “Can’t you?”

Daniel gave a little nod.

“The easier things get between us...” Jack trailed off.

“Yeah...” Daniel whispered.

“So tell me, Daniel. How are we going to keep it clean and not R rated?” 

Against his will, Daniel felt his lips twitch.  _R_ _rated?_ “I don't know,” he muttered in a low voice. “We just have to try.”

“What if trying isn't good enough?” 

“It will be,” Daniel said stubbornly. But he still couldn't look at Jack. It felt like Jack's hand was burning through his sweatshirt. 

He was so close.

“You know, the kid says that, too. Why are the two of you so sure about this while I'm... not?”

“I'm not sure about it.” Daniel sighed, finally looking into Jack's dark eyes. “Maybe I'm desperately trying to find a way to be with you without hurting the kid.”

“That's what I'm trying to do, too. Because you know... before I hurt Daniel, I’d rather walk away from you.” Jack's voice was quiet and low. 

“I know.”

Jack's next words made his eyes widen in shock, though. “And that's what gives me the creeps. I can't walk away.”

“You... what? But you did. You do. I mean, you walked away from me when we came here from Egypt, and you pull back every time you think I'm getting too close.”

“I'm trying,” Jack corrected hoarsely. “But I can't. It's not working.”

“It's not working.” Daniel mumbled. “So...?”

He felt cold all of a sudden as Jack's hand left his arm and he leaned against the wooden wall next to the fireplace. “So I'm between a rock and a hard place. I’ve had a lot of time to think out here, Daniel, and that in itself is scary. Two days ago I was sure I sorted it all out. That I had it under control. But look at me... Two days with you in the same house and everything gets complicated again.”

“Jack...”

“I won't do anything that will hurt my kid, period. But I can't hurt you either. I'm just not sure I won't screw this up.”

“You won't.” Daniel moved carefully to Jack's side, propping his shoulder against the wall, so he wasn't in Jack's personal space, but still close enough to keep his voice low.

“See, that's where I think you're wrong. Both of ya. I have no idea where this strong confidence you two have in me comes from. But I'd like to know because I sure need some of that.”

“Jack, you're one of the strongest men I know. You've been through hell and back. And not just once. I know it because I was there for some of the rides. You're pretty stubborn too. And you can control your emotions – if you put your mind to it.”

“It never seems to work so well when you're involved.” Jack sighed. Then have gave a lopsided grin. “I'm good with denial, though.” 

“Yep.”

“Pretty good, actually.”

“There you go.”

“Daniel, this discussion makes no sense whatsoever.”

“No, I guess it doesn't.”

Jack rubbed both hands over his face and groaned. “You always manage to make my brain hurt. Big or little. Doesn't really matter. Why do I put up with that crap?”

“Because you really like us?”

“Nope. Can't see the connection,” Jack said, rolling his eyes. 

But then he suddenly dropped the act and turned to face Daniel. The flippant tone gone from his voice, he said, “You remember when I once asked you to be good enough for both of us if I wasn’t able to keep my act together and make this relationship work the way it should? To kick my butt if I... You know how I can be, Daniel. I haven't changed much, I guess. I sometimes snap and I get cranky when I can't cope with... stuff.”

“Feelings,” Daniel helped.

“Yeah. That.”

“I can do that. Kick your butt, I mean. I think I just did – outside.”

“Don't let me shut you out again. But don't crowd me either. You think you can do that?”

Daniel nodded. “You'll be all right Jack. You'll never hurt your... kid. You're just so scared of failing that you can't really relax around me. But it'll pass. We'll deal.”

“Yeah, right,” Jack muttered and pushed off the wall. He sat down on the couch and grimaced. 

Daniel took the space next to him and stretched his legs. After a while, he said, “We should quit.”

“What?”

“Quit. Break up.” Daniel chewed on his bottom lip, thinking it over. “If we officially quit, there's...”

“Closure,” Jack said slowly.

“Yeah.”

“You sure about this?”

“Um... I could start dating other people. See how it... goes. And once LD is big again, you could... figure things out with him. Or not.”

“Not,” Jack said matter of fact. “But that's not the point here.”

“I know.” Daniel carefully watched Jack's features. For a moment he looked like he wanted to object Daniel’s idea of dating other people. But then he relaxed visibly and said, “You know I've been thinking of that too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Maybe breaking up will make it easier for all of us. You, me, the kid. Sort of... letting go.”

“Um... yeah.”

Jack stood and strode over to a cupboard. He retrieved a bottle of Jack Daniels and two glasses and placed everything on the coffee table. Daniel watched him pour two whiskeys and took one of the offered glasses with a nod.

“Let's do this,” Jack said sincerely.

Daniel swallowed, trying to ignore the short stab of pain inside. He was sure Jack felt it, too. But this was the only way to go if they still wanted to be friends. Or be friends again. Much like LD, they had to get rid of their past before they could move on.

If that was possible at all.

They were both good with denial, though.

Their glasses clinked together. “Friends,” Daniel said softly.

“Yeahsureyabetcha,” Jack said, a small smile on his lips.

They drank, and suddenly Daniel felt the urge to laugh. Trying not to spill his mouthful of whiskey, he put a hand over his mouth, and the laughter soon morphed into a coughing fit as the sharp liquid ran down his throat.

Jack was there, smacking his back, while he wheezed and tears ran down his face.

“Holy buckets,” Jack said, jumping up and running for a glass of water.

“S...sssorry,” Daniel hissed and blindly reached for the glass. Gulping down the cold water, he felt better, but his voice was still raspy when he thanked Jack for the rescue. 

“You didn't have to try and kill yourself just because we're breaking up,” Jack snorted.

“Funny.” Daniel coughed, then cleared his throat and said, “I shouldn't drink whiskey and laugh at the same time.”

“What's so funny?”

“Us. I was wondering if we should seal our break up with a kiss or something like that.”

Jack blinked and shook his head. “You're a weird guy, you know that?”

Daniel flopped back on the couch, his head resting on the backrest. He felt oddly good, and a huge grin settled over his face as he gazed at the ceiling. “Yep. I get that a lot.”

He felt his shoulder being bumped as Jack made himself comfortable beside Daniel. “So you staying then?”

“Sure.”

“Sweet.”


End file.
